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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Drove Past My Homeless Addict Son

Posted by: AddictMomMerryGoRound June 27, 2019, 11:30 PM
Today, I drove past my homeless addict 23 year old son walking the street for the first time. It makes my heart break! But, we have tried for three years to get him help. We’ve sent him to rehab five times, bailed him out of jail, paid for the lawyer for his two DWI, paid for private counseling and been with him in the ER so many times. His sobriety only last 6-8 weeks and each time he gets meaner and more hateful towards us.

We finally reached our limit and told him to move out the end of May...we even gave him two months notice. But, he still could not handle the responsibility of taking care of himself. He has been living in the wood about a quarter mile from our house in a tent. The cops showed up last week to tell us they found him living in the woods and that he had to leave the next day. He of course called and said he got fired for his job and had no money for food or a motel and wanted to apologize. We finally held firm and told him that it was not successful with him living with us and he could not come home.

Wow, it is so against what you feel you should do as a parent, but he doesn’t want to find sobriety! Living with him at the end had given me anxiety and panic attacks. Tonight, instead of stopping and trying to help him. I came home and repainted his old bedroom. Trying to find peace in decisions. He has asked to come over tomorrow to pick up some personal items. Praying for the strength to hold firm. While I don’t post very often, I do find encouragement in all of your stories. Life with an addict is so hard.

Posted by: sad eyes June 28, 2019, 3:45 AM
Yes you are excatly right living with an addict, it's very hard, your son is young still lets just hope he can manage to figure things out, we get to a point that we cannot help them any more, it's they choices what they choose, it's hard for is to watch it though

Posted by: AddictMomMerryGoRound June 28, 2019, 11:24 PM
I am just so sad! My homeless child showed up today demanding the food he left behind. He has not showered in weeks, is sunburned, and so hostile. Yet my heart breaks a little more every time! The agony of watching them self destruct and they won’t take the life line of help that is offered. He still doesn’t think he needs long term treatment... just needs a new fired for the last one for theft.

I am trying to detach, but it hurts so much.

Posted by: sad eyes June 29, 2019, 1:05 AM
When he’s in active addiction, they don’t see things logically, he thinks there’s nothing wrong with him, it’s every one else!!, sometimes you don’t know what they rick bottom is! It is hard watching and even harder to try and detach

Posted by: Sallyanna June 29, 2019, 1:21 AM
Addictmom, my heart breaks reading about your son. I can feel your pain through your words. Its horrible what addiction does to people, especially our own children. Its such an ugly monster and so relentless....It feels awful no matter which way you look at it. I'm so sorry your son is in the shape he's in and I'm sorry for the heartbreak you feel.

Posted by: Parenting2 June 30, 2019, 10:07 PM
Wow, so hard to read this. It reminds me so much of seeing my son crazy on spice, and I could crawl in a hole and die. I am so sorry you had to see him like this. It must be horrible beyond words. Please post as often you need. I find it helps to type out the words and get it out of my heart and head. I truly wish you son some peace. You are not alone. There are so many families experiencing this. Hugs, p2

Posted by: Alexandra’s Mom July 1, 2019, 9:17 AM
Hello AddictMomMerryGoRound. I am sorry that you are dealing with that. With an addicted love one you are forced to do things you never thought you would have to do. I have had my daughter violated on her probation and sent back to jail, we have had to make her leave the house knowing she has no where to go. They are some choices that I have agonized over, cried over and just plain got furious over. I keep telling myself that she has forced us with her choices of using to come to these extreme choices for the rest of us. We are 2 years into this and she is only 21. She is currently in a court ordered halfway house about 2 hours from where we live so we will see what happens. My thoughts are with you and your family .

Posted by: samegame July 11, 2019, 10:21 AM
You did the right thing. Especially since they're a young adult. There's a chance. The chances/odds diminish as they age without a full fledged trip to rehab and time spent sober. I saw parents not do what you are doing now and they paid until they dying days. The addict needs to get the message their behavior, habits and lifestyle are not acceptable.

Posted by: AddictMomMerryGoRound July 11, 2019, 11:00 PM
Thanks for the encouragement! Many times you feel so alone when dealing with an addict and it is amazing how similar the stories can be. I wish the outcomes could be different and we could get our kids back, but it definitely has to be their choice. My son is still homeless, but is still resourceful enough to post the free drugs he got recently to his social media account...probably back to dealing drugs. This just reinforced that he is not ready for sobriety and we can’t have a normal relationship with him until things change.

Surprised that he actually remembered to text me for my birthday today, but he could still think this will let him back into the house! I was actually surprised to hear from him and it is sad that my first thought is...well he is not dead or in jail today.

Posted by: Sallyanna July 12, 2019, 12:18 AM
Happy Birthday!

Posted by: NyToFlorida November 16, 2019, 11:47 PM
Hello Merrygomom, I read your recent post on another's post. I want to say I am sorry that you see your son walking in town, knowing he's homeless and there's nothing you can do. There is plenty we want to do to help them, but we have done it and it has not helped. Such a tough place to be in. Your story is similar to our situation early this year. Each month the dysfunction of our household became more unbearable, before our son left. I drive thru a small city to go to work. I look at all of the homeless type people and the others who look like they are walking to school or work. side by side.

when my son was in jail and then at the rehab center I knew he was not on the street but seeing people made me feel sad that it could be my son on the street, and I may have to drive past him some day.

Know you are doing all that you can, as much as all of us have done. we can only do so much. they have to do it for themselves. hopefully they will get to that point some day. It leaves us in a sad position of watching and waiting, helplessly.

Posted by: AddictMomMerryGoRound November 20, 2019, 12:39 AM

Thanks for your encouragement! This is such a lonely path that we walk. My son was standing across from my work today and I had a moment of hope that he was finally wanting a different path. My hopes were crushed again as he was just waiting for the bus. It does give such relief when they are in rehab or jail....knowing they are safe!

I have read your recent post that your son is no longer in a safe place. I can only image your disappointment again. I do appreciate your perspective on how we can control how we feel about the circumstances. You are absolutely right in not letting him come home. I know how hard that decision is to make, but you have to keep your own sanity. A child in active addiction is so heart breaking and disruptive for the household.

I appreciate all of your comments here!

Posted by: HopeMom December 1, 2019, 7:43 PM
I feel your helplessness but I want to hold onto hope. I am only feeling comfort right now because my son is in rehab.. but he has been in jail several times, strung out in the streets, and in his own living hell in a trailer me and his dad put him in twice because we didn’t know what to do.

It’s easier to do something then nothing... trust me I’m going through this realization that right now... God wants me to “be still”.

I hate that you saw him homeless but at least you saw him alive.

Hold out Hope. I’m trying.