| post replypost new topic |
Posts: 265
Joined: June 9, 2007
Posted: June 9, 2017, 11:08 AM
Hi my partner told me last night that he has relapsed , he took heroin 3 days ago and continued to use up until yesterday . He has never come to me and told me this before ,previously he has just denied that he's using . What do I do now ? He's on a suboxone programme and told me he's going to continue on his suboxone and will I help him .....how do I help without enabling and becoming co depending ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated .
-------------------- NEVER GIVE UP , GIVING UP !!! | ||
Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: June 9, 2017, 1:14 PM
Hi - I'm short on time to post, apologies ....
my first response is - nothing for you to do, nothing for you to help with, a simple "I'm sorry to hear that" , "you'll do better next time", "oh, what are you supposed to do in the program when that happens, ask him what he thinks he should do,... etc. He told you after the fact. he did not ask for help from you. you have to separate his responsibilities from yours. even giving suggestions and problem solving is enabling - depending on the circumstances - when the person is able to do for them selves. put the problems and solutions on his plate. he knows right from wrong. they want us to give solutions bc that means we are doing half the work for them and they probably get a better deal when we come up with it and do it for them! LOL - trying to break these habits w my son! WE NEED to LEARN NEW RESPONSES!!! picture what you want life to look like in 1 to 3 years and set your sights on those goals. | ||
Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: June 9, 2017, 3:43 PM
I'm so sorry. It is so hard when your loved one relapse & goes back to using their DOC. If you are like me, at first you are so hurt and disappointed. Your hopes and dreams of living "happily ever after", dope-free are obliterated. Crushed. And...then...I'd start to think of ways I could help make this time more successful for him. Maybe research methadone clinics. But, I'd know I'd want to do something....anything... to help ....hell....to battle addiction for him. Sending hugs. I understand.
In the words of a wise recovering addict ... this is HIS monkey .... and this is HIS show!! Your man is inviting you to either take a ring side seat OR jump in the ring with him. Please. Please. Please. Read before you RSVP "Ways Family Members Can Help," & "What Not To Do," (I won't suggest a LONG reading list.). Then... RSVP "hell to the no no"..... I'm not saying you should pack your bags and run. But think about ways to protect you NOW .... emotionally, financially, spiritually .... from HIS addiction. Prepare for the worst....hope for the best! Separate accounts? Don't keep your check book, ATM card, jewelry, small/pawnable electronics, charge cards assessable? Detach from his dope drama & lifestyle .... but still love him? Those were great answers NY gave you. Go to a meeting.... Naranon, Alanon, CoDependents anonymous? Great places to get support and real hugs!! Smart Recovery has a section for loved ones. Keep coming back here. Sending hugs....remember....You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Focus on who & what you CAN control... Lynn xoxo This post has been edited by hurtingmom on June 9, 2017, 3:46 PM -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
|
Posts: 265
Joined: June 9, 2007
Posted: June 10, 2017, 6:16 AM
I have gone through a lot of emotions and now I'm at the anger stage , I've not told him I'm angry and I've hid the fact that I am he won't be getting any money from me either he's broken my trust and I've also told him that he's to stick to the boundaries I have put in place .
I told him I respect him for telling me about his relapse but he should of asked me for support before he scored drugs but he didn't . He asked would I keep hold of his tablets and give him the correct dosage each day but I refused , I told him that this is HIS responsibility and if he wants to stay in recovery that he will take his medication . -------------------- NEVER GIVE UP , GIVING UP !!! | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |