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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > My Boyfriends Changed...

Posted by: Pam N August 1, 2017, 11:18 AM
I've known my boyfriend for a year now and have been dating for 10 months. When I first met him he seemed like a nice guy. I found out later the he had been to jail on drug charges. He's done many drugs but when we met his drug of choice was crack. We were very in love and he told me he's never doing it again and if he gets a craving for it he would call me first. He kept his word but we started smoking weed. It was only a little at first but it turned into getting 8ths and halfs later on and that's when he needed to start going to the hood because he had no connections. I'd go with him every time so he wouldn't get tempted. It worked until he offered to get a little to try it. Big mistake! I had no idea what I was getting myself into, not from me doing it but from him doing it. This was something I was gonna learn the hard way. I only used 4 times. The 4th time was the last for both of us. It ended for me at 4am in the morning. He dropped me off at home and he went to work or so I thought. He ended up being in the hood all day and by the end he was $635 deep. I know that's probably not a lot but it was for me. He worked hard for that money. That almost broke us. He's been clean for 6 months now. Unfortunately he still smokes week but I'd rather him do that any day than smoke crack. He's slowly quitting that as well.

He's been doing good but his personality has changed. I'm wondering if it's from him smoking crack in the past and feeling withdrawals . He's been very controlling and manipulating lately. He also hurts me physically but only when he wants sex or during sex (every night). Last night he got mad because I got home late (10:30). I was out with my friend for her birthday (he didn't know it was her birthday when I told him (I forgot to tell him it was)) but he was still mad. Took his anger out on me when we were in bed. I'm nervous to talk to him about it. He gets offended and defensive and makes me feel bad. I don't know what to do. I love him and want to make it work.

Posted by: lolleedee August 2, 2017, 10:23 PM
Run fast, run far! Any man who hurts you physically or sexually needs to be kicked to the curb. That is not love, that is abuse. Call a domestic violence hotline, or call as you ARE a victim of sexual violence. Call them immediately and form a plan to leave this jerk. Any man who hurts you doesn't deserve your love or respect.

Get help immediately!!!! Counselling will help you learn why you feel this is all you deserve. Everyone deserves a life free of abuse. This has nothing to do with drugs...he is an abuser. Get out now before you lose your life to violence!

Posted by: Mandm August 2, 2017, 11:39 PM
Get out of the relationship as it's never going to get better. It will just get worse! He has opened the "Pandora's Box" the minute he started being abusive. Once that's opened there's no closing it. I don't think he has quit crack with how he's behaving. I'd get away before you end up bringing a child into this. Read other posts from women on here in similar predicaments as you, maybe they will help you. You found out he did drugs before you met him and he's been in jail. Run!! You deserve better and I'm really sorry your going through this. Please dont try doing crack with him again your only asking for trouble and you don't want it getting a grip on you too. No addict has ever done drugs thinking they would get addicted to them. Mary.

Posted by: sparks82 August 3, 2017, 3:42 PM
Pam N

They all start out as nice As far as you can before you get trapped with a kid with him.

My ex husband I've known since we were 18. I knew he had done meth and drank and other stuff but when we met again years later I didn't think he was still doing it. I was wrong. He's a meth addict. Since he was 17 but I think it got worse after prison. He had married someone else, they divorced he sunk his claws in me. Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. Financially got me. Drained half my savings. I took him back far too many times. He almost killed me the last time he attacked me. I stayed like an idiot. We have a daughter. He has three other kids with two other women. Doesn't take care of any of them. Beat his first wife too.

Nearly everything you said is what I went through. It's - not - worth - it.

Posted by: Michelleintheoc September 18, 2017, 1:57 PM
I can relate to this completely. Other than physical abuse, but there was emotional abuse. Constant using meth and lying and promising he will change.
I hate to say it, I think they have to really hit rock bottom to want to change. No home, no job, no friends, no family, and especially no relationship.
My ex thinks he's a, "light user". What a joke. He is in sober living and I'm not to sure everyone there is really sober, including him.
I think the only way they may change is leave them completely. Maybe they will want to change after a while, but I doubt it. They will just find another hostage.
There is no possibility of, "making it work" when they are on drugs. It's like trying to have a relationship with the devil.

Posted by: sparks82 September 18, 2017, 2:41 PM
Get out. He's only going to get worse and bring you down with him.