Adult Lifetime Alkie Or Addict. Change-really?
Posted: January 22, 2020, 8:56 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Is the adult lifetime addict or alkie really capable of change? Especially those who spent their entire adult life high, the decades old alkie/addict in particular. Is that who they really are? How can they be anyone different if they spent they entire adult life seeking a high? One could say that's all they know? That's why so many are good grifters, liars, thieves etc.

Rather than sell sobriety which is THE goal shouldn't change be emphasized. Sometimes you can get someone to change, do things differently. But to them sobriety is over sold because intoxication is all they know. Other than half day or something most have gotten a buzz or rush everyday day of their adult life. Every day. "Practice makes perfect" but more importantly it reinforces their behavior and decisions including their decisions.

That being said I think this why certain programs work because they probably give them a way to live life and not just stay sober. Take something out something has go back in. One would hope it self motivation but that's not always the case.

I look at the adult decades long alkie/addict as exactly that because so much time has been devoted to their next high even if it's planning what bar to go to or where to pick up a bottle or six pack.

This post has been edited by samegame on January 23, 2020, 10:47 AM
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Posted: January 29, 2020, 12:22 AM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Same game you make good points. From what I understand the longer the addiction the more difficult sobriety is. Not impossible, just harder. I think sobriety is taught because they have to learn to replace addictive behaviors with healthy behaviors and practice them. Its a real life rehabilitation because they are learning to live again.
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Posted: January 29, 2020, 1:04 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Ive also heard that statistically the older the addict gets that chances that person will choose sobriety lessens. And that in the big picture of addicts/addiction very few actually get clean/sober. I’ve been sitting with what it means to leave my alcoholic partner and it’s only been five days. In that short time it has taken everything for me to not text/call. Today I was reflecting on how that is my disease and while it may not seem as bad as alcohol or drugs, it’s my disease and it’s made me feel more compassion for him in his. It’s very sad to me the wheel of addiction, how it impacts everyone involved.
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Posted: January 29, 2020, 1:13 AM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Yes hopeful I think addiction is very sad too. Its very good how aware you have become about yourself in relation to your (ex) partner's addiction. Awareness is the foundation for change. I think you have been working really hard. Good for you!
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Posted: January 29, 2020, 1:40 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Goodness, I know you know it’s hard too Sallyana. Guess that’s why I’m so grateful for this forum and for humans like you. You all give me strength and hope... and paradoxically it’s all so sad. There’s so much pain and suffering in the world and that’s heart breaking. At the same time there is so much to be grateful for and joyful about. Which also makes me sad in this moment... I know I’m a mess right now. Just been thinking about our capacity to cultivate that kind of awareness to see life as both and to see the beauty in both and how it helps me realize just how short and sweet this life really is. I know I’m extra sentimental and sensitive right now because it’s all still new and I realize people have it way harder than I do (that’s the story I keep telling myself with regard to this Ache I feel and how it’s not comparable to those struggling worse than me). Anyway, I’m rambling- thank you for your reflection. I just keep coming back to regardless of whether or not the addict in our lives get clean/sober or not. We can still have compassion for them. For me that’s progress... a step up from resentful. :)
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Posted: January 29, 2020, 9:11 PM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Like you said hopeful, and I agree, it's very bittersweet. I do have compassion for people with addictions because it's an awfully difficult life for many, many reasons. And sadly, helping them can actually hurt them or delay any possible opportunity for progress. It's hard for them and it's hard for us. I never could imaged this in a million years if I was experiencing it and watching it. I'm not angry with my daughter just very, very sad for her. She's so lost...
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Posted: January 30, 2020, 1:50 AM


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Joined: December 17, 2019



Sadness, yes... that resonates with me Sallyana and having to lovingly detach.
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Posted: January 30, 2020, 10:51 AM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Sallyanna you are so right about being lost. But it's literally a path in life they chose. Problem is they don't want to hear they are lost and actually try to pretend they aren't.

One of the things I think the rehab community should emphasize or bring up is they are fooling few to none. People see through their act and excuses. This is why they might feel judged or ostracized because they are. They must also understand there is a point of no return but there is a chance for a sober & different life and "a" relationship with a few friends and family anyway.

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Posted: January 30, 2020, 8:39 PM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Same game I agree my daughter chose to try drugs as a teenager. I don't think she ever chose to be totally physically dependant on drugs, which she very much is. I don't think her intent was to develop a full blown addiction. But now she has one (or two) and she's tried numerous attempts at detox and rehab. Its fricking hard to get off drugs. It can be done, however, it's very difficult and the success stories percentages back that up. She's a slave to her addiction now and her world has fallen apart and she's lost everything including her health. Who would really want to choose that???
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Posted: January 31, 2020, 12:29 AM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



They don't chose the consequences but they do chose the high. I see similar things happening here. The alkie has blood pressure, heart and kidney issues. He also has other things indicative of diabetes. Drinks more regular than ever. He also chose to mix alcohol with steroids, sports and diets drinks. If they were like a real patient they would be following dr's orders but that's the thing they don't care about changing their lot. That's the frustrating thing, they'll ask for money, rides etc but how often do they ask for a ride to an AA meeting, a rehab facility etc.
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Posted: January 31, 2020, 1:31 AM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Yes I know I have sent my daughter info a few times now about a free program where she could start working at rehabilitation. One excuse after another which seem rational to her and totally irrational to me. I personally couldn't get there fast enough. Compared to her living environment right now it would seem like a 5 star hotel. Its very basic but it's there for the asking. I keep encouraging her to call.
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