Let Me Fall All By Myself ...
Posted: October 23, 2010, 11:51 AM


Posts: 30
Joined: October 18, 2010



I'm a newby - I read this. The face smack on the pavement scares me. You are a true happy ending story though I know it is ongoing process for you- I pray my son is enlightened soon.
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Posted: October 30, 2010, 2:46 PM


Posts: 1901
Joined: December 25, 2007



bump up so new people can read this

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For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I am a recovering codependent, and mother of a recently relapsed drug and alcohol addicted (20 year addiction) adult daughter.

Thinking we are in control of anything or anyone else but ourselves is an illusion. And actually we have very little control over what happens to us as well. What will happen will happen. So let go & let God. This is my path to serenity. What happens if we just let go of what we "think" we are controlling? The world keeps on turning and life goes on. I trust that the Lord Jesus will bring me through what He brings me to.

Take what you need & leave the rest.

I sometimes have bad days. That's ok, I used to have bad years.

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jesus loves us.

LAFFStore
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Posted: October 31, 2010, 2:25 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: October 30, 2010



thanks for sharing its so true >>Blackroses mum
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Posted: January 18, 2012, 3:54 AM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 18, 2012



To fall alone......I don't understand. Please explain.
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Posted: January 18, 2012, 11:15 AM


Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007



Only the addict can decide to stop the free-fall and get clean. Every time someone steps in and does something for the addict that s/he can and should do for himself, we remove and opportunity to learn from the consequences of actions. For the codependent parents here it is essential that we stop rescuing and enabling...we cannot save them...we can only save ourselves. You can try a hundred ways, say a hundred things, pay hundreds of thousands of dollars and not one smidgen of it will change anything until the addict wants to get clean...pretty simple actually.

Peace ~ MomNMore

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: January 18, 2012, 11:44 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



QUOTE
but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well.


Speaking as an addict in recovery, this was huge for me, I needed to feel the pain, every bit of it and it had to hurt bad for me to want to change.

I love this poem, it is so dead on.

This post has been edited by 24Gordon on January 18, 2012, 11:46 AM

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Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: March 8, 2012, 10:13 PM


Posts: 699
Joined: May 19, 2005



Bump for my friend who needs this right now.
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Posted: April 4, 2012, 10:40 AM


Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007



bump for OPT
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Posted: November 1, 2012, 6:34 AM


Posts: 2
Joined: October 18, 2012



Hi all, I am brand new here and this post was exactly what I needed to hear today.

Ive been feeling like an absolute monster for taking my little sister's kid from her and putting it through court in order to make it legal. This was purely out of protection for the little one, and because while the little one is with her my family and I would continue enabling the drug use by supplying necessities, because we fear for the well-being of the little one.

So now that the little one is safe, my thoughts turned to my little sis. Where is she and how can I help (especially now that she in her life will not talk to me again as I did the worst thing possible). You see I know that I have my own dysfunction and that is to be the "rescuer" of everyone that I love. Thank you for sharing and now I know that she is in the Almighty's hands and I will pray, pray and with prayer and pettition bring her before the King each and every day! She still is His beloved too!

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Posted: November 1, 2012, 11:09 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Welcome Faith.

Glad you found us~
xoxo
Stacey

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Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: November 1, 2012, 1:41 PM


Posts: 1
Joined: November 1, 2012



I find this hard to buy. We have just discovered that our 22 year old daughter with a love child of 3 is into this.

We immediately removed care of the child from her and it has broken hearts and tore a family apart, but if we left the child their with mama, she might have died.

The same with the daughter who is our next focus.

How can we just leave her on a path of self-destruction without at least trying some intervention?
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Posted: November 1, 2012, 9:36 PM


Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007



Welcome Faith and Onthehunt.

QUOTE
I know that I have my own dysfunction and that is to be the "rescuer" of everyone that I love.

Me, too, that's how I landed here in 2007 after years of trying to rescue my daughter. The more I spent/did/fixed/helped, the deeper she fell...but when I finally got out of her way she saved herself. My story is here on these boards, as are hundreds of others...some have unhappy endings, such is the nature of addiction. We believe as parents we are supposed to step in front of every speeding train that threatens to run them down when the truth is that the more we shield, the less they learn and the longer the process draws itself out. There is much for them to learn from their addiction and its consequences and when we rescue the only learning is in better understanding how to manipulate us...that's what we teach.

onthehunt, the child needed rescuing because she cannot care for herself, your daughter is perfectly capable of doing so should she have to and choose to. Is this a new thing, this addiction? What is her drug of choice and how long has it been an issue? What have you done about it up to now? If you have already been involved in trying fix and rescue to no avail, time to step aside. If this is a first effort, you will find out whether or not she wants to get clean pretty quickly. Remember that there free resources out there for anyone who looks for them - NA/AA are everywhere, there are detoxes and sober houses and Salvation Army programs, and all manner of other resources should she seek them out. If on the other hand YOU seek them out and she goes to get you off her back, or if you pay for a designer rehab that she is not ready for and doesn't want, chances are good she will not stay clean. They need to work as hard on getting and staying clean as they did on getting and staying high. Addicts are pretty resourceful people, especially at getting those who love them to jump through hoops. Better she should fall now and pick herself up than she should still be struggling to learn this 10 or 15 years hence....remember this was written by an addict and plenty of our addicts-in-residence say it's right on...they should know. Now I'll bump up a thread for you called "Things That Don't Help"...see if you recognize yourself.

Peace ~ MomNMore



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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: May 17, 2013, 6:27 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: May 17, 2013



This is awesome. As a former addicted, still very much in recovery, this hit home for me to remind me of where I came from. It does get better. I am now dealing with my husbands addiction to opiates. Not fun. It's so hard not to want to save him, but you reminded me that I had to go to the bottom and so will he.
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Posted: July 5, 2013, 11:20 PM


Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007



bump
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Posted: July 27, 2013, 1:21 PM


Posts: 10
Joined: July 21, 2013



I ask myself many times how do I help the one that I love help themselves. I wrack my brain trying to figure it out, the answer is right here.

This is truely amazing.
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Posted: January 1, 2014, 10:11 AM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 1, 2014



Amazing!!! Bump...
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Posted: July 10, 2014, 9:32 AM


Posts: 1
Joined: July 10, 2014



Hi I'm new to the site and have been enabling my son for 10 years. I like every other parent on hete love my son with all my heart. I feel so guilty gor his addiction and my biggest fear of all is that he is going to die. I have scenarios of his funeral play out in my mind it is absolute torturer.

I know in my heart what I now need to do but it scares me so much. My son is in prison more than he is out. And after doing a 15 month sentence and coming off his methadone (his own choice). However he couldnt cope on the outside and was back in prison within 9 days for being in possession of heroin.

Reading your letter confirms what I already know I must do but how do I find the strength to do it.

Cat (Scotland)
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Posted: July 10, 2014, 5:25 PM


Posts: 26
Joined: August 13, 2011



I'm only a little embarrassed to admit that for me it wasn't about strength at all. It just finally hurt too much to keep doing it the way I had been. Like with my then addicted daughter, the consequences of my actions were more than I was willing to suffer, so I started acting differently. On that point, I think there was nothing I could do to get there, it just had to happen.
But I also had to come to believe, not say, but believe in my heart, that she might die and there was nothing I could do about it. For that, I worked on feeling one way and doing something else, like feeling afraid but doing things anyway. Feeling angry and acting calmly. Feeling disappointed, and acknowledging that, but not making it others' problem. I taught myself that my feelings didn't need to equal my behavior, I had choices. Baby steps led to bigger steps, and I got there. Counseling helped.
Good luck, write more if you want.
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Posted: July 16, 2014, 1:48 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: July 15, 2014



What a beautiful sentiment, I am drenched in tears. I can no longer fault those who left me to my self, to read it as the poet states is just perfect to me.
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Posted: September 2, 2014, 8:52 AM


Posts: 1
Joined: September 2, 2014



but what happens if they do not fly, if they crash and die? I had my son at 16 years old and he is the reason I am where I am today. Without him, I have no reason to continue fighting and might as well jump with him
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