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Message Board > Other Addictions > Crossdressing Addiction


Posted by: shaun January 6, 2013, 12:11 PM
my name is shaun and im a crossdressing addict. i want to get away from doing it because im in recovery and i know its just another way for me to try to change how i feel about myself on the inside by changing the way i look on the outside. i need help and support with this. i want to stop. i cant seem to let go. please any advice and support would be most appreciated.

Posted by: poopie January 8, 2013, 12:46 AM
im so sorry sweety.if this is what makes you happy,and it feels rite,than its ok.but if you feel not so good with this.than seek help.ok.someone who cares.poopie

Posted by: Allison April 26, 2013, 11:54 PM
Hi Shaun,

I just posted this message on another page, I hope you forgive me for just copying and pasting but it applies here, too, I think.

What are your beliefs or attitudes about the idea of God? I myself never appreciated the bible thumping "Jesus loves you but knock it off" crap and therefore ended up searching everywhere else for answers because I didn't want to be condemned for something I couldn't control. It wasn't until all other measures failed that I relented and sought after honest truth on my own directly from the source Himself that things turned around. And I'm not just talking addictions. Deep, dark things I have never told anyone else but Him about.

You mentioned how dirty and ashamed you feel because of it, and I can definitely relate to that.

There is a story in the gospels of a man who sought Jesus out, I believe he was a leper, and fell down on his knees and said, "Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean." And Jesus told him, "I am willing. Be clean." He wasn't telling him to go get clean, he was commanding His will into reality, and immediately this man's "uncleanness" left Him.

I can tell you from personal experience, I wasn't raised in some churchy environment by any means, He is willing. But it takes someone seeking Him out with every fiber of their being.

Anyway, I hope this isn't out of place and I hope no one feels like I'm swooping in like a vulture trying to rack up tally marks for a trip to heaven or something. That truly is not my intention. And most if not all 12 step/recovery groups will suggest you at least be open to a higher power's existence and willingness to assist you. This is the only thing that worked for me. I don't feel like I'm just resisting or suppressing urges all of the time, just trying to white-knuckle it to the finish line. I truly am free.

I sincerely hope you find some peace. I know it isn't fun to be tormented by these things. Best wishes.

Allison

Posted by: samantha2424 May 28, 2013, 12:35 PM
Why do you want to change that part of you cross dressing there is nothing wrong with that you are not hurting anyone and it isn't illegal so why do you want to stop if you enjoy it? If it's because what other people think then get new friends who will except you as anyone who is nasty to you because you like to cross dress is not worth knowing if you are worried about what people may think of you don't be it's a different day and age now look at all them famous cross dressers there are why don't you go to some different gay clubs where there will be other cross dressers and have a laugh why not you only live once and there are worse things you could be doing trust me!

Posted by: Steve October 11, 2014, 8:20 AM
QUIT telling people to accept and embrace cross dressing!!!! It IS WRONG! I am addicted to it and yes, I love it, but it is IMMORAL! It also controls your life and hurts those you love whether they know about it or not! If you want to embrace it, that is your decision. But anyone wanting out should be helped…not talked out of it. You are just trying to make yourselves feel good about a part of you that should never be expressed. It is very difficult to stop but I do not buy this "its who you are" crap! It's who you have allowed yourself to become in response to things in your life that make you want attention, acceptance and many others! I fully intend to wipe this demon from my life and I applaud others who can see this deception for what it is.

Steve (formally Stephanie)

Posted by: Hans March 3, 2015, 12:10 PM
Look at:
www.healingcd.wordpress.com

The author survived crossdress addiction and give great advice.

Posted by: Yogi March 11, 2015, 12:01 PM
"You are just trying to make yourselves feel good about a part of you that should never be expressed."

Why would you want to repress something that makes you YOU?

I go to church with so many men and women who were told their "born and created and loved by God" homosexuality or transsexuality was wrong - a sin. And so many of them became addicted to drugs and alcohol because they were trying so hard to deny who they were and deaden that pain of self-doubt.

But now they're living full, open lives full of love and happiness because they finally accepted themselves and surrounded themselves with OTHERS who accept them as well.

It's OK to be who you were created to be. YOU'RE OK as you were created to be!

You might want to read Jenny Boylan's book about her struggles with this:

http://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-There-Life-Genders/dp/0385346972

Also, I will now quote "The Velveteen Rabbit."

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. But once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

Posted by: KendrasSecret May 27, 2015, 11:39 AM
I also am addicted to crossdressing, and have been for over 30 years. I am straight, have a wife and a grown son. I just cant seem to stop. In fact, the older I get, the more I embrace this other side of me. It is addiction that needs refueled nearly everyday. The trick is to control it so that I does not control you. I will get all dressed up some days, other days I will just slip on a bra for a few minutes. I brings me some inner piece. Like most others like me, I wish the rest of our society would accept this behavior, but that is not gonna happen. Just take it to a level that you are comfortable with, and no more, and you should be fine!

Posted by: "Miriam's" wife October 26, 2015, 9:46 AM
I think "Miriam" has become addicted to crossdressing and although I initially supported and helped her become publicly presentable, she is now destroying our marriage.

I don't know where to seek help for "her" or us

Posted by: NatalieD December 14, 2015, 3:55 PM
Hi all. Can I ask how many are still connected to the question here. I'm looking for similar help, obviously as I found this thread

Posted by: david June 4, 2016, 5:54 PM
Hello all, I am also into crossdressing and feel I am addicted. To me it feels like a compulsion that is difficult to control; like alcohol or drugs. At this point in my life it doesn't really feel like it's just putting on women clothing, but it feels even when I don't think it's appropriate, I want to do it. This is an addiction. Does anyone else feel the same?

Posted by: Laura Adams November 5, 2017, 9:27 AM
I am a lifelong crossdresser in my early 60s now, and have been in sober recovery from alcohol for 8 years. I have been reading the other posts in this thread and would like to share my 2c please?!?
Forgive me if it is lengthy, but I think is pertinent.

I am not a religious person, inasmuch as I do not believe in fire and brimstone, heaven or hell, nor even good and evil. I do however believe in a higher power in this and of this Universe, of which I am a small but not insignificant part, and I also believe that there is not absolute good or evil, but rather differing degrees of sickness. As an inherent part of this whole, how can we set ourselves outside this whole?

I despair when I read some comments about CDing being morally wrong and so on, this, to my mind, is simply not the case. If there is only a higher power of which we are a part, how can this be morally wrong? By whose measure is this morally wrong? Some old fella up in the clouds? I don't think so. I think that people ascribe this 'morality' to a misguided sense of what 'society' expects of us. What the media we subscribe to or the peer pressure we allow ourselves to be influenced by demands we feel. THAT is what is morally wrong if anything.

I think what is hampering people's acceptance of the fact that they do not subscribe to supposed norms on the trans spectrum is the fact that sexuality becomes enmeshed with the whole trans experience. Of course we get confused when we are of an addictive nature and then find peace and some serenity in crossdressing. Then we get it all mixed up with our sexual feelings. I know this is what happened to me.

When I finally came out to my ex-wife about my crossdressing and told her about Laura, I thought she already knew and was just keeping quiet. Of course that was not the case and was just me trying to convince myself it would be OK. She had no idea but was pretty amazing about it. She positively encouraged me to explore this side of me, and since at that time I had my own issues with drugs and alcohol, and she had hers with alcohol and self harm, we were hardly best placed to deal in a mature way with what was going on. I plunged into CDing and casual sexual relationships with other Cds like I had previously done with sex and other women in general. I did not hide all of this from my wife, and eventually we split up, amicably yet damaged. I later found out that she had been having an affair with a man for some years, so the split was no doubt inevitable, altho I of course did my fair share in expediting this!

I did think about transitioning back then, (late 90s), but my work would not have been possible as a trans male, and that was all that kept the wolf from our door, so was not an option. I did not really know what I wanted.

After we split, I had a couple of bad years on my own, and I think the only thing that got me thru was being a little drunk most of the time! Not a good long term strategy tho, but I kept working, and gradually started to rebuild a little. Then I met my current wife, and we became inseparable. A complex and beautiful, yet tortured soul as she is, (why do we get drawn to these women?!?), I resolved to try to tell her about Laura so as to have full disclosure. Unfortunately, when I had a few drinks to summon the courage to do this, so had she, and when I showed her a picture of Laura, she giggles and said "Oh god, you're not a tranny are you?" I got embarrassed and put the picture away mumbling something about Halloween.

A year or so later, my daughter wrote me an email referencing Laura, and my wife read it. The reaction was stormy, and when I explained that Laura was not another woman, she calmed a little, but it took a long time for her to begin to accept.

Fast forward several years and we both started our paths to recovery from alcohol at the same time, and both derived huge benefit from it. We also have an amazing therapist who has helped us thru the inevitable ups and downs we have gone thru. Our therapist is a lesbian who is incredibly compassionate and supremely knowledgeable. We are so lucky to have her in our lives.

Part of our recovery has of course been trying to deal with my crossdressing, and while my wife has been accepting a lot of the time, it has been hard for her and me. I too have had thoughts of purging this part of me since I thought it was simply another addiction, but what I have learned is that it is not the dressing up that is addictive, but the sexual feelings allied with this. Dressing in itself, and expressing the feminine side of ourselves is in my opinion completely normal. Perhaps not normal by certain standards of western culture, but those are changing, slowly but surely. I go out in public as Laura often, and it has so far not been a problem. Yes, some chuckle when they see a man in a dress, but we only will be hurt by that if we let it hurt us. I have found that by expressing my femininity, I become more feminine, and that is natural to me, and people accept it far more.

I believe that what was my undoing before was my addiction to the thrill of the sexual side of Laura, much the same as when I was the promiscuous male that I used to be. With the help of my therapist and the love and understanding of my wife, I am learning to live with and without having to indulge the sexual side of my femininity, and yet can still fully embrace the part of me that IS Laura and will always be female.

I know that this opinion/advice will not resonate with all who are struggling with this, but what I really want to say is that THERE IS NO NORMAL!!! And that is OK. We just have to learn to accept it. The more feminine male souls in Native American culture were revered and treasured as special people. We need to know that we are too :)

I do also know that we are all fragile and fickle humans, and this story is not over yet. I will continue to try and live in harmony with Laura and my wife, and I know that I should not go all out batsh*t crazy like I did before! Small steps, one day at a time :)


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Posted by: Stef December 22, 2017, 2:21 AM
I'm in my mid-forties and have had an affair with crossdressing for around 35 years. It has brought me a great deal of depression, a lot of anxiety, and many a moment of self-loathing and hate. I constantly want to rid myself of this part of me, mainly because of the massive amount of time, energy, thoughts, and emotion it consumes from me. As draining as it is, it also refuels and re-centers me, so to speak. Like most of us, it's a love-hate relationship which, most of the time, I would be glad to be completely rid of if I could gain fulfillment and contentment without this crutch. My wife and I have been together for 30 years and she has known for most of that time. She is supportive and encouraging, which I don't know how I would have survived life without that safety-net at my side. It's strange to say, but I wish she wasn't that way. I think I would think about it less and participate less if I knew I would lose her because of it. She is more important to me than dressing is.

I appreciate the positive messages from Laura, above, and others. It helps so many of us who continue to question ourselves after many decades of psychological torture. I love this feminine side of me, but I don't love myself for how much it controls me and how powerless I feel towards it. That is the biggest frustration - the idea that I am not in complete control of my feelings, thoughts and needs.

For others who are 'struggling' with this inescapable part of yourself, please do yourself a huge favor and ignore the pious, fairy-tale believing people who display hypocritical concern or condemnation for what you are dealing with. They live their lives and let a book make decisions for them rather than thinking for themselves. It's both disturbing and sad, but I also think it's a type of addiction and crutch as well, so I can't hold them completely at fault for their 'judgements' of others.

I've learned some acceptance through answering the following as yes, no, and no (for myself):
Does it bring me happiness?
Does it harm me?
Does it harm others?

Take care,
Stef