Just Looking For Friendly Support
Posted: February 16, 2020, 3:06 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: February 16, 2020

Hi, I'm sharing on here in the hope of just chatting to other people who are going through similar things, in the hope of alleviating some loneliness.
I am based in the uk (Yorkshire). I have a brother & sister who are both addicts, alcoholism killed my mum when I was six.
It us my sisters problems that cause my the most anxiety. When she is drinking I am consumed with anxiety & suicidal thoughts because I can't face a lifetime of dealing with her. I'm single & have nobody to talk to. It's such a complex situation, theres way more I could say but hopefully this is enough to start.
Posted: February 16, 2020, 6:12 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: March 20, 2018

Hello there,
Although my situation is not the same as yours, I definitely understand your loneliness. My son is an addict, and other than my husband, a very good man, but not very empathetic; and my other son, there is no one I feel comfortable talking to about this, aside from those are right here on this board. No one understands, unless they have been in your shoes.
I hope you share more.
Take care of you xo

I read all the parenting books, we played together, they played with friends. I was there for them before and after school, they played hockey and soccer, we went on holidays. I thought I was doing it right.
Posted: February 16, 2020, 9:22 PM

Posts: 75
Joined: November 10, 2019

Hi from me too Miss,

You will find lots of support here and it helps to post. Its very therapeutic to share and read on this sight. Everyone has first hand experience with addiction. For myself, my youngest, beautiful, sweet, daughter has an IV heroin addiction. She in now homeless (living with shady people), broke, no job, lost her apartment and car, and is now having health problems with no health insurance. Very, very sad and heartbreaking.

Do you live with your sister? Do you have friends? We are here to listen and help support you as best we can.

Posted: February 16, 2020, 11:20 PM

Posts: 43
Joined: January 12, 2020

I can so relate to the loneliness and despair. I've had times when I felt i would have made more forward movement had I just stayed in bed all day.

I hope you are focusing on what you have in life, and not the detractions. To have survived losing your mom at such a early age, seeing your siblings go down the same path, and still have the self-awareness to reach out to others, you have more strength than you probably realize.

There are a lot of folks here who can relate and are ready to listen.

Posted: February 17, 2020, 8:28 PM

Posts: 1621
Joined: June 27, 2016

hello miss - try looking into the website SmartRecovery.org. they have meetings and support for family members. in addition to addiction recovery support. maybe if you get involved with the website you can encourage your sister to join Smart Recovery for her own recovery.

my son is my addicted loved one. often it is hard to separate ourselves from our family member. when they are doing bad we are doing bad, our lives fall apart too. when they are doing well, we are doing well. there is also an element of PTSD. when all is well, we can move on in our lives, when that 'old stuff' comes back, we feel the same old panic and anxiety. It is overwhelming.

Please work on yourself in some way with therapy in order to find closure for your past.

I know it is hard. when my daughter was in college she dipped into a period of addiction. She eventually pulled out of it and it is a distant memory. (my son stayed in addiction for over 6 years now and has not pulled out of it as gracefully as his sister did.) it was a turbulent time. she accidentally ran over our dog in the driveway. we had gotten the dog because she begged us for it. it was only 1.5 yrs old. It happened 6 or 7 years ago and it still brings tears to my eyes. I think about the fact that I should have prevented the accident by keeping the dog inside or asking her to park on the road, knowing my daughter would be too hasty when leaving the driveway.

my son has put us through a lot for many years. he has not been living home for the past year. I hope the best for him, and I know he is on a path of recovery. yet, I cringe when he calls or emails. I get anxious when I know I will have to see him. example, he has to come home for a few days to go to a court appointment. It is like a PTSD, I remember the past and don't want to be taken advantage of or put in compromising situations that are not my choice or responsibility. I wonder if something dumb is going to happen. who knows what, we cant predict it, usually everything goes OK, but I don't relax until he goes back to where he lives.

work on yourself so your sister's actions do not interfere with your life. you may be surprised at how much a good therapist to talk to can help you. find someone who is trained in addiction therapy. maybe Smart Recovery can help, I have not participated in their program. I have read things at their website.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on February 17, 2020, 8:28 PM
Posted: February 17, 2020, 8:34 PM

Posts: 1621
Joined: June 27, 2016


Smart Recovery in UK



This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on February 17, 2020, 8:40 PM
Posted: February 18, 2020, 4:51 PM

Posts: 357
Joined: November 16, 2017

I can relate. When people use or drink it is like they are unreachable to me. I really can't stand it. I think of course dealing with my son so oblivious to life around him has really left me scarred. I do feel so anxious when people I care about start getting drunk or if my son seems to disappear. It is a horrible thing to deal with addiction-so yucky.

Have you tried al-anon groups? Or, something similar to al-anon. I started going to a group for families dealing with mental illness. It was very helpful and you meet new people so you are not so lonely. I'm glad you posted and please keep posting.
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