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Message Board > Pain Pills > Checking In


Posted by: sayrah July 23, 2019, 8:44 AM
It’s been so long since I communicated on this site...but it WAS the first step in a long journey of recovering from a gnarly pain pill addiction. I’m so lucky I made it through to living a pill free life...
I don’t remember my “nickname” on this site...but I do remember how much wisdom, love and support there was here. It was a lifeline.

I got clean in 2006, just after my fathers death. I very naively opted for the “cold turkey” method and boy was I in for a ride. I lived and breathed this site, as I had no idea what was happening to me...physically or emotionally. But, I strung 28 days together and once I had 28, I just kept adding them.

I see Kat and 12 Stepper here, and Cowgirl...and I remember the support. Thank you! It’s 13 years later...and with humility and gratitude, I can say, I love my life. I’ve forgiven myself, and everyone else who ever harmed me. I am so fortunate...deeply, deeply, fortunate.

Posted by: SoberInMI July 23, 2019, 5:44 PM
Sara H:

It's great that you have come in from the cold! But I wouldn't expect that after 28 days that you were over, the guilt, shame and remorse over going back out. Frankly, so others don't get hurt by the wrong impression, it appears you are claiming more recovery than is possible.

Still, don't let that discourage your continued recovery.

Posted by: sayrah July 24, 2019, 7:44 AM
Hi Sober...
I think I clearly stated 13 years and that after 28 days, I felt I could do 29, and after 29, 30...and so on...and, the journey never ends! I’m still unpacking, still growing, still falling in love with myself a little deeper everyday.

And I’m still so incredibly grateful and humble that I never picked up again...because without sobriety I could have never gotten to “the work” of my issues. Sure I experienced guilt and shame, made plenty messes of things, but I was sober, so I could confront it, incrementally of course, but none of it would have been possible without day 1, or day 2, 3...

28 days was a real milestone for me personally and that milestone gave me hope. We must never give up hope.

Posted by: 12 stepper July 24, 2019, 8:05 AM
*waving* Hi sayrah! Congratulations! on 13 years. It's changed quite a bit here since then but some things never change LOL

Posted by: sayrah July 29, 2019, 11:47 AM
Hey Kat! *big huge waves*
Gosh, it has changed...no activity!?!

This site and the support I got here were so helpful to me...I’m sorry to see the drop in participation.
I was trying to recall the ladies name that gave such solid support and insightful help. I believe her name was Denise. She had a lot of clean time under her belt, and I always read her words intently. I moved out west and sort of lost touch, but I checked in once and her daughter posted that she had overdosed...it broke my heart. Do you remember this or her?

Posted by: 12 stepper July 30, 2019, 8:11 AM
Yes I remember Denise. I knew her from the Pills Anonymous site many years ago. I even met her when she was here on vacation. We were all sad to hear of her death. Goes to show you relapse can happen to anyone.

Posted by: Suboxman August 1, 2019, 9:57 PM
Denise was someone who helped me during a rough spot. She was fun to talk to. Not that I have to tell anybody but it’s an awful disease and we fight it each day.

Just got out of hospital July 5th. Had another stroke. Lucked out. But It’s very scary because they don’t know why they are happening. Sadly the board has gone its way but I have a lot of support thank God.

Hello kat.

Have a good evening.