If I Dont Quit I Will Die
Posted: November 26, 2019, 9:25 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: November 26, 2019

I had a terrible cocaine addiction for 3 months last year after suffering the worst grief any mother or parent could imagine. After I was raped and left for dead at 14 my depression and anxiety started and I started self harming to cope with issues if I was depressed.. for years I battled self harm until I had my son 8 years ago. I stopped and only had a couple of self harm relapses. but last year after suffering my grief I went of the rails alone and was in a bar toilet about to self harm and someone stopped me and told me theres another way to take my pain away and introduced me to cocaine. for 3 months my habit was that bad spending about 1400 pounds a week on it on average around 50 pound half g i had 26 to 28 bags a week. leaving home daily and returning at night once everyone asleep. pretending I was working. my husband and mum never new at the time. never took any home coz of my son. but day I.quit was due to looking after my son but I couldnt physically play. it was hard and went cold Turkey never asked for help even went away. managed to get clean. but had a relapse 6 months ago and now its getting worse my habit. my husband and mum now know and they to support me. but I cant talk to them feel a burden. my habit has got that bad I have overdosed several times and have been in hospital a few times from seizures I have had from drugs. now been diagnosed with tonic clonic seizures epilepsy. I had open heart surgery in may this year and since then and all illnesses I have had since and my anxiety and depression got worse which started me using again. started once a week a little but now. dreadful cant live without. I was 13st plus 85kg before surgery now and probably due to drug abuse I now weigh 9st 56kg. i struggle to walk alot and hate being this thin and look bad. I have to stop. I dont want to be like this anymore I struggle even to.get out of bed most days. and the worst thing is my sleep deprivation I go sometimes 4days and nights constantly no sleep from the drugs. I love my son and want to beat this for him. he means the world to me. thankfully he doesnt know or ever seen me at my worst. I know if I dont quit I.will die. people say to me just stop but any addict knows it's not that easy. I need help
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