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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Save My Marriage|
|Posted by: Jess2 February 15, 2019, 3:23 PM|
|My husband smokes weed and told me that he is not addicted to it, but lately, he is becoming abusive and depressed all the time.. I suspect he is taking other drugs, like pain pills or sth.. Two weeks ago, he woke up with severe headache, his face swallowed and red spots appeared on his face and shoulder, he was sweating and hallucinating, i gave him a pain killer for the headache and juice, but he refused to go to the hospital, he is sleepy all the time since then and always nervous, he even slapped me on the face for no reason we went to a dr and made a brain MRI and MRA that revealed nothing, I even confornted him, but he said he is not takiny any drugs not even weed.. Now how can I know if he is on drugs and how can I get him to confess? I want him tl recover and stop being abusive|
|Posted by: Sallyanna February 15, 2019, 9:25 PM|
|Hi Jess and welcome. I'm not sure what may be going on with your husband. He doesn't sound well. I think what is important is you protecting yourself because he's already slapped you. You have to know what you will and won't tolerate in any relationship and abuse is a deal breaker. He sounds unpredictable to me and you have to be concerned about your own well being. I hope you have support from family and/or friends. You deserve to feel safe and be happy. We live what we tolerate.|
|Posted by: Jess2 February 15, 2019, 11:56 PM|
|Thank you salyanna for. Support. I actually left after the slapping.. It was two weeks ago, he is apologizing since then and swears that he is clean.. I am not sure though and totally scared, yet. I LOVE him and wish to be by his side,,I am. Really torn and dont. Know what to do|
|Posted by: Sallyanna February 16, 2019, 12:23 AM|
|Jess2 I know it's hard when we love someone. I was married 25 years when I found out my ex husband had a secret life (going on the whole 25 years) and realized I was married to a sociopath. He hid money for years was not the person I thought he was. I ignore red flags (in hindsight) and tolerated so much cr*p because I loved him just to find out he never loved me...I learned people who love and respect you don't hurt you.|
|Posted by: NyToFlorida February 16, 2019, 10:38 AM|
|Jess - give a time out. stay apart for 6 months to see how things go. maybe if he has hope to get back together he will straighten out. If he does not, there is your answer. go on date nights a few times a week. with a time out you will not be stressed or pressed about moving back in. see it as a trial run to be independent yourself. and don't promise you will live with him after 6 months.
getting out is a hard part, don't fall back in the trap.
idk much about weed, but it could be laced w something or even moldy. and he might be doing other stuff. or tried something that he had a reaction to.
Do not give him meds or suggest he take anything - you do not know what he had already taken. the most you can do is tell him to go to hospital or clinic, it is his choice, he knows what he took.
we try to solve their abnormal problems with normal solutions. it does not work.
a few months ago my son woke up in the morning w his arms numb. he had been shoveling snow at job and at home the night before. thought he pinched nerves. I suggested a massage, gave him # of physical therapy office. he did not even look interested. wont do any self help for medical problems. Afterwards I thought he may have injected something and it affected his arms. I have read that can happen. they come to us with medical problems they have inflicted on themselves. and think we can help them. we are not medical experts/doctors. we have to know our limitations. something that has taken me a long long time to come to terms with. (I am a total self help kind of a person)
this is where normal vs not normal come in. have normal problem, seek normal solution. if they don't want the normal solution, something not normal is going on.
hope this helps you going forward. keep a notebook of thoughts or plan of action or issues that come up. Keep it simple. bullet points, not a diary. this way you can read back and see the facts. or see if things have changed month after month, or if the same pattern is happening over and over.
our mind tricks us to think improvement is being made bc we want it to be.
Unfortunately, addiction is way too big of a monster for us humans to fight.
|Posted by: mtnmom February 17, 2019, 12:15 AM|
|Yes Jess, Sallyanna & NYtoFlorida made sound, practical comments. If you do not show him you will not tolerate bad behavior for any reason, you are giving him permission to treat you however he chooses just because he apologized. He needs to prove it to you - you love the person he WAS, not what he is now so don't confused the two...
Good luck hon!!
|Posted by: Alexendra Berehnova August 30, 2019, 7:21 AM|
|Hi Jess ! I felt bad for you, but I do not understand what is happening with your hubby. But hope you have resolved your problem now.