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Posted: December 25, 2016, 6:51 AM
Anyone else feeling really guilty because they haven't made contact with their son/daughter today? I thought I was doing really well u til about an hour ago and now I'm getting tearful and full of guilt. This will be the first year I haven't spoken to my son on Xmas day, I can't ring him because I know he will only beg for money, and I will feel even worse after speaking to him. I know he is probably having a terrible Xmas but only he can change that.
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: December 25, 2016, 9:21 AM
Don't know if this will help all that much....but...a terrible Christmas for us...is one without drugs...I wouldn't necessarily convince yourself he's having such a bad day... especially if you haven't heard from him...it would be the same whether you called or not...
Peac Con | ||
Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: December 25, 2016, 12:41 PM
It is hard to know what to do on a day like this one. I got out the photo album earlier and was remembering some happier holidays past. Not really a good idea. Some of what I am going through is adjusting to an 'empty nest' but the loss feels like so much more with my son.
We weakened last year and went to see him..3 hours round trip. We wanted to take him for lunch and took a few presents to make his day better because he was so depressed. Turned out all he wanted was money. He got mad when we said 'no' so he screamed at us and threw the presents at us. We were scared he would chase us in his car because he didn't want us to leave... not because he wanted us around but because we were leaving without giving him money. We drove home using back streets so he couldn't find us. One week later he didn't even know what gifts we gave him and didn't know where he left them. That was a pretty bad Christmas. That did it for me! This year he seems sober and sad again but he can't be trusted to be truthful. I just don't want him to think we don't care about him but also don't want to encourage him to come here and ruin the day even more. It is bad enough already. -------------------- BUGS | ||
Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: December 25, 2016, 2:32 PM
what Con said.. cant add anything cos she said it perfectly how it is
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Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: December 25, 2016, 3:30 PM
I gave my daughter presents and she was still in a bad mood. Didn't even pretend to be happy for her daughter when she showed her what she got for Christmas. Miserable! It's like a dark cloud hanging overhead. Don't feel guilty Mel. Your damned if you do something and your damned if you don't..Mel, Con, Bugs, Bonnie ..thinking of you all. Mary.
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Posts: 454
Joined: August 4, 2015
Posted: December 25, 2016, 6:39 PM
I agree...you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I talked to mine in rehab and he was in a decent mood but brought up that he is being released Jan. 20th and he doesn't know what he's going to do. "Everyone else in there has someone to go back to or at least a place to go". He didn't beg me for anything but he put it out there a couple of times to see if I'd make it my problem, which I didn't. I did suggest talking to one of his counselors about it, that's it.
If you really feel like he can't just accept a Merry Christmas phone call, then don't put yourself through it. Hugs, Michelle -------------------- Michelle | ||
Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015
Posted: December 25, 2016, 11:01 PM
Hi everyone. I must say my reply is the other way around. I'm the daughter of an addict. And I am an addict too. My mother and I both use together.. H is what we use. But, one Xmas while I was still an addict, I was visiting my dad. My dad and I had a good relationship. He never knew about my way of life. I never cussed, smoked or drank around him. I was always a totally different person. But on that Xmas, I stole from my lil sis Xmas money from my dad. To my knowledge they never found out. That was probably two or three Xmas's ago. And I'm so ashamed that I never went back. So when I got pregnant with my daughter, I told my dad when I was six months. Then told him I had just delivered. Til this day he has never seen my 20month old daughter. I myself haven't seen her since May 13 of this year . Because of my addiction. I haven't even spoken to my dad since she was born because, this is hard for me to say, because cps was involved the day after she was born. And I didn't want my dad knowing that side of my life. I hate holidays because I feel terrible. I miss my dad, step mom, lil brother and sister. Birthdays, thanksgiving, Xmas, Easter were all holidays I would spend the day with them. Now, I spend it alone in my room. I don't even like to get out to eat dinner with my mom's side of my family. They all know about my lifestyle now. So there's nothing to hide from them. But it kills me to miss my family this much and being full of guilt and shame that causes me to stay away. It's sad, completely utterly sad for me. I hate the holidays.!
-------------------- IT ONLY GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.! | ||
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Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: December 26, 2016, 4:08 AM
Babylove...the guilt sucks for both of us...but ...rattleing on top of it would make it worse...we use...and then we don't call...and even if we did...then what..?. .we still gotta use...if family calls...the guilt gets worse...and we'll use again and more....active addiction sucks....but if we're using its better than ratteling... u know that's a bad day....u also know...if we're using. ..ain't nothing gonna matter too much except making sure we got more....I get it though...we can drown in the shame at the same time. ..it's dark...peace BabyLove....sending smiles...stay sane...stay safe....your not alone...struggling through with you...
Con This post has been edited by constantine on December 26, 2016, 4:10 AM | ||
Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016
Posted: December 27, 2016, 12:25 AM
We went away for Christmas this year to the mountains in North Carolina just to get away and be able to enjoy the holiday with our 15 y/o without all the drama!
My 45 y/o son text me and said--"I haven't showered in a week and ate and I have no gas-- Merry F---ing Christmas!" Haven't responded or heard from him since. Got home today--still nothing or no word. Actually -- was peaceful and after unpacking and 2 glasses of wine I am going to bed--364 days till the next Christmas! I am over and out! Peace and hugs to all! Lori | ||
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Posted: December 27, 2016, 1:17 PM
My son called and didn't asked for nothing or did he lol. It was yeah I'm working and I'm the best. He probably is. Was a manger for years mouthing like starting at bottom again. He mentioned a car again and was sniffling away. I can't tell anymore from cold allergies or needing
But it was good to talked to him and yes I wanted to send him money as he knows his brothers Will received gifts. I cut the conversation short I didn't want to here about his life and how bad he think it is, honestly though it hurt to hang up. But I was at my sons house and didn't want to drag his brother into his first cheat his new home. So I did the ' suck it up buttercup ". Hope everyone has a great Christmas xx | ||
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Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: December 28, 2016, 9:33 AM
I am worrying about my son because I haven't heard anything from him since before Christmas. I have not texted him but he didn't text anyone in the family either. I would like to think he was busy having good clean fun with friends but it usually means something bad is about to happen and I am about to get a bad phone call.
This post has been edited by BugginMe on December 28, 2016, 9:40 AM -------------------- BUGS | ||
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Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016
Posted: December 28, 2016, 6:32 PM
Yup me too Buggin---haven't heard a word from him since the week before Christmas when he text me "Merry F---ing Christmas". I didn't respond but I am concerned since he usually has been texting once a week and saying no money, no work, no shower or food for a week.
I always think the worse and he made a comment before Christmas about if he was gone would i make sure his dogs weren't split up. I am trying not to let it affect me ,but it does and I have to keep working on letting go and letting God. I just wish he would text me and say--" Hey mom --I am working and I am making it and I am so sorry for all the crap I put you guys ,but I am changing and it will be better!" I pray everyday for this! Lori | ||
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Posted: January 1, 2017, 5:33 PM
Hi Lori
Any update on your son? You haven't mentioned him. How was your get away, Did you think of yourself :) My addict son kept calling but only because of holiday's he wants money but isn't directly asking me. I plead how poor I am lol and that I am working three jobs. Deep down there must be a bit of concern for me since he told me to find another job lolol!! One that didn't taxed me so much and I would make more money! Thanks J really appreciate your concern. Hope everyone had a great christmas and when the bells came last night made a resolution to be stronger and wiser. :) XX Sue | ||
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Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016
Posted: January 1, 2017, 7:38 PM
Hi Sue--
Well, I live in Florida too and it IS the drug capital of the world I think! Haven't heard from my Chris for 2 weeks since he text that he had no food, no shower, no money and Merry F---ing Christmas! I didn't respond and haven't heard a word since. I did text him "Praying for a better New Year for you! I love you!". Still no word back. If I am not bailing him out he won't communicate with me. Maybe it is for the better cause when he does I get really stressed out! It is what it is! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas a New Year! (((HUGS))) Lori | ||
Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016
Posted: January 2, 2017, 2:02 AM
My son will send these nasty texts, refusing to take any responsibility. He seems heartless. We actually had a good Christmas day but then spiraled down. He was very upset he did not receive cash (planned that way because we all know where it goes). Really rude about his other presents. Then, he received a small amount of cash from someone who doesn't know him well. He was OUT the door.
Anyway, so sad, our stories are all so similar. I can totally see him texting me "Merry F--- Christmas" when he is no longer living here. For sure will happen. :( | ||
Posts: 304
Joined: August 3, 2016
Posted: January 2, 2017, 7:19 AM
It's so very sad that our kids and loves one are like this. Drugs
Have such control over them. I truly know how much my son loves Me but the drugs are more important than anything right now. He Didn't even lie to me yesterday. He knows how bad things are. I'm sitting here bawling in the living rooom thinking of my poor cousin That died from an OD 2 days ago and praying this doesn't happen to Z. I'm so afraid he will be found with a needle in his arm. Praying for you all and your loved ones Hugs Paula | ||
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Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 2, 2017, 1:53 PM
Ugh - so sorry - so sad for your family.... This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on January 2, 2017, 1:59 PM | ||
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Joined: November 13, 2015
Posted: January 4, 2017, 3:01 PM
I just read your post, and I was feeling the same way on Christmas. It was the first time in 25 yrs that I wasn't with all of my children. My daughter tried to make me feel guilty, but I explained to her that I didn't have the strength to deal with any drama that day. I told her I love her, but I was hanging on a by a thread. It's so sad what our lives have come to, but we need to go on for the rest of our families. May we all find strength & hope.
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Joined: August 4, 2015
Posted: January 4, 2017, 4:02 PM
I read our stories over and over and think to myself, "We would never put up with anyone else treating us the way our addicts do." I think it's because we believe that they would never act like this if it wasn't for the addiction. I don't know though. My son has been this way for so long, I think this is his new normal. Even though he's clean at the moment and in rehab and not cursing at us or threatening us, I think it must feel very foreign to him to act like this. I lucked out and didn't have to have drama with him over Christmas because of him being in rehab but he's set to be released on the 20th. The last time I talked to him, he was saying that he can't wait to leave. He also said he is still working on step one and he got in trouble for chewing tobacco in his room. I know my son too well. He isn't taking this seriously. He's passing time and not really committed. I forsee him going back to jail. I don't think he'll complete all the requirements of recovery court. It's sad but it's his life. I can't deal with any of his stuff anymore. Like TPascalli said, "I'm hanging on by a thread."
Hugs to you all! Michelle -------------------- Michelle | ||
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Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: January 5, 2017, 12:20 AM
Hi Shell and Tp, I agree..it's a hell of a life!! We always give our addicts the benefit of the doubt and time and time again we get let down. You would think we would learn to stop building our hopes up. I'm sick of the lies,nasty attitude and the down right disrespect. Plus nothing ever changes for long. Just when I start trusting again and letting down my guard is when something always happens to spoil it all. My daughter is back on the heroin or cocaine. I don't know how long it's been going on but I'm sick of it and ready to wash my hands of her altogether. I knew before Christmas but I was damned if I was going to let it get in the way of having a nice Christmas for my grand daughter. So I put it on the back burner and played nice until the holidays were over. Any money she had went on dope and she bought her daughter nothing!! My GD's father never got her anything either, he's an addict too. How utterly disgraceful to have a mom and dad like these two eh? Can you imagine? I've put up with this crap for 18 yrs!! That's 18 yrs of misery that could have been good years, happy years! All of us going on vacations together etc. Now my grand daughter is going to inherit this misery when she's older and sees what she has for parents. God help her! I understand you Michelle when you say your son might not be taking his situation seriously. I wonder if they know how to take anything serious? Seems to me anything about getting better and being sober is a joke to them. I don't think they care about life without dope in it. That's all there is. Your right! This is their normal life. This is our normal life too unless we move. I would love to move away to another state and wash my hands of her for good. It's hard when it's in your face everyday like we have it. Let's face it they've destroyed their lives and ours too. Sorry for ranting. Take care. Your friend, Mary.💛
This post has been edited by Mandm on January 5, 2017, 10:30 PM | ||
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