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Posted: December 20, 2017, 12:47 AM
Hello all. I'm new here and I'm not really sure where to start or what I'm even looking for. I'm so confused and exhausted. I feel like my fiance, who based on what I know fits the "functional alcoholic" term to a T is mentally abusive, or is that just part of the alcoholism? The things he says to me are vicious and I have no idea where they even come from. He lies about drinking, hides it, comes home wasted from work to the point where he is slurring, passes out and gets up (ish) and pees in down the stairs without ever noticing...when he's having a moment of clarity he admits to having a problem but that's as far as it goes. And more often than not he is fighting with me about things that make no sense and screaming at me telling me what I think without ever listening to me speak. I'm so confused. I can't even comprehend what is going on. This post doesn't even make sense or really explain anything, but I just don't know what to do or think or say. I constantly walk on eggshells not knowing what will set him off. And to add to it, we have a 4 month old that I won't ever leave alone with him because I never know when his mood will change.
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Posted: December 20, 2017, 12:58 AM
Being verbally abused can make you feel confused and make you doubt what you know to be reality. Just reading your post, reminds me of what a good friend recently went through. Her husband was verbally abusive and it really beat her down and made her doubt herself.
Yes, your fiance has a drinking problem. I would suggest that you get hooked up with a counselor, and abuse prevention program and/or al-anon (besides keep posting here). You need support and information to take care of yourself and your baby. | ||
Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: December 21, 2017, 6:46 AM
Warm & loving welcome Exhausted! You have found the right place to share without judgment, for support and encouragement from folks who also love alcoholics/addicts, and cyber hugs. You have just taken a huge step in your own journey towards recovery.... by coming here.
Addict or not, he has no right to verbally abuse you. It is normal to walk around on eggshells. However, abuse is about power and control.... not about anything wrong with you. My concern is that the abuse will escalate.... from verbal to physical with you.... or he may try to control You by punching holes in the walls..... or through hurting your baby..... or a pet.... or who knows. I don’t mean to scare you but i am worried about your & your baby’s safety. Especially since he sounds like he’s particularly violative while he’s drunk. Please.... first and foremost protect yourself & your child. You don’t have any influence, power or control over where he drinks or if & when he will stop. Control what you can... and that is you. Parenting’s suggestions were spot on (as usual). If i were in your shoes, i would start saving money in my “Just in Case” fund. This way you will have money just in case he wastes a paycheck on booze & can’t pay the rent... just in case he moves from a functional alcoholic to a non-functional one.... just in case you need diapers, formula or something for the baby... or just in case you have to leave. In fact, separate your finances as much as is possible. Addiction generally leads to financial ruin for the addict/alcoholic ... and as loved ones we often go down with their ship in our quest to help. Take a moment & read on this site “Ways Family Members Can Help” and “What Not to Do.” If you are in the States, think about getting a restraining order. what he is doing to you entitles you to getting a restraining order. This order is the court’s way of protecting you & your Baby from living in fear 24/7/365. His behavior may also be criminal....yes.... a crime.... meaning if he is found guilty a fine, jail, probation, registering as a domestic violence offender and/or counseling. In short, put you & your baby first. Your safety and peace of mind are paramount. Sending hugs & love, Lynn -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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