Things That Don't Help...
Posted: April 18, 2012, 11:29 PM


Posts: 2335
Joined: February 20, 2010



I SURE AS HELL NEEDED TO READ THAT AND EVERYNIGHT FOR AWHILE
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Posted: April 18, 2012, 11:34 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Aw momg, go get a massage and breathe deep.
RIGHT NOW everything is okay...and that's all any of us have, this moment...right now. You know what to do...now you get to practice...and like everything else it gets easier with practice.

(((Hugs))) M&M

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

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Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:27 PM


Posts: 1052
Joined: June 5, 2005



hey New .. if you ever wanna know how messed up any of us were (me especially) .. you can always do a search by typing in our names up there and I believe there are Still many old posts .. not sure how far they go back but .. i did Every one of those things up there too .. i used to post with a gal here and for a Solid straight year after everyone in here suggested alanon to me, we emailed eachother about Nothing other than our addicts .. Finally one day I pushed myself away from my desk because (I) saw it for the first time .. I was Completely obssessed with him .. That's when I went back to alanon ..

It's such a fantasy to ( Think ) we're able to remove in us what's been here so long .. Cripe I still have contact with my xa .. always will; we have a daughter together and no matter how much i work on me, i still feel the Effects on me when I'm around His thinking, behavior, etc.. is just now i have a place to bring it ..

What I will say .. forewarning .. when I was in that place with him, I gave it my All .. Everything I had in me and somehow I always expected him to need or atleast appreciate me .. when it ended it ended .. I have Never seen anything like it .. Just gone .. Just like that .. I was replaced fast as if nothing And .. I spent however long Feeling like I had just spent the past 11 years with a Drunk and when it was done I was the one wondering what happened the Night before and I was the one with the Emotional Hangover ..

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When you lose, don't lose the lesson

Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality ..


Repition in meetings Replaces Obssession..
alanon promise, we will learn to replace obssession with faith..

alanon promise: we will learn to love others without losing ourselves: we will learn to love ourselves.. ( love is an action )

we will come to know the vastness of our feelings and no longer be slaves to them
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Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:27 PM


Posts: 1052
Joined: June 5, 2005



and >. Great post Mom ..

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When you lose, don't lose the lesson

Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality ..


Repition in meetings Replaces Obssession..
alanon promise, we will learn to replace obssession with faith..

alanon promise: we will learn to love others without losing ourselves: we will learn to love ourselves.. ( love is an action )

we will come to know the vastness of our feelings and no longer be slaves to them
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Posted: April 29, 2012, 8:45 PM


Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010



As a recovering addict, my gut reaction to your list was: "Yikes, get that list out of here!"

Hahaha

But, it's all so true.
We hurt so many people...
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Posted: April 29, 2012, 10:27 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Yeah, Mark, addicts hate it when their enablers recover...lol =)
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Posted: June 8, 2012, 11:45 AM


Posts: 155
Joined: June 6, 2012



Yes, thanks for this list. I needed it today and probably at least once every day for however long it takes. I needed to hear that I am not a bad mother for not doing these things for my 41 yr. old adult daughter anymore. I have done them all in the several times in the past 12 years and it was only a temporary bandaid for her. She just went right back and it got worse and worse every time. She started out as an alcoholic, went on to use drugs and now as a result has been diagnosed as bipolar.

I have a lot of help from misinformed people who easily lay guilt trips and give me advice to try and make me feel inadequate as a Mother. These people are operating on fairytales of blame and denial they have heard from my Daughter. My Daughter is no different from other addicts in that she is a master manipulator, creator of fairytales, and denial of any blame for her troubles.

Thanks for your post. I'm sure I'll use it often for reaffirmation.
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Posted: June 8, 2012, 1:00 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



You are most welcome, sing...and by the way, welcome sing :-)

Yes, at 41 (actually well before 41) it's past time to let her accept the consequences of her actions. And it in no way makes you a bad parent, in fact, it will make you a healthier parent to be less involved in the workings of an adult's life. She may or may not get well, but it doesn't have to ruin the rest of YOUR life.

Peace ~ MomNMore

This post has been edited by MomNMore on June 8, 2012, 1:00 PM

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: June 26, 2012, 3:01 PM


Posts: 1
Joined: June 26, 2012



Thank you so much for posting this MomNMore.

I have finally realized that my daughter needs to want to get clean for herself, I can't wish it for her, or do it for her or guilt her into it. I just hope she see's the light before she really ruins her life forever. But realizing these things and not getting involved are two different things. I'm really going to try to stand back and let her do this on her own, she has to want it. I will be there for her when she does decide to get help. She will always be my daughter and I will not turn my back on her but I will not be her doormat any longer.
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Posted: July 28, 2012, 7:21 PM


Posts: 179
Joined: July 2, 2011



bump
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Posted: August 7, 2012, 9:12 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Bump for Sally
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Posted: August 7, 2012, 10:18 PM


Posts: 7
Joined: August 6, 2012



Great post, wish I could send that to my ex's mom. His mother text me tonight, that he didnt need this kind of help (calling CPS), I have choosen to take the baby away from her, and she is now getting him professional help..and that I needed to get help myself but I am probably in denial.
I am stunned! I sent a nice text back not 1 negative thing, just explaining why I had to call to protect my child from him. That I would let the case worker know he was going to rehab when they come this week.He was getting out of hand. Her reply:I dont need them to contact me, I will contact them when I have all the fact.

So after reading this post I now realize. I should have not text her back, not allow it to upset me, and why she is getting him help (he is 42)! I am not trying to hurt anyone at all that is not my intentions. I am getting myself out of the situation of enabling and making my daughter #1.
I have guilt but then again, I told him you have 2 choices #1 get off drugs for yourself to have your child in your life or #2 dont and you will have supervised visits. Its only been 2 weeks since I told him & his family, I will no longer particpate in his addiction & enable him to destroy his life.Please help! Between him, his mom,ex-wife I feel bad.
Am I wrong? Should I have not called CPS?
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Posted: August 7, 2012, 11:35 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



It doesn't matter, it's done. Stop letting them rent so much of your brain space. Get some sleep and try again tomorrow, that's all any of us can do.

G'night

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: August 12, 2012, 3:32 PM


Posts: 11
Joined: August 7, 2012



thank you for your post. I must admit- I am guilty of every single statement.
Per my specific, it has
not gotten any better, but, it has not gotten any worse.
He claims he wants to go to a halfway house, he does not seem to currently be using. If the court even allows that, do any of you have suggestions of the better ones?
At sixteen, I sent him to what I thought was a therapeutic teaching environment. I picked him up two weeks later- Carolina Springs..Found it that it was nothing it claimed to be, actually sick and abusive. I was so desperate 7 years ago, I leapt at any promise of help. no due diligence there.
Many thanks,
i am learning
Sally
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Posted: August 12, 2012, 4:05 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Let him find his own halfway house or sober living facility...he will if he wants to. It's not your addiction, not your recovery, not for you to find him a situation. He will figure it out when he wants to, when he has to, when you let him. He is capable of doing this himself...believe that.

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: October 2, 2012, 10:39 PM


Posts: 7
Joined: September 30, 2012



I am posting this on my refrigerator! He is working his program, but as you said,
it's his addiction and his recovery.
I struggle so with guilt. But, I want my life back.
Thanks MomNMore

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Posted: October 12, 2012, 5:58 PM


Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005



Can I add to the list

Not being the money or medication police.



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Stay Strong

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Posted: October 12, 2012, 9:24 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Doling meds is on there, but I don't think money is... Add away, Jaz!

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: October 14, 2012, 11:03 AM


Posts: 4
Joined: October 12, 2012



Being at wits end I need some help.I have a sister who is 66 years old, was on methadone for over 30 years. She tried cold turkey but couldn't do it so she went the suboxone route.She was a new person, literally. She tried to ween herself off of the subs but I think she tried too aggressively. She hasn't had any meds for about 8 weeks but I think she is losing her mind. She can't sleep and has body tremors. I took her to the hospital 3 times in 9 days cause she couldn't sleep. She was crazy eyed nuts. I convinced her to tell the folks at the hospital that she was suicidal although she wasn't but that was the only way they would keep her or send her to another facility for observation. She went to a psych hospital that was a complete joke. She has been home alone now for 8 days. She is doing very weird stuff and then later realizes how ridiculous she acted. My question here is can you go crazy during detox and if so do you finally get your mental state af mind back?
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Posted: October 14, 2012, 5:48 PM


Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005



Yogi
Repost again and start a new thread this was an old thread that was bumped up to help someone for a specific reason. So people maybe won't check this old thread ask your question again.
And those that know will reply k

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Stay Strong

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