|Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format
|Message Board > Recovery Diaries > Goodbye N+|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 14, 2015, 6:44 AM|
|Im new to this forum...Im addicted to N+ 40-50 per day for 2 years... Its time to say goodbye to them, I have found out im expecting baby no 4...Im going cold turkey... I have had 16 in total today...8 at 7am and 8 at 12pm... its now 9.40pm and wd's are kicking in... mostly anxiety and cravings... I have to work in the morning.,.. I pray that my day is reasonable....I will post when I get home from work... mainly as a way for me to have an outlet... good luck to all of those who live this also... I WILL DO THIS...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 16, 2015, 5:41 AM|
|Sadly today I started to bleed..resulting in the loss of pregnancy😢 not sure if this is due to me being on N+ or trying to go cold turkey...either way its happened.... supprisingly thou..I didnt go in search of some pills...im still fighting this demon head on and by the horns....I cannot take the risk of falling pregnant again and being on these damn pills... I wont them suck anything good from my life.... im at the end of my second day... WDs are here in force...I have the trots, a massive monster of a headache...my legs are restless and I feel luke an elephant.is sitting on my chest..its 10 mins at a time for me..and im doing this...I will be bavk to chevk in tomoz with an update..|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 17, 2015, 8:17 PM|
|Today is day 5 without N+.. todays been an ok day so far..I managed a little sleep last night, which is much more than the past few...wrestless legs and body is seeming to fade slowly.. although im not counting my chickens!!!! I have the trots terribly...I have no nausea and I havent thrown up...I feel dizzy when stading and do so much prefer to sit down...although with kids that isnt happening...today we are off for a day of swimming its a beautiful day outside and theses kids deserve to be in it...I would prefer to wollow on the lounge on my own... I will say though that today is a.better day then.yesterday😯|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 18, 2015, 10:44 PM|
|Reading peoples journeys in this forum is a real eye opener to me.. stories of how people came to rely so heavily on drugs...their reasons to get clean, then their slips back into the depths of despair...im day 6 today, of another attemp to come off N+. While im doing well ( at least I think) I still have to, and probably always will, need to be mindful of these little pills...in 2 weeks time im set to have surgery on my wisdom teeth..they are taking them out...now last time I had something like this I was given a script for panadien forte which here in oz is just plain old codiene... one tablet is 30mgs..I ate the last box I had of that in 2 go's 10 at a time....nice and relaxing...what do I do now....im scarred this will be 'my' journey back into the depths of despai and its making me very un easy...how do I manage that sort of pain without pain pills??? I guess we will have to wait and find out..
Im feeling slightly set back from this morning..I feel in a little slow mode again (I think because im tired, not sleeping well still) ive managed to eat today which is probably a good thing, my trots have also subsided, with the help from some gastro stop! I do feel slightly dizzy... I think I will have a siesta when I put the baby down...hopefully that helps....
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 20, 2015, 11:43 PM|
|So today is a bad day... had a few drinks last night (I dont normally drink) and my head and body are paying for it...bow I know why I dont drink....I think hangovers and Wds are a way for us to know that what we are doing to our body cant be good, if its hurtin like it does...im still clean from N+ a week today...I havent much to say today as my brain is mush...lesson learnt..|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 22, 2015, 6:05 PM|
|Finally, for me, I can say Today is a GREAT day.
Husband is home, I feel fantastic..
Now dont get me wrong, it has been a super tough week..
I have felt lows like I have never felt before.. I felt like a semi had slammed into, reversed over me and slammed back into me again...I had the worst WDS ever...but I got passed it I pushed through it , now here I am standing on the other side of the road....What do I do now?
How do I function and live without pills?
The cravings are still as fresh in my head as the day I took my last pill, but mentally I feel stronger than I ever have before..
What got me through? Why this time? I have.tried many times and never got passed the.middle of the road...but here I am...
I know im not in the clear...I know ill never be out of the woods...I know how "wonderful" those little pills can make me feel. In an instant I can slip back over to that bad side of the road.. I may be in recovery, but I will always be, a Nuropen plus ADDICT...
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 27, 2015, 5:59 AM|
|A sad and sore day, husband has gone back to work for 9 days, I hate it and I miss him more than words can say!!!
Wisdom teeth are out today, geez that was tough... I have been and still am feeling uneasy about the pills prescribed to me...but I still have only used them as they have been prescribed....I dont really want to take a step backward with this, so ill keep posting to keep me honest and to keep me from forgetting where I have been...not much else to say for now...just that I have never been prouder of myself
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 28, 2015, 9:59 PM|
|Today is a good day, even though my mouth and head is sore, I feel good! I have had more pills than I should have on 2 occasions, but I feel it hasnt made me need to take them all the yime....im back to having them as prescribed... 2-3 every 8 hours... its been tough..I think I was looking for a high, I didnt get it, I just got drowsy and nausea... so, safe to say I wont be taking more than I should... in a scale of 1-10, 1 being minimal pain... id say im about a 7-8...my face is also swollen like a big ballon...I have voltaren anti inflamatries for that... although they arnt helping much.... im not suffering anymore withdrawal symptons amymore either...it is safe to say I actually feel normal... my symptoms really only lasted in full swing for about a week...thank heavens for that... it was a damn hard.week though... I still have to battle the psychological side though...my doctor put me on mirtazipine anti.depressants to help with the anxiety, which I had even before I had an addiction... so its no stranger to me...this medication seems to be helpful...the rest is up to me I suppose...I need to be strong, and push any thoughts I have out..... one day at a time still...
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 20, 2015, 6:24 AM|
|Its been 3 weeks since my last post! Sadly I went down hill and started taking the pills again..im not sure why. Mayb its that wonderdul feeling I get that I like so much. Or maybe its because im an addict with a big problem...fact of the matter is, I have to stop...I feel like I have ruined all that hard work...all that pain and suffering I never wanted to feel again will now come gushing back...but today is a new day!!! Day 1 again of no N+.. I must admit that today hasnt been nearly as hard as I thought...but im dreading the next few days..im sure they will be hell...but once again im going to try with all I have to fight this...once again 1.day at a time...1 hour at atime...whatever it takes....|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 22, 2015, 5:59 PM|
|Today is a bad day!! Feeling like total crap...just feel so slow and sluggish...geez I must be a gluton for punishment...I ask myself if it was worth it? Were those 3 weeks worth the way im feeling now? My whole body screams NO....
But not only do I feel like crap, the husband leaves again today...this is the part of the job that I hate...him working away. Im sure he hates it just as much as me...though I feel I lose a little focus when he is gone...he is a great distraction from the pills...when will this nightmare end...when will I be the person I once was? I dont think I will ever be her again...I cant...the pills have changed me...its time I found the new me!!
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 24, 2015, 4:25 AM|
|Im having a better day today, its still a struggle, sluggish and tired from lack of sleep last night. Emotionally I feel much better.. I have had a few changes that im adjusting to also...ive resigned from my job, and started studying... I really felt like I needed a career change, so im going for it..It also allows me more time with my kids. My eldest.is still as wild as a cut snake and although at lot of people arnt for it, needs to be on medication...his father has schizophrenia. ..and im worried it will pass on to my son..he has been diagnosed with adhd. I have done everything in my power as a mother to help him...we have been to doctors and psychiatrists and councellors..ive done everything...him being here in our home with my 2 younger children is not healthy....he is violent at times he yells at us all even swears and calls me horrible names....then other times he is my beautiful boy... its so hard finding balance...he now lives with my dad...but visits all the time..he was in trouble with the law for stealing cars and breaking into houses...he was 15 years old at the time...is it any wonder I found solice in pills...he has actually just been hear and it was chaos...im sadly relieved he has gone...I sound like a terrible mother...but I do love his so dearly...I juat struggle to cope with him...his father has never been around....anyway I just needed to let that out..
So here I am at the end of day 5... I have the runs now..im taking gastro stop, which helps...I look forward to tomorrow and I know it will be a better day as it will be day 6...thanks for listening ...
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 26, 2015, 1:16 AM|
|Its 1 week clean for me today, and the world around me goes on...little does everyone know that im battling addiction. ..we all have our struggles in life...some are worse than others...I have a had a reasonable day today..im struggling to eat alot which I think is making me feel a little light headed and sluggish..I hope I get my appetite back soon....have had thoughts today of maybe just having pills for tonight...get a good sleep...but I do know that its not gunna help me...it will make things harder for me....These thoughts are real...and they are strong...but I am stronger....im trying to keep myself busy which helps....focus my attention elsewhere....just waiting for the day I never think of them.
Now im quitting pills cold turkey and while husband my husband is away working...10 days away 4 days home...so ive decided to find something good in everyday he is away and everyday that I stay clean....so my something good in today was, waking up this morning to my little girl laying beside me stroking my hair, giving me big neck cuddles that she instigated.....the simple things hey....
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 27, 2015, 4:54 AM|
|8 days today..feels pretty good..my good thing for today was my hot coffee from begining to end! Feeling a lot better managing to eat a little. Still have a bit of insomnia... waking up and not being able to get back to sleep..hopefully it passes soon...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 March 30, 2015, 4:55 AM|
|Addiction wins again...I feel so weak and powerless...I know what I HAVE to do, its the doing it thats hard...my head telling me just once more...any excuse...im into day 2 for another attempt...will this be the one?|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 March 31, 2015, 11:06 PM|
|Not 100% sure on whats going on for me...I am struggling daily with this addiction...I have had 24 tablets today, thats not good...im not really sure I should be even writing in a recovery diary as I feel im not in recovery....I keep taking backward steps...I want to stop. The cravings are just to powerful...I look at my babies and think if I cant do it for me, then do it for them....they need their mumma...why is this so god damn hard...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 April 8, 2015, 6:55 AM|
|So im still taking pills, I seem to last a day or 2 then its all over...I do try so very hard, but to no avil....things at home are still the same...husband is still working away, which sucks bigtime...its school holidays now, a very crazy time of year...I keep telling myself everyday that I can quit that I will.pull through...but it never happens..im now even to worried to go see the doctor...I know they can probably help me...give me stuff.to help get me clean...im just to ashamed!!! Anyway...ill post again soon|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 May 8, 2015, 1:19 AM|
|Still the same things goin on here...managed to see the doctor yesterday...im waiting on my blood results as I sit and type this ...not sure how I feel about it all....im feeling very nervous...im hoping to get something to help ease withdrawals....im making a desicion to stop again....with a bit of help from the doctor, I feel I may just be in with a better chance, I have realised that I cant do this alone...if im going to beat this monster I need HELP...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 8, 2015, 7:07 AM|
|Rraaaaahhhhh.....I JUST WANT CONTROL OF MY LIFE BACK!!! The end of day 2 no N+. What am I even doing...why is this so fricken hard..I want a normal life...Im so sick to death of swalling 15 pills 5-6 times a day...im so sick of being tired and snappy from the damn things...my health is deteriorating...my husband is always comenting how im always wanting to sleep or sit around...why cant I just effing stop...whats wrong with me....ive got the runs..all I want to do is sit...ive got zero appetite..I have a headache and im super emotional...plus I have.wrestless legs when in bed...please give me the strength to get thru another day!!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 10, 2015, 2:32 AM|
|Almost at the end of day 4! Yep day 4.. thats a big deal for me..i still have no urges to swallow pills...i think the wds are what im focusing on right now..which is fine by me! Energy levels are still pretty low, but im pushing thru it. Appetite still non existant. I have had half a kebab and a mandarin today..id say thats probably all ill have...just hoping that when i wake up tomoz i feel a fraction better. Husband will be home late tomoz afternoon, so i have to prepare myself for his arrival...i tend to slaken off when he is away...hopefully now that will all change...my next councelloer appt is next week on wednesday..ive been to 4 so far and i feel im making small progressive steps...well thats it for now...ill check back in, in a day or so...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 11, 2015, 3:27 AM|
|The end of day 5!! Wow..pretty proud right now..i do feel the wds are slighty disappearing. But i wont count my chickens...as the day comes to an end i feel myself getting agitated easily..Hubby will be home in about an hour..Dinners almost ready, kids are bathed. My middle child decides to tell me as pick him up from school that he has to do a speech by tomoz...gahhh...by the way hes known about it for weeks!!! Ive been chatting to a like mind alot over the past 2 days on here ( you know who u are) and it has really, really, REALLY been helping...i do mean that..im so greatful to have you to chat with, you who know exactly what i mean when i say something...you have made my last 2 days bearable.. So thankyou☺ ..will check back in a day or 2...
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 12, 2015, 7:11 PM|
|Day 7 today!!! Ive been here before...but holy crap im so proud and so determined!!!!! I GOT THIS...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 14, 2015, 2:05 AM|
|Day 8- energy levels are so low..feels like im at the bloody begining..heavy chest and so bloody tired...when will this end...im also having thoughts of the pills...Now im doing very well and im totally in control, but my mind wanders back to how good it feels...that wonderful euphoric feeling i get...god i wish it would stop..sometimes i think ive bitten off more than i can chew..Hubby goes back to work tomoz...i have a feeling its gunna be a tough 10 days, especially the first few..ive never been clean when hes left for work...ive always been numbed down so tomorrow will be a true test of what i can endure...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 17, 2015, 11:14 PM|
|Day 12! My post seem to be becoming fewer and fewer..im starting to feel a little stronger everyday! Stronger in mind, body and spirit...i have also been resisting temptation all the time...believe me thoughts of pills are still very fresh in my mind...but i want this now more than anything..I havent set foot in a pharmacy for 12 days...ive wanted to..but i havent...i think im wining... (im still vigilant though) i know i have a long way to go...but for now, im enjoying how far i have come..energy levels are up today..and im smashing out the house work...my appetite is back and its great... almost at 2 weeks..i am so proud of myself...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 20, 2015, 11:47 PM|
|15 days today.
Im past (well i think) the wds!!! I really dont feel like i have any. But what i do have is a constant niggle in my head asking me if id like to have pills for old times sake....im having cravings terribly...i need a new focus, i need something to help me keep my mind off pills!! This i feel will always be the issue at hand..How do i survive this now...How do i continually fight the good fight.... how do i not give in to temptation thinking i can just have some for a day and then be ok to stop again????
|Posted by: tryinghard2 June 29, 2015, 1:25 AM|
|So i went down hill! Had pills and f@$ked up! Tomorrow is a new day! And i will start again...tomorrow will be day 1! I just need help with my cravings...and the wonderful high i get...that is what i cant get out of my head!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 July 25, 2015, 12:25 PM|
|Struggling with my sleep im 8 days today! AGAIN..geez stay clean already! Nope cant do that the pills make you feel good! Back off would you i got this...no you havent, you need the pills to make you feel that wonderful buzz and high!!!! This is a snip of what goes on my crazy a** head...how am i meant to stay clean. Its a constant battle with myself.|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 August 31, 2015, 4:01 AM|
|Ok so i made another decision to get clean of N+, saturday night was my last lot of pills i had 60 N+ thru out the day and 12 pills with 15mg codiene and 500mg paracetomol...holy crap when i woke up Sunday morning i was bloody crook! I couldnt move..i had to get my parents to look after my kids..i naturally blamed it in a bug..i slept pretty much all of sunday away..woke up this morning (Monday) feeling just as bad..no vomiting no gastro (yet ) cant eat anything...not sure if its full blown wds or i have come down with something...but holy crap ive never felt like this coming off the stuff...i pray tomoz is a better day!!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 3, 2015, 12:37 AM|
|Half way through day 5 and the withdrawals are relentless..i have never felt worse...naturaly im telling everyone i have a virus.. but geez..i still cant eat properly- a piece of toast and a piece of fruit here and there..the fruit is to acidic for my stomach at the moment so ill hold off on that...but im still stuck on the lounge...i try to move around as much as i can but its a struggle...i pray this nightmare is over soon...i keep getting a very sharp headache on the right side near my temple and my back aches from sitting and laying down so much...im trying to be more active but failling misserably...tomoz when the kids are in school and day care im gunna go out side for a short walk around the block no matter how hard it is or how long it takes me...somethings gotta give soon|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 4, 2015, 12:48 AM|
|Its almost 3pm here! And today is day 6..lots of people say i shouldn't count days, for me its a great way of keeping track...managed a hamburger from maccas last night, probably not the most nutrious thing to eat but it was food good or bad...plus i ate a medium size cold tin of spaghetti... ( i love that stuff) id say i got 4 hours sleep in total last night. 1 of thoses hours was on the lounge...im praying for a little more tonight...i managed to do chores today vacume, a load of washing, dishes and a general pick up of stuff lying round...im pushing my self that little bit..im starting to get the trots today..new it wouldnt be too far away lol....anyway kids will be home soon and im sure they will want snacks...ill check back in tomoz!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 6, 2015, 7:17 AM|
|End of day 8! Must say im feeling a little better..im able to move around alot easier now, although my chest feels heavy sometimes..my appetite is coming back..i have 2 big cold sores..id say from my body withdrawing and me not eating properly, hopefully they dont stay around too long, they are very sore...im still not really thinking about having pills, after they way i felt last week im not surprised..although i know the time will come, and that will be the real test! For now i still ride the wave of my body adjusting to life without pills...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 7, 2015, 5:19 PM|
|Beginning of day 10 today! Still a little on the unmotivated side. Sleeping better, although i have been waking up early!! Appetite is back..my mood is still low...i have the trots now also... Overall though i must admit im definitely starting to feel better...soon i will need to find a differnt direction in life to take...my life used to revolve around pills...everyday i was off to a different chemist, sometimes id drive around for ages getting them...then it was smash a heap back in the car..then home to sit on the lounge or take the baby somewhere for an hour before the need to sit and sleep became a priority...it was a terrible way to live...i certainly do not want to go back there...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 10, 2015, 8:16 AM|
|End of day 12☺
The thought of pills makes me feel so ill, there is no way i want to feel like i did last week again...that was pure hell, and i hated it..i feel like most of the physical withdrawals are gone now..i still feel a little sluggish, but i reckon thats just life. I have the trots a little but overall its not to bad, hubby is home for a while..he got work close to home..not sure how thats gunna go...im so used to him not being here..ive lived with him not around for almost 3 years...having him here all the time will be a big adjustment...im sure we will work it out though...im almost at my record of days clean...15 is the longest ive gone..i have a feeling that im gunna blow it out of the water...anyway its 10.30 pm here...time for bed! Ill post more in a day or 2☺
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 11, 2015, 10:25 PM|
|2 weeks today!! Wow...still have no desire to have pills....i just feel so damn tired all the time..im getting enough sleep now..im in bed by 9/9.30 pm and up most mornings at 6.30 am thats 9 hours sleep!! Im not sure what it feels like to be completely normal and ok..ive been on pills for a long time...hopefully in thr next month or so, i will finally feel it!!. For now though, i will just plod along and know that im winning this fight!!. Im having a night out tonight for my cousins 40th birthday! Im looking forward to socialising with everyone...its not often that we all get together! Should be a great night...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 15, 2015, 5:47 PM|
|18 days today!! The longest clean time i have ever had!! Im feeling pretty good these days..i have moments of tired, but i think thats just life in general! Ive been trying really hard to get work, but still nothing! It can get pretty dishartning at times...but im not giving up on it...its school holidays here soon...so i do plan on doing lots of fun exciting things with the kids...normally i dont because im a zombie...but not this time...my husband has work close to home for now and it means he is home everynight..im not used to it and i feel like he gets under my feet...i think i like it better when he is away!! That sounds bad but its a big adjustment when for years he isnt here then all the sudden he is....|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 18, 2015, 4:48 PM|
|3 weeks today!! WOW...and i feel pretty darn good too! Its definitely been a long road, and i know i still have a long way to go, but im happy with where i am!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 22, 2015, 4:58 AM|
|I find myself thinking less and less about N+. Not saying that i never think about it, sometimes i do, and the times that i do, well they can be tough times. The thoughts do not last very long, Im glad i dont have them often. I think i feel pretty normal these days, although, im not really sure what normal feels like! Its like, is this normal or semi normal? Will i one day feel better than i feel now? If so then great, if not then thats ok because i feel pretty good. Started a new job yesterday...its hard work, but its a job and for now i think its a good thing....we could use the extra money....its school holidays now and its been constantly raining...i was hoping to get out and about with the kids...mayb next week...im so glad i have the energy and motivation to do things with the kids.....|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 September 25, 2015, 4:22 AM|
|Today has been a bad day in the way of cravings! All i have been thinking about is how nice it would be to just have a box of pills...Just one box to get that euphoric feeling...i know its a bad idea and i havent given into temptation, but geez i really wanted to! Tomorrow will be 4 weeks clean...i cannot believe it!!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 November 22, 2015, 6:33 PM|
|Ok so i went down hill again. Today is day 2....i wonder how many more times i will do this...believe me i want to stop..i just dont know how...i got a littlw over 4 weeks clean last time...i just hope this is the time i make it all the way.|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 November 24, 2015, 5:30 AM|
|End of day 3...not sure that i should be writing on here just yet...its very early days...but i do think the early days are easier than the later days....i read on here from an old timer, whos advise, i really do take on board. He says that getting clean is the easy part! Staying clean is the hard part and boy oh boy is he right...without the right tools behind me i dont know how to cope after a few weeks clean...its very scary...anyway just for my own personal record my symptoms are...im not feeling as bad as last time...im unmotivated but i can get up and move around fairly easily...not for long though...i have the trots a bit too...sleep seems to be ok...i touch wood that its easy tonight..im off to bed now...will post in a day or so.|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 November 27, 2015, 7:21 PM|
|Day 7...Not sure what to do with myself...my days are not the same, normally im driving round buying pills from far and wide...then home to sleep on the couch...unless im at work of course....im feeling only slightly sluggish...and im starting to get my appetite back...plus i now have the trots...gastro stop helps....i slept last night for almost 7 hours...imsomia is diminishing....my husband comes home tonight hes been gone a week, he is only home for a night and day but at least i can see him....god i cant wait..ive missed him alot...the past week has just beem very emotional due to the no pills...anyway ill keep fighting the good fight|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 11, 2016, 4:49 AM|
|I feel like im off my head atm...im determined to kick this s***, even if its not this time!! Im day 3 today and i managed a day of work...didnt think i could do that....when i got home i slept on the lounge for an hour...now to do it all again tomoz....im hoping that having big days and being exhausted will help with my sleep tonight...because i cant face tomorrow on no sleep...it will be the worst...anyway all the usual symptoms mostly no energy, flat and tired..trots are starting and my appetite isnt big....just trying to keep my head above water atm...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 12, 2016, 6:18 AM|
|Work today was a struggle! I have no idea how im going to work tomorrow! One thing that will see me through will be the three days off i have...hopefully this terrible lethargy feeling has somewhat gone or at least died right down! I just feel like im dragging myself round at the moment...its sheer bloody hell...i still have the runs and wrestles leg syndrome is a shoocker! I pray that this all fades quickly...i know i still have at least a week 2 at most of hardcore hell to endure! So heres to another clean day!!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 13, 2016, 4:41 PM|
|This time round is a struggle...its day 5 today and i can barely move around! Its like my life force has been sucked away, i didnt manage to stay at work yesterday as i just wasnt coping...i hope this passes quickly...all i want to do is bloody sit...Insomnia is also a pain..and restless legs...i just want to sleep at night! Im not feeling like pills which is a plus! I have the runs and not a big appetite...i know i need to eat good food and drink lots of water, but its a struggle!!! I have anxiety like never before, i dont want to take my tablets though, they make me sluggish aswell! For now i will take ot one day at a time!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 15, 2016, 6:40 AM|
|End of day 6 today...Still zero motivation and energy! I still feel like im dragging around an elephant. Insomnia is still a costant companion, i think to myself that i dont want to feel like this...just have pills, then u will be rite...but no way...ive come so far...surely i wont feel like this forever....im getting an appetite back though..ive been eating reasonably ok...im trying to eat mainly fresh foods but im craving sugary sweet stuff all the time!!! Im off to bed now..i hope i get some much needed sleep!!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 18, 2016, 4:31 AM|
|End of day 9 clean of N+. Im still feeling on the unmotivated side...i have been to work the past 2 days and it seems to be helping, although i feel very tired once i stop work and sit! All the other wds seem to be fading...i dont have the runs as much, i seem to be getting to sleep fairly easily, but if woken through the night its hard to get back to sleep! My appetite is back three fold...i just want to eat!!! Trying to.pace myself though as i have lost a fair bit of weigh from the pills, i dont want to put it back on in a hurry...i hope to get thru the next few days comfortably...hubby will be home tonught so i have been looking forward to it all day...something to focus on i suppose...anyway time to organise the kids...|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 19, 2016, 6:51 AM|
|Im still feeling very flat! Im no where near as motivated as i would really like/need to be! I have been feeling dizzy lately too, i get very bad head spins when i stand up...and i dont think im getting up to quick! I have a huge appetite at the moment... (kinda scary)..sleep is still the same, ok to drift off but if woken then struggle to get back to sleep!! No other wds are around though..which im greatful for...i also have no desire to have pills....|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 27, 2016, 4:23 AM|
|Finally starting to feel semi human, end of day 18!
Not really sure what drives or pushes me to keep going, all i know is i cant take any steps backwards, its had to be forward from here!
I have had many a day where all i have wanted was to hit the chemists, hell im having those thoughts now...
But i ask myself
Is it worth a 5 minute high?
Is it worth a sickly.feeling.aftewards?
Is it worth the risk of not being able to stop at just 1 box?
Is it worth it to just go thru sheer hell again?
My answer is NO to all of these.
Plus its not worth it to myself...ive worked hard to get here and im not going back...
|Posted by: tryinghard2 October 11, 2016, 5:07 PM|
|It's been 16months since I last wrote here and I'm not writing good news! It's been 16 months of pills pills and pills. But as it's getting a lot harder here in Australia to buy them I've decided now it's the best time to quit. I'm about 60 hours clean about 2 and a half days... it's terrible, but I knew it would be. I just have to ride it out. It will take me roughly 2 weeks to feel semi normal, man I've got a long way to go! It's my own stupid fault.. I started taking mirtazapine before kicking it this time to help with the anxiety, low moments and sleep. Hopefully it helps. I took it the last few times right as I was stopping and it hadn't had a chance to work properly..made my life hell... anyway all the usual are here sluggish, no appetite, gastro, shakes, just want to sit. Howell here we go again.|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 31, 2017, 6:03 PM|
|Back again! Day 3 no nurophen+
It's so hard now getting here in Australia! Soon it will be prescription only, I have no choice but to stop! I have gotten a new job which I start next week, I need to be focused and semi normal! I'm on holidays at the moment, we have come away, I decided to stop taking them while I'm away! Mainly because I'm just sitting by the pool or seimming a lot! I don't have to do to much, which many of you know, when withdrawing doing things is almost impossible for the first week! Well at least for me.., I'm not feeling to bad though, so here's hoping I get thru this.
There are only 3 places I can get pills and they are all getting pretty sus, so I'm hoping this is the end for me
|Posted by: tryinghard2 December 26, 2017, 8:21 PM|
|It’s been almost 3 years since my very first post! And in those 3 years I have still failed to quit N+ but alas, the end is in sight! In Australia on the 1st of Feb N+ goes prescription only!! Finally about bloody time- I think this is the only thing that’s gunna save me! It’s 2 days after Xmas, my kids are away and I’m in full blown withdrawal mode!! Day 3, it’s hard as hell! I knew it would be. But it’s now or never!! I have lost so much because
Of these god damn pills and because I’m weak- my marriage is at the end of the tether, my husband is sick of me always being tired and wanting to sleep! I can’t tell him my secret- we have separated twice already! He is a great man, does everything for me and I treat him like s*** because I’m numb!! Fingers x I get over the line this time, because of I don’t I have no idea what will happen to me!
|Posted by: tryinghard2 December 29, 2017, 4:44 PM|
|Day 6, lots of symptoms- I’m trying to eat well and drink lots of water! Kids come home today, but I’m moving around reasonably well so that’s a plus!! I feel heavy in the chest still! Sleep is ok I doze off after a while but I’m waking up very early 5.30 am!! I have had a few Valium to help get thru the first few nights but didn’t have any last night and sleep was ok!! Here’s hoping the worst of it is over, I certainly don’t expect to stop taking pills after 5 years and just feel fabulous, I know that’s not how it works!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 3, 2018, 6:04 AM|
|Managing to get through the days with just a few symptoms. Still have slight gastro! Feel a little heavy in the chest, and insomnia is hanging around a little!! I toss and turn for about an hour then I doze off, if I’m woken it’s hard to get back to sleep! I have a few Valium but prefer not to use them!! It’s the end of day 10- CRAVINGS are bad, although in 4 weeks it goes to script only- I have to do this I have no choice- and I know that taking pills now, means feeling like s*** a lover again for another week- I don’t want that at all!! So I just take it day by day for now!! Hopefully the days get easier the longer I’m clean!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 5, 2018, 5:48 PM|
|Day 13 today!! Feel like I’m back at the start- no energy, zero motivation! I’m just so flat!! The past few days have seen me feeling pretty good, hopefully this feeling passes and I pick up pretty soon! It’s going to be hot today so it’s definitely a day for the pool! I have the weekend off so I’ll keep busy with the kids! May go for a ride on the scooters around the lake- see how things pan out! I’m trying to eat healthy and drink plenty of water, which is definitely flushing my system! I long for the days where this is way behind me!! Untill then it’s still one day at a time as cravings are still strong from time to time! But I need to stay focused and positive!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 January 9, 2018, 4:05 PM|
|17 days clean today! Feeling pretty good lately, started up at the gym. Trying to focus all of my energy into something other than wallowing in my own self pity! Cravings are real and a constant reminder that this addiction is much bigger than I thought it was! But that’s ok because I still just take one step at a time!! Being back to work is also great, it keeps me busy while being tied somewhere, as apposed to when I’m home with the kids!! Even been clean longer than this before, and i can’t say i will never take take another pill again, but I can say that right now I won’t! And that’s about all I can do for now!! It’s harder than I thought it would be!! I guess being addicted for around 5-6 years means it’s gunna take more than me deciding to just quit and walk away!! It’s gunna take time and hard bloody work!! I’m ready to face that head on!!|
|Posted by: tryinghard2 February 3, 2018, 3:25 AM|
|I caved again! Day 2 today, so here we go again! Hopefully it’s not too bad this time round!
Time will tell, I’ll check back in in a few days! Give my head time to settle!