Expecting Overdose Phone Call
Posted: August 11, 2016, 1:48 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: August 11, 2016

My younger sister is a parent of 4 beautiful children and has been an addict for 11 years. I have 4 nieces and nephews ages 12, 10, 10 and 4. Her boyfriend (father of the kids) is a dealer. They have lost custody of all kids through children administration and I have been dealing with the fall out from my sister's addiction. I have her 4 year old son with me this week and have been feeling very sad. It is an ambiguous loss, like a nightmare of dealing with a slow death of my sister. Every day, I expect to finally get that phone call that she killed herself on an overdose. So far that call has not come through. Taking lots of pictures of my nephew so she can have pictures of the time she missed.

For today and the near future I am not talking to my sister because I need to take care of me. I am also afraid I may not see my other nieces and nephew that I dearly love because of the complications of the child custody arrangements with the other side of the family. And my sister has been triangulating the family and there has been a lot of drama and poison that I cannot be involved with, so out of self care and consideration for the well being of myself and my own kids I have decided not to be take custody of the kids. And am very sad about the fact that I have lost my relationship my nieces and nephews and sister.

For today, I am dealing with sadness and anger. Trying to not allow my sister's addiction and worry to offset my serenity and it is easier said than done.
Posted: August 11, 2016, 6:24 PM

Posts: 454
Joined: August 4, 2015

Yet another example of how drug addiction affects the whole family. I think you're on the right track, just thinking about taking care of you and concern over your nieces and nephews. Would it help to write a letter to the family members caring for the kids? Even if you can't have direct contact with the kids, you could write them all letters as well. I'm sure they are needing all the love and support they can get. I'm the mother of an addict. The only thing I can think of that would be worse is having your parents be addicts. I can't imagine the lack of stability. I wish you the best of luck. Your nieces and nephews are lucky to have you.

Posted: August 11, 2016, 8:34 PM

Posts: 1509
Joined: June 27, 2016

Of course you are correct to detach in order to bring sanity back to your life and focus on your family. You are also correct to want to be a part of your sister's children's lives.

You can help from a distance by sending birthday and holiday cards and being available to do something with the kids as needed and by staying in touch with the family in a unbiased way. Just as you are doing.

Even if you are not in every day of their lives, they will know you are there and that they are loved. When they are over 18 they may rekindle a relationship with you.

Yes, it is sad, no doubt about it.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on August 11, 2016, 8:35 PM
  top of page  Top