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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Help|
|Posted by: judys0809 October 1, 2019, 5:09 PM|
|My husband has a daughter that is a drug addict, alcoholic, living on the streets. She has been arrested a couple times, she goes in and out of rehabs. He worries so much about her and it makes him hurt so bad inside that I can just see how miserable he is. He has a hard time being around other people because he hurts. Any advice on how I can help him?|
|Posted by: Sallyanna October 1, 2019, 10:35 PM|
|Hi Judy and welcome. I think it's great you want to help your husband. Its very painful to have a child with an addiction as you see with your husband. I think being there for him if he wants to talk about it, maybe encourage him to go out a bit or invite some friends over for dinner and a game, understand he may not feel up to doing certain things and respect his feelings. Its hard to articulate how awful this is to other people...Its very sad and heartbreaking and it never goes away.|
|Posted by: judys0809 October 2, 2019, 10:51 AM|
|Thank you so much for your reply. It is so hard to see him go through this. I have to say at least when she's in jail or in a rehab we know she's being fed and has a roof over her head. It's really hard when we don't know where she's at. We really don't know what to do if she contacts us. We have taken her in and tried to help and she just stole from us and left after about a month. If she goes into a rehab it seems like she runs away. She has been diagnosed with bipolar but she is not medicated. I just pray for her and I pray for my husband because he is so hurt on the inside.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida October 2, 2019, 6:40 PM|
|Hi Judy, I understand about not wanting to socialize. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the energy and that I don’t have anything in common with others, or lost the ability to keep up with a conversation. Once I get out and do something I do feel better. I do like being at home so it is hard for me to go out and do things, easier to stay home.
Maybe find local things to do, movie, hiking, a hobby you both like, designate one day a week or a weekend each month, ask him to pick something he wants to do, or a place to go see.
Something that helped me recently was to watch YouTube videos about recovery and addiction. It helped me understand that there is little I can do. Watching videos on the subject reinforces that we are Making the right decisions for us and for them.
My only other suggestion is to look for recovery centers in your step daughters area, make a list or pick up pamphlets and give to her when she calls asking for help. There is help for them in social services. They have to be willing to make the effort to contact places, make appointments and show up.
Having a child in active addiction does hurt. At times physically feeling like your heart is breaking. Sadness for your self and sadness for your child, that they are not able to have the life you wished for them. There is a term for it. Something like extended grief. It is a deep grief like they have died, but they haven’t so the grief stays current.
|Posted by: Parenting2 October 6, 2019, 8:59 PM|
|Yes, I understand being so hurt that I didn't want to go out.
I would say just be there for him, ask him if he'd like to talk about it, maybe ask to go for private walks together or some other private outing where you won't have to talk to others. Maybe go to Al Anon or Nar-Anon together occasionally. Or, if that is too much, you could maybe read a book or inspirational book together (just a short blurb each night). Something like this:
There are tons of things out there. I just like these two books. It is a very short daily reading that could maybe give you both a shared connection to think about or discuss.
I am really sorry that you, your husband and all of us have to go through this.
|Posted by: Beezy December 4, 2019, 8:20 AM|
|Reach out to God. Prayer is powerful. I’m proof. Every addict has their own “rock bottom” but all addicts are alike in one way. Something happened like trauma or death, or pain that they are trying to numb. If you can get them in therapy that would help more than most people think. God bless|
|Posted by: HopeMom December 4, 2019, 8:05 PM|
|My heart breaks for any parent that has had to suffer this pain of having a child with a addiction. I have lost years off my life worrying about my son. It’s sad the only rest or peace we do get is when they are in rehab or jail (and that scares me to some points too for him).
I keep praying and hoping that this time in jail or this time in rehab will be it- the moment he realizes that he has to get and keep sober.
My prayers are for everyone to have the same hope.