Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format
Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > My Daughter Is Out Of Control

Posted by: Joni71 July 12, 2020, 4:36 PM
Hi I am having a hard time. I have a 20 year old daughter. When she was 15 we moved and she got in with the wrong crowd becoming addicted to meth. Every night I would go looking for her on the streets of Vancouver. Long story short managed to get her into rehab and clean after what seemed like a year of hell.
She met a guy straight out of prison when she was 18. She graduated with A,s started colleg3 to become a youth probation officer. This guy seemed really nice he was on methadone me not knowing much about it thought good for him.
So he ends up moving in with us yes that’s are fault never should have let him. Things were good at beginning until about 4 months ago. I noticed I was so depressed anxious not normal. My daughter was downright mean and evil to me it was over a course of time. I was emotionally abused. About a month ago she was so high the whole weekend she was up came to find out doing cocaine. Her boyfriend ends up buying her a 8 grand engagement ring. He was let go in march from his job so is collecting the cerb benefit.
Come to find out and it was confirmed By my best friends child they are selling cocaine and Xanax and weed. All hell broke loose a physical fight happened between our son and her “fiancé” the cops came. They moved out my husband found cocaine and little bags in their room.
So my daughter and her whatever he is has been stalking and harassing us. They come by 3 times a day yelling in our driveway and spitting on vehicles. She calls me so messed up I’ve blocked them both. Neighbours are calling 911 on them and I just can’t take the stress I’m a mess police say they will arrest them next time they come. I just don’t understand how stupid they are. Being drug dealers you wouldn’t think they’d want the cops on their trail. She is so messed up on drugs. I am trying my hardest not to escalate the situation. She called from a private number Friday Freaking out something to do with our family doctor wouldn't give her anything Obviously trying to get ativans or something . Anyways I need advice and strength because I’m so physically and emotionally drained. It’s been 2 weeks since this has all happened and it’s not getting any better.

Posted by: mtnmom July 12, 2020, 5:18 PM
I do not know what the laws are in Vancouver however in the U.S. you need to get a restraining order against both of them, include your home, work, school, etc. No harassing phone calls, etc. Meth totally screws up their brains & ability to think rationally. They may truly think that you are in the wrong & they are trying to get the police to see what YOU are doing to them.

Document, document, document. Continue to block to phone calls & anytime they show up at your house, call the police. Do not try to protect her by not telling the police she is an addict & her BF physically attacked your son in your own house.

Some of the other parents here will also give you some advice, we have all tried to be each other's support system. Really good people on this board & we are all struggling with children or partners who are addicts. Read some of the other posts, you will probably see similar things happening. The common thread is drugs destroy. They destroy their health, their reality, their ability to think things thru, their relationships, their parents, spouses, children. But until SHE is ready to get sober & get out of that life, no amount of love, anger, hate, rewards, comfort, money, threats, loss will change her. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. I say that all the time but that was the one thing I saw that made me realize that this was anything I could fix, and I'm a fixer (aka enabler)

Good luck, protect yourselves! Stick around this board, we will give you our ears & offer support.

Posted by: Joni71 July 12, 2020, 6:57 PM
Thank you for replying the police officer that was here twice this week just called telling me we need to get a family protective order and told me how to do it. It’s escalating and I know something bad will happen if we don’t. They have gone so far to call my husbands work to try to get him fired. I was holding some dishes for my friend her mothers royal dauton they stole those my friend is acting all weird to me now just distant they are out to destroy us because they say we disrespected them by kicking them out. I am so done with all this.

Posted by: Sallyana July 13, 2020, 11:09 PM
Sorry to hear what is happening Joni. They are out of control as you obviously know. I think you are going to have to be tough and let them know you won't tolerate any of their behaviors. I personally think they have to suffer the consequences of their poor choices and poor behaviors. I would consider pressing charges for the stolen dishes. Also, every time they are doing something sh%tty to you I would call the police. They will end up arresting them. They need a wake up call and be afraid of you. So sad...

Posted by: Joni71 July 14, 2020, 9:27 PM
Thank you Sallyanna I appreciate your support. I feel like my friends are great and all but are sick of hearing* about my problems I guess that’s what counsellors, support groups and physchologists are for. We haven’t seen them since Saturday so it’s been peaceful just feel like it’s the calm before the storm.

Posted by: mtnmom July 14, 2020, 10:35 PM
I agree with Sallyanna too. Joni friends do get tired of hearing about it & so does family. And they will not love your child as you do. But just because she's your daughter she doesn't get a pass on abusive & criminal behavior. You have to say NO to this & follow thru (as you are doing). Vent with us and/or see a counselor for professional guidance. We will always be here for you.

Posted by: Joni71 July 15, 2020, 12:07 AM
I know your right nobody loves your child like you do. I have my first Counselling appointment tomorrow so I am hoping I can get some advice. I am always second guessing myself and what happened. I really appreciate all your guys words of wisdom. I’ve been reading through posts it’s terrible what we all go thro. I see lots similarities in posts. I think I found the right place for help.

Posted by: Momtomethhead July 26, 2020, 5:21 PM
Speaking from experience, a restraining order or protective order does help. I filed one against my son. The hardest thing I have ever done. I cried for days. But I’m happy I did. My son was out of control, we kicked him out of the house over a year ago. He was showing up yelling at our neighbors and threatening us. Very violent. With the restraint order,I feel I got a little control back. A little piece of myself back. We did have him arrested, and he spend 2 weeks in jail. Restraining order has allowed us to set bounties and he knows we are serious. He is allowed to call, and every once in awhile will show up. He knows if he shows up high, or violent, the police will pick him up and he will go to jail for a year. Every time I see him, I always tell him I love him and when he’s ready , I’m here. He is homeless, and I have had many sleepless nights worrying. But these are his choices, and he’s the only one who can make the decision to get help. Begging him to get help is over with. I do give him places and numbers to call if he wants help. I’m not a huge believer in “rock bottom” , apparently my son does not have one.
None of us thought when our children were young that one day they would be addicts. Very few understand what it does to a family. There are only a couple of friends that know what we have been dealing with.its just easier that way. At least for us. The ones that don’t know, are the people who would not understand any of it. Everyone on this board understand and everyone has been supportive. Helps me to know I am not alone.
Good luck with your daughter.

Posted by: Strong-n-faith August 21, 2020, 9:01 AM
God bless you. I have been in and out of this hell for almost 20 years now. My son started smoking pot around 14-15, than he was shooting up heroin by 16. I honestly thought he would be dead within the year. His crazy a** girlfriend was worse than him. They went in and out of crazy level drug addiction, on the mend, trying recovery, breaking up, snorting suboxone and then total denial and on the crazy highway again. He is alive and is now 34 so, that's the good news. However, I haven't had much at all to do with that. In fact, the more I do, the worse he is. The more I worry and try to fix him, the crazier I get. Alternately, the farther I stay away from his insanity, the more sane I become. Just remember, this is not your circus and not your monkeys. Stay focused on you and however you can, keep them out of your space. They KNOW NO BOUNDARIES. This I do know.