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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Meth/herion Iv|
|Posted by: mom of a boy September 6, 2020, 10:56 PM|
|I am new here and am searching for help to get through this. I am 62 yrs old my son is 22 1/2 for the past 4 yrs we have been living through hell. Once a mom finds syringes and the orange caps and bottles tops to water bottles your nightmare has gotten worse. I have called ambulances sheriffs and kicked my son out numerous times, the most recent events this past month has been something that has damaged me to the core, I suffer from PTSD from everything I have seen, but this was truly damaging to the point I had to make him leave, he was living in my motor home on my property and opened my slider and said mom I asked is that you honey? As I scurried for the door the voice was so mubbled he was on my patio having and episode wiggling crying yelling it was hot and I called the paramedics he overdosed he made it my son was alive. Unfortunately he didn't remember the episode and a week later he was in our home and I was asleep up stairs and he told my be he was starting a job in the morning and could he sleep on the couch, he was smiling and seemed happy my be said my son went to the bathroom and I was awake by screaming crying kicking noises coming from the bathroom he was locked in the bathroom having an episode during these he can not get off the ground or floor. Paramedics ripped his shirt and gave him narcan omg I freaked out and I haven't been the same, he left the hospital against the hospitals judgement and I had to make him leave
He packed a truck with all his belongings which isn't much he once had everything you could imagine before he got to his destination 3 hours away he got high wrecked the truck which I am now dealing with in my name he lost his belongings he was so high they kept him for 72 hours and then released him. He has been on the streets and I am not helping him. This is the hardest most painful thing I have done and I am scared its 118 today and I told him know to money and I gave him two places to call if he is using call here they will come and get you if you already detoxes be her on this day at this time....I am heartbroken and sick...Thank you for letting me get this out. I am trying to find ways to get through this myself, because I know he has to want to get clean to go to rehab. Any input would be great
|Posted by: babylove September 7, 2020, 1:33 AM|
|Hi mom. Jesus I'm sorry you have to go through all that. I'm not a mother of a addict. I am a addict and sometimes we only think of ourselves hurting ourselves. But we fail to realize were hurting the ones who love us the most. Meaning our parents . I'm sorry you have to be the one who has watched this go on. It's not easy and nor will it get easy. Only like you said,, when he finds it in himself to change then the pain will start to heal when you let it. I don't have any advice to give except you came to the right place. Give your post some time and soon you'll get the support your searching for. Again, I'm sorry I'm no help. But just so you know,, your not alone. Everyone here will be here with you to help/support you any which way we can.! So don't lose hope. Your baby is counting on you for that. !!!|
|Posted by: moderator September 8, 2020, 8:41 AM|
|Mom of A Boy,
We are moving your post to Families/Partners of Addicts. There are people there who have similar experiences.
- the moderators
|Posted by: Momo September 8, 2020, 10:15 AM|
|Mom of a boy
I'm really sorry for the suffering, I don't have kids but I can imagine how hard it is when you want to help a loved one but cant. You want to save him but his choice is really out of your control. I used to be an addict and caused my family much trauma throughout the years. My mother was the one who suffered the most as others stopped caring. The truth is that when I was using I felt really entitled and hated everyone who wanted to help. At some points when they refused to give me money or tried to control me I'm sorry to say I wished they'd die. It scares me when I think about it. It's like I was another person and that's sth I hope you remember your son is now totally another person and you have to try to distract yourself from his traumatic situation. It's difficult but you need to be selfish he is young and sooner or later he will find his path by inflexible grace of nature but until that time you should only meditate and pray and let go. There may come times when he understands the damage of his choices and only then that he can receive any help. Unfortunately till then, all you can do is protect yourself. Search for videos from people with similar situations, I'll search on YouTube and will let you know if I found any good stuff. This forum is also full of stories similar to yours. All I learned was you did not cause it, You cant control it. Please take care of yourself. I will remember you in my prayers. Btw, I'm in recovery and I had numerous relapses but praying and meditation helped me alot and I didn't know it can help you to cope.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida September 9, 2020, 12:12 AM|
|Wow, where to start. The situation is so sad and heartbreaking. That part does not get better. I still cry about once a day. My son is about 30 yrs old. Going thru this for 6 to 8 yrs. 10 yrs ago might be the starting point of his addiction. Maybe 6 yrs that we have been knowing participants. My son has been out of our house for the past 1.5 yrs. about this time last year he left jail, bc of DWI.he was asleep w car running. Impaired. Then he when to a rehab. We would not take him home. He left there after 2 months, went to a shelter in the city. Hooked up with a recovery center. Applied for food stamps, got a part time job. Lost the job after covid, collected and spent all of the extra unemployment money. Went to detox for a week. Working odd jobs. Is living in very poor part of city at a shelter. 3rd one in past year. He wants to go somewhere else, but doesn’t like the options. I tell him to save his $$ he can go anywhere. I know he has been sober for about 6 months and then off and on for the past 6 months.
Luckily he does not hate us. His dad can say very mean things to him when he asks for money. But he understands that dad is angry for the situation he has put himself in. I talked to him last week and we laughed. I don’t keep in contact too much bc I don’t want to be asked for money.
The ptsd - everyday I fear he will call and ask for money. It is sad that he is struggling and we can not let him live home, but we have been thru that. At this time we can not let him drive our cars. If he was home for more than 24 hours, he’d be asking for my car, money, cigs, gas!!! We can not go back to that.
Wrecked vehicles- I am still saddened by the list of cars our son wrecked. And the recent amounts of cash we threw at cars in 2017 and 2018 when he was working and we were trying to keep everything a float. Today I am thankful he does not have a car. I am thankful he has never hurt anyone in the accidents. He has gotten good at using public transportation, but he still would prefer a car.
Belongings in a duffel bag. Yup. Can’t count the number of times he has lost everything. We don’t give him things any more.
You are right that you have seen the worst. The only times my son has gone to rehab are when he has had nothing and everything is gone and no where to go. Even then he did not go willingly to rehab. Part of our enabling is to problem solve and help them figure things out. We got to the point you are at. Then, the only advice I had was - go to the hospital, go to detox, rehab.
About a month ago he went to a detox for 5 days. It was his choice. It was the first time he decided and did it on his own.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida September 9, 2020, 12:24 AM|
|Momo- you are right, praying helps me when I can’t sleep I say a few prayers over and over. My son does meditation on and off and some journaling. He tries to stay positive and hopeful.
I few years ago I was doing yoga, bc it was available at my job. That was helpful. Unfortunately I have not continued it.
This board has been very helpful.
I did gain a better perspective when I watched many tube videos about people in recovery. They give me hope. They show me that others can do this, therefore my son can do this too. He just had to want it as much as we want it for him
Momtoaboy - it took me awhile to understand that my son probably didn’t remember half of his days. All of the events are very clear to us, but he probably has very little memory. Could that be a reason why they seem to not learn from their experiences? They don’t remember the experience. Is that why they can be just as baffled by their situation and the fact that the story they are telling does not make sense, because they really don’t know what happened, even though they were there!
|Posted by: Momo September 12, 2020, 3:50 AM|
I think that's true addicts have very vague memories of past. I think that the brain is also rewired so when they are in withdrawal their judgments can be totally wrong. Me as an example would put down everything on paper about how someone people around me who I called "friends" were trying to take advantage of my dependency but unfortunately in an hour or two I would caught my hand while in my head I was thinking maybe I was wrong how I missed this person for this, or how that person was good to me & and made me happy (by providing me with pills or drugs) and that scared the hell out of me. I couldn't trust my feelings and my head was ordering me to do things I knew was totally wrong. I'm happy your son get to the point of acknowledging the main problem.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida September 12, 2020, 11:43 AM|
|Momo. Thank you for the insight.
That is another part that makes addiction so sad. No one wants to live that way. I think the doctors and FDA have missed the boat on addictive medications. They (and we) focus on the physical addiction, but there is a subtle mental distortion going on that makes the person think they are doing ok when they are not. The medical disconnect prohibits the addicted person from seeing the reality and correct consequences of what is going on around them.
I have compared addiction to living on the side of a river bank alone, isolated. Seeing happy people celebrating life on the other side. Crossing the bridge, coming and going. But when the addict gets to the bridge to cross and live with the happy people, the bridge is gone. Can see the other side but can not connect to it.
Most of the abused drugs are derived from a poisonous substance or an anesthetic substance or sleeping , tranquilizer medication. I believe the addicted person can be in a constant state of sleepy, dream like, disconnect similar to a person who is waking up from surgery.
It took me a few years to come to this conclusion. Looking at years of my son’s using. He says he can’t remember things, can’t concentrate, can’t learn stuff. That is why his ability to work gets lower and lower, yet he does not understand why. And he always thinks he is trying!
When he was in recovery for a few months I saw a new person! Capable of doing and learning. But addiction creeps back in.... hoping that as time goes on he has more good time than bad..
|Posted by: Strong-n-faith September 15, 2020, 4:48 PM|
|It is such a horrid thing to experience. My heart goes out to you. I know it is odd, but you are fortunate that he is in such a low spot as this is where they have to get to want help. Anyone intervening at this point in them hitting their bottom just prevents them from acknowledging their need for help. You are doing great even if it does not seem that way. Keep yourself in medication, on the board, doing anything that brings you peace and/or happiness and this too shall pass. My prayers go out to you my friend.|
|Posted by: Sallyana September 17, 2020, 8:39 PM|
|Mom of boy I can totally relate to your post. It is very heartbreaking and sad. Its very hard being a mother of an adult child with an addiction. I feel like I could write a book on my experiences with my daughter which I have no desire to. Its just never ending, chaotic, unpredictable, scary, and more. I'm pretty detached at this point (emotionally) still communicate on a fairly regular basis. She's very irrational....what seems simple and obvious to me is like climbing Mt. Everest to her. I try to stay focused on my life but it's hard, very hard.|
|Posted by: Wednesday October 24, 2020, 9:17 PM|
|I'm so sorry you have gone through all that. I can totally relate. My son has put myself and his family through it all for 5 years. He went to jail for a few months. That actually helped him for at bit after but back to the same thing shortly after. It's been a very long lonely road for me especially . The things we see and experience during their throws of addiction are scaring . I still have flash backs daily. But the previous comments I think are correct in that they remember little of the trauma .you have found a good place to help you through this. I have just found this site and it has helped already. Knowing your not alone is very powerful . I take thing day by day. I have had to kick my son out,send him to jail,given naloxon multiple times. Seen him at 98 lb in hospital from infection. It has been hell. I really did not think I could muster the strength to keep dealing with it and raise two other kids with a husband that works away for months at a time .but I did . Taking it day by day and telling myself it was ok to have a lot of off days.im still here and I have not given up on my son although I have been at low points where I have thought of it. I don't know what changed but after o d ing 3 times in my home with his siblings watching one weekend he decided to finally go to treatment. Which he competed with enthusiasm ! He is 73 days sober. He has just come home to my house and is starting to make plans for a better life. Although he is doing good right now.this is not over for me in the least. I am dealing with lasting mental issues from it all. So glad to have people to talk to about it all. My point here is. Although you are in the middle of hell don't give up on yourself or your loved one. Put up healthy boundrys to help yourself . It's very hard to do sometimes but its for you and your loved one. I feel fo you and you are not alone.sending healing energy to you.|