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Message Board > Pain Pills > Desprate For Help


Posted by: MWilliams August 7, 2018, 11:30 AM
Hi all I’m new and this is my first post. I’ve been on and off again with oxycodone but it didn’t become a problem until a little over a year ago. My fiancee left me for someone else after 5 years together and I ended up stuck in a house I bought for us completely alone. A month later my dog died and I have multiple surgeries to get kidney stones removed. My life felt like it was crashing down and I feel into a deep pit of depression. My best friend became oxycodone and my drug of choice was roxie 15mg/30mg whichever was available. They made me feel whole again as if I was back to being my normal self. My work ethic grew was getting raises at my job and had more motivation then ever. As time went on my tolerance grew and I found myself taking 90-120mg a day easy just to get that rush I used to get from 5mg. I just recently realized this has to stop for good, I’m going broke and just barely paying my bills now. So for the past week I’ve been trying to taper down and got to 45mg/day as of yesterday. Today is my first day with nothing I couldn’t go get more even if I wanted. This has to end NOW.

I’m not able to talk to anyone I know because they just won’t understand not to mention nobody is aware of my issue. I’m here looking for someone to talk to, seek advice from or get any help I can. Right now I feel completely alone and helpless staring down a long dark tunnel with no light at the other end. I have no clue what to expect other then feeling like death for the foreseeable future. If anyone has experiencees that relate the please share anything will help at this point. I don’t know if I can do this all alone.

Posted by: Crutches August 10, 2018, 4:10 AM
Hi MWilliams, you can call me crutches. I was on oxycodone and oxycontin for 4 years due to breaking my hip. I got over my surgery and with my job at the time, I ended up seeing my doctor and went down that path of taking them on a daily bases. I never got "high" per say, as I only felt normal. I could work, play with my kids and take care of my life, but I was also taking them whenever I felt any pain in my hip, so I dug my hole deeper and deeper, not understanding the true nature of the medicine I was taking.

After for years of taking them, I ended up hurting my left leg and it swelled up and no one, NO doctor could help me. Fast foward a week and I was out of my pills and had no choice but to go cold turkey. As miserable as I felt, my wife noticed my leg had gone back to normal. I then realized just how bad these meds are. I have been clean/ off the meds for my gosh, 8 years I think(roughly). I even took the time to read the pamphlet that comes with the meds, and it states that even if you take the recommended / prescribed dosage, you can still become addicted to them! That hit me like a ton of bricks. My hip still hurts, but I will take that over being held captive to the drug that was actually toxic to me.

Going cold turkey was my way of getting over it. First week was terrible, but things started calming down after the second week for me. Don't get me wrong, even after the med is out of your system, you still have to deal with the effects it has done to you.

You can do this, how ever wish to do it, cutting back or cold turkey or even admittance to a clinic. Be at peace with yourself and know you are not alone. It takes time and lots of patience getting over it.

Warmest regards,

Crutches.

P.S my story use to be on here but the mods took it down , don't know why but they did. Oh well. again best of luck to you.

Posted by: Crutches August 10, 2018, 4:26 AM
hey MWilliams,

As far as eating and drinking, get some gatoraide, water and stay hydrated. Food/solid food will come later. At least this what it was like for me. Solids didn't stay down for very long. As your body clears itself of the meds, you will get diarrhea, so get some Imodium to help with that.

I found taking long hot showers or baths helped a little. Sleep will take time but stay at peace and don't get frustrated with yourself. Things will slowly level off. Stay occupied with watching movies or reading. Nap and catch some zzz as you can.

Warm regards,

Crutches

Posted by: I Hate Blues August 16, 2018, 10:10 AM
Hey MWill, how’s it going over there?

Posted by: I Hate Blues August 21, 2018, 11:54 AM
MWill.... I hope everything is going as planned and you didn’t cave. If you did, no big deal, just have to get back on the horse. It takes a lot of time and I get it that want results fast. I was taking up to 10 blues a day for 10 years off and on. I say off and on because I can’t tell you how many times I quit. Today I’m proud to say is day 98. I haven’t been sober this long in forever. Sometimes I’ll still feel a withdrawal symptom like sweating or normal energy and automatically think it’s the pills coming back. Just take a few deep breathes and let those thoughts pass. The morning is usually the worst time for me because that’s when I liked to use the most. But once I get up and showered and out the door then I’m fine. Staying busy is definitely key and as hard as exercise is, try your best to walk or do light resistance training. It helps me so much. Cannabis is also something I’m a big advocate for. It without a doubt helps me. I’d rather smoke cannabis than take some chemical pills. Anyway, please let us know how you’re doing. If you slipped up, just get back up. We’re always here for you. You’re not alone. I definitely understand what your body and mind are going through. Just typing stuff out like this helps me. It’s always good to get it all out. If you have someone to confide in, someone that understands addiction, then talk with them as much as possible. People that haven’t been through this just don’t get it. They think it’s so easy to just quit. Stay strong. Peace and love.

Posted by: Cordeliatolear September 3, 2018, 9:49 AM
Hey MW....I'll chime in here and check in with you. I understand the complete isolation that might lead one to go online and seek a connection. Been there with other resources like suicide hotline and others. Hope you're still in the good fight. Check in if your inclined. Best, for real