12 Days In And I Want To Win
Posted: January 24, 2014, 9:42 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hello Everyone,
Today is my 12th day in from the jump. Man I feel mentally week no matter what I do my mind just keeps racing about it I want to give in but I know I can't. I have been on opiates for 8 years and suboxone for 2 years almost 3. This has to be the toughest thing i have ever done in my life. Day 1 was not to bad, I just dealt with not having it. Day 2 NO ENERGY what so ever same with the 3rd and 4th but just felt sicker everyday. Day 5 still no energy and I was in the bathroom more then the average person, had backache, and talk about not sleeping huh! Day 6 still in bathroom but trying to push forward. Day 10 is when I could take laying in bed another second or i would go crazy so so anxoius. I have been taking since like day three a natural organic detox everday three times a day.L-tyrosine caps 500mg twice a day. I was taking Nux Vomica from day 2-8 but gave it up for some reason. I have been keeping my diet super healthy lots of water, lots of greens. I had no appetite for like 6 days. I have been trying to keep a level head but it's not an easy thing to do but i knew this from the start. 12 days in and im so mentally stressed i want to just break down in tears. I just want it all to end and just be rid of this forever. I am posting here today because i dont know what else to do its mentally exsausting. I want to beat this devil inside me so bad I wish I had someone close to me to talk to who trully understands what i am going through. I been listening to a lot of positive upbeat music since about day 8. But my feeling are up and down and so is how i feel. There are points where I feel okay and want to do stuff but like right now my stomach is killing me and just want to lay my head down. I have been trying to take long walks for the past 4 days but its hard to get motivation to want to do anything, lack of energy "maybe due to not having real sleep in 12 days" my stool is still kinda loose even today but i can see it's getting better. But when do i feel better?? the tears running down my cheeks are real and i dont feel this is easy at all. I jumped straight up from 8mg of suboxone a day to natural organic remedies. there is one thing that i wish i didnt have to take but i do and right now is ambian but its sucks anyway still no sleep tossing and turning literally every hour on the dot.If is was not for my girlfriend i dont think i would be where i am right now, she is like my "Guardian Angel!" She has been trying to keep my head up high but she is not here all of the time either has she ever takin an opiate in her life, so does she trully understand. I could write a whole novel about what i have been through about being on all this stuff and what i have went through but really i just want to leave all this in my past and not look back for a split second. My biggest pain of today is the mental break down. I have to lie to the people I have been around and tell them everything is alright when really its and they have no freaking clue. Another thing I can say is thank god I am in Cali and not in cold weather I am originally from the black hole they call New Jersey. but either way the chills still have been a motha F-er I told my girlfriend today that the mental part today is killing me but she kinda just blew me off. I think lack of understanding. I really dont know what else to do to keep my mind off of this besides typing here write now about my feelings and what I am going through. I have been hiding this s*** some how for years to everyone around me for pure fact of being judged and criticized. I dont want to hide behind the curtains anymore and just be free from this weight that holds me down. Being on suboxone helped me but at the same time it just prolonged my process of getting off. Most doctors and nero health i feel are kinda bull crap they just that cash. either way I am exsausted and dont feel like typing anymore to lack of energy. I am just going to keep trying to be strong and take one day at time and I feel for anyone in the postion I am in or worse and I give you every ounce of my blessing to get this out and away from your life cause i know most people will just be stuck for the rest of lives lack of people caring. Laugh and the world laughs with you weep and weep alone. Good night for now everyone!
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Posted: January 26, 2014, 6:02 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hello everyone,
I am now 14 days in and still going stronger even stronger then 2 days ago. I still feel a little bit week but i know for my own health I have to keep pushing forward and keep my head to the sky. Yesterday I went to my brother in laws house for carne asada and to be honest it was the best thing I could have done. I got myself out and talking and just going. It seems like when i am sitting there for a while the depletes even more then if you are just sitting there do not much but only enough to get by. I pushed myself to get up and do some things so far today.I am just keep pushing, I really want to succeed in this life of mine. I know I have a meaning in this world and I can't let anything hold me back from it. I know the mind is very powerful and you can make yourself pretty much do anything you want besides maybe flying. lol. I can still feel its kinda still in my body. I am going to overcome this. I have been trying to keep myself calm cause panic surely does not help. For my sleep it's still is tough to sleep. I going to just keep trying even if its only for an hour at a time last night was better then all the nights I had off the 8mg of Suboxone jump. It's still kinda hard to focus on stuff for a long time. Losing interest in stuff sucks. But again everyday it seems to be getting better everyday that goes by. I have done more then enough studying about these things and I know better then most doctors these things are no good for you but they did not make me as crazy for that want for opiates, not like when I was snorting 30's, 10 in a day easy if not more, either way Subs helped level that feeling out. I dont recommend anyone to this medication. Just stop trap yourself away from all temptation. I am going to keep on posting everyday or every couple days. I just want to be me again, and do things with my life.
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Posted: January 27, 2014, 12:37 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 27, 2014



wow i am so glad i found this page, i am just begining to wean off suboxone...i too have had years and years of opiate abuse and thought i could use suboxone forever to stay clean..yeah right...til i ran out and couldnt get a refill for 5 days, went into full on with drawl and lost my f-ing mind..withdrawls were almost as bad if not worse than pills..i joined an outpaitent rehab group thats going to be very very expensive, and the doctor that has been perscribing me the suboxone for the past 4 years wont even help me with the weaning off process,..not cool..but i just wanted to drop a line in..this desease is awful and i just want to get past it..
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Posted: January 27, 2014, 2:11 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hi ericbeth,
Don't tell yourself its a disease cause its not think at if it was temporary' not some disease inside you that is going to kill you like cancer cause its not that bad. Today is day 15 for me and I am going to do contruction today. My body does not want to but i know for myself it needs to. You have to just sometimes think what is best for you and your body. I dont know how many days from the jump you are but 15 days is the longest i have ever been in about 8 years. It's I am seeing life in a different perspective this time. My eyes can see much clearer everyday that goes by and I am pushing my self everyday to get better. I am pretty sure I will get better it just takes time. Maybe a lot of time but I am willing to take on the pain I know it doesnt last forever. But I have to cut it short because I need to go push myself to go do something.
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Posted: January 28, 2014, 1:03 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 27, 2014



thank for responding..they r slowly weaning me off of it but i want to just stop..as long as i am still taking any at all my mind obsesses about it and i go stir crazy..i am so glad to hear some one tell me that i shouldnt think of it as a disease cuz in na all they tell me is "you have a disease" "you have a mental illness" that all may be true but like you i see a bright big future, i just want to get past all this, i want to LIVE..going to hop on the stair machine and sweat this thing out...thank you so much for your inspiration
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Posted: January 30, 2014, 12:19 AM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



I am 17 days now. I am doin the damn thing. I am pretty sure I am through the rough water. I still have a long way to go to be myself again. I have been pushing myself everyday I feel a lot better then i was feeling. I still have lack of energy even though and I am 17 days from the jump from 8mg subs. yeah I did that because I was lying about how much i was taking. Ha only lied to myself from that one. I recommend weening yourself down to like an 8th a day then nothing. My issue was I could not beat that mental urge to go lower for some reason. Then I just decided to stop doing them all together. My girlfriend helped me push through this whole thing if it wasn't for her I don't think I would be where I am right now. I mean its a lot of my own willpower also. either way I am doing better everyday that goes by. I can actually feel its still inside me body but I am thinking 21 days is around the corner. I am going to keep posting. You have to be strong in this life or what else would you be...
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Scott
Posted: January 31, 2014, 3:23 PM







Good for you for quitting! I'm on day 15 and feel like I'm going insane. Not sleeping but maybe an hour a night. Forcing myself to get out of the house to walk with my dogs everyday, which makes me feel a little better for a little while. You're on day 18? Are you able to sleep yet?
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Posted: January 31, 2014, 8:40 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hey scott and Day 19 here sleeping will get better with time and yeah it really blows not sleeping, I know! Try to walk, ride a bike anything to keep you moving during the day and make sure you are keeping your brain active with what ever is around. Reading something or search the web. Learn something new! My body is still pretty beat down also and I know what you mean I can still feel some strange pain in my body, Like a total lack of energy and its a real burden. I stopped taking anything to make me sleep or feel better on day 16 I believe that you shouldn't need anything to feel better or sleep thats some bull crap. If your body isnt going to let you sleep you wont sleep. Only been taking homeopathic remedies thats natural from plants and stuff. I want to sleep natural again I really miss it. I know my sleep and my energy levels have been getting a little better everyday that is going by. I have been waking up around 6am cause my body wont sleep past the sun and it has been feeling days will never end so I go to bed around 10pm I just try not to toss and turn cause that's what keeps me up. I try not to get out of bed cause that keeps you up also. So from 10pm until 6am I have been forcing myself not to get out of bed not even to go to the bathroom. I can't say I feel amazing yet but you need the most patients you have ever had for anything for this and the people around you must understand what you are going through. It a tough battle so far but I do not want that for my life anymore. Good luck to you my friend. Keep pushing We all can all stop doing this if you just try and force yourself to.

This post has been edited by joshb872008 on February 2, 2014, 12:59 PM
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Scott
Posted: February 2, 2014, 1:16 PM







Thanks for the reply. Slept maybe a couple of hours last night. Kept busy most of yesterday -- got out and watched some snowmobile races. Past the diarrhea, but still not to normal yet. Have been drinking a lot of water and Gatorade trying to keep hydrated. I'm on day 17 and am waiting and waiting to feel better. It's nice to have someone to close to my number of days clean and understands the trials. I know I just have to keep with it and not go back, but this is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long, long while. Keep updating, not just for me, but for the others out there that will see this and know that they are not the only one that has gone through this. I'll be heading out in a little bit to walk with my dogs and hopefully will feel a little better for a little while.
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Posted: February 3, 2014, 11:37 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Day 22, Keep right on pushing and it gets easier everyday that goes by. I am starting to feel good I got this job which is pretty damn good and getting the second one hopefully tomorrow. They are sales jobs go to people house and sell cheap gas and electric. 2 different companies. First sale jobs like this but if you're good and work a lot you make good money. I don't have to pay for doctor visits anymore and or prescriptions HA HA! What an amazing feeling. My body is still kinda tired but I did yard work today Cleaned up the fruit trees in the back yard. Oh mind you have 16 cats and 4 dogs so they can keep you busy just by there selves. With feeding cleaning poopy. Yay for cats poop, they dig hole and bury it. and we actually might have more then 16 guessing only the ones i can name lol. Anyway been trying to keep my attitude toward life in good spirit. I want to do this. I want to do that. being Positive helps. My stomach feels much better now and its about damn time. lol. I still feel like crap when I wake up sleep is defiantly getting better, but still tossing and turning at waking up still but not as badly where I can't go back to sleep. I try to eat healthy and like small meals 5 times a day if possible. Keeping my brain focused on stuff helps thinking about it and my urges are getting better with time. Still am not taking medications for anything, not sleep, and not during the day. Still have the damn sneezes oh they are annoying cant count how many times I sneeze a day. Well good luck to all and god bless and I will keep on keeping on.
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Posted: February 19, 2014, 10:32 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Day 38, still sticking strong and not going to give up. I feel SO SO SO much better. I still have a bit of body ache at night and toss and turn at night but I sleep and I feel pretty damn good during the day. My stool hasn't been fantastic even 38 days in but I don't really have to many stomach pains anymore. The only time I really feel not so well is when I wake up for like the first hour or two, also before I go to bed maybe around 9 or so. All I have to say is pushing yourself to do things is the best way. Support helps but you have to make the decision on your own and not give up on yourself. Drugs will make you do the most stupidiest things you have ever done in your life, but you can not live your life in regret. Feeling guilty about what you have done in the past and what you may be doing now is just ridiculous. Do you really want to live in regret and be depressed everyday? No one does. Just try bettering yourself each and every day that goes by. Help someone else that is in need. Do things that will make you, yourself feel better as person on this earth. When you are hurting take deep breathes and tell yourself everything will get better in time because it will. Everyday seems to get easier even though I know I am not completely better, I feel I am on the road to success. I want to more with myself then sitting around waiting for my next fix, or just sitting watching t.v. or playing a game. There is so much out there in the world and most of us are just missing out on what going by. If anyone need some advice or just want to put a word in feel free. For everyone out there who is still stuck in a bad positiion things can get better you just have to want it bad enough to free yourself from it!
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Posted: February 25, 2014, 1:06 AM


Posts: 2
Joined: February 25, 2014



I want to thank those of you who have posted here. I'm going to get from under these subs starting tomorrow. They have taken me over. Like the opiates, every day starts with the thoughts do I have enough to get through today? Or how can I get enough? I'm terrified to be without them and at the same time I hate them. I have a family that depends on me and I scared to be sick but I'm sick with them anyway. I thought I was the only one addicted to these since they are made to get people off of everything else. It's nice to know I'm not the only one, and others have made off of these. Wish me luck and strength! And good luck to you all!!
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Posted: February 25, 2014, 11:12 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hi shainabug123,
You can beat this thing. Your mind can do amazing things! It is scary and I know this it was very scary for me to stop also. I felt like what I am going to do when I am sick I have to keep taking these or I can't do another thing. Let me tell you that time will heal everything. It prolly wont be the easiest thing to do ever for maybe three weeks, you will have low energy and stomach problems. Sleeping can be tough for some also, it was for me for a while, but I am getting through. I feel better everyday that passes and sleep better also. I feel so much better that I am not dependent on this anymore. I was also sick everyday anyway so what was the difference if I was taking them or not. I don't feel tired as hell all the time anymore. Which is awesome! Just push yourself and you can definitely beat this thing. Anyone can do it really, if your mind is strong enough and you stay focused on other things. For me it can be tough at times cause the thoughts haven't completely gone away, but they have slowed down a lot compared to what they where before. I have tried to stop on several occasions before but I always went back. It has been years since I have tried and this time I am in it for the win. Funny how one to stupid orange strip can take your whole body over. Well I believe my mind is stronger then the strip. Keep pushing and you will make!
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Beth
Posted: March 9, 2014, 9:16 PM







How are you doing? When was the worse and when did you start turning the corner to feeling even a little better. Husband on day 6. (made it once to day 12 but neither of us where prepared so started again.) Thanks
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Posted: March 11, 2014, 10:01 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: March 11, 2014



Hi Everyone, this is my first post. I wish i had thought of this sooner, it may have helped. I was taking opiates for 4 years, on suboxone for 8! my doctor told me i would never get off it and every time i asked for help or advice he told me i was an addict and that i would just go back to drugs. I'm not saying this is the answer, but part of what got me 20 days off it today is that i got pissed! i spent over 40, 000 between doctor visits and meds, I've worked hard full time since i was 17 and have very little to show for it because i believed this was something i couldn't fight, but i did and i feel better than i can remember! i won't lie, i still get the chills, fever, backache but its few and far between, some days are better than others and I'm sharing my story in hopes that it may help someone else. i know everyone is different and this drug and the "doctors" who i call legal drug dealers are all different but this is my journey...ive wanted to be off this for a longgg time and didn't have the courage to go through withdrawals even though i cut down from 8 to 1 mg which wasn't easy. i basically ran out of money to pay for this and had a great boyfriend who promised to stay by my side through every pain no matter what. day one was rough but nothing compared to the rest. i really believe that if someone told me you have to go through 5 days or 10 days of agony and you will be fine it would have been easier bc you know what to expect and you can plan. but the truth is everyone is different. i was able to go back to work after a week but yes it sucked! i had no energy, i was depressed, the body aches and chills were not as bad but the fact that it was getting better gave me hope. 20 days in I'm still not 100% but i realize i was never 100%. I feel like i have a second chance at life, i feel better mentally than i ever did on subs. i read an article that gave natural remedies that was also a huge help! i will summarize. suboxone completely depletes your body of amino acids which contributes to the physical withdrawals which we all know is the worst. so...3 times a day take L tyrosine, L adenine, Omega 3 6 9. GET THE HIGHEST MILLOGRAM THEY SELL. drink as much freakin water as you possibly can even though thats the last thing you want. 3 hours before bed take 5 HTP. ONE HOUR BEFORE BED TAKE MELATONIN, ST JOHNS WORT AND VALERIAN ROOT. IF YOU HAVE AMBIEN THAT WILL HELP. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOU WILL SLEEP HALF AS MUCH AS YOU USED TO. I SLEPT LESS THAN 3 HOURS FOR THE FIRST FEW NIGHTS AND COULDNT SLEEP MORE BUT I WAS ALSO NOT DRINKING ANY WATER UNTIL DAY 3...STUPID! SLEEP WAS MY ONLY SANCTUARY BC I KNEW IF I WAS SLEEPING I WOULDNT FEEL THE PAIN. THE FINAL THING THAT I AM SURE WAS MOST HELPFUL WAS FAITH AND PRAYER. WHEN I WAS HURTING OR COULDNT SLEEP I PRAYED LIKE NEVER BEFORE. I REPEATED OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD...JESUS JESUS PLEASE GET ME THROUGH THIS ...OVER AND OVER AND I WOULD EVENTUALLY FALL ASLEEP AND WHEN I WOKE UP I STARTED AGAIN IN MY HEAD PRAYING TO GET ME THROUGH THE DAY. I PROMISE YOU CAN DO THIS, I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BUT I DID IT, IM STILL DOING IT. NO ONE IS SAYING THIS IS EASY, BUT ONCE YOU TURN THE CORNER, THAT ONE DAY YOU START FEELING LESS s***TY THAN THE LAST, YOU WILL HAVE HOPE AND YOU WILL BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF! DONT GIVE UP ...YOU CAN DO IT IF I DID!
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Posted: March 11, 2014, 10:04 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: March 11, 2014



Your post made me want to tell my story. I'm a little further in, but you've been dead on and i want to thank you for sharing your story and motivating me to help mine. this helped me and i know it will help others!
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Posted: March 14, 2014, 3:46 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hello all,
I am today 61 days in and Still fighting! Beth I am going to say around day 10 are started feeling a little better from what I can remember. It is not an easy thing to do. It has to be one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life, But it has been more then worth the struggle. I feel so much better then day 1. I am finally starting to sleep with no homeopathic remedies anymore. I do unfortunately still have a bit of back pain but I just deal with it and I work construction. In the mornings I am still pretty groggy for at least an hour if not more. During the day I seem to be okay. Night time my body gets a little irritated but its seems to be slowing up on how rough it is. I do still toss and turn a bit but I am sleeping naturally now. jennaschm thank you for your post it deeply touched me inside. I am more then glad to share my story because no matter how much certain doctors say your an addict it's really your choice with what you put in your body on a daily basis. I am overjoyed with hearing that I can help people even if it is just a little bit. I feel as though I still have a long way to go though and need to still take it one day at a time. I hope that you are still staying strong jennaschm because I know it is not easy but it can be done. I still have cravings for opiates sometimes not everyday. When the thoughts come up in my head I say oh hell no! I try to focus on something else to take my mind off of it. This is the longest I have ever been off everything in 10 years. Everyday that goes by I just feel better inside as a person. I still have a lack of energy which sucks at times, when I really need to get stuff done. I just push myself to do stuff even if I don't feel like it. I am pretty sure I am at the point where it's like a mental block in my head. I tell myself that it is all in my head because I truly believe it is. Your brain is a very powerful tool. I have spent years and years in destroying it. Now I feel it is time to better my brain and my body instead of putting garbage foods and drugs in my body. I need to cleanse myself of all the waste with goodness that is found right here on earth. I hope that everyone out there who is in pain and agony from drugs will wake up and realize what they are doing to there selves and the people around them. It can be done just don't give up on yourself no matter how hard it can be. You must be strong to with this fight!
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Jessa
Posted: August 2, 2014, 11:53 PM







Hi,

I'm new here. I have been abusing Suboxone for the past year, before tgen, I took as prescribed for three years. I am on day 4 of 32mg day cold turkey. I can't believe I'm standing. I'm waiting for my insurance to authorize detox, so far. They have not. I have excellent insurance. I may as well live in a third world country I just need some encouragement. Please, no horror stories. I have a panic disorder and it's already peaking. Luckily, have a daughter who is into natural health that's helping me.
Stay strong people. I'm hanging on to faith in Christ .
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alex olshove
Posted: November 5, 2014, 4:43 AM







you cant do this. you will not beat it. I was on it for 6 years you need to taper .5 mg every 14 days till your done. you will have very little withdrawal. I beat it so stop punishing your self its not needed. and stay consistent on the taper. don't alter the taper plan. because you feel like catching a buzz. this is suicide behavior stop it. I have been there its not worth it. I learned this like you are. I think you ran out early now you are screwed. that's why it has been 12 days. when you get more or get it on the street taper it. and stop abusing it you can beat these drug issues. I was like you. till I got sick of punishing myself. I straightened up. and tapered slowly as I told you hoe above. it works you must try if want better life. you seem like a nice person with a drug issue it does not have to be this way. so fix it. hell email me at alexolshove@gmail.com I will help you to taper if you are done beating yourself up. I really feel for you I have done just like you I get it. but it will tire you out. I just hope it does not cause your suicide. because if you are 12 days in you are feeling hopeless. don't give up don't let this drug take you out. we need good people like you around. I mean you sound like me you just wanted to have some fun with a few pills or suboxone. you never wanted to get hooked. I know but now you got to fix your mistake. like I needed to fix mine. it can be done. again you should email me. alexolshove@gmail.com I can help with taper plan. for legal reason I am speaking from using suboxone I am in no way claiming to be a doctor or any professional in medical. for those who may be reading this so don't get sue happy people I got my knowledge on this matter from personal use of this drug. suboxone is a bad drug its worst than full narcotic drugs. it should only be used in inpatient rehab facilities closely monitored. without this it will just be trading one drug for another. this drug can be effective if monitored for drug recovery. I would like to know what a******* let doctors give this out outpatient options. it is a very strong drug not to be monitored. I mean for god sakes we are speaking of addicts people hello. doctors give them 30 day script and say your on your own.i mean really. hello people. good luck guy. if anything let me know how your doing and the truth is nice. the truth will set you free.
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Posted: December 3, 2014, 8:29 PM


Posts: 16
Joined: January 24, 2014



Hello all,
day 324 here. It has been a long time since I have posted anything here. alex olshove you obviously did not read everything I have posted. You said I couldnt do this and I wont beat it!? Why would you say something like this to someone who is trying to recover, really nice... Anyway I have been keeping strong with no relapses and staying true to myself about everything. It was a bumpy road but I feel a lot better now and keeping my head held high knowing that I no longer need this to go on with my life, in fact I am in a much better mental state then I have ever been. Knowing I can beat something so strong, makes me feel like freight train and I feel like I Can push through anything that stands in my way. I know it will still be a long road ahead but I am doing it and not for anyone but myself. you know everyday that goes by I grow stronger as a person mentally and physically. If anyone needs help or has questions please feel more then free to contact me. I am no doctor but I have been there and beat it. I will keep on keepin on. Good luck to everyone trying to be strong. Oh and let me tell you it is the best decision I have ever made in my life to stop doing all of this crap that controls you.
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