Detatching From Alcoholic Mum Who Has Ld's
Posted: August 25, 2020, 5:12 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: August 25, 2020

Hello all, I found this forum today when googling "detatch with love" and I would appreciate some input from others who understand.

My mother age 66 is an alcoholic who's binge drinking is escalating rapidly, despite knowing how much I worry about her she now makes herself completely uncontactable and turns her phone off meaning I don't know whether she's safe, fallen over again and sustained another head injury, or is dead.

I have tried to help her in every way possible but she is too far gone and won't accept treatment, counselling or support from alcohol services.

To make matters worse she has mild learning difficulties so is especially vulnerable. Despite her LD's she doesn't "lack capacity" so I'm unable to have any decisions made for her without her cooperation.

I have two small children, one is disabled, and I just can't spend another day living on a knife edge and feeling anxious.

She has become selfish beyond measure and her alcoholism is affecting my day to day life and the lives of my own family. I have abandonment issues from her leaving me behind at 16 and moving 250 miles away, due to my codependency I chose to move to where she was later on and my life has been a misery ever since. I wish I let go years ago.

Would you detatch in my situation? I'm 26 and feel like I'm wasting my life, and tainting those of my children, by wasting so much time obsessing and worrying about my mother who doesn't want to change.
Posted: August 25, 2020, 7:46 AM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

Yes, I would detach. At this point, you have to do what is best for you otherwise the addiction takes two people's lives and the lives of your family. You have tried and your mother didn't change. You love your mother however you hate what her addiction has done to her and is now doing to you. You have to emotionally detach to survive and thrive in your own life. Sadly, her life is very toxic and sounds like it has been for a long time. Its a very personal decision and in my opinion it's a healthy one. I'm sorry you have gone through so much and I wish you peace and joy in your life.
Posted: August 26, 2020, 6:38 AM

Posts: 43
Joined: May 13, 2007

I was abandoned by an alcoholic father. My aunt and uncle raised me. My aunt was an alcoholic as well. So I have a boat load of codependency and abandonment issues. I completely understand wanting unconditional love from someone. However, it is not in your moms personal inventory to give. She is broken emotionally for whatever reason. Sadly enough, someone else can’t fix . I have learned to find these relationships in others. I have life long friends and other family who have loved me for better or worse. I try to focus on those who are able to give back and aren’t toxic. Some days I am better than others doing this.
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