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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Alcoholic Or Not?


Posted by: Mk February 18, 2019, 8:37 PM
I am trying to sort out whether my hubby is an alcoholic or I am being too hard on him, as he words it. He says I want to ruin his enjoyment by wanting him to stop drinking. He drinks 7 nights a week and heavily on weekends. He has been drinking for many years. It has affected his sexual performance as well but he says it has nothing to do with it. It has also started to change his personality. He gets down right stupid, especially after shots of whiskey, which he calls little "nips" that are barely anything. I can't be around him anymore when he is drinking but he has made me feel like it's me and not him. I have talked to him so much and tried to explain it is harming our 30 year marriage but he keeps telling me there isn't a problem, expect me for wanting to take his pleasure away. I really don't know what to think.

Posted by: Sallyanna February 19, 2019, 9:40 AM
I'm sorry to say your husband is addicted to alcohol.

Posted by: samegame February 19, 2019, 9:59 AM
I agree with Sallyanna. Drinks everyday ignoring consequences and affects moods, demeanor etc. equals Alcoholic.

And until he really really wants to change on his own talking to him won't do much.

Big thing is keep yourself safe physically and/or financially.

Good Luck

Posted by: Mkto February 19, 2019, 8:11 PM
Thank you for your replies.

Posted by: Sallyanna February 20, 2019, 3:12 AM
MK as samegame said in her post it's very important to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and financially. With addiction, it's all consuming not only for the person who has it but also for spouses and family. Everything evolves around the addiction in the family dynamics and in your relationship. Its he wants to let his life evolve around alcohol that is his choice but it does not have to be your choice. Try not to let this happen to you because then the addiction takes two lives and it's very unhealthy. You deserve to be healthy and happy. We all do.

Posted by: Alexendra Berehnova August 30, 2019, 7:20 AM
Hi Mk ! Firstly sorry because I think I am quite late to be part of this thread, But i would ask you one question: have you ever tried to contact with alcohol abuse hotline centers. Dear take help from the experts. Surely they will guide you in a better way as what to do in this regard.

Posted by: Remi October 24, 2019, 5:52 AM
He has a problem, especially if it's effecting the sex life. I am an alcoholic and can tell you first hand that the problem is more than likely a high bilirubin count, is his urine really dark? Not only does it effect the urine, it also makes it so that when a man "releases" during sex it almost hurts sometimes. He has all the signs and should seek help.

Posted by: Anauj October 30, 2019, 10:57 AM
My late husband was an alcoholic and I have 17 years sober under my belt. Alcoholics are master manipulators and can have many ways to justify their drinking.

Not sure if Al-Anon is still around but I found that very helpful years ago. I went to meetings and received a lot of support.

Anyone who drinks 7 days a week is an alcoholic in my opinion.

Big thing: Don't ever try to "reason" with him when he's drinking or drunk. Never works.

Posted by: Beezy December 4, 2019, 7:19 AM
It does sound like he has an alcohol problem. But there is hope. Addicts drink and drug so they don’t feel certain emotions or pain. They just want to push the feelings down and numb it. If he would see a therapist or even talk to you the problem can normally be resolved. Letting it out and letting it go free an addict in so many ways. Praying for your situation. God Bless you