Posted: September 16, 2018, 6:36 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: September 4, 2018

My heart is breaking. This is all I think about. My son who lives in another state will be completing his treatment program this coming week. He will be going back to his apartment alone. He has no family there. About 2 friends that have families and that is all. I am so scared of him returning to his place alone plus with the upcoming holidays I am feeling he is going to relapse. I can't go through this anymore. I am emotionally drained. We tried offering him a nice deal if he went to sober living but he wouldn't take our offer. That way he would have been there through the holidays. His view on sober living are not good. I don't think he realizes what it is like. He thinks you are caged in there but you are not. I told him if he changes his mind, I hope he will let us know.
This is all I can think of. I should be enjoying the last days of his treatment because he is safe but I am dreading him getting out.
Fearing the phone calls, etc.
How do us parents ever move on with our lives? I seriously can't take this anymore.
Posted: September 17, 2018, 9:26 PM

Posts: 1509
Joined: June 27, 2016

for yourself find a support group, or therapist who understands addiction. maybe read at - got to Alanon meetings. find one that you like that you can vent and talk and get feedback.

when you talk to your son try not to dwell on all the usual stuff. he has been to enough programs, he knows what to do. when he is ready he will. that does not mean turn your back and leave him alone. just try to stop trying so hard. believe me - I've been there done that. felt like my heart was going to break in two and fall out of my chest.

the best thing I did for me was to see a therapist at a recovery center last January. I was able to talk about my feelings. I tried to get on a path of "I hope I can save my son, but I have to save myself first, and if I don't save my son, or he does not save himself, I have to be able to work on my goals."

for my son, I slowly saw that I could lead him to water. keep your conversations short, sweet, not complicated. You do not have to figure it all out for him. HE needs to stay social with people who are in recovery. I see that the meeting keep a person busy and social and away from idle time and the 'same old' friends or same old activities.

if your son goes to meetings, he will be OK. I'm sure it is not easy to go to work and then go to meetings and then go home alone. My own son would have a hard time with that. he hates being along, and hates sitting around the house. He past 90 days of meetings, met a few nice people who have become friends. he pick up a job thru people he met. he is living home now after being away. in the past he has lived on the west coast for a year and florida for two years. I know he did not like being alone.

my son was in treatment two other times about a year apart. This third time was different. HE wanted it. he is not happy - still has stuff to deal with - but each month sober I see small improvements.

3 months ago he went to every meeting he could in the area in order to see all the different ones and see which he liked best.

it is really difficult. I think about it all the time too.
try not to project your feelings on to him

give yourself permission to do things for you.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on September 17, 2018, 9:30 PM
Posted: September 18, 2018, 9:06 PM

Posts: 30
Joined: March 11, 2018

Recovery is internal. While it's important for the addict to have support, if they're going to relapse, they'll find a way no matter where they're living. My daughter just relapsed after 50 days sober while INSIDE the treatment facility. She had just earned her phone back, and she reached out to "old friends." They got her the heroin by a "dead drop," hiding it outside the facility house. She was caught after three days of use and now she's been asked to leave treatment.

Short of moving your son to a deserted island, he'll find a way to relapse if he really wants to. If he wants to be sober, he'll find a way. As to sober living houses, my daughter has tried those too. On two occasions, she had a girl (not the same girl) talk her into leaving and using. There are addicts inside the sober living house who will relapse. When they do, they like company. So a sober living house is not a panacea.

I'm also tired of the ups and downs of addiction. I had so much hope for my daughter this time. She was calling me every day telling me how much joy she had in her heart now that she was sober. She had a weak moment and reached out to her addict friend. And just like that, she's back in the drug using lifestyle, and she's left her family in the devastating wake. Will she get back on track? We'll see. She'll have to hit her absolute bottom to leave the lifestyle.

This post has been edited by Jointheclub on September 18, 2018, 9:07 PM
Posted: September 19, 2018, 6:37 AM

Posts: 177
Joined: July 6, 2018

I understand that you feel the need to "fix" things for your son. We all have it but it does not work. Try to get in to a therapist for yourself.
My daughter is currently in a rehab but has decided to leave early. I told her she can not come home.I worry about her constantly but it is her life and her decision.
If your son wants to stay sober he will.
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