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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Stuck|
|Posted by: Rose1400 November 19, 2019, 3:27 AM|
|I'm feeling extremely conflicted. My brother has been using cocaine for about six months. Before he started using we were extremely close. We are close in age and he was my best friend. He always made me feel better when I was upset and always knew how to make me laugh. I keep trying to remember the exact moment he changed, but I can't. I remember him telling me the first time he tried it. Then he did it more, and more. I asked my brother about his constant use, he denied it, and continually got angry at me. I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to tell my parents (I'm in high school, he's a freshman in college). I hoped he would get caught, and eventually he did. My parents were angry and tried to have him talk to a therapist. He lied to his therapist like he lied to all of us. He continued to fail drug tests. He stole money from me. He got mean. He lost weight. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I decided to cut off my relationship from him because it was hurting me to watch him do this to himself. He stayed clean for a month, then relapsed last week. I knew he had before he failed the drug test. I try not to care because I know there's nothing I can do. But I miss my best friend. I feel broken. I feel like I missed the signs, like maybe I could have done something before it got bad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Will my brother ever be the way he was before? Will I ever be able to trust him again? I feel completely stuck in what I'm supposed to do.|
|Posted by: Parenting2 November 19, 2019, 9:39 AM|
In some ways, I think it would be harder when it is a brother. I am really so sorry that you have had your heart broken by this.
First of all, honestly, you did not miss any signs and there was nothing you could do for him. I have learned that myself.
My son would never steal from his sister for awhile. Of course, he eventually did because of the addiction (more than once now). When he was in treatment, they held hands and talked together as part of an exercise. She was so happy and open to the 'new' brother. He relapsed. He pretty much ignores now and never mentions those conversations they had in rehab. I know it really hurts her heart. She has been nothing but positive for him and he treats her poorly.
I know what you mean about seeing the signs before they fail a drug test. It can be pretty obvious. Unfortunately, your brother may not be the same and that has to be so sad for you. But, there is always hope. None of us know the future.
You did the right thing by staying out of his addiction and cutting him out to take care of you.
I hope you can find a counselor you trust and/or support groups or a friend you trust. Because this is not easy and you need support. It is kind of like a death; for sure, a major loss. Please keep us updated. I find it helps to write out the emotions to people who understand.
|Posted by: Rose1400 November 20, 2019, 3:18 AM|
Thank you for your words, they made me feel more confident in my decision to put myself first. I definitely found it helpful to write out what is going on, and it is so so helpful to talk to people that understand what this is like. I'm so glad I found this forum. Thank you again.
|Posted by: Sallyana November 20, 2019, 8:43 PM|
|Welcome Rose and I'm very sorry to hear about your brother's addiction. It's very difficult to be related to someone with an addiction. Its hard to watch the self destruction and the changes in their behavior and personality. As Parenting2 stated, it's important to take good care of yourself. Addiction affects everyone in the family.
I think with recovery via treatment your brother can get better and return to his old self. He has to really want it though and work hard. No one can do it for him. Right now, it sounds like he may not be ready yet. In the meantime, take really good care of you and keep healthy boundaries.