Need Your Input Con
Posted: May 30, 2017, 10:02 PM

Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016


I know you aren't on the family board anymore, but on this one occasionally ,and I am asking you to read my posts on the fam board.

Could really use your advice and perspective on recent posts!

Miss your input cause was so supportive and helpful to me regarding my son from your point of view.

Hope all is getting better with you and would really appreciate your input!!

Please think about it---


This post has been edited by duchesschama on May 30, 2017, 10:03 PM
Posted: June 3, 2017, 4:26 PM

Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008

Hey D,
Sorry but I just read this today....lots of posts going on over there...what am I looking for ? Is it the thread about never getting better ? Cuz we do D....we do.... just..sometimes...our expectations. ..our reality of clean or well can be very different from a non addicts expectation or reality of clean ...its an ongoing thing....there isn't really an end's a long cycle that ebbs and flows ....don't get so wrapped up in your own or societies perception of how to define clean...or what it is... .love your son ...not by measuring his ability to always stay away from his addiction . ..but maybe how he is coping with it...his behaviors toward you he managing?...respectful? ...if he's handling things don't need to know about his monkey and its circus..unless he's exhibiting behaviors that are obviously not acceptable ....cuz you know...its not your battle. ..we all handle the monkey differently....and our perception of clean can be a very different mind set from yours...stop wondering if we are or not...stop the worry...we learn to cope if you let us...we do get clean D...we our own ways...

Remember ...your expectations of what we should be...or of how things should be ...are yours..


Ps...did your old man really drive the car through the wall ? crap one hurt though...right ? ..if my spouse did that...after I was done being scared...then angry...I would have to laugh until I cried...damn !!!

This post has been edited by constantine on June 3, 2017, 5:18 PM
Posted: June 3, 2017, 9:50 PM

Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016

yup-- he did drive through the garage! No one got hurt but what a big hole in the garage wall and into my 15 y/o sons bedroom closet! Hell to get old and I know my husband was really mortified!
He has peripheral neuropathy and can't feel his feet. I did get angry first but then laughed after I realized how many elderly people drive through stores or into them.

Thanks for answering me--I always feel better after reading your responses!!

I am still getting texts from my son and says how bad off he is --no money, no gas, no food, no place to live--living in his car, etc. Always hard for me to hear but I am getting better at my responses. He looked pretty bad when he came to our house several days ago and when we didn't give him any money --just a few clothes we had (he only had what was on his back)-- he left but text later and wasn't nice at all. Cussed us out and complained about how we have never had to live the way he does and how hard it is to have lived like he has. How we don't care and are bad parents and all we care about is ourselves!

Anyway as you say not my circus!!


Posted: June 4, 2017, 12:07 AM

Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008

Yep...getting old ain't for sissies....

Ahhh. he popped back in and did the same dance again huh ? thought I read a ways back he had paid his bills ...and was working.'s a cycle step forward and two steps've got to make sure your not doing your same dance with him...your behaviors need to be steady and as loving as you can manage. know when it's time to turn the phone not to engage when were spiraling.'s a hard process...we're good at self Sabotage. know what to do...stay the on yourself ...put the ball back in his court....let him play it out...and always know that when his behaviors get personal's the desperation talking. ..don't give in...and don't engage in the anger....underneath all the crap an crazy we do love you all ....the life takes its toll on us even when we lash out and try to hurt...were usually tired and angry at ourselves ...but we have to come to that conclusion on our own....he may always be in the life on some's what we know...feel comfortable in...and is familiar to us.'s hard to leave ...he might b**** about it. ..but it's what he knows. ..and after a long's just easier than having to learn how to adjust and fit in to what is called acceptable society...he knows what he needs to do...if he wants to...there's always a good dose of outlaw in most of us to begin with anyways ....he's a survivor on many levels...let him know you have faith he'll figure it out and can do whatever it takes if he wants a different life...his guilt...his monkey. ..his circus..his always...let go...set your boundaries. clear on what behavior you won't accept and love us as best you can...

This post has been edited by constantine on June 4, 2017, 12:39 AM
Posted: June 4, 2017, 1:04 PM

Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016


yes --you were right when you said in a previous post on fam board that he will come around and his pattern was around 2-3- months and then repeat of same old diatribe.

It really helps me to get your input and it keeps me on track. It helps me to stay strong in my enabling addiction recovery! I know it is the only way if my Chris is to ever change his life.

Thanks for responding--miss having your posts!

(((HUGS))) Lori

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