Goodbye N+
Posted: January 14, 2015, 6:44 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Im new to this forum...Im addicted to N+ 40-50 per day for 2 years... Its time to say goodbye to them, I have found out im expecting baby no 4...Im going cold turkey... I have had 16 in total today...8 at 7am and 8 at 12pm... its now 9.40pm and wd's are kicking in... mostly anxiety and cravings... I have to work in the morning.,.. I pray that my day is reasonable....I will post when I get home from work... mainly as a way for me to have an outlet... good luck to all of those who live this also... I WILL DO THIS...
  Top
Posted: January 16, 2015, 5:41 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Sadly today I started to bleed..resulting in the loss of pregnancy😢 not sure if this is due to me being on N+ or trying to go cold turkey...either way its happened.... supprisingly thou..I didnt go in search of some pills...im still fighting this demon head on and by the horns....I cannot take the risk of falling pregnant again and being on these damn pills... I wont them suck anything good from my life.... im at the end of my second day... WDs are here in force...I have the trots, a massive monster of a headache...my legs are restless and I feel luke an elephant.is sitting on my chest..its 10 mins at a time for me..and im doing this...I will be bavk to chevk in tomoz with an update..
  Top
Posted: January 17, 2015, 8:17 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Today is day 5 without N+.. todays been an ok day so far..I managed a little sleep last night, which is much more than the past few...wrestless legs and body is seeming to fade slowly.. although im not counting my chickens!!!! I have the trots terribly...I have no nausea and I havent thrown up...I feel dizzy when stading and do so much prefer to sit down...although with kids that isnt happening...today we are off for a day of swimming its a beautiful day outside and theses kids deserve to be in it...I would prefer to wollow on the lounge on my own... I will say though that today is a.better day then.yesterday😯
  Top
Posted: January 18, 2015, 10:44 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Reading peoples journeys in this forum is a real eye opener to me.. stories of how people came to rely so heavily on drugs...their reasons to get clean, then their slips back into the depths of despair...im day 6 today, of another attemp to come off N+. While im doing well ( at least I think) I still have to, and probably always will, need to be mindful of these little pills...in 2 weeks time im set to have surgery on my wisdom teeth..they are taking them out...now last time I had something like this I was given a script for panadien forte which here in oz is just plain old codiene... one tablet is 30mgs..I ate the last box I had of that in 2 go's 10 at a time....nice and relaxing...what do I do now....im scarred this will be 'my' journey back into the depths of despai and its making me very un easy...how do I manage that sort of pain without pain pills??? I guess we will have to wait and find out..
Im feeling slightly set back from this morning..I feel in a little slow mode again (I think because im tired, not sleeping well still) ive managed to eat today which is probably a good thing, my trots have also subsided, with the help from some gastro stop! I do feel slightly dizzy... I think I will have a siesta when I put the baby down...hopefully that helps....
  Top
Posted: January 20, 2015, 11:43 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



So today is a bad day... had a few drinks last night (I dont normally drink) and my head and body are paying for it...bow I know why I dont drink....I think hangovers and Wds are a way for us to know that what we are doing to our body cant be good, if its hurtin like it does...im still clean from N+ a week today...I havent much to say today as my brain is mush...lesson learnt..
  Top
Posted: January 22, 2015, 6:05 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Finally, for me, I can say Today is a GREAT day.

Husband is home, I feel fantastic..

Now dont get me wrong, it has been a super tough week..

I have felt lows like I have never felt before.. I felt like a semi had slammed into, reversed over me and slammed back into me again...I had the worst WDS ever...but I got passed it I pushed through it , now here I am standing on the other side of the road....What do I do now?

How do I function and live without pills?
The cravings are still as fresh in my head as the day I took my last pill, but mentally I feel stronger than I ever have before..

What got me through? Why this time? I have.tried many times and never got passed the.middle of the road...but here I am...

I know im not in the clear...I know ill never be out of the woods...I know how "wonderful" those little pills can make me feel. In an instant I can slip back over to that bad side of the road.. I may be in recovery, but I will always be, a Nuropen plus ADDICT...

  Top
Posted: January 27, 2015, 5:59 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



A sad and sore day, husband has gone back to work for 9 days, I hate it and I miss him more than words can say!!!

Wisdom teeth are out today, geez that was tough... I have been and still am feeling uneasy about the pills prescribed to me...but I still have only used them as they have been prescribed....I dont really want to take a step backward with this, so ill keep posting to keep me honest and to keep me from forgetting where I have been...not much else to say for now...just that I have never been prouder of myself

❤Shell
  Top
Posted: January 28, 2015, 9:59 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Today is a good day, even though my mouth and head is sore, I feel good! I have had more pills than I should have on 2 occasions, but I feel it hasnt made me need to take them all the yime....im back to having them as prescribed... 2-3 every 8 hours... its been tough..I think I was looking for a high, I didnt get it, I just got drowsy and nausea... so, safe to say I wont be taking more than I should... in a scale of 1-10, 1 being minimal pain... id say im about a 7-8...my face is also swollen like a big ballon...I have voltaren anti inflamatries for that... although they arnt helping much.... im not suffering anymore withdrawal symptons amymore either...it is safe to say I actually feel normal... my symptoms really only lasted in full swing for about a week...thank heavens for that... it was a damn hard.week though... I still have to battle the psychological side though...my doctor put me on mirtazipine anti.depressants to help with the anxiety, which I had even before I had an addiction... so its no stranger to me...this medication seems to be helpful...the rest is up to me I suppose...I need to be strong, and push any thoughts I have out..... one day at a time still...
  Top
Posted: February 20, 2015, 6:24 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Its been 3 weeks since my last post! Sadly I went down hill and started taking the pills again..im not sure why. Mayb its that wonderdul feeling I get that I like so much. Or maybe its because im an addict with a big problem...fact of the matter is, I have to stop...I feel like I have ruined all that hard work...all that pain and suffering I never wanted to feel again will now come gushing back...but today is a new day!!! Day 1 again of no N+.. I must admit that today hasnt been nearly as hard as I thought...but im dreading the next few days..im sure they will be hell...but once again im going to try with all I have to fight this...once again 1.day at a time...1 hour at atime...whatever it takes....
  Top
Posted: February 22, 2015, 5:59 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Today is a bad day!! Feeling like total crap...just feel so slow and sluggish...geez I must be a gluton for punishment...I ask myself if it was worth it? Were those 3 weeks worth the way im feeling now? My whole body screams NO....
But not only do I feel like crap, the husband leaves again today...this is the part of the job that I hate...him working away. Im sure he hates it just as much as me...though I feel I lose a little focus when he is gone...he is a great distraction from the pills...when will this nightmare end...when will I be the person I once was? I dont think I will ever be her again...I cant...the pills have changed me...its time I found the new me!!
  Top
Posted: February 24, 2015, 4:25 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Im having a better day today, its still a struggle, sluggish and tired from lack of sleep last night. Emotionally I feel much better.. I have had a few changes that im adjusting to also...ive resigned from my job, and started studying... I really felt like I needed a career change, so im going for it..It also allows me more time with my kids. My eldest.is still as wild as a cut snake and although at lot of people arnt for it, needs to be on medication...his father has schizophrenia. ..and im worried it will pass on to my son..he has been diagnosed with adhd. I have done everything in my power as a mother to help him...we have been to doctors and psychiatrists and councellors..ive done everything...him being here in our home with my 2 younger children is not healthy....he is violent at times he yells at us all even swears and calls me horrible names....then other times he is my beautiful boy... its so hard finding balance...he now lives with my dad...but visits all the time..he was in trouble with the law for stealing cars and breaking into houses...he was 15 years old at the time...is it any wonder I found solice in pills...he has actually just been hear and it was chaos...im sadly relieved he has gone...I sound like a terrible mother...but I do love his so dearly...I juat struggle to cope with him...his father has never been around....anyway I just needed to let that out..

So here I am at the end of day 5... I have the runs now..im taking gastro stop, which helps...I look forward to tomorrow and I know it will be a better day as it will be day 6...thanks for listening ...

❤ shell
  Top
Posted: February 26, 2015, 1:16 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Its 1 week clean for me today, and the world around me goes on...little does everyone know that im battling addiction. ..we all have our struggles in life...some are worse than others...I have a had a reasonable day today..im struggling to eat alot which I think is making me feel a little light headed and sluggish..I hope I get my appetite back soon....have had thoughts today of maybe just having pills for tonight...get a good sleep...but I do know that its not gunna help me...it will make things harder for me....These thoughts are real...and they are strong...but I am stronger....im trying to keep myself busy which helps....focus my attention elsewhere....just waiting for the day I never think of them.

Now im quitting pills cold turkey and while husband my husband is away working...10 days away 4 days home...so ive decided to find something good in everyday he is away and everyday that I stay clean....so my something good in today was, waking up this morning to my little girl laying beside me stroking my hair, giving me big neck cuddles that she instigated.....the simple things hey....
  Top
Posted: February 27, 2015, 4:54 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



8 days today..feels pretty good..my good thing for today was my hot coffee from begining to end! Feeling a lot better managing to eat a little. Still have a bit of insomnia... waking up and not being able to get back to sleep..hopefully it passes soon...
  Top
Posted: March 30, 2015, 4:55 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Addiction wins again...I feel so weak and powerless...I know what I HAVE to do, its the doing it thats hard...my head telling me just once more...any excuse...im into day 2 for another attempt...will this be the one?
  Top
Posted: March 31, 2015, 11:06 PM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Not 100% sure on whats going on for me...I am struggling daily with this addiction...I have had 24 tablets today, thats not good...im not really sure I should be even writing in a recovery diary as I feel im not in recovery....I keep taking backward steps...I want to stop. The cravings are just to powerful...I look at my babies and think if I cant do it for me, then do it for them....they need their mumma...why is this so god damn hard...
  Top
Posted: April 8, 2015, 6:55 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



So im still taking pills, I seem to last a day or 2 then its all over...I do try so very hard, but to no avil....things at home are still the same...husband is still working away, which sucks bigtime...its school holidays now, a very crazy time of year...I keep telling myself everyday that I can quit that I will.pull through...but it never happens..im now even to worried to go see the doctor...I know they can probably help me...give me stuff.to help get me clean...im just to ashamed!!! Anyway...ill post again soon
  Top
Posted: May 8, 2015, 1:19 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Still the same things goin on here...managed to see the doctor yesterday...im waiting on my blood results as I sit and type this ...not sure how I feel about it all....im feeling very nervous...im hoping to get something to help ease withdrawals....im making a desicion to stop again....with a bit of help from the doctor, I feel I may just be in with a better chance, I have realised that I cant do this alone...if im going to beat this monster I need HELP...
  Top
Posted: June 8, 2015, 7:07 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Rraaaaahhhhh.....I JUST WANT CONTROL OF MY LIFE BACK!!! The end of day 2 no N+. What am I even doing...why is this so fricken hard..I want a normal life...Im so sick to death of swalling 15 pills 5-6 times a day...im so sick of being tired and snappy from the damn things...my health is deteriorating...my husband is always comenting how im always wanting to sleep or sit around...why cant I just effing stop...whats wrong with me....ive got the runs..all I want to do is sit...ive got zero appetite..I have a headache and im super emotional...plus I have.wrestless legs when in bed...please give me the strength to get thru another day!!!
  Top
Posted: June 10, 2015, 2:32 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



Almost at the end of day 4! Yep day 4.. thats a big deal for me..i still have no urges to swallow pills...i think the wds are what im focusing on right now..which is fine by me! Energy levels are still pretty low, but im pushing thru it. Appetite still non existant. I have had half a kebab and a mandarin today..id say thats probably all ill have...just hoping that when i wake up tomoz i feel a fraction better. Husband will be home late tomoz afternoon, so i have to prepare myself for his arrival...i tend to slaken off when he is away...hopefully now that will all change...my next councelloer appt is next week on wednesday..ive been to 4 so far and i feel im making small progressive steps...well thats it for now...ill check back in, in a day or so...
  Top
Posted: June 11, 2015, 3:27 AM


Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015



The end of day 5!! Wow..pretty proud right now..i do feel the wds are slighty disappearing. But i wont count my chickens...as the day comes to an end i feel myself getting agitated easily..Hubby will be home in about an hour..Dinners almost ready, kids are bathed. My middle child decides to tell me as pick him up from school that he has to do a speech by tomoz...gahhh...by the way hes known about it for weeks!!! Ive been chatting to a like mind alot over the past 2 days on here ( you know who u are) and it has really, really, REALLY been helping...i do mean that..im so greatful to have you to chat with, you who know exactly what i mean when i say something...you have made my last 2 days bearable.. So thankyou☺ ..will check back in a day or 2...

  top of page  Top