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Message Board > Other Addictions > Masturbation


Posted by: helpmeplease January 14, 2009, 2:08 AM
i cannot stop masturbating and it is driving me nuts, i want to be free of it, it makes me feel guilty and ashamed and dirty and whilst i enjoy it at the time i cannot stop the cylce, i may go a few days maybe even a month but then its back again.. anyone have any clues as to how i can stop, i deeply desire to stop this.
Iam 49 and have been doing it off an don since i was 17...
I am married and even though not sexually happy i dont wnat to leave my wife.
i have tow adult kids and I just wnat this out of my life once and for all PLEASE HELP ME...anyone ?

Posted by: helpmeplease January 19, 2009, 9:00 PM
isnt there anyoen who has any words of advice or help?

Posted by: helpmeplease January 20, 2009, 10:34 PM
judging by the amount of peopel viewing my plea...i reckon i am not th eonly one struggling with this habit or addiction. why dont we try and help each other?

Posted by: lynn77 January 20, 2009, 11:44 PM
Why do you think its dirty and wrong? Its a totally natural thing to do in my opinion. What has you so upset? I think most people do it on a pretty regular basis. You seem very distraught for a very normal act. As far as another "addict" coming along to help...I just don't see the harm in your behavior. Who do you think your hurting?

Posted by: helpmeplease January 28, 2009, 1:06 AM
i find it difficult for it goes agaisnt what i really value and hold as true.
i find that i get this urge and then I'm gone.. I hate it, something triggers me, and then i dont stop until i have acted this thing out for myself i know its not hurting anyone else, exceptthose who are involved in performing the porn stuff taht allures me, but it is hurting me, i wnat to stop and then i dont want to...can anyone help me shed some light oin my issue? even from another addiction point of view ?

Posted by: lynn77 January 28, 2009, 2:10 AM
As I said in my other post, what kind of answers are you looking for? You feel bad for people in porn? That is their choice to seek out a career in that industry. Its up to you if you want to watch stuff like that or not? If you are serious about having a problem go to a sex anonymous meeting or something similar. There is nothing anyone here can do for you. This is a message board. Your the one that needs to make the changes in your day to day life. I hope you find what you are looking for?

Posted by: tropical1 January 28, 2009, 12:33 PM
I don't believe that no one on this board can help you, addiction is addiction and the 12 step program can apply as well. There are people who get into trouble with porn and masturbation and it can and does ruin marriages. It does sound as if you are addicted and can not stop what you are doing. are you in the states? there are online resources also for sex addicts. masturbation would fall into that category. Please continue to post and if you want to stop there are resources. No one has really answered this post as I suspect they may believe that it is a joke or you are not serious.

Posted by: helpmeplease January 28, 2009, 5:25 PM
no way is this a joke.. I am having real trouble and embarrassed to go anywhere for help if i could get online help that woudl be awesome. I am for real I hate this thing which wont let go of me, its like when the thought comes I just cant stop it ..and after, I hate myself and YES i do feel dirty and horrible and cheap and I just dont wnat that anymore..I am not in the states am in Australia... and it does seem like no-one wanst to help and teh comments that i have had so far havent really helped, i dont need someone to tell me its ok... coz i dont feel like it is.

Posted by: tropical1 January 28, 2009, 7:40 PM
try this website www.sexaa.org, look thru the whole website before you say it is not for you ok?

Posted by: help2 February 1, 2009, 5:05 AM
Hi, I think I have this addiction too, I frequently masturbate more than once a day and often feel I can't hep my self. I have realised this is a problem and I am trying to sort it out, I am thinking of going to counselling and I have found this site that has helped me realise I am not alone.

Have a look at this - http://www.sexualcontrol.com/index.php

It might help, you can download 48 chapters of his book, although he does not go into detail on how to stop it has helped me think about my actions.

I am trying to get myself sorted out but I am finding it hard, Little steps seem to be the way. I hope you find help, I'll check back in to see how you are getting on mate... Don't despair your not alone.

Posted by: lightacandle February 18, 2009, 8:06 PM
To "helpmeplease" - It sounds like you have a porn addiction.

Posted by: Zipper February 19, 2009, 5:27 PM
Helpmeplease: I am sorry you feel that no one is helping you or understanding your addiction. Although I do not struggle with your addicition, I am an alcoholic & recovering bulimic. Though our addictions manifest differently, I understand behaviors that turn into an addiction and feeling like crap because the behaviors are dominating ones world.

Try looking online for any sites on porn addiction. If you are feeling guilty from the religious stand-point, your creed may offer some 12 step meetings for porn. At least the predominant religion in my area offers 12 step meetings for porn, alcohol, drugs, and any other addictions.

Wishing you some peace.

Posted by: trytohelp March 25, 2009, 5:10 AM
there have been no posts in here for awhile, so this may be fruitless.....but if your masturbation is against what you believe etc. maybe you should reevaluate what you believe. masturbation is 100 percent natural, even if you do it more than once a day. As for porn....as long as you are not looking at child porn, and everyone is of legal age of consent, there is no harm there either.

i am a female, who enjoys porn, masturbation, and has an active sex life with her partner....do what makes you feel happy when it comes to this, as long as it is not interfering with your life on a larger scale. If you are missing appointments, neglecting your loved ones etc......if you are locked in your room 24/7 you may have a problem, but from what you have posted i would say you are "normal".

;)

Posted by: One who knows April 3, 2009, 4:39 AM
there is something that really is a problem for most people, I have the same problem, though I do not look at porn, I truly dispise the stuff. But with the masturbation it is a true problem that you need to work out that I need to work out with ourselves, and the others around us. You said that you think that it is hurting no one but yourself, ok so before I go on I am going to tell you that I am doing what I am telling you to do as I am typing it out.

first lets think about who this is really hurting, true you are just one of the many that are. Some others can be your wife your children, those that are near and dear to your heart. they may or may not know what it is that you are doing but deep down inside they do know that you are being hurt in some way even if it is yourself that is doing the hurting.

Second talk to them, you said that you do not want your marrige hurt by this and well as for me I do not have that chance to have a family or really a spose for that matter but I do know that some day I will, and I truly comend you for wanting to keep that fire burning in your relationship. that will be the key in getting through is her, infact she is going to be the key for you. someone that you can turn to and talk to whenever you feel that you need to go and, well do it.

Third cut out all that is there that will pull your thoughts to going and doing your thing, find things to replace it and make them good wholesome things, you really can replace smokeing with drinking, and it is the same here, you can not replace looking at porn for something that may seem good but in the long run will end up having the same effect, if you need to get rid of the internet, or just put on some parental controls have someone ealse set the password so that you can't change any of the settings do anything to stop it before it begins.

please know that it is going to take some time and a lot of change for all of us that have this addiction but with the help of one another we can get things to work out the way that we want it too. tell ya what let me know what I can do for ya and I can say that I relly think that we can get through this together. now I am not one to really give out my e-mail to really anyone so if you fell that you need to talk to someone about anything just put a note here and I will write you back. Good luck to all of us!

Posted by: gobbleteller April 3, 2009, 5:46 AM
hi there.

I feel i am in the same boat at helpmeplease.

for weeks i can go without the porn and masturbation, and then something happens and i'm back on the wheel.

do you think that pron and masturbating are only a way of escaping a problem.

face facts, today its so easy to download thousands of pictures of naked girls etc. i have spent the last few days downloading several thousand pics.

then i will do my thing until my wife comes home. then if she's interested then i am not because i have been helping myself the whole day, which puts stress on our marriage.

if i dont get the opportunity then its fine. am i an addict or is this normal ?

Posted by: One who knows April 17, 2009, 3:24 PM
from what I have seen, yes all of it comes from unwanted stress that is somewhere in your life, and that could include that of trying to hide what you are doing. your solution I would think for a start could be to find a way to releve that extra stress, and also with the porn. get some type of block on it so that even if you do whant to look at it you can't or it makes it harder to do. the best way to stop a problem like this is to just avoid the sorce of it. Avoiding the porn and the masturbation will greatly improve your relationship with you wife and in the long run help you improve your mental and physical health.

Posted by: WillSucceed August 30, 2009, 4:00 AM
Lynn77 you need to be more careful with the advice you give. It doesn't matter why the poster wants to stop his problem. We shouldn't question him. It doesn't matter what he feels addicted to, even if it was an addiction to eating vegetables! If he wants help to stop then we need to sympathize and offer help.


Posted by: GreenSunshine September 30, 2009, 4:30 AM
I definitely in the same thought with ‘Will Suceed’ towards ‘Lynn77’. I think a little understanding instead of dismissing the person would be more beneficial. I, for one, definitely don’t see of this is ‘a normal act’. And I will explain.

No porn addicts ever care anything the people performing in porn – they can eat vegemite and I am sure ‘helpmeplease’, like other sex addicts, couldn’t careless. But it’s really the harm the sex addicts feel, see and know they are doing to themselves.

The harm could be: 1)wasting so much of their own time on porn, not to mention the money cost; 2)destroying their own values by participating in something that not only isn’t constructive in their lives but destroying/demeaning their real sex lives, especially to those important people in their lives; and, I think the most important of all, 3) the bad stigmas attached to having such regular habits – you think about it, nobody (black, white, blue or religious or not) ever wants to admit privately or publicly that they like masturbating with porn.

And yes, everyone here and elsewhere can help ‘helpmeplease’, including ‘Lynn77’! Contrary to ‘Lynn77’s comment ‘There is nothing anyone here can do for you’, everyone, including ‘Lynn77’, is already helping ‘helpmeplease’ by posting their views.

Posted by: James July 21, 2010, 3:52 PM
I have been addicted to lust, porn, sex and other variations for 25 years. I finally found help through Sexaholics Anonymous www.sa.org.

I have been free from acting out for over a year. Please talk to someone in SA if you really want to stop.

Posted by: DAVEY July 26, 2010, 6:01 PM
*post removed by moderator*

Posted by: Danny August 21, 2010, 4:35 AM
It's not nessecarily the religious who want to stop. There are plenty of practical, secular reasons too.

I don't like it because it takes up a lot of my time, & it can substitute a proper relationship- it's easy, very pleasurable, but on the whole it doesn't make me happy- it's kind of like drug use. Great at the time, but afterwards I feel depleted & lazy. After sex, the feeling is different.

Good luck stopping

Posted by: Gerrard December 15, 2011, 9:16 AM
Masturbation is healthy, everybody does it and its nothing to be ashamed of.

Posted by: Paul April 8, 2012, 11:44 PM
What I would suggest is having sex with your wife. She is available and must be willing to accept your advances. Make your sex life more exciting with your wife. I hope you would no longer resort to masturbation to release your sex drive. By the way it is not dirty to have masturbation. That is how we did it when we were young and growing up and with no sexual partners to have sex with.

Posted by: Sash April 21, 2013, 10:06 PM
Masturbation may be healthy and natural, but not if it is consuming your life. If you are then having problems when with a partner because you are so used to masturbating, or have desensitized yourself so sex does not feel so good any more you have a problem.

Posted by: Allison April 26, 2013, 11:42 PM
What are your beliefs or attitudes about the idea of God? I myself never appreciated the bible thumping "Jesus loves you but knock it off" crap and therefore ended up searching everywhere else for answers because I didn't want to be condemned for something I couldn't control. It wasn't until all other measures failed that I relented and sought after honest truth on my own directly from the source Himself that things turned around. And I'm not just talking addictions. Deep, dark things I have never told anyone else but Him about.

You mentioned how dirty and ashamed you feel because of it, and I can definitely relate to that.

There is a story in the gospels of a man who sought Jesus out, I believe he was a leper, and fell down on his knees and said, "Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean." And Jesus told him, "I am willing. Be clean." He wasn't telling him to go get clean, he was commanding His will into reality, and immediately this man's "uncleanness" left Him.

I can tell you from personal experience, I wasn't raised in some churchy environment by any means, He is willing. But it takes someone seeking Him out with every fiber of their being.

Anyway, I hope this isn't out of place and I hope no one feels like I'm swooping in like a vulture trying to rack up tally marks for a trip to heaven or something. That truly is not my intention. And most if not all 12 step/recovery groups will suggest you at least be open to a higher power's existence and willingness to assist you. This is the only thing that worked for me. I don't feel like I'm just resisting or suppressing urges all of the time, just trying to white-knuckle it to the finish line. I truly am free.

I sincerely hope you find some peace. I know it isn't fun to be tormented by these things. Best wishes.

Allison

Posted by: guest June 12, 2013, 11:40 AM
I agree that masturbation is natural -- but it can become an addiction and can interfere with your life. It has impacted my life, and as I go through recovery, I am finding out how much better life can be -- even after the consequences of my actions.

I have found that there are many organizations that can help. The first is SASH (the Society for Advancement of Sexual Health) and they have a ton of resources. If you think you might be a sex addict, check out http://www.sash.net/am-i-a-sex-addict

Also, there are many 12 step recovery groups available. Some of them have different philosophies, so look around and see which one fits your life best.

saa-recovery.org (Sexual Addicts Anonymous)
www.sa.org (Sexaholics Anonymous)
www.slaafws.org (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)
... (there are many more if you do a search)

Finally, I wish you the best and hope you are able to find the peace you deserve. This struggle is a tough one, but you can get yourself on the path you really want to be on. Good luck!

Posted by: Mike August 19, 2013, 8:24 PM
Well, f***!! if its so goddamned healthy and natural why don't I just crash on one of your sofas for a few years...don't worry I'm on Social Security and HEY I'm only 41 years old YIPPEEE!

Posted by: Mike August 19, 2013, 9:14 PM
I threw my left shoulder out cause I switched arms for "kicks"...no lie.

Posted by: theresearcher December 16, 2013, 12:06 AM
That's a tough one. I think that masterbation and pornography can cause problems. I use to have the same type of issue but i learned more about it and learned why these are so hard to overcome. And that alone helped me a lot. I found a very interesting article about this. I'll post it here if I can:http://truthofaddiction.com/pornography-is-a-perfect-drug-delivery-system/

Posted by: RecoveryAnita April 5, 2015, 12:36 AM
I know nobody has responded in awhile. but i to suffer from a masturbation addiction. its 1-2 times a day, everyday. usually looking at porn.

I have a healthy sex life with my Fiance, Theres no real other issues besides the fact i use masturbation to relieve my insomnia and in some cases, my Rage.

Stress reducing is a big one for me.

As a deterrent i tried to eliminate my options to get to doing it. Like throwing out my toys or access to the porn.

I unfortunately found i have a new problem.

Vibrator addiction. For a female, i guess it is all to real. For me, i cant orgasm without the pocket rocket. I just cant anymore. Unless its sex with the husband.


So believe me i understand your problem. its a worse addiction then most realize....

Posted by: Mslmgirl95 July 26, 2016, 12:43 PM
Hello. Firstly, i am so sorry if i got any mistakes in my sentence because i am from Malaysia.

For any people who are addicted in masturbation, i believe that masturbation is a bad addiction that will lead to depression, stress or feeling low self esteem.

Here I have some tips that i hope these will help you to get rid of the addiction. I hope it will help a bit.

1. Never be alone. Because you'll feel like trigger to masturbate when there are no people watching. Remember, never be alone alright?

2. Don't watch porn. the risk when you watched porn, is you will keep thinking about sex and for sure it will trigger to masturbate.

3. Keep yourself busy doing something beneficial. Travel around your country, join any social activities with neighbours, anything. Anything as long as you're in the right track.

Good luck !
xoxo. Mslmgirl.

Posted by: Guest83 November 18, 2016, 4:23 AM
Im 33 and my husband 34. We have sex once a month if im lucky!
I have cought him so many times masterbating to porn after turning me away saying he's too tired!
I have tried soooo many times talking to him about it in the last 4 yrs, but he gets angry at me and says
" i cant f*** u with that face"
If i have a long face it bcoz i make an effort everyday to look sexy for him and he never even notices!

Posted by: Guest83 November 18, 2016, 4:27 AM
So i would def get help bcoz its def not healthy on a marrige!
This will prob be what finishes us!
I have never cheated but have had horrible thoughts a few times!

Posted by: Libra August 18, 2018, 2:07 AM
Fortunately there is hope AND a solution.

If you feel you have a problem, there is a good chance you do. In my fellowship, not being able to stop masturbating, extra marital affairs, anonymous sex, watching porn....ect, that is a compulsive act. Let's call it an addiction, cause it is.

Solution? Get into a recovery group, a 12 step recovery group preferably. I recommend any "S" or sex recovery program. There is SA, SAA, SLAA which are the most attended. You will find many, many people with similar stories as yours. People who study this addiction say 10% of the population (on the low side) to 30% have some kind of sex addiction.

With the internet, you have any & all kinds of porn, some so disturbing it is amazing it is not shut down. This is the ONLY addiction I know of where you can be locked in a dark room and still act out.

If you are already familiar with your Higher Power/ AKA God, there are programs that have 12 step and are directly by name, tied to the Bible. That program is called Celebrate Recovery. Many churches/places have this program, as many places hold SAA, SA & SLAA meetings.

I have 7 years sobriety from a negative life of divorce, losing jobs, relationships, good friends and a home. If I can do it, ANYONE can.

So, look on the net for sex addiction recovery, the 12 step programs are free and work wonderfully IF YOU work it.

I also recommend therapy, just another angle to hit that addict who is hitting you at all angles!

I wish you luck, you can live a life free from porn, masturbation and sex addiction!