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Message Board > Suboxone > Why I Hate Suboxone But Am Thankful Too

Posted by: Brandon March 19, 2017, 7:25 AM
Hi. I've been smoking heroine for 2 ├Żears. I quit cold turkey after the first year and started back up after a month. Only a point sometimes a quarter.
I decided to try methadone but the Doc convinced me to try suboxone. Which I didn't want cause I tried subs before and didn't like it after a few days. I'm grateful the subs got me off heroine cause it's impossible to get good heroine these days. Too much fentynal in h a lot of time. When my dealer switched to fentynal based h I pucked every time until I got used to it and then needed fentynal heroine all the time. I didn't know about fentynal.
What bothers me about doctors is they insist on long term treatment. And even after a month on subs if I complain about headaches or chills and sweats or its hard to go the the washroom or I feel low energy or super depressed they're answer is always," I think we need to up your dose." They put me on 12 mg. But I only took 12 for the first few days then reduced 2mg every 4 days or so. Doc doesn't know. Doc says it's your body and your in control.then after being on it they change their attitude. I say I want to ween down and they say no.
I think subs make me feel like my soul is in jail in this body. I can't feel enjoyment from anything and it depresses me more.I wish the Doc wold just say ok if you want to ween down then try and see how it goes. I guess it keeps people employed. That's good they are good people especially the councillor and nurse. Im not sure about my doc.she scares me!!!
I feel so alone. ..I don't want to tell this but I cry everyday many times, a grown man. I think the drugs have made my mind weak. I know I made a mistake and I have to pay the piper and it socks. I was thinking when I jump off soon after let's say 4 or 5 days of feeling sick how bad would it be to just get half a point of H just for a bit of relief? I've only did that once in the last month. Other than that I've been good. If you read this then thanks for reading this. I don't know anyone I can talk to about this stuff that is happening in my life. Anyone in the same boat as me out there?

Posted by: Overfifty March 19, 2017, 8:26 AM
Well I am not in the same boat as you are but kinda sorta. I just tapered off methadone after years on it. I don't have cravings though!!.. IMO it would be a horrible idea to go back to heroin for you. Please be honest with your doctor. You mentioned you wanted methadone but they had you try suboxone. Can you go on methadone if you want ? If not you need to get at a stable dose and level out awhile. Crying could be a symptom of going down to quickly. IMO. please see your doctor soon. Your on a slippery slope man. Don't go back to heroin.

Posted by: Brandon March 19, 2017, 8:54 AM
Hey thanks for replying. Didn't think anyone would. I don't trust the doctors. I've been half honest with them I just didn't let he know I have been lowering my dose the whole time. She just wants me on it for at least half a year preferably more. But everyone that's on it for that long tells a horror story about getting off it. I couldn't last that long I'm sure of it. About heroine, it would be like 1 or 2 times small dose while I'm weeping off suboxone. Sounds bad but only 2 times. I don't think anyone will agree with me on that . Lol? I'll try not to I promise.
I was crying at a higher dose as well so not could be a combo of things to mabey I don't know.
It's been a month an I'm on 2mg. So maybe another week cutting down before I jump. Thanks again for replying it helps. Cheers!

Posted by: Been2long March 20, 2017, 11:52 AM
Your not alone, trying to ween off suboxone, all I do is sit on couch and cry waiting for the lights to go out

Posted by: Brandon March 21, 2017, 10:26 AM
Hi been2long how are you? Are you weening off subs right now. I'm curious an concerned.. about your situation and what you have been through and if your ok mostly..I hope you can tell me more I think we can help each other since we're both crying. It might help to have a chat buddy who has the same symptoms. Hang in there buddy!!!

Posted by: Been2long March 21, 2017, 11:30 AM
I'm 60 had been clean for 25 yrs with exception of pot. Started on prescription oxy. Before and after a neck surgury in 2010. They shut off my script after 2 yrs. because one day they decided to piss test me and I was positive for pot. I started buying off street. Went a long time with only a couple a day then that blew up to 10-12 per day
I had some savings owned a new corvette and a couple motorcycles all paid for in full.
I was hooked on nose spray and could no longer breath let alone snort anything
I switched to hydros and started hitting 10-12 per $30 a pill
Switched to heroin it seemed cheaper at $150 a gram
In less than a year my new corvette and 2 Harley's were sold for cash
Now I'm broke, hard to accept , sold my gun collection also good thing or I may use one
Trying to be positive. My follow up appt. is in 3 days and I still have 32 strips out of 60
I'm down to 1/2 strip every 24 hrs. Yesterday seemed a little hard but stuck it out and today seems better. Going to cut in half to 2 mg. In another day or 2

Posted by: Been2long March 22, 2017, 8:41 PM
Hey Brandon , how are you doing Bro.

Posted by: Brandon March 23, 2017, 1:17 AM
Hey bud I'm OK thanks. I feel crapy but I expect it. LOL.. I'm close to freedom so I feel I should be happy. but I'm not one of those people who can say it's day 30 still feel like crappie but I haven't used.haha...I won't make it.I hope it's not as bad as what so many people say. I got so much anxiety building up I'm afraid I may be creating a whole new medical condition for myself.I'm on 2mgfor a few more days.

Posted by: Been2long March 23, 2017, 8:47 AM
Hang in there, they tell me if you use while you still have sub in your system that you will be sick as hell. We have to be on the backside of this crap. My first 2 nights on 1/3 strip I didn't sleep as well as I have been but not too bad. I could have retired with the savings that I have blown, thing that scares me is looking for a job at 60 yrs old and I still have a plate and 6 screws holding my neck togeather and the screws are coming out. So at some point I need another neck surgury and that's what started this mess

Posted by: Brandon March 24, 2017, 7:34 AM
Hey bud. I hear most the people in heaven are poor so you got that going for you now. I hoped you laughed at that one...
When you get surgery won't you have some painkillers,? If your careful then you won't get addicted again I guess. Is that possible?
I try not to have regrets in life even if I screw up.I'll jump right back on the wagon.. So myth debunked! Maybe cause my dose is low and I only smoke half a point very recently. Didn't take subs today either.felt nothing bad just relaxed, I needed a break.
When you get another vehicle what would you get?

Posted by: Been2long March 24, 2017, 5:54 PM
I like my corvettes have had several and had a 2014 C7 convertible paid for in full
Unless I hit the lotto I will probably never have another one
I sold my gun collection first good thing , bad ideas are easy now

Posted by: Brandon March 24, 2017, 6:24 PM
Its nice to have a good vehicle.I felt sad you lost your vette..But at least you had one, must have felt great in that thing. I'll never have one either. As long as it gets me from point A to point B without worrying about something breaking..I'm happy. I'm on the loser cruiser atm. LoL
One day I'm sure you can get another gun they're not too expensive.You won't feel like this forever.. Life is too precious and beautiful even in sadness. I think I love my misery. Maybe I'm afraid of loosing my misery. Sounds crazy what's wrong with me .
Are you going through this alone? No one's totally alone but it can feel that way if you don't have a gf or wife and kids..I have kids but no gf so I'm by myself much of my life so I feel alone. Wondering if your in the same boat as me..your the only one I feel I can talk to and relate my issues with so thanks for that!!

Posted by: Been2long March 24, 2017, 10:59 PM
After a couple years of prescription Oxys one day they decided to piss test me and I was positive for pot. They shut my script off with no warning. It wasn't until then that I found them on the street and things got out of control. I'm scared I have no money for bills. I took a job driving taxi but half of my fares were people going to the dope house. They would come right up to the taxi and sell through the window. I knew I didn't need to be there so I quit.
I have wealthy family that could help but won't. Yes I'm alone with the exception of my dog and I only have days maybe hours before the power goes out. I quit school and went to work as a mechanic after 45 yrs.. I can't do that anymore my hands don't work very well anymore
I tried to get a loan with the equity in my home but have no income so was turned away.
It's not only trying to get clean now I'm back to hurting everyday and facing being on the street
They put a plate and 6 screws in my neck 6 yrs ago. It was supposed to fuse and heal but it didn't
They say it never healed because I smoke ciggerettes , now I have 2 vertabre with no disc and the screws are coming out. I have muscle spasms in my back and my arms and hands go to sleep
I'm trying to look into disability but it's hard with no money and even if I qualify it will be to late
Right now I would like to get a big bag of dope and find a nice spot to check out. I'm getting tired of trying

Posted by: Brandon March 25, 2017, 3:35 AM
Hey bud sounds like a bad situation your in. I'm always here to chat. I don't want to sound like I'm encouraging to relapse but if you do just be careful. Don't OD please. And maybe instead of a big bag get a smaller one. Remember your tolerance will be way down. I hope your family will help enough so you don't lose your house. Hang in there! If you do dope don't take subs for at least a day. So you don't waste money. Or OD!!!! Just don't give up. I relapse the other day with a small amount. Even did some Crack to leach out the subs before I did down.

Posted by: Seekingadvice March 28, 2017, 7:18 PM
I'm not sure if maybe one of you could help me but I'm addicted to heroin I wanna get clean I'm ready however the withdrawals usually make me use to feel better well this time instead of turning back to dope I made a very poor choice used a drug I'm uneducated about well I tried to figure out what I need to know so I went to Google and all that did was scared me not help :( I don't have Noone who understands that I can talk to I'm at a loss and man itso really making me wanna say forget it this has to be a sign and use but I don't wanna use I wanna get clean now...please someone help maybe

Posted by: Brandon8 March 30, 2017, 12:32 PM
Hey bud. Is it possible to get some suboxone? Tell about your habit. You might want to go to the heroine section and post there. You will have your own thread and get more help and ideas. In the meantime if you have to use then keep using less. Just enough to keep the pain away.

Posted by: DannyB April 1, 2017, 5:24 AM
Hiya. I am in a simliar boat but have been on bupe for 2 years. It got me off the gear. Ive never used since.

My honest view. Bupe is safer than using. It does save lives. But it is not a miricle cure.

I am no doc but would suggest like many have said only take wait you have too. stablize and taper. Dont stay on it long term!

I feel like you. Numb, flat and foggy. Its s***.

Ive just posted up my experience. Everyone is different though.

Chin up buddy. We knew this wouldnt be easy. Im sure with time. willpower you will do it!

Dont use pal. Youve come this far! You can do it.

Ps get your testosterone levels and b12bchecked!.

Posted by: Brandon8 April 6, 2017, 2:57 PM
Thanks bud. I felt so crappie this last week I couldn't think or function properly. I won't use , your right I've come this far I'll keep going.
I think I felt so crappie cause I didn't get hardly any sleep for 45 days. Doc prescribed me amitriptyline and so far it's working. I feel so much better. Thanks again for your encouragement.

Posted by: Been2long April 8, 2017, 9:51 PM
Hi Brandon , hang in there brother,just checking in, tonight is my first dose @ 1 mg.
Have been doing pretty good at 2 mg. Per day. I take mine at 8 pm each evening
So I will let you know how I do at 1 mg. I will be 60 may 3rd. My goal is to be done with subs then
My gift to myself. I'm really not 60 I've been 20 3 times now
Prayers to you be strong

Posted by: Guest May 9, 2017, 7:11 PM
getting off suboxone has been the worst experience of my life. I also sit in my room any cry at least once a day lately .. I'm 32 yrs old and have battled an opiate addiction for almost half of my life. I am alone for the most part no friends minimal family and only one person I can talk to about it .. it was so much easier coming off harder drugs than it has been suboxone. and I can honestly say more than anything in my life right now I no longer want to be dependent on ANYTHING!!! ive read so many taper plans and methods but someone please tell me how to I measure mg of a pill in crumb????. ive been on subs for almost 10 months I'm down to 2 mg a day I crave the little bit of energy that I get and that is what makes me take it every day. I know I a skip a day and still be able to go to work but without the subs I'm dragging a**. does anyone have any advice that could help please. anything would be appreciated. oh and I buy them on the street so I have no dr to help me.. and my connect is no longer an option.. hence the semi freaking out

Posted by: Brandon8 May 10, 2017, 7:03 AM
Hey bud. Maybe try and lower your dose to half a mg. It's not easy but it's nothing like a heroine withdrawl. I also feel the same with depression and have almost no hope for a normal life. But I believe my sober life problems come from quiting heroine not suboxone. Hang in there. Weed might help give you a short vacation from depression.

Posted by: Aimee May 23, 2017, 12:49 PM
Hey guys, just wanted to know how everyone is doing? I'm in recovery myself and have almost 4 years clean. I'm a writer for addiction recovery topics and came across this thread while looking for some inspiration. I also happen to be a recovery coach but haven't made use of my certification.

I know this thread is older, but I was just worried and wanted to check up.

My wife has been on suboxone for four years now and while I wish she wasn't, I know it's for the best.

For the man who's having a really hard time with his power about to be shut off, I would try a different doctor. If you can't afford it, go to the ER and tell them you're suicidal. I'm fairly certain most states must put you on a 72-hour psych hold (I've done it myself). There you can meet with a case manager and tell them your story. They can set you up with continuing care.

Personally, I have Panic Disorder which I partly blame for my alcoholism. I moved states and my new doctor wanted to take me off benzos. I switched doctors and told him flat out -- if you try to take me off of them, I will drink again. It has happened over and over and over. And now I am finally stable.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this but I'm here to talk. (:

Posted by: Brandon8 May 24, 2017, 7:49 AM
Hi Aimee, welcome to this site. I think this site needs you. You possess a positive energy from what I read. So your clean and am in recovery that's awsome, so good to hear. But you say your still on benzos? Is that like every day? From what I've read on this site a lot of people here had to deal with quiting benzos. Your not alone. In your future is this something you think you will have to deal with?

Posted by: Desotleric1 May 29, 2017, 10:47 PM
Hello everyone my name is DeSoto I just wanted to share with you all a little bit about my story and experience with suboxone I started off on hydrocodone Lortab Percocet Norco you name it then move to Roxy's when that became too expensive of a habit I thin turn to heroin all of this was an effort to self-medicate my bipolar 2 condition I stay habitually depressed 24/7 to the point of Suicidal Thoughts almost every day and night from the time I wake to the time I close my eyes to sleep when I discovered opiates it was like a miracle I had been on every antipsychotic every antidepressant every medication on the market and combinations alone all of it and nothing seemed to help it all only made me feel like I soulless zombie with no emotions I literally could have seen my mother get hit head-on by speeding train and not even Flinch or have an emotion behind it after about five years of heavy opiate in two and a half years of heavy heroin and Fentanyl use I thin turn to Suboxone as I have heard it was a miracle drug and saved so many lives I was on Suboxone for about two years when circumstances cause me to have to abruptly quit without tapering or anything what happened next was the most excruciating hell I have ever experienced in my entire existence on this planet the withdrawal in detox was worse than any opiate withdrawal I had ever gone through in my entire life and the length of it was just inhumane for the legitly four months every morning every night my bed was soaking wet with sweat vomit puking diarrhea the cold shakes no appetite constant depression I wanted to die that just led me to go right back to using heroin shortly afterwards I moved back to the Suboxone and stayed at a lower dose as I had been on prescribed 36 mg a day an obscenely way too high dosage when I went to a different doctor and told him my story he cut me down to 2 milligrams a day which was just amazing it helped and did exactly the same thing that the 32 mg a day did and surprisingly the Suboxone like the opiates completely got rid of my depression and help stabilize my moods without the need for additional mood stabilizers or antipsychotic drugs however I decided that after being on 2 milligrams of Suboxone for about three years at that point that I wanted to try and be without anything and just do it naturally no substances in my body as I felt using Suboxone with still not being clean and not being sober I checked myself into a two week detox and then completed a 30 day rehab while in detox I had to legitly lie to them and tell them I was on heroin and actually did heroin for a week and a half before detox to push as much of the Suboxone out of my system as possible as no Treatment Center would take me for suboxone detox every place was quote on quote and medical detox facility where Suboxone was used to wean people off of heroin while in detox I refused Suboxone completely and went through horrible withdrawals even during the 30 days of rehab I felt like I wanted to die and honestly felt that nothing was being accomplished as I was surrounded by 45 other men ages ranging from 18 to 65 who did nothing but talk about drug and War Stories 24/7 all it did was make me want to get out and use the second I got out of there because all anyone did was talk about using how to use Etc I honestly learned more about how to use how to get it how to score and everything else that I've not even know previously rehab to me was nothing but an educational session for how to score dope easier and do it better shortly after getting out of rehab I went back to heroin and had a fatal OD I was dead for 45 minutes before I was revived and brought back to life and sent back to another 3 week detox psych unit when I returned home I stayed clean for two weeks and eventually went back to the heroin because of the debilitating depression that I experienced every day of my life I have just recently gone back to a new Suboxone doctor what I like to call a drug dealer in a lab coat where I am on 2 mg a day the doctor's visits or $350 cash no insurance accepted however my insurance does cover my Suboxone prescription I am currently prescribed for 8 mg tabs a day of which I only take 1 8 mg tab split it into four pieces and only take a quarter of a piece a day I don't tell the doctor this because obviously the cost for the doctor's visits is so astronomically high that I want him to prescribe me as much as possible so that after another two or three months of being prescribed for pills a day I can just stop going and I'll have over a Year's worth supply of Suboxone since I'm only taking 2 mg a day what I wanted to say is for me I have two things going for me or should I say two things working against me I have a mental illness which I try to self-medicate which then led to an addiction because the opiates are the only thing that relieve my constant depression I thought for the longest time that I was a weak person for not being able to be happy for myself by myself without the use of a drug but I have come to find out that taking a drug each day that is prescribed to keep me off of the dope and also keep my depression and moods stable that there is nothing wrong with this it's like somebody who has heart disease or high blood pressure having to take medicine and does not make them any weaker or less of a person to need to take a medicine to stay healthy along with the daily medication I'm also prescribed Seroquel at night and during the day which helps me actually sleep since I suffer from insomnia and Klonopin at night as well and PRN as needed throughout the day for anxiety and panic attacks I have tons of these online meetings because the in-person NA meetings I have attended I am legitimately shamed and told that I am not really clean and I'm not doing the right thing since I am dependent on a substance or a medication such as Suboxone so I'm hoping that this online forum and these online meetings will serve a purpose as some sort of support system which I dare dreadfully need if there is anyone else out here or on these forms with a similar story or situation I would love to hear what you have to say and I would love to know that I'm not alone in this because I know there has to be others in my same similar situation thank you so much for listening DeSoto.

Posted by: svetochek August 20, 2017, 3:50 PM
I also have pills and not strips. I don't have a way of cutting them exactly... I did the best I could... it gets very hard to cut them when you get past .5mg. Just do your best and in hoping that my body will get adjusted to the lower dose without too much WD.... hope dies last, this is what we say in Ukraine... when I cut my 8mg pills down to .13mg it becomes just a dust... I've heard you can dissolve them in water but I decided against it . Good luck