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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Holidays

Posted by: Wednesday December 23, 2020, 2:47 AM
Finding the holidays ruff. My son has relaps again. Don't know where he is. It's my mothers birthday . She passed away two years ago so it's a hard time of year anyways. My husband is away this year for work. And as we are all dealing with covid there will be no family visiting. With it being a quiet year I'm finding it even more difficult. Less to take my mind off worrying about my son out there somewhere. The phone has been ringing with friends and family sending Christmas love and I have been jumping every time it rings. Thinking something has happened to my son. ( the dreaded call) Christmas used to be such a happy time when the kids where young. Good memories. I think I will try and make some good memories with my other teen daughters. Got them making a map of Christmas lights to drive around and look at. Can't stay in the house with them for to long. Teen girls! Ahhh. I know it's tough for all us parents in this group especially during the holidays. I really hope everyone comes into the new year with renewed hope for our addicted loved ones and that we also have renewed strength to carry on and keep love strong. I hope everyone stays safe ,healthy and has a nice holiday.🐝

Posted by: mtnmom December 23, 2020, 11:31 AM
Yes, Wednesday - the holidays are hard for us! Addicts ALWAYS causing drama & worry, to the point of making us physically ill. I lost both my parents in December AND both my sisters in law lost a parent during this time too.

I would try & try to make celebrations & decorate, etc. Baked cookies, attended get together & then I realized that the get togethers were the cause of my panic attacks. So a couple of years ago I quit. No decorating, no baking and absolutely NO get togethers, no music. To me, it is just another day. For me, there is no religious significance. I have never been calmer. I haven't cried once this year. I baked cookies for the first time in a couple of years but only gave them to a couple of neighbors. My adult kids didn't get anything - I am tired of baking for days & making Christmas gift boxes & not even getting a card from them.

It sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just no more false pretenses. So instead of being Debbie Downer here I think we need to find our new reality. If you have other kids at home, celebrate for them, don't do more than you feel like doing. And remember your addict will continue to do what he/she is going to do so we have to find our normal. It is heartbreaking but NO, it is not selfish for us to take care of ourselves & the rest of our families who aren't addicts

Posted by: Sallyana December 24, 2020, 5:18 AM
Wishing everyone much love and joy this Christmas and always!

Posted by: samegame December 25, 2020, 10:55 AM
Thanks Sallyanna. Same to you.

I think mntnmom has it right. The new reality. Low key. There's been too much drama over the years and even if it feels not right, the drama of another outburst, tirade, rant etc is definately not right and should be avoided. There's alot of unnecessary hype come the holidays as-is.

Also low key holiday means not enabling others because that is a mistake I saw with people knowing others having issues serving alcohol and not questioning ones consumption until way too late. Communicate with sober friends and family. Get caught up on house old chores, paper work etc.

Should first couple 'low key' holidays won't be easy for some including the alkie/addicts who might take it personal but maybe they'll get the message.

Seasons Greetings to All

Stay Well!

Posted by: Wednesday December 28, 2020, 5:44 PM
Thank you all for your posts. Yup makes sense. I tried to keep it low key. Asked my step mom to come so she would not be alone. We lost my dad a year ago so she is in the dumps still. She has been at home for a few months and when she came for Christmas she ruined any nice quiet time I had planned. She obviously has not been eating very well if at all while she was home. She had a seizure just before we were going to eat dinner. So I dealt with her to sit down,take it easy. She then drank to much water to fast and threw up all over the bathroom,hallway,carpet. So to say the least we had no appetite for eating after that. She said to me" it was just a little bump from being stressed." But it wasn't. She eats nothing and it was directly related to lack of nutrition. She has given up on herself. So here I go again looking after and caring for someone who cares for nothing .Im done. No energy to keep caring for people that don't care about themselves. I can't do this anymore. I thought I was gaining strength in the past month but something always happens to bring me to my knees again. My son did not even call over Christmas. Not surprised but it still hurts to care and love someone so much and it does no good. I'm taking your advice mtnmom. I think Christmas is over for me. I hope everyone has a better year to come. We all deserve it. 🐝

Posted by: Sallyana December 28, 2020, 11:45 PM
Sorry to hear of your Christmas with your stepmom. You are strong Wednesday. Our circumstances don't define who we are. You're a strong caring empathic person and those are great qualities to have!!! Celebrate 'you' this New Years and do or treat yourself to something special!

Posted by: mtnmom December 29, 2020, 8:49 PM
Awww, Wednesday - that's awful! Why do the ones we love just keep stomping on our hearts. My mother in law would do the same thing,

I had no plans for Xmas & no expectations. My youngest son is "divorcing" us at the moment & he's not our addict son! So, we just did our thing (nothing), watched movies, took a walk, relaxed. I am 62 years old, I found a new saying - This is my book.... my story.... my life. No one is no longer allowed to write it. This is my life, I own MY DECISIONS, my mistakes & my failures and I know I have done the absolutely best I knew how for my children. Their choices are their chooses.

It is awful, but we will be here for you!

Posted by: Wednesday January 8, 2021, 7:06 PM
Thanks guys for the support .this year has got to be better than the last. And putting my self first is going to be my priority. healthy new year to all. 🐝