More Of The Same..
Posted: April 7, 2017, 10:07 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



Every time I think maybe my son is doing better something happens to prove me wrong. He says all the right things and has all the right answers but never seems to move forward. Never seems to do well. Always an excuse for no work etc. He has no place to live right now. He has been staying with some friends but they say he can't stay there anymore. One of those friends came by to tell me that he was taken to the hospital today and she found meth in his room. She gave it to me and I flushed it. I don't want it near me. Now I am waiting to hear from my son when he is released...not sure if they will keep him or how long he will be there. He will have no place to stay when he leaves and will probably be told I have his drugs. I expect him to call and want them back...but they are gone. I hope he doesn't get aggressive when I don't return them. It is like waiting for a bomb to go off. I am not really sure how to handle the confrontation that I know will come. He will want to stay with me and I am not sure where he will go or how he will get there when I tell him 'no'. It is so sad...I want so much for the sickness to go away but i think it will never stop. He uses excuses for everything and wants us to give and give but he never changes.

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BUGS
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 1:28 AM


Posts: 59
Joined: March 26, 2017



Hi. Sounds like a confusing and painful time. I don't think it's too important not to have meth. So I can't imagine him being too mad. In my opinion heroine is the only drug an addict would be upset over.
If he is not resourceful could you get him a list of the men's shelters? At least you would know we're he is. Better there than a Crack house or the streets. He can get connected with other programs too.

Good luck. I hope he comes too these sites for info and help.
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 7:57 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017



Hi Bugs. Sorry for what you're going through.
If he gets abusive call the police. That's a good wake up call.
Stay tough. Maybe don't let him set foot in your house.
Maybe when he's on the street he'll wake up
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 9:15 AM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi Bugs, I'm sorry your going through this. Its a horrible feeling waiting for the bomb to drop. I think I would beat him to it. Text him and tell him. " When you get out of the hospital don't come here. I won't put up with your drug use and abuse anymore. If you do come to the house I'll call the police". Hopefully mentioning the police will frighten him enough to stay away. I know Meth is a bad drug as they get paranoid on it. I'd use that to my advantage and even tell him the police are watching the house, or something along those lines. Good luck and take care Mary.
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 9:22 AM


Posts: 454
Joined: August 4, 2015



Bugs,
You know that Sad and Mary are right. He can't come to your house. That would be just setting yourself up for disaster. You know that you can't rescue him. You know that you can't control this or cure it. So, what will you do? Live in insanity again?
If he calls, you need to tell him he will need to go to the homeless shelter or he certainly can talk to the hospital about setting up rehab or he can go to an NA or AA meeting and they can give him resources. You don't even need to go so far as to tell him these things if you don't want to, you can simply say, "I'm sorry I can't help you".
It's normal to back track and start the enabling process all over again.... making his problems yours. You can stop the insanity at any time though, it doesn't have to continue.
Take care of yourself!
Hugs!

This post has been edited by Shell2639 on April 8, 2017, 9:23 AM

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Michelle
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 10:56 AM


Posts: 1585
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hi Bugs, I understand the sadness. just yesterday I was wishing I didn't spend so much time thinking about addiction. while at work surfing the internet for answers, checking into this website - as though my answers will be here someday.... wondering how different my thoughts would be if addiction was not in my life. My son is back home. Has a full time job. but of course back with hanging out with friends. I know in the past he used just a little for a long time and is able to work and hide it. of course he is saying no one does drugs anymore. He had been away from home for 2 years. I guess the problem is that he did not succeed on his own - struggled w relapsing. so do we think anything changed... wishful thinking. everyday now, not knowing if he's ok or not ok even though he's right under our roof. time will tell, but I wish we didn't have to think about it....

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 8, 2017, 11:02 AM
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 2:35 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



so sorry Bugs , I am like upset with his friend for bringing you drugs ??? What a idiot! Placing you in this awkward situation where you need to fear if he will become violent or not after finding out about flashed drugs. In case he calls first tell him not to even dream about coming to your place and tell him you are to call police in case he does show up... no need to feel guilty about anything so don't let him guilt trip you , stay strong!
B <3
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 6:37 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi NY, I just want you to know I understand and think like you do some days too. I hope his friends don't do drugs anymore like he said. But as you said " time will tell". Sending you a ((hug)) and hoping tomorrow you have an easier day. Mary.
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 7:53 PM


Posts: 354
Joined: January 10, 2016



Just sending hugs Bugs. I've had a rock thrown at me today. So I feel your pain. Stay strong. Say No when on Meth they are dangerous. Read up on the effects. Please..


Love Sue
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 9:47 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



They kept him at the hospital overnight only. He was home for breakfast. I know very well the affects of meth. I have seen it up close and personal many times. I always worry about what might happen. I got roped into paying his rent today so he could stay and not get kicked out of that room. He acts so nice with others and his explanations for things are always so logical but so untrue. I know he is not that innocent. His stories are almost laughable. Everything that he says is always adjusted to make himself look better. I am wondering if he ever tells the truth. Toward the end of our visit, when we were alone, he started getting belligerent. He wanted spending money and got mad when I said 'no' and told him to get out of my car when he started getting pushy. He got an attitude and slammed my car door hard. When he is getting his way he is happy but not happy when I don't give him what he wants.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on April 8, 2017, 9:49 PM

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BUGS
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 9:57 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



Bonnie I think the friend wanted the drugs out of her house and wanted to show me what she found. I guess she thought I wouldn't believe her and wanted proof. She didn't know me.

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BUGS
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 10:05 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



BTW he needed rent money so he didn't say anything about my flushing the drugs. He denied they were his drugs so he couldn't get mad because that would mean they were his drugs. I got off easy this time. :)

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BUGS
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Posted: April 8, 2017, 10:59 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Bugs, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you should get a restraining order against him to keep him away from you. If he comes to your door or around your area be it your work or home he will be arrested. You shouldn't have to live in fear. Mary.
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 4:08 AM


Posts: 59
Joined: March 26, 2017



Hi again hope some weight has been lifted..I have never met your son but I would probably get along with him well enough.. he sounds like a reasonable young man.I notice in life everywhere we look, people can be stereotyped demonized and judged.

Not all addicts are the same. If you take the example of the 2 thieve's being crucified with Jesus. . 1 of them was a good thief.

It just sounds like a witch hunt sometimes Although I do agree you must cut him off financially and let him know a bad attitude will not be tolerated.

However he is your beautiful son who will need a loving hug , a smile and someone to talk to when he feels alone and will surely be depressed.
Lots of good advice on here from many caring.
I've met many addicts on my journey. Some were like angels; others, the devil.....

One day at a time.pray for him..
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 5:53 AM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



Brandon you honestly think her son is reasonable man?? After all he done to her and himself?
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 8:21 AM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



Sometimes he is a reasonable young man but with no follow thru and does honestly want (and need) a hug. I don't think everything he does is intentional. I only feel that way part of the time. The problem is that our relationship is toxic. I never thought a parent child relationship could be that way but it is. Good for him only when I am doing things that are bad for him.. making him more dependent. Bad for me because not much he does is good for me. He does need to talk and I am the one that can't listen anymore. I think that is my problem and not his. I have learned to be afraid of those conversations and prefer some distance.. I get too involved and worry too much, not to mention the unpredictability of never knowing what mood he is in. Does that make sense?

This post has been edited by BugginMe on April 9, 2017, 8:27 AM

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BUGS
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 8:35 AM


Posts: 354
Joined: January 10, 2016



perfectly!! Bugs

You want to listen but you don't want to hear what he is saying because he is not saying what you need to hear. He is saying what he wants from you. He is saying things he wants and doesn't give a rat's a** who he hurts to get it.

He is not promising to seek help and get off drugs, he makes excuses why his life is the way it is. He will probably even accused you of some of his problems. (Gosh knows I got ton of that) Makes you doubt that you were a good mother, that maybe you missed something when he was growing up. STOP that thinking :)

I am the last person to give advise anything I've done over the years didn't work. Nothing, but what I will say, one time I wired $50 to J , he used Flacka. He almost lost his arm because I gave him the money. He might of still found a way to get it. But I SENT the money the oneness was on me. So next time he is talking I would nod and always be on your guard because he will always want something from you which is not good for him.

Let him figure it out and love him from afar. It will save your sanity that way. xxx
Sue

This post has been edited by Helplessness on April 9, 2017, 8:37 AM
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 11:25 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017



Hi Bugs. Too bad you paid his rent. It would be a good lesson for him to sleep in a shelter.
Oh, I am not judging you. I am the biggest enabler on the planet. I am sickened when I think of all the money, bail, lawyers, rent, clothes, doctors ,rehabs, cars, credit card bills I've paid for him. I just think how you're ungrateful son slammed your car door. A hole didn't work hard to buy your car, or his rent so what does he care. Do yourself and him a favor and stop paying his bills.
Why so he can keep buying drugs and not working who's lining up to give you free money.
No one. I will not give my son one more penny.
There may be people on this board who may not agree, I could care less.
No more miss nice guy. Us mom, wives etc need to get tough.
Oh if he gets aggressive, abusive with you call the cops , let's see how tough he is with guys in jail
I know my advice sounds harsh and bitter. I would imagine I am bitter.
Bugs the past week or so I have had happy joyful days.
It's possible You're in my prayers.

This post has been edited by Sad53 on April 9, 2017, 11:48 AM
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 4:31 PM


Posts: 59
Joined: March 26, 2017



Hi. I'm wrong with him sounding reasonable but I believe a small part or him is still reasonable. He doesn't sound like an evil person is more what I mean. And when you are face to face with someone who is truly evil then you can see a big contrast.

Maybe when he realizes he can't cross certain boundaries things will get better. He could be on suboxone for only a week or two to get off heroine.if that is his main problem.
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Posted: April 9, 2017, 5:03 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



Brandon its not heroin that is problem but meth , he smokes meth then become violent ... comes around to torment her .. he done so much bad stuff to her over the years ! Some of stuff meth addict do is plain crazy ..as we dont have meth problem in UK I cant say much about it apart from what I saw on TV and read about it online but it does look like trough and trough nightmare drug

This post has been edited by Bonnie5 on April 9, 2017, 5:03 PM
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