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Posted: January 14, 2016, 3:19 AM
Hi Dudettes and Dudes,
I am writing this because I am addicted and need human support. I was constantly emotionally abused by my young, egomaniacal, schizophrenic mother and her puppet/my stepfather, I never knew my real father. My true father, my Grandfather, died when I was 14, after that it was just downhill and up in the clouds. Since grade 10 weed was my emotional medicine, it made life not just bearable, but great. I am 32 now and have sworn to quit since 18 because I know that my full potential (32 is still young, it is not too young, it is just young) will not be tapped as I am a hardcore person and can't smoke casually. I am one of those chain-smokers with the pipe; it's so easy. Thankfully I have learned to only smoke a little one-lung pinch at a time. Still, it makes fighting your way in the world just that: a fight. Whenever I try and quit it is like I am falling apart. It feels like the future isn't there at all and there is only this stressed existence, tomorrow and the next day. I did quit for 3 months about a year ago but, the craving never really left. And I was getting increasingly stressed, yes the job was s*** and I quit. The Lesson: You can not just quit weed... You must rearrange your whole life! I just need to make it through the emotional fallout again. Weed smokers listen! The hardest part of quitting is the emotions! That is where we all fail. We need to make it through the emotional storm and the pain and the rearranging of everything. Weed put some of us in stasis, socially, emotionally, materially and yes... spiritually. I have not dreamed in so long... Do you want to be disconnected from your dreams? Your unknown self? Do you want to be in the dark forever? Picture the Marijuana Goddess.... now picture Kali... All goddesses have a fierce and infanticidal aspect. If you abuse Marijuana, you will get this part of her, which I will express mythologically in a poem: -- The Queen of Sleep, Goddess of Death: Her tongue is Red and hanging. She siphons your blood as you grow cold and sleepy, sliding into your grave in delerium as she starves your cells for air. Her eyes are Yellow and wild with tiny Black pupils. She sees of you, what you no longer can; and she gives this sight to your loved ones, as they lament who you were and never shall be. Her hair is Gray, a cloud of billowing smoke: choking, poisoning and blinding you; taking away your sight and your breath. Her hands are Brown as she rots your lungs, diseases you, and weakens you; shortening your life. You are weak, lost, suffocated and diseased, frozen in time and a young corpse. Dream not, do not, live not. -- How sad. The fact is, that using marijuana rarely is definitely a good thing. No more than once a week and that is still too much. It must be used to reorient the soul, not to relax. Life should not be so stressful that you need something like marijuana to relax. That is like saying you can't relax without having a mystical experience. Once a month maximum. And just a touch at that. Seriously though I want to quit, the weekend warrior lifestyle option is far in the past. I say: Get high through trance, deal with the emotions and above all remember that the Goddess of Marijuana is very destructive if you abuse her and she will kill you and destroy your life. Thank you whomever read this, I am sure most of you can recognize what I am doing here but your presence gives this efficacy. Otherwise I might as well write myself a letter right? Cheers, E | ||
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Posted: May 2, 2016, 11:31 PM
I love your poem.
You're expression of writing is beautiful. | ||
Posts: 37
Joined: May 1, 2016
Posted: May 4, 2016, 4:34 PM
Just reading your poem made me feel stoned. Maybe I should look into reading poetry for fun. I have quit smoking weed, too. I find that I'm not near as anxious if I don't smoke weed. But I'm 51. I started smoking at age 16 and it used to relax me and make things more funny. I loved listening to music when I was stoned. I'm a former vocalist and musician, but I never could get up on stage if I was stoned. Because for some reason weed makes me tone deaf, which is no good if you're the singer in the band. I smoked like you do/did. All the time! I smoked joints like they were cigarettes, usually rolling a new one every 3 hours or so. It's true what they say about long term use of marijuana: it causes paranoia and anxiety. But the worse thing for me was the lack of incentive or motivation. All I wanted to do was sit around the house and be stoned out of my mind. Now that I have at least THAT monkey off my back I feel better in a lot of ways.
I hope you're able to reach your goal. It will amaze you what you're able to do when you're not stoned all the time. Good luck and peace! | ||
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