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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Extremely Confused, Help.

Posted by: Rachel January 25, 2017, 4:16 PM
Hi guys,

Not sure if I can ask this question here, but I have no one to talk to.

My boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict. When I first met him he was not using heroin. However, he did have a prescription for oxycodone for back pain. I was a little naive back when we first met so I thought that it was okay. But as time went on I realized that it wasn't. I expressed my thoughts about it to him and he said he had no problem stopping them. So he stopped getting them prescribed. Then he would occasionally take suboxone... but he would inject two at a time. From my understanding he did this occasionally. Then I think somewhere during that time it got worse. Because I could see noticeable differences in his behavior. He would act erratic sometimes, constantly sniffing, labored breathing... other times he would be droopy. He would frown and his eyes were squinty, and he would just say he was really tired. I never could really check his eyes cause they're really dark. When he was erratic, he'd tell me he was just really happy, and that he smoked too many cigarettes. When he was droopy he said he took melatonin and Benadryl cause he needed to sleep.
A couple months ago he had to go to jail because he failed to finish his probation twice for a DUI... while he was in there he told me he wanted to be completely sober and refrain even from drinking. He said he felt like a fog was lifted from his head and he was happy. He was genuinely happy and I could hear it on the phone. We grew a lot closer. When he got out, he picked up his first cigarette, and the first night he drank a few beers in celebration. And then every few nights... he would be sniffing and wheezing, and erratic. Or he was droopy... and when hed sleep.. hed constantly get up. He'd sit up in bed like he was awake and he'd fall asleep sitting up. The days he was sniffing and heavily breathing ... I'd get so worried because I was scared he'd stop breathing at night. I asked him if he relapsed or if he was using, and he swore that he wasn't. He would say it was the melatonin drink and the Benadryl, or that he was having a hard time sleeping cause he was adjusting from jail. He would say he smoked so many cigarettes, or that he had a chest cold. But no matter what it is always a "no". He would also say that I needed to be more logical and look at other things before I automatically assumed the worst thing. I don't believe him, my gut is telling me he is.
Guys... is my hunch right? He says he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I think he is using 2 times, sometimes 3 times a week. I can tell his sober side and I can tell when he acts different.

Posted by: Bonnie5 January 25, 2017, 4:34 PM
When I use heroin i cant sleep properly, i keep getting up to eat sweet stuff then i know to sit down in bed falling asleep sitting ... i know exactly what he is doing (probably we all do I mean heroin addicts) I am sorry
usually its hard for us to admit especially to loved ones, to see hurt ,disappointment in their eyes.. and its easier not to deal with all that and just say No we are not using while having drugs in pocket burning to be used

Posted by: Anxietyalive January 25, 2017, 5:15 PM
Bonnie - perfect answer. I'm sorry, but yes. This is all stuff I've seen before and my husband is a heroin addict. Unfortunately Bonnie is right - and I laughed sarcastically as I read the part about saying no but having drugs in your pocket. "no" is what you'll hear but your gut is telling you the answer.

Posted by: Rachel0165 January 25, 2017, 5:43 PM
Bonnie, is eating sweet stuff a thing? He eats so much sugar. Like he will not have one or two cookies, he will have the whole box. Or he will eat really cheesy nachos. It's weird though because he will be either very erratic or droopy. I've never seen him do both. One night we were chatting and he was literally nodding out. And I told him "you're nodding out" and he got very upset. He cried that night, still denying it and swearing he wasn't high.
I'm not sure how to go about it. Pointing out the actions doesn't help... he will not admit it. And he will say things like "you just want me to admit it and say that I am occasionally doing it, but I won't because I am not doing it".

Posted by: constantine January 25, 2017, 6:21 PM
I'm sorry...can't do this right now ...maybe Jen or mk can help out...

Posted by: Bonnie5 January 25, 2017, 6:29 PM
yes it is, we are well known for sugar addiction , i know to open packet of ilk digestive biscuit and finish all packet with cup of tea (dunking) then eat ice cream plus mixing with salty stuff like crisp then sweets again , I could go for long time without real food but not without sweets (when i say sweets i mean anything fro chocolate, cakes ... any addict will tell you the same. Nodding off while talking to you its another thing we do but not on purpose , he cant help himself, he had hit and feeling like that is what we want ...nodding off, sleeping , forgetting. I knew to loose myself while cooking , over the pot next thing 20 min is gone and I am like s*** , lucky didnt get caught like that ... as you know our pupils are pin sized, our voice change , all body behaviour is different, for my partner is enough just one look and he will know I am up to no good

Posted by: Bonnie5 January 25, 2017, 6:40 PM
admitting its first step only but hardest one , we know you will never look at us the same way once we admit .. addiction is ugly,dirty and he knows it so once you know once he say out loud he knows things will change forever , never will be the same as it was so trying to keep as it is is what he is doing right now , who wants to loose trust, maybe loose respect or even your love. He must understand he has to be honest with you or lies will ruin what you 2 have right now before any addiction menage to do that. Probably it will take lot of talks and convincing before he admit using

Posted by: marykat80 January 25, 2017, 7:55 PM
Yeah idk how much i can help. I'm not in great place myself. You guys know i never f***ed with heroin...oxycontin and every pharmaceutical under sun..but yeah my man did. He never denied though. BUT i think once someone gets clean for a bit that all changes. The shame will eat away so then the lies. Not with everyone but very common. Yeah all opiates equals lots of sugar like everyone said. Trust your gut but try to stop question verbally..(and inside though difficult) time will tell..

Posted by: Rachel0165 January 25, 2017, 8:49 PM
Thank you so much for your help guys. My heart breaks... as I'm not even angry that he could be using. I know it's something he can't control, and it's extremely difficult to deal with. I struggle with high anxiety and panic disorder and not being able to have a sense of control is difficult enough, I couldn't even imagine something like this. What hurts is the lie, and seeing him that way and not being able to do anything. He is such an incredible man, and he is so strong, and I know he loves me dearly. So it's difficult.
My issue is trying to talk to him about it is the most difficult. He is not receptive. He denies it, and I even went to the point of saying even if he is doing it that I would still be theee for him. But he refuses. And he gets so upset when I ask if he is. He talks about how hard it has been for him to keep his sobriety and no matter what he does whether he is using or not people still think he's using. And he gets sad or angry... its so confusing because he talks about trying and that he's on the right path but then says it feels like his effort is useless because no one believes him.

Posted by: constantine January 26, 2017, 2:11 AM
Only people we will talk to about our using are other drug addicts...or those in recovery like NA or AA. The more you try to get us to talk the less we will. Detach...get to a alanon or Naranon mtg.