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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Don't Know What To Do

Posted by: Amanda1933 September 6, 2019, 12:31 PM
My husband has been drinking for our whole marriage. Never been a big problem whereas he still goes to work, is not abusive. But the last year has been bad with staying in the kitchen all night and drinking 10 beers a night. My 14 year old told me that dad has changed an I didn't know he drank beer. That's when I put my foot down and told him he needs to stop. He said he is depressed so that's why he drinks. He went to counceling and started antidepressants but still drinks every night just not as much. So now months later I realized he stopped counceling and the antidepressants. He said he forgets to take them and they are not helping
They are not helping because he drinks while he on them. My daughter told me he should go live with his mother because he will not get better at home. He has been saying he will stop for a year now. When do I say enough is enough. I have supported him for a year and swept it under the table.thanks

Posted by: #momfail September 6, 2019, 4:46 PM
Hello Amanda, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have much advice for you, other than you need to let your husband know how you and your kids feel about his drinking, and from there he needs to decide to get help. If he doesn't seek help, maybe living apart is the best solution. hugs for you. It's not easy and I know it's hard to post for the first time.

Posted by: Sallyanna September 6, 2019, 8:22 PM
As you well know, sadly, your husband has an addiction to alcohol. He needs professional help (detox, rehab, meetings) if he is willing to admit he has an addiction and if he's willing to go on his own. If he's in denial and doesn't 'think' he needs help, then nothing will change and he will likely get worse. Meanwhile, he's modeling this behavior to your son which is very concerning, abusive, and damaging.

Its important, in my opinion, that you have very clear personal boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate. Its important not to deny to yourself what you know is true. Its important to not rationalize his behavior or drinking. Its important to protect your son. If your husband doesn't want sobriety then you have to make a decision about how you want to live your life for you and your son in a healthy manner. Living with a person in active addiction is not healthy.

Im sorry you are in this situation. Just remember to take care of you, your son, and make healthy decisions.

Posted by: NyToFlorida September 7, 2019, 11:36 AM
I think you have given your husband a chance to change for the past year. Suggest to him that he temporarily moves to his mother's. Does not have to be a divorce situation. Just a break for all of you.

Early this year because of my son's addiction I left my home for 2 months. It gave all of us a break. Me - a chance to feel safe and not nervous about what interaction with my son was going to happen. Without me there, my son was not able to ask me for 'help'.

It helped my husband because when we were together we only talked about the problem of the day and we were both upset all the time.

We both got a break of peace and quiet. kind of a way to get back to basics and regroup.

Posted by: Parenting2 September 11, 2019, 8:15 AM
I agree. Although it is tough, just keeping things the same is not good for anyone. He really needs to leave the family home and figure out his addiction. So easy to write, but I know it will be hell for all involved. Make sure you and your kids have someone to talk to and maybe counseling or Al-Anon meetings.

My son has been in this spiral of depression/usage. I get that and I have been depressed. But, the choice is get help or move on. Staying in that cycle is not fair to the people around.