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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > I Need Support I’m So Lost! Back After 3 Years


Posted by: Kate42 July 7, 2019, 11:05 AM
Hello,
I first posted in this forum years ago. My fiancé (now husband) is addicted to pain pills mostly opiates (oxy mostly) but we have been through it all. Everyone in the forum told me to leave. But of course I didn’t. I had such high hopes things would change once we were married, they didn’t. He has graduated with a degree, gotten and kept a good job, and to the outside world seems completely fine and normal which is what makes it so hard for me. He’s the ideal man and husband to everyone around.
I was blessed to fall pregnant a couple months after our wedding. Of course we were over the moon. I thought this would change everything. It didn’t. He used periodically throughout my pregnancy, but again I figured once the baby comes it will change. I had an awful pregnancy much of it I spent in the hospital due to kidney issues which led to me having to have pain medication in my last trimester and my baby coming early. (He is perfectly fine and healthy!) A week after he was born my husband came home acting funny. I had c section so was very tired and still in pain so didn’t think much of it and was focusing on taking care of our little one. Later he started being completely out of it and I knew he had done drugs again. I immediately called my mom knowing I had to get out of there and called 911, and left. Turns out he had overdosed and had to be resuscitated. I didn’t go back for about a week. Since then he went to an outpatient rehab so he could keep his job. He got transferred about 12 hours away from any family and friends. We moved there, after 3 days of being there he stole and took my pain medication I had from when I was pregnant (oxy) which I needed for future flair ups. Our baby is now 3 months old. I called my mom to meet me half way, packed up the baby and drove the 12 hours to be with family and get my child out of the situation.
I came to the conclusion of me and baby living in a town about 3 hours away from where my husband is where we have friends and are much closer to family. He could visit on weekends and try to transfer in October, and see how things go from there. I called him and told him and I’m not sure if he was high or not but he was extremely suicidal. I had to end up saying that I would come back because he was being so crazy saying his life was ruined, how can I do this to him, I’m over reacting, he didn’t do anything, he swears he will never do it again, he might as well be dead without us, etc. I don’t know where to go from here. Am I overreacting? I think I need to get our son out of this situation and as much as I want to believe him I know it will happen again and I can’t keep driving a baby across the country to get away. I just need to know if I’m doing the right thing? If so how can I do it without him going crazy? All I want is what’s best for my son.

Posted by: Sallyanna July 7, 2019, 1:52 PM
Hi kate42 and welcome back. I'm sorry to hear about your current situation with your husband addicted to pain meds. I think you are absolutely right to stay away from him Do not be influenced by his threats and manipulations. Do what is best for your baby son and you. He has a serious addiction and he needs serious help (like detox and a 3 month rehab) then an output program to keep working his sobriety. He can't just "I'll never do it again". People show you the truth and he's shown you he has a full blown addiction and is not getting the help he needs. He wants you and his addiction and you have to have clear boundaries that you only want him without an active addiction. Otherwise you are signing up for a miserable life for you and your son and you deserve happiness and peace. I wish you all the best.

Posted by: Kate42 July 8, 2019, 2:05 PM
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that ❤️

Posted by: Parenting2 July 9, 2019, 1:08 AM
Yes, like I said in another post, you have a strong instinct to keep your baby safe and healthy. follow that instinct. If you are worried about him becoming abusive, I would reach out to your local shelter and ask about resources (counseling, safety plan, etc.)

And, congrats on your healthy baby! We do need to celebrate that baby in the middle of this complexity. : ) <3