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Message Board > Pain Pills > Daily Check In


Posted by: girltoday June 20, 2014, 8:23 AM
Where is everyone these days? Been a good day so far for me.

Posted by: Suboxman June 20, 2014, 5:47 PM
Hi Jessica-

Have my eldest crashing on my floor-for a -3 day vacation-loving every minute with her- Think my son/(dog) is having more fun than I am. He is a cool little dog-

glad things are okay by you----Life is pretty darn good my way.

Enjoy your weekend Jessica-

-Jeffrey

Posted by: girltoday June 21, 2014, 8:37 AM
Hey Jeffery! Oh family time is the best hu? I've been keeping my nephew during the day through the week and it's been a blessing. My son is 7 and he is 8. They are big buddies:). We have a lot of fun. I miss having a dog. My apartment is not really big enough for a big dog and i've always had a big dog. I like it a little rough lol and little dogs are so fragile i get nervous around them.


So i have gained a few pounds and i have been ok with it. My motto was better chunky then a junkie. I am at a strong 137 and i don't think that's bad but i'm not a fan of exercise. So i have started jogging in the morning and i have been doing this for 2 weeks so far. My body is sore but i'm not giving up! That's about all i got. Going to a meeting at noon and i get to do the coffee today so i feel needed, what a good feeling:)

Posted by: girltoday June 22, 2014, 8:40 AM
Another wonderful day sober!

Posted by: girltoday June 23, 2014, 9:39 AM
Another great day sober, Sunday's are always my favorite day of the week. 727 days and counting!

Posted by: girltoday June 24, 2014, 7:14 AM
Another great HOT sober day for me. Seeing my son enjoy the summer is a real blessing. I taught him how to ride his bike without the use of training wheels, so he's having a good time with that, and getting lots of boo boo's. Good thing i am able to be there to give him magic kisses:).

Posted by: girltoday June 25, 2014, 9:09 AM
Hit an early meeting this morning it was a good one. Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, because my birthday is tomorrow and i am gonna miss my brother calling me and that hurts. I am doing better after the meeting. I never felt like using i just needed to talk to someone. Those old timers sure do know what life's about. I am grateful for the wisdom they all shared with me.

Posted by: girltoday June 27, 2014, 8:34 AM
2 years! I sure never thought i'd make it past 2 weeks. I had a great sober day. People would ask me, "well Jessica what have you learned?" I would then respond, first i had to learn how to love myself, shake a few other things around, my sponsor is not my babysitter or second mother lol, my recovery is slower then most and that's ok. I seem to have lots of questions, take suggestions and follow through on them, and many other things that help me stay sober. I truly believe that without the help of the program (12 steps)and the people in it, i wouldn't have made it. But that's just me.

Posted by: PositiveOutlook June 27, 2014, 1:17 PM
Ok so I haven't taken any pills since technically Wednesday . I didn't do much yesterday and today I keep feeling like WD symptoms want to creep up on me but it hasn't completely happened yet if that makes sense. It's a weird feeling but doable. Anyone have any advice to help get through day 2?

Posted by: Aussie girl June 28, 2014, 8:31 AM
You are doing great Jessica, 2 yrs WOW thats amazing. Someday I hope to be where you are.
Bec

Posted by: girltoday June 28, 2014, 12:08 PM
Day 2, well as i remember i was curled up in a ball thinking OMG I JUST CAN"T DO THIS. If left on my own i'm sure i wouldn't have made it. I went to treatment to get clean. You see i lost everything i ever had before i was willing to get clean. I wanted to be out of the handcuffs those pills put on me, but i also didn't want to go through withdraws, i'll tell you what they told me. Get up and get over it! Your gonna have some pain to get to the other side, but it is worth it. If your trying to do this alone(without a support group or counciling ) it's gonna be hard. That's the truth. Who the hell wants to go through the withdraws? Nobody i ever knew, but your gonna have to suck it up. Try to some yoga, go for walks, anything to get out of your head. It;s mental as well and your body is telling you HELP! It gets better, just hang in there.


Thanks Bec! I have a good life today much better then i had when using for sure. I went to a Zumba class this morning and had soooo much fun. Now tomorrow i'll be sore and whinney lol! Later i'm going to a baseball game:) Life is good today!

Posted by: girltoday June 29, 2014, 8:37 AM
Another great sober day. The baseball game was awesome because i can remember going and leaving. It was my son's first baseball game:) He ate lots of food and got to take home a baseball from the players. It feels good to be able to be a good mom.

Posted by: girltoday June 30, 2014, 8:43 AM
Another great sober day!

Posted by: foggyeyes July 1, 2014, 2:57 PM
Thanks for your positive posting. 2 years!!!! awesome!!!!!

Posted by: girltoday July 3, 2014, 8:53 AM
Another great sober day! I just got a dehydrator and i have been make deer jerky, and fruit rolls. It's a lot of fun. I also got a gym membership to more Zumba to get fit.

Posted by: girltoday July 4, 2014, 10:27 AM
Another great sober day. I spent the day swimming and eating at the country club with my boyfriend's parents. It was an awesome day. The firework show was my son's fav! It's the good days that remind me that i have the most fun when sober!

Posted by: girltoday July 5, 2014, 8:18 AM
Another fun sober day with good food, good friends, and good times! Now it's off to try some zumba again!

Posted by: girltoday July 7, 2014, 9:42 AM
I had a wonderful weekend. Got a babysitter on Saturday so we got to go out to eat at a really cool place called Hammerheads. I had a Elk burger cooked in duck fat on a pretzel bun with brie cheese and fries cooked in duck fat. OMG It was the best burger iv'e ever had. And then we went to the movies to see Tammy.(funny movie). On Sunday i went to 2 meetings and then went to the gym.

Posted by: girltoday July 8, 2014, 9:34 AM
Another great sober day!

Posted by: 12 stepper July 8, 2014, 3:03 PM
I keep looking for the "like" button.

Posted by: girltoday July 9, 2014, 8:22 AM
Thanks Kat!

It was another great sober day for me, but not for my boyfriend. A couple of weeks ago we got a new car one we he had to take a loan out for. That meant we had to pay an extra payment which we cannot afford. So he had to sell his race car. Not like NASCAR, it was an old Volkswagon but one he loved. He's had this car for 8 or 9 years. He was sad:(. So we hung out at the house and watched Fight Club(that's ok i make him watch Sex in the City)and went to bed early. We also have a truck and cannot afford car insurance on 3 cars. I don't know if iv'e ever mentioned that he is 10 years younger then me, he is 28 and i'm 38. I think he's starting to grow up lol.

Posted by: girltoday July 10, 2014, 8:23 AM
Another great sober day! My morning has been crazy because i got a new Cappuccino maker and trying to make my coffee was a joke. Took me 3 tries to figure this thing out lol.

Posted by: girltoday July 11, 2014, 8:40 AM
Another great sober day! Thursday is my home group meeting and it's an all women's meeting. I love love love this meeting. It is also when the girls in treatment get to go to their first meeting. I think it is so awesome to see the hope in these girls faces of how it could be if they stay sober.

Posted by: girltoday July 13, 2014, 9:36 AM
Been a great sober weekend so far. I took my little boy to a safety fair. They all kinds of fun things for kids to do and learn safety. He got to get in a fire truck, am ambulance, a mobile command center, and a mini house that they made a into a smoke house to teach kids what to do in a fire. This is something i would have never done while using because their were cops everywhere. My son would have missed out cause it was awesome. And we got a huge bag of free stuff like first aid kits, and survival kits. My son and nephew were even on the news!

If you want to see a picture of them go to:www.wlky.com/news/safety-fair-held-saturday-at-louisville-church/26926172#!bd5TS7


My little boy is the one on the left and the other little boy is my nephew. I have no idea how to copy a url sorry.

I am so glad i get to do things like this with my little boy! He's a joy!

Posted by: girltoday July 14, 2014, 8:54 AM
Another great sober day! I got to spend time with my niece yesterday at a family get together. This is brother who passed away little girl. What a special day:)

Posted by: girltoday July 15, 2014, 9:14 AM
Another great sober day! Pretty boring but i'm ok with that. Went to a meeting and then the gym. Sleep like like a log ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ lol. Have a great sober day everyone.

Posted by: girltoday July 16, 2014, 8:57 AM
Another great sober day! Yesterday my family went to Kentucky Kingdom. It's a big amusement park with a water park as well. It was a lot of fun. We were there from open to close and today i am beat! This again is something i would not have done while using because i would have had to get high at some point just to be able to walk the 12 hours we spent there. Not to mention the amount of money we spent. It was a fun day! So today i'm curling up with a good book hell might even take a nap who knows? I miss naps lol.

Posted by: girltoday July 17, 2014, 8:56 AM
Another great sober day! My book was a page turner, and i did drag my butt to the gym to walk a hour on the tread mill.

Posted by: justjane July 17, 2014, 10:22 AM
better chunky then a junkie. I love that! I have a son who is in rehab right now. He keeps complaining about how fat he is getting. He was so strung out on heroin that he could have blown away in the wind. I love how he looks. I have to share that with him.
I'm sorry about your brother. Thanks for reaching out and sharing that on my post. I read through your comments. 2 years sober is good times. I love the visuals I get of your son watching fireworks and you and your bf watching fight club and or sex in the city. You can feel your spirit through the screen. Enjoy your sober day~

Keep coming back.

Much love and respect,
justjane

Posted by: girltoday July 18, 2014, 9:08 AM
Thank you so much for your kind words Jane!

Another great sober day! For those of you who read this and are not in the rooms of NA/AA very often, i wish you could feel the way it feels to leave a good meeting. One where your heart is lifted and you feel all this joy. Sometimes when people speak it's like they step into your mind for just a few minutes and say exactly how you feel, but don't know how to say it. Amazing i tell ya! Yesterday was my home group meeting and i saw 27 girls(woman's meeting) get 24 hour tokens. Man ol man i had a smile on my face all day long thinking about the hope these girls had in their eyes. I remember being able to leave treatment to go to my first meeting, i felt like s***, but i saw a women get a 16 year token and i knew if that woman could do it i could too. Hope is a beautiful thing guys. I hope everyone has a great sober day.

Posted by: girltoday July 19, 2014, 9:25 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do much really hug out at the house all day. Friday nights are me and my son's movie night so we pick a movie, usually something on Netflix and veg out on the living room floor, eat snacks and play tickle or pillow fights.:) It sure is awesome to be a good mom. The weather is awesome where i live it's been in the 80's all week, but it's also been cloudy and dreary. Makes me want to curl up with books all day. I love to read most anything but westerns I just don't find them interesting. Lately I have been on a Nickloas Spark spree, but hey I am a girl and his books tug at my heart strings. James Patterson is my favorite author. And I do not like peas, YUCK! lol have a great day my sober cyber friends, i know i will.:)

Posted by: girltoday July 20, 2014, 9:00 AM
Another great sober day! If you like meditation, the new one from Oprah & Deepak starts on August the 11th(I think) It's still free and you don't have to download anything just sign up with e-mail.

Posted by: girltoday July 21, 2014, 8:59 AM
Another great sober day! I made a new sober friend yesterday who lives across the street and has two boys close to my sons age. I'd talked to her before and was scared to go knock on her door when we really got to talk, we talked for like 4 hours! She goes to a different meeting place but we are both going to a meeting together this week.:) Good stuff.

Posted by: girltoday July 22, 2014, 8:44 AM
Another great sober day! I just the beegee's scared out of me this morning. I thought someone was trying to break in my kitchen window, turns out it just a baby bird stuck between the screen and the window. I kept hearing all this tapping on the window. Mind you i am in the middle of morning mediation so it's really quite here. My heart is still beating fast. I got the bird out fine just scared the crap out of me! Didn't do to much yesterday, went to the splash park with my son, but the water was off so he played at the park for awhile. I went to the gym and then a late meeting. Made some fish taco's and watched Under the Dome. Hey what about the 105 year old lady who threw that pitch at the Padres game! Awesome! She did better then 50 cent Ha Ha Ha!

Posted by: jkeith00 July 22, 2014, 3:24 PM
just finished a 3 mo. binge and am now 36 hours off of a 3 day suboxone cycle and cannot for the life of me get over the mental urge to just get a little bit of relief. Sadly enough, I scored again. Trying to fight the urge to take it, because I know how weak I will be once I get the first taste. Sigh.

Posted by: girltoday July 23, 2014, 9:18 AM
Another great sober day! Was pretty boring. Hope we get some rain so it cools off. My son is learning how to play Connect 4 like a champ, even plans moves ahead of mine. He's getting so smart. We are on the countdown to when school starts back, or at least i am. He gets very excited to be able to get new school supplies! He wears a uniform to school so not a lot of excitement there lol. Last year one of his personal goals was to get perfect attendance and he made it, got the award. This year he wants to do the same. I'm sure if i had been using he would have been late a day or 2 or maybe i would have been to dope sick to care to get up out of the bed. I'm glad he don't have to suffer cause of my addiction any longer. He's a great kid!

Posted by: girltoday July 24, 2014, 8:35 AM
Another great sober day! How about a funny joke today, since i don't have a lot to say.



"Jeopardy was invented by a drug addict. Who else starts out with all the answers and no questions?" Ha Ha

Posted by: girltoday July 25, 2014, 8:31 AM
Another great sober day! Went to my home group always a good meeting. Got my hair cut, oh yes normally not something to talk about, but i got 6 inches cut off! I have always loved my long hair an it was very long. I chop it off to my shoulders. It feels so light and fluffy now. Other then that not a lot going on.

Posted by: Suboxman July 25, 2014, 1:35 PM
Jessica it amazes me through my experience how simple it all works--1987 my first rehab the usual crap as I did not want to be there--had to- but one counselor liked me--told me to get a journal-she liked corvettes and was quite attractive so I put that seed in my sick mind not knowing 6 months + later was my truly worst bottom--and I remembered the journal suggestion

as I relapsed the minute I left but going forward YEP second rehab/into halfway house had to be suggested but JOURNAL it was--suggested or told do it boy

Just wanted to tell you I am really proud what ur writing -its good stuff--you should be proud of u cause one person just might understand besides you how cool a journal is.

Have a great weekend Jess-You are special
-Jeffrey

Posted by: girltoday July 26, 2014, 7:50 AM
Thanks Jeffery, but i'm really no more special then you are! Wink wink. I started the daily for people to check in from time to time. I just seem to be the only one who uses it, but that's ok. But for those of you reading you should know that everyone can post here, about your day or life, or recovery, just whatever. Check in people!



Another great sober day! Friday's are movie night so that's what I did. Went to the park during the day. 18 more days till school starts for my little guy. He's going to be in the second grade. I am in a hurry this morning so i have to keep this short. Have a great sober day!

Posted by: Suboxman July 26, 2014, 9:19 AM
I could be totally off Jessica but i think a few old-timers read the forum. Due to all this bulls*** social media face crack etc etc-things have changed.

I read ur journal. Daily

Today its 115 degrees -NAH only about 90? My eldest came to crash last night we had a great dinner talked ETC--And today we are probably going to attempt getting a seat at the beach--as my days of sitting on a towel or worse is history--

You enjoy the weekend Jessica--Jeffrey

Posted by: girltoday July 27, 2014, 9:09 AM
lol Jeffery you should the look on people's face when i tell them i don't have a facebook page! I think your right about the old timers being on there. I just think it would get me into trouble. It wasn't that long ago i posted about my old friend giving me her number and what happened. I would have to friend someone who would be a danger to me i just know how i am. I'll keep posting and you keep reading, and every now and then you check in ok? Deal?


Another great sober day! I started off the day at the gym doing my Zumba! Then my brother, his wife, his son, my son went to a water park. I get the towel thing Jeff lol. The hard plastic chairs are no better after awhile, they hurt my back. Talk about fun! I know i went down the water slides more then my son or nephew. I think one of my biggest misconceptions about being sober, was that sober people didn't have fun. I always though life was not fun without a buzz, thought what and how do people do it. My sick mind lol. I have lots of freaking fun all the time i just thought i needed a buzz. We spent most of the day there then took my nephew home with me so they could go on a bike ride, they both just got new Harley's (must be nice). I was worn out by then, i don't know how people with multiple kids do it. All the picking at each other and the whinning OMG! Needless to say at the end of the day i was popped, add a nice sunburn to the mix, a good thunder storm=a good needed night's rest. Hopefully after i drag my butt to church and can my tomatoes I can rest for the day!

Posted by: Suboxman July 27, 2014, 10:34 AM
Jessica the only reason I have Face book is cause My youngest-a couple friends and FAMILY--I think I have 12 friends?? --u can turn off 90% privacy crap--All I can tell you is if I had this technology at 12? I would have been OFFED by age 13 as Facebook is like 3rd grade--I can't believe what different apps etc each year my youngest one shows me--These kids are smart---so I rather learn about all of it as s*** will happen either way--already has but? least I know

Its sick trying to catch up with what my 15 yr old learns? Its a trip man--My eldest just took off --she and her B/F going to NY for her birthday next week--so she spent sometime with me--LIFE IS GOOD--REALLY GOOD VERY GRATEFUL

Enjoy your Sunday--Jessica

Jeffrey


Posted by: girltoday July 27, 2014, 5:22 PM
Jeez thanks for the reminder lol. You are right i will have to involved with all of it at some point because of my son. But for right now i'm safe:) Hope you have a good Sunday as well.

Posted by: girltoday July 28, 2014, 9:28 AM
Another great sober day! I went to church and can my tomatoes. I ended up with 53 jars! Not to bad for a day's work and it took me all day. By the time it was dinner i was worn out. I went to bed early and got up early to go to a early bird's meeting. It was a good one. The topic today was strengths in recovery. I think mine is my morning routine. The first thing i do when i wake up is pray. I thank God for giving me another sober day. Then i make coffee. Then i go to my gratitude list and put 5 things i am grateful for. Then i meditate for about 15 minutes. Then i do some sunrise yoga. Then i come here to read and learn. I do this almost everyday, sometimes not in that order like today. Today i knew i wouldn't get to go to a meeting unless i went at 6am because i don't take my son with me to NA meetings(because he repeats things he hears at award times)and my ol man goes to work at 8 so i choose to go early so i could get one in today. I do take him to my home group meetings but it's AA. He plays with other kids at that one. Plus i don't want to wake him up at 5:30 am, talk about whining! Anyway, my morning routine usually sets my mood for the day. I think it gives me strength to do all those things together. I feel like i CAN face the day sober and tackle any problems that comes my way. And it really is simple One Day At A Time is how to do it!

Posted by: girltoday July 29, 2014, 9:23 AM
Another great sober day! Another busy day as well. I went to get my licence reinstated and NOPE not yet. My suspension period is over, fine is paid, but the reason the were suspended was for not going to traffic school for a speeding ticket i got in 09, on a permit mind you I still had no licence when i got pulled over, i just knew how to get around that at the time. So i still have to go and pay again for traffic school, then i can get my permit reinstated. Then i have to wait 3 months. But i'm alright with that, i have not had a valid licence since 2001 so a few more months i can do! Then i had to go to the sheriff's office to pick up my concealed and carry licence. So i can carry a gun but can't drive lol. I don't talk about guns very often on here but shooting at the gun range is awesome! Talk about stress relief. I always leave the gun range feeling better. Then i went to a little market fair where they had artsy things. It was pretty cool, didn't buy anything but it was cool to walk around and look. Then went to the big park and played frisbee for awhile came home cooked dinner, i made some amazing stuffed chicken with bacon and cheese(new recipe) then went to the gym. By the time i got home i was pooped. Today I am going to try to take some ME time!

Posted by: Suboxman July 29, 2014, 10:07 AM
LOL--ur a trip--I prefer the Gun to a car-- Cars assuming your going to want to DRIVE are more dangerous than guns

Have a good day--Jess

Jeff

Posted by: girltoday July 30, 2014, 9:52 AM
I know right! Another great sober day! I did get some ME time. I put on some old Janice and soaked in the tub for awhile. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday July 31, 2014, 10:17 AM
Another great sober day! I am running late for my home group meeting so iv'e got to go. Have a great sober day everyone:) (((HUGS)))

Posted by: girltoday August 1, 2014, 8:10 AM
Another great sober day! I started the day at my home group. Then went to the park. It amazes me how such simple things can make you feel so much better. While taking my son to the park(we live within walking distance)I took a book and just got to breath. Sitting in nature being around all the animals was very relaxing. Then we walked over to the library. I find good treasures at the library! My son on the other hand just wanted to play on the computer, I had to make him pick out a book to read. So he picked out a Christmas book. Really! It was the first one he saw. Not much more then that. Had a good relaxing day.

Posted by: girltoday August 2, 2014, 8:09 AM
Another great sober day! Well it was Friday not a lot happened, movie night. After watching a movie with my son, I had time to watch a movie. There is a good funny movie on Netflix called "Bottle Up". It is a movie about a girl with a pill addiction. I say it was funny, but then again I have a sick mind, sometimes what's funny for me, may not be funny for you. Kinda weird looking from the other side of things. I say that because the girl in the movie was in a car accident, that's why she was taking the pills, but it came to point where her mom was lying to her own doctor to get pills for her daughter, because she felt guilty for letting her daughter be in pain. I am sure this is real life scenario. one in which doctor's see all to often. Anyway it was a funny movie for me, check it out if you have time.

Posted by: girltoday August 3, 2014, 9:40 AM
Another great sober day! The name of that movie was called "Bottled UP". I did go to the gym to do my Zumba workout. Then I went to a noon meeting, it was a good one! Then later on we went to a church block party SUPER FUN! They had bouncy houses and one with a water slide, needless to say my son had a great time getting wet and muddy. We also received a new backpack with school supplies in it. SUPER cool. Saving money is hard, so every little bit helps. Even if we only get free pencils I get excited, because for some reason my son looses pencils every day it seems, so the more we have the better. Speaking of saving money, I do have a good tip i'll pass along to you guys. Do you use the dryer sheets(like bounce)? If so try doing this, take a old towel not a big one one like a tea or kitchen towel and soak it in liquid fabric softener, let it air dry completely, then put in the dryer with your clothes. The towel is good for at least 40-60 loads! I promise it works and saves money. Within the last year and a half i have not bought dryer sheets and still have some fabric softener left from when i bought it to try this. Also since school is about to start back, i let my son stay up as late as he can for one night. He made it till 1:30. LOL he's so cute when he's asleep. When I tell him to get in the bed he tells me he's not asleep, just resting his eyes! HA HA. I know he gets that from me, and I know I heard my day it so that's funny to me. We made cookies and ate a bunch of junk food(just what i needed), but it's fun every once and awhile. My child teaches me not to be so serious about the little stuff. He tells me to CHILL OUT mom. It's true when they say they grow up so fast even faster with the internet and social media(you are so right Jeffery). I saw this commercial for this phone and a 9 year old is using it like a pro. CRAZY! My son is not getting his own access to the internet at 9, NO WAY! I also took some time to get caught up on my gossip magazines, and painted my toenails. Kim Kardashian is going to make 83 million dollars this year from a app! It's the third most downloaded app for this year! CRAZY! Some game idk i don't have it haha. Have a great Sunday everyone!


Speaking of online gaming i just read an article about this couple in South Korea who spent so much time playing a game that their own baby died from malnutrition. CRAZY! But that's addiction. If you want to read this article go to THE FIX.com. It'a a recovery/addiction website.

Posted by: girltoday August 4, 2014, 8:58 AM
Another great sober day! As always, Sunday's are my favorite day of the week. Didn't do very much cooked a big dinner and took my son shopping for school clothes, supplies. Only 11 days left till school starts:).

Posted by: girltoday August 5, 2014, 8:35 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do much really, hung out at the house, and went to the gym. Later in the evening we got to see the space station fly over us. Or orbit idk. That was pretty cool:)

Posted by: Aussie girl August 5, 2014, 4:03 PM
Hey Jess, I just love reading your check ins, you always keep it real and someday I'm hoping to be where you are in your recovery.
Keep up the good fight girl.
Bec

Posted by: girltoday August 6, 2014, 8:45 AM
Hey Bec! It's so good to see you post! Keep Coming Back!


Another great sober day! Once again i didn't do very much. Took my son to the park for a little while, came back home and watched some sappy girl movie that made me cry. I don't like it when movies make me cry. I like happy endings not sad ones. The other day i was lucky enough to catch a little bit of The Blues Brothers. John Beluski was a great funny actor. Now that i am clean/sober i like watching old movies and shows with people who i know were using at the time, just to see how they act or if i can tell they are messed up. Hey told ya my mind is sick! The old Saturday Night Lives with him are classic! We loose a lot of good people to drug overdoses. When I first got clean i was like man how come everyone doesn't go to NA, this is amazing, new life, new friends who gave a s***, new outlook on myself, and then i was told about the pink cloud. Not soon after that reality hit me. It takes time to get (well it took me time)adjusted to being clean. Being able to pass a Walgreen's and not think about pills, took me awhile. Before i quit using i was a bartender for 15 years. That was a lifestyle change. Not making 600 a week was a lifestyle change. After i went to treatment i just up and quit my job. I was willing to do anything to stay sober/clean. And putting myself in a place where i saw dope and booze everyday was NOT going to help me. I do miss the money, but freedom is better than money to me any day! Sometime we forget that we could have gone to jail for a long time. My freedom is worth it! Today life is good.

Posted by: girltoday August 7, 2014, 8:29 AM
Another great sober day! I ran some errands, and hung out with a few friends. Having coffee and solving the world's problem's ya know lol. I have a busy weekend coming up due to a big sporing event in my city. Hopefully we have lots of visitor's at the place where i go to meetings. I am a volunteer to help people around the city. Always fun meeting new people and hearing new stories.

Posted by: girltoday August 8, 2014, 8:26 AM
Another great sober day! My home group meeting was awesome! Also took my son to meet his new teacher. Got a sweatshirt with his school logo on it. Yes, i am a cool mom:). One year i'm going to join the PTA(maybe). Other than that not a lot to say. Just a reminder about the Oprah & Deepak's 21 day journey starts Monday. It's called Expanding Your Happiness. I can always use more happiness.

Posted by: girltoday August 9, 2014, 8:20 AM
Another great sober day! Was a busy day for me. Since I have such a busy weekend my son is at grandma's so i am able to do things in the evening without feeling bad that my son has to stay out late. Hit a couple meetings yesterday. Also had a pot luck dinner with all the visitor's from out of town. A lot of good food and good friends. Also kicked butt at a few games of darts! I like the game 500 i am good! Well. i'm off to help make breakfast for the people at St Joe's, hope everyone has a blessed day!

Posted by: girltoday August 10, 2014, 9:07 AM
Another great sober day! Although having a break from my son is nice, i miss him. It's been a awhile since i had to go 2 days without seeing him. He call's me though, wants to know what he missing out on lol. Yesterday was busy i don't know where to start! I helped make breakfast for about 500 people, in the rain, under an umbrella. That was a sight. Then went to a meeting, then went to lunch with everyone. Then went to the picnic. We have lots of Catholic picnic's where i live, but St Joe's is my favorite cause the money goes to the St Joesph's children's home. Then went to the zoo. Then me and my b/f got to enjoy a night out. Went out to eat and went for a walk by the river. Boring people ey. That's what happen's when we get a sitter, we drive around for like an hour trying to find someplace that we both like and want, then come home and go to bed. Overall it was a fantastic day.

Posted by: girltoday August 11, 2014, 8:22 AM
Another great sober day! I'm glad my son is home:). Didn't do a lot yesterday. Went to a church BBQ. (My b/f parents church). I'm in a hurry this morning cause my son has a dentist appt. this morning. Hope everyone has a great sober day. 2 more days till school starts!

Posted by: girltoday August 12, 2014, 8:43 AM
Another great sober day! I had a pretty good day. It was hilarious to see my son on the laughing gas yesterday! He really don't even know what happened. I asked him if he was sleepy he said no i want to sleep on a cloud. lol He was loopy for about 20 minutes. He also has 3 loose teeth. He's gonna look silly soon. I always tell him he has pirate teeth cause of his fillings. Now he's really gonna have pirate teeth for a while. And that tooth fairy got a raise since i was little. I think i just got 50 cents for my teeth, he gets $5 a tooth! Talk about inflation! We also went to see the new Ninja Turtle movie. It was ok. My son loved it. Then we went to the gym for our Taek won do lesson. We're getting better. Not bad for something i did on a whim. We will be white belts soon. We also grilled some fat steaks with some mashed white cheddar and bacon potatoes, and steamed broccoli. Yum Yum.

Robin Williams, you will be missed. Please keep his family in your prayers. So sad.

Posted by: girltoday August 13, 2014, 9:17 AM
Another great sober day! I did a bunch of nothing. Hung out at the house all day. my b/f even cooked dinner for me. The first day of school for my son is today, so i'll be a nervous wreak today. Wondering if he's happy, if his teacher is nice, yada yada. He's been gone for about 20 minutes and i miss him already. I get excited about the break but then when he's gone i miss him. I'll probably go to a meeting so i won't be bored all day. Hope you all have a good sober day!

Posted by: girltoday August 14, 2014, 8:19 AM
Another great sober day! The first day of school went well. Got my permit yesterday! I was driving all day! It felt really good to be able to drive legally, and not have to worry who is behind me. I am very happy!

Posted by: girltoday August 15, 2014, 7:22 AM
Another great sober day! Same ol same ol, went to my home group meeting and came home.

Posted by: girltoday August 16, 2014, 8:34 AM
Another great sober day! It was movie night! Didn't do much, grilled some burgers and made some onion rings. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday August 17, 2014, 9:51 AM
Another great sober day! Despite my bad mood the day went well. I made it to a meeting where i shared and got relief. I feel like a coke bottle when that happens the pssss reliving the pressure. Felt great. Today is a new day, and life is good. Who ever thought there could be another Evie. If you are new to this site please keep posting. Feels like there is a weed in my garden.

Posted by: suspectdj August 17, 2014, 10:11 AM
My checkin

Im chilling out to music having few withdrawal sneezing fits im getting a little jerkyness. The worst is over i suppose. My gp prescribed co-codamol it has paracetamol(500mgx1) and codine (8mgx1)
Take two tablets 1000mg and 16mg codine. It says on the box can lead to addiction. Yes doctor no difference between diazepam(short-term) helped me so much with anxiety and the tablets i got they both can lead to addiction.

i thought communications with your doctor is that of trust. I feel they really don't want to know even though my suggested treatment plan was sound. They know best obviously!! Better than you know yourself lol honestly micricle workers.

Laterz
Suspect

Posted by: Suboxman August 17, 2014, 11:05 AM
Hey Jessica--glad ur feeling better


Jeff

Posted by: suspectdj August 17, 2014, 11:59 AM
Hi

Would a page for first time site users help that need immediate advice or onsite direction??
Just an idea??

Cheers
Suspect

Posted by: suspectdj August 17, 2014, 12:18 PM
Three weeks for me methadone free!!

Can't quite believe the achievement, its well worth it!!
Frontline information on the site has got me through the worst. YOU CAN TOO!!

Suspect

Posted by: girltoday August 18, 2014, 7:17 AM
Another great sober day! I went to church in the morning. I don't go every Sunday, but i try to go every other week. My old man only gets one day off a week most weeks and it's Sunday, so i like making him breakfast and spending time with him. Usually he works from 8-6, 6 days a week. The church i go to is a Children's Ministry so it's more for my son then me, but church is church so i go. I like it and all, but feel i would benefit more at a different church. I am also shopping for a used car. UGGGG! I am no stranger to the used car business, i have flipped a few cars in my day to make extra drug money. I'm very good at turning a dollar into 50 and 50 to a 100, so on and so on. One of my knacks you could say, some legal, some not. Well not anymore, but ya know what i'm saying. So anyway, i know that if i am patient, i'll find a good cheap(under 3 grand) car. So i found one on craigslist that i liked, called the guy to meet for a test drive. On the way there we pass a big sign that said PAWN YOUR CAR HERE if front of a big fence with cars like locked in. Me and the old man joked about people pawning their cars. And yes this guy was really trying to sell his car that he pawned. Did he really think i was going to give him the money without test driving it or anything. HA HA. People are out of their mind at times i swear. It's not like they were going to let this guy has access to his car without paying them off. Again, unbelievable. So i left, didn't even wait for the guy. My old man is a auto mechanic, that's what he does for a living, so i'm pretty hopeful that i can find something safe and reliable. I just have to take my time. And time i have. When i do get a car and get my licence i need to get a job. I haven't worked in over 2 years, gonna be weird. I don't like using the word normal, so i'll say this: I am one step closer to being a responsible adult and it's feels Tony the Tiger GREAAAAAAAAAAAt!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: girltoday August 19, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much, went to a meeting and the gym. Monday's are boring!

Posted by: girltoday August 20, 2014, 8:26 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do much, hung out at the house all day, and watched movies. Think i'm getting a cold cause i don't feel very well.

Posted by: girltoday August 21, 2014, 8:35 AM
Another great sober day! I got a car yesterday. Got a deal! Lucky for me i found a 04 Nissan Sentra with 80,000 miles for $1100! IKR! It needed a new windshield ($200) got that fixed so i could transfer the title. And it needs a valve cover. No biggie. This rich kid didn't know what he had! My family went out to eat to celebrate. It was an awesome day!

Posted by: Suboxman August 21, 2014, 11:38 AM
Awesome deal-

Posted by: girltoday August 22, 2014, 8:13 AM
Another great sober day! Went to my home group meeting and 2 more after that. Was a pretty good day. Went to my son's school for his dad to sign up for WATCH DOGS. This is a really cool program they have for Dad's of Great Students. Dad's, grandpa's, and uncles can all sign up to spend the day at school for extra security. They just walk around and help with the students. Other than that i didn't do much. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday August 23, 2014, 8:30 AM
Another great sober day! It was movie night of course. But just when it seems i get ahead, i get a set back. My b/f may have lost his job, he has a meeting with his boss on Monday. We'll see.

Posted by: girltoday August 24, 2014, 8:01 AM
Another great sober day! Yes my b/f is getting fired. Well he says he's gonna quit before they fire him. So now we both have no income. We have (well i do)money in savings, so i'm not worried yet. It's not time to freak out or anything. When and if that comes i'll let you know lol. I went to the gym for Zumba, then to the farmers market. Watched a movie and went to bed early.



I don't make this stuff up! Woman in my town gets caught stealing 150 pain pills from the Jail, where she works as a nurse, and gets a ticket. A freaking ticket! Not in jail cause of over crowding. Not yet anyway. Crazy stuff lol.

Posted by: Suboxman August 24, 2014, 4:50 PM
Jessica Just for the F of it My father god rest his soul taught me many pearls of wisdom. One of them? NEVER quit a job unless you have a new one already starting--For logic you quit no benefits plus quitting is?? But i do not know your B/F deal--anyway--nice to read your daily-posts--I am out of hospital procedure as soon as they began it was called off as to dangerous kinda bumming BUT WTF can u do--?? NADA--my daughter was here this weekend to help and LMFAO--above apartment flood -into our place last night like 3AM people above big time flood something Broke and BOOM the s*** hit the fan--We were up most the night--she had to go kayaking this 11AM it was like 95 she was hurting--

Have a good evening:

Jeffrey

Posted by: girltoday August 25, 2014, 8:14 AM
Hey Jeffery! What a wake up call hu? I'm glad your daughter was there to help you. But am sorry to hear about the hospital. What's gonna be next for you? What's the doc say?

The s*** storm at my b/f's job has been brewing for awhile. He's even tried to quit cause he got another job, then they make promises they don't keep. No raise, only one day off a week(he's the only one who works 6 days a week). Last week he spent a total of 80 hours at the shop, and only made $6 something an hour. The pay is weird, they get paid by the job and up sales. And as i'm sure it's the same where all women work, it's a bunch of guys puffing their chest out seeing who is the man. LOL! I knew it was coming. I don't want him to work at a job he hates.


Another great sober day! Didn't do much made some apple butter. Hung out with family. Was a good day.

Posted by: Suboxman August 25, 2014, 5:18 PM
Hi Jess- Not much they can do--? thanks for asking--

Jeff

Posted by: girltoday August 28, 2014, 9:29 AM
Another great sober day! I lost my internet! Something is wrong with the router idk. The guy should be there in the morning to fix the problem. I aslo have a job interview today, wish me luck!


Jeff that sucks! Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

Posted by: Travelin man August 28, 2014, 1:14 PM
GOOD LUCK ! with your interview, knock them dead, I am sure you will be great

Posted by: girltoday August 29, 2014, 7:24 PM
Man it has been such a s***ty week. The car i bought ya i don't want to go into all the bs but it's a no GO. At least i got the money back. So have to hunt for a car again. The job interview i had was awful. The guy was a total d***, wouldn't for him for all the money in the world(ok maybe all of it). Then to top it all off, some old lady backed into our car! They say bad s*** comes in 3's so i hope i'm done for the week. Good news is i got my internet/cable back. Bad news it cost $100 for new modem. And we both still have no jobs. So here i sit on a Friday night grateful to be sober cause in the past all this stupid crap would be a reason for me to use again. Not today.

Posted by: girltoday August 31, 2014, 11:10 AM
Another great sober day! Even though i'm now sick, i have a upper respiratory infection, and an ear infection. Good times. I did go to the doctor for meds. Yesterday i went to my step-moms house for a birthday party for my niece. She turned 2, super fun. I feel like things are going down hill. My mind is just not in the right place. I know it's because iv'e had a s***ty week but they say relapse happened's before it happens and i feel like i'm on the ledge looking over. I know what i need to do(which is to call my sponsor) and i will, i just hate these feelings.

Posted by: girltoday September 1, 2014, 8:35 AM
Another great sober day! Laid around all day cause i'm sick. I did call my sponsor, and she's out of town and didn't answer, but will be back today.

Posted by: Suboxman September 1, 2014, 8:15 PM
Stay positive--tomm will be a good day--good things happen to people who fight--your a fighter--Not easy but you can handle anything--Jess

Have a good evening--Happy Labor Day--Jeff

Posted by: girltoday September 2, 2014, 8:14 AM
Thanks Jeff!

Another great sober day! I still feel like crap. I'm going out to have breakfast with my sponsor this morning so i can get all these feelings out. I'm going to have to go back to serving and that scares me. A lot of drugs around restaurant workers, not all, but most drink or drug. So that's where i am today scared to death that i will use again. I need to go to a meeting. I keep telling myself it will be ok but i'm scared.

Posted by: girltoday September 2, 2014, 10:44 AM
So after a long talk with my sponsor i am feeling better. I'm still scared but that's ok. I need a job. I have to put the big girl pants on and get over it. I am a adult the choices iv'e made got me where i'm at today. And because i have not always made good choices i'm in a hard spot. Doesn't change the fact that my son needs a roof, food, and clothes. I can continue to make good choices or i can go back out and maybe die. I know i don't want to die. So to help me we came up with some ideas. She asked me what my dream job would be if i could pick. I chose to work at Villalobos(the place for pit bulls and paroles). A job like that is doable for me. But to that i'd have to go back to school(i do have a collage degree in business)and that is a goal to work towards. S o i feel a lot better thinking i won't have to serve forever. It's just gonna be a stepping stone for me to make things better for me. I CAN get a job working with animals some day if i work hard and do the next right thing. Or i can choose to be back in active addiction and loose everything again, it's all up to me. And just for today i choose to live and be healthy.

Posted by: girltoday September 3, 2014, 8:01 AM
Another great sober day! Not a lot to say today. Didn't do nothing much yesterday.

Posted by: girltoday September 4, 2014, 8:19 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much, stayed around the house all day. I took a book and read outside for a couple hours. Took a walk. Pretty boring.

Posted by: girltoday September 5, 2014, 8:02 AM
Another great sober day! I made it to a meeting yesterday, one where you realize that your so called problems are not so bad lol. But anyway i'm not really sure what i can and cannot say about meetings. So if i offened anyone sorry. Today is my son's (I lost a son in a bad car accident in 98) birthday. His name is Chase. He would have been 16. Hard to imagine me with a 16 year old. It used to be a day that i spend loaded and out of my mind. As i grow in recovery i can tell you it does get better. The dates is what we fear. But truth of it is it's just one more 24 hours to stay clean. Some of you might disagree right now, cause i did when people told me that, but it does get easier to deal with things when you have a lot of love and support. I haven't told my other son anything about his older brother(not the same dad of course)and i'm not sure when i will. So today will be a good day one where i will be grateful that i lived to see my other son grow. I am truly blessed to be able to live two lives in one lifetime. Living in recovery is a new way of living for sure and living a life on drugs was not living at all.

Posted by: Travelin man September 5, 2014, 3:59 PM
well done, you should be so proud, it can be really tough when significant birthdays and dates related too our journey come along. they can be hard days to get through- but you are on a different part of your journey now. I know what you mean about meetings, I struggle at times to know whether they have been good or bad for my recovery. again well done and take good care of yourself.

Posted by: girltoday September 6, 2014, 10:32 AM
Another great sober day! Pretty boring again went to a friends house for a play date with my son. Went to bed early. Life is good:)

Posted by: girltoday September 7, 2014, 8:34 AM
Another great sober day! I went to the gym, and watched my nephew most of the day. Grill some steak and hot dogs, and had homemade banana peanut butter ice cream. Yum Yum! I played with the boys all day. Good times!

Posted by: girltoday September 8, 2014, 8:24 AM
Another great sober day! Whew was a busy day, went to church. Then the park and to play putt putt golf. And of course it's football season so spent some time watching football. I know it's rare for a girl to like sports as much as i do and some of it i get from my dad but most of it comes from working in a bar for so long. Knowing what was going on made me more money. I just grew to love sports. The weather has been real nice here going to make myself take a long walk today. Have a great sober day everyone!

Posted by: girltoday September 9, 2014, 8:52 AM
Another great sober day! I was busy most of the day running errands and paying bills. Went to the gym. Still looking for a car. I am going to take that walk today.

Posted by: girltoday September 10, 2014, 8:32 AM
Another great sober day! The only thing i did was take that walk lol. I saw a a big bird swoop down and get a squirrl only to bite his head off and drop it. WOW. I thought my son was gonna freak out but he didn't. Just made a ewww face lol.

Posted by: girltoday September 11, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much, my son had a friend over after school. Watched a movie. Got some time alone during the day. All this extra time with my boyfriend is working my nerves lol.

Posted by: girltoday September 12, 2014, 8:22 AM
Another great sober day! Made it to my home group and it was a great meeting. Watched some football. Not a lot going on. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday September 13, 2014, 8:17 AM
Another great sober day! Din't do much looked at cars. Tried to get my son to watch a movie with me but he wanted to play with his friend. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday September 14, 2014, 9:04 AM
Another great sober day! I am in whinny mode because the class i took at the gym kicked my butt! My whole body hurts and i tried to take it easy(use only 3 lb and 5 lb weights). I knew my mother would be in town tomorrow and she has pain pills so i really tried to take it easy. I do struggle being around my mother. She is not very respectful of my feelings when i ask her not to bring the whole bottle just want she needs, she lives an hour away, but she says she might have to stay the night or something so she brings them all. The real b**** of it all is she is moving to be closer to me and my brother. So i have to deal with her and her pills being really close. Life on life's term's right? I do alright for awhile, but she likes to spend the whole day with me. You'd think she would respect my feelings so that we could spend time together. I am an addict and can't be around pills why don't she get it? Anyway i will live with the pain in my body, take some advil and bath in epison salt. Yesterday was pretty good, went to the gym and then to my brother's to help with Halloween decor and watched some football. I watched football for most of the day. Gonna be lazy today!

Posted by: poopie September 14, 2014, 10:15 PM
your doing awesome--so happy for you. Looking at your post--im a old timer here-poopie>>jeff how are you,you sound really good.love ya

Posted by: girltoday September 15, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much, gabbed on the phone done some housework, and went to a church cookout. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday September 16, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much. I did buy a car. I got a 98 Subaru Legacy. It's pretty nice. Needs some brakes but other than that it's good to go:). It will feel so good to drive again. I'm still sore from the gym and my mom could't make it cause she was sick. So overall a damn good day!

Posted by: girltoday September 18, 2014, 8:34 AM
Another great sober day!

Posted by: girltoday September 19, 2014, 8:15 AM
Another great sober day! I made it to my home group and it was an awesome meeting! Cleaned my car really good. Other than that pretty boring day. My son had a bad day at school so we're hoping for a better day. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday September 20, 2014, 10:54 AM
Another great sober day! Kinda pissed ATM but i'll get over it. They say the tongue weigh's so little but most can't hold it. I'm at the point where i'm trying to hold my tongue. Everyone has an opinion in recovery and they all matter but to tell an addict who is asking for help to not go to a face to face meeting ARGGG!

Posted by: Skullzz September 21, 2014, 9:24 AM
3 days clean under my belt! I can do this! Hitting up an NA meeting this morning. I have been every day since my clean date (September 17, 2014). I can do this! Here's to day 4!

Posted by: girltoday September 21, 2014, 9:27 AM
Another great sober day! Well my family was in a car accident yesterday. Everyone is ok and i was NOT driving lol. Some lady hit a guy who hit us, in the same spot that we just had fixed last week due to another lady who backed out and hit us. Funny how we had not no new cars the whole time we been together and never been in a accident then we get something nice and we've been hit twice in a month and have only had this car for 6 months. We were on our way to check out some yard sales. So we done that for about half the day. My ol man is looking for an air compressor with a hose since he's not in a shop(an auto shop)he needs one for his tools. He's been doing a lot of side work till he gets a job. I am just waiting on a call back for a job. They have enough people for a training class. We also went to a town festival. Ate some good food, BBQ and catfish. All kind of art booths and things like that. We all had a good time. Life is good Just For Today!

Posted by: girltoday September 23, 2014, 8:12 AM
I'm ok, just sad.

Posted by: girltoday September 25, 2014, 8:03 AM
Another great sober day! Not a lot going on, trying to practice for my driving test.

Posted by: girltoday September 26, 2014, 11:56 AM
Another great sober day! I passed my road test today!!!!!!! I can now drive!

Posted by: girltoday September 28, 2014, 9:32 AM
Another great sober day! Man have i been busy. Things are good just been busy and linda in a hurry this morning cause i need to get ready for church. Just wanted to check in.

Posted by: girltoday September 29, 2014, 8:23 AM
Another great sober day! I went to church and we had a big lunch after. Also went to the gym to go swimming and went out for pizza. I hope today i get to rest up. The weather is nice so i hope to sit at the park and read. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday September 30, 2014, 7:44 AM
Another great sober day! Another busy day. I went to a different meeting yesterday. Went to the gym. i did get to read some of my book(a new Stephen King) just not in the park. Was a pretty good day!

Posted by: dawn4na October 1, 2014, 3:06 AM
You are amazing. Such a miracle. Thanks for keep coming back showing those newbies there is hope!

Posted by: girltoday October 1, 2014, 6:45 PM
Hey Dawn! Another great sober day! I have been shopping and having a good time hanging out with some new friends. My son has a bad week in school. He has a new teacher so i think he's testing her limits. But he's been in trouble the last 3 days! Hope he gets it together soon.

Posted by: girltoday October 3, 2014, 8:28 AM
Another great sober day! I went to my home group meeting and took a nap after. My son got in trouble again at school for talking so we hung out at the house for the rest of the day. He is grounded for the weekend. He doesn't go back to school till Wednesday and i have a parent teacher conferance on Tuesday. Not because he got in trouble just no school for everyone. Life is good just for today!

Posted by: girltoday October 4, 2014, 8:29 AM
Another great sober day! I took a new class at the gym that kicked by butt yet again. And i', not looking forward to my workout today. But i'll suck it up. I made rice crispy treats and homemade snack mix with my son and took him to hang out with his best friend. It's cute that he has little friends lol. My brother has asked me to take him to an AA meeting again, and i don't think he is ready. I'll go with him for sure but he has to want it and in my heart i know he's just doing it cause his drinking gets him trouble with his wife. All you need is the desire right. So pray for him please he has a drinking problem and needs help. All i can do is be a good example. My other brother who passed away birthday is on the 25th and i know this day my brother will just get s***ty drunk and we all know how that works. I know how he feels and it sucks. Today i just choose a different way.

Posted by: dawn4na October 4, 2014, 10:00 PM
Sorry to hear about your son. You sound like you are doing great. I think back and wish I could remember my daughters school days. So many years I wasn't there or if I was, don't remember. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are a great MOM.
Have a wonderful sober day.

Posted by: girltoday October 5, 2014, 8:33 AM
Thank you Dawn, for putting a big smile on my face. I try to be a good mom and since i don't know very much about how to raise a kid i usually wing it most of the time.


Another great sober day! Yes it's fireplace weather here today. I love turning on my fireplace and curling up with a good book. Cozy! I did make it to the gym for Zumba. Then spent the day at Huber's. This place is awesome. Took my son to pick his very own pumpkin from the patch! How cool, i never got to do stuff like that when i was a kid so even i was excited to go. We even got to pick some apples and drink homemade apple cider. Made our own caramel apples. Took a hay ride, went through a hay maze OMG what a good time! Then we went out to eat at a REALLY GOOD SUSHI place which is a real treat for me cause the old man hates sushi. It was such a good fall day. This will be a memory that i will always cherish!

Posted by: girltoday October 6, 2014, 9:40 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do much, went to church and made some chili. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday October 7, 2014, 12:22 PM
Another great sober day! Have you ever caught your kid doing something wrong when they don't think your can hear them? lol Yesterday i took my son to the library to do some arts and crafts and when we were done he wanted to play on the computer with another boy so i let him. I went and got a magazine and stood by the bookshelf while he was playing. I got done with the magazine and was standing beside him when he looked at the screen and said"what the hell", i was like what did you say? He was so busted haha he goes i'm sorry. People he said that so naturally that i could tell he has said it before. We will work on the curse words. I am guilty of this. I try to watch the mouth but he hears me on the phone so that's where most of it comes from. Anyway we also went to the gym with my nephew which we don't get to on Monday's cause he's with his mom so that was cool. He also went to the library for arts and crafts. Came home at leftover chili and went to bed early.

Posted by: girltoday October 8, 2014, 8:59 AM
Another great sober day! I took my son to get his Halloween costume, he's going to be a star wars guy Captain Rex i think. Grilled some t-bones last night with salad and mac and chz, followed by pumpkin pie for dessert. Yum yum. It was a good day!

Posted by: girltoday October 9, 2014, 9:54 AM
Another great sober day! I made it to a meeting yesterday and went to the gym. It was a good day!

Posted by: girltoday October 10, 2014, 7:45 AM
Another great sober day! I went to my home group and saw the chairperson get another black key tag for 13 years. Good stuff people good stuff.

Posted by: girltoday October 11, 2014, 8:38 AM
Another great sober day! Not a lot going on. It's rainy here so our plans got delayed. I went shopping with my mom. Then just hung out at the house and watched tv. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday October 13, 2014, 6:32 AM
Another great sober day! Aww my son has been sick so iv'e been in MOMMA mode. Been cleaning puke up and making soup. He is getting better. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday October 14, 2014, 8:19 AM
Another great sober day! I made it to a meeting yesterday. This is the new meeting that i have been going to. There is a lady in the meetings who is blind and in a wheelchair. She shared yesterday about how she felt toward the group and basically she said she wanted to say F-You. She's been coming there for 2 years and has yet to get a sponsor. She said people don't even sit by her(in the 3 meetings i have been to i didn't sit by her)she wondered if we thought we catch something. This broke my heart. When she was done sharing i got up and sat by her and told her she was not alone and got her phone number after the meeting. At first i felt like not going back because of the way they treated her. Was this group really that bad? Then i thought how much i needed to be there to show compassion and understanding. We are here for support. But it did hit a nerve that this woman was left to suffer in her own misery. I can save anybody and i can't keep anyone else clean but i can be her friend and just listen and sometimes that all a person needs. So i will go back and try to be understanding. In my group this would never happen.


I went to the library for arts and crafts where we made paper lanterns. Went to the gym and spent time with the ol man. It was a good day.

Posted by: girltoday October 15, 2014, 8:18 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much had a Bates Motel marathon. Took my son to play with his friend and made taco's. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday October 16, 2014, 8:32 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do much, took a friend to zumba.

Posted by: girltoday October 17, 2014, 8:03 AM
Another great sober day! Made it to my home group and went skating with my son. Came home and went to bed early. Life is good!

Posted by: Aussie girl October 17, 2014, 8:23 AM
Hey girltoday,
I want to thankyou for putting up your daily check in. You do inspire me. I hope and pray to be where you are some day

Bec

Posted by: Zack303 October 17, 2014, 11:29 AM
GOOD JOB girltoday.. You are a inspiration to us all! Seeing the light is so satisfying isn't it?

Posted by: girltoday October 18, 2014, 8:18 AM
Thanks guys! It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times, but as you can see by my post it does get better. You will get a new life. Becky when i first got clean i had no self worth. I didn't think i deserved to be happy because of everything i put the ones who loved me through. Today my thinking is very different, I am worth it. My self worth is back and I enjoy life. I pray for you and your child every night. I am here if you ever need a ear or shoulder. Just Keep Coming Back.



Another great sober day! Was a busy day. Took my mom to get her apartment only to find out she didn't have all the money she needed.( I don't loan my mom money anymore cause she don't pay me back) It was a big mess and it took 3 hours! My son was not good at school so i had to deal with that. Talking again.Got some take out and went to bed early again. Life is good and i'm tiered this morning.

Posted by: girltoday October 19, 2014, 8:23 AM
Another great sober day! I was a very busy day. I went to the gym, then took my son to his friends soccer game(it was so cold burr). Then we went to a trunk or treat where i took his friend's mom and brother. It was cool. Then his friend came home with us to play for a while. Then we went to another trunk or treat. This one was bigger, with all kinds of stuff to do. They had a petting zoo, bouncy houses(my son loves these things), face painting, games, candy, and cakes walks. To bad it was cold. We didn't stay long but it was awesome. It was a good day. One where i didn't have to use just to make it through the day. I am grateful to be clean today. I am grateful to be able to wake up and just be here. There used to be days where i thought death would be better then life. I am grateful for a new way. Just for today life is good!

Posted by: girltoday October 20, 2014, 2:21 PM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much went to church took a nap. Was a good day!

Posted by: Aussie girl October 20, 2014, 8:36 PM
you go girl, its been 24 hours for me.... not much I know but better then nothing

Posted by: girltoday October 21, 2014, 7:50 AM
Another great sober day! I was on a mission for half the day to find some salted caramel creamer for my coffee. I had to go to 5 Target's just to find it! So i bought 4 little bottles lol. Mission complete. Then went to the gym. grilled some ribs and feel asleep on the conch.

Posted by: poopie October 21, 2014, 10:59 PM
Your doing awesome---old timer

Posted by: girltoday October 22, 2014, 8:55 AM
Thanks poopie!

Another great sober day! I'm having bad stomach cramps so i'll keep this short. Didn't do much went to the Dollar Store. Got some good deals. Their summer crap was 90% off so i got a bunch of stuff for a dime! IKR! Other than that i started a new book and tried to stay warm. Life is good.

Posted by: Aussie girl October 22, 2014, 7:45 PM
your a champion girltoday, don't know what I would do without you, You have really given me the inspiration to get sober........I know its really up to me to do this but your input has been wonderful. Your amazing and i'm sure you have inspired hundreds on this board

bec

Posted by: girltoday October 23, 2014, 9:39 AM
Thank you so much Bec! After a horrible day of acid reflux flare up it's great to hear words of support. The weird thing to me about this is normally i would have went to the er. I didn't do that. I tuffed it out and i was in pain. I went to the store and got 3 different kids of heartburn medicine. Took them till i found one that worked. Sometimes i really do have to go to the er but tying a different way was my first thought not the shot i knew i could get at the er. Life happens and i'm glad i was in a good place to be able to deal with it. Bec i am so very proud of you. I know you've been struggling to get off the ride and your doing great. You will not regret getting your life back. Even if i only help one person on this forum, my 5 minute check in were worth it! It was another great sober day pain and all cause cause i made it through that without having fear or regret. Just for today i am very grateful to have another way! Thanks for being here guys!

Posted by: Aussie girl October 24, 2014, 6:28 PM
Hey Jess just read your last entry, have u had an endoscopy done? How often do u get this reflux?i was lucky when I had mine done last year they found no problems what so ever. I was in disbelieve. After the years of taking the large number of pills on an empty stomach. Must have a cast iron gut.

Posted by: girltoday October 24, 2014, 7:07 PM
Feels like i'm stalking you a little bit! I've had stomach issues way before i stared taking pills. Not sure what the thing you ask about has been done. Back in 2001 or 2002 i had my gallbladder removed and that helped. I should be taking something for it but i don't which causes the flare ups i guess. I mean i do and i don't you are supposed to take it 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I'm good at 2 times in 6 months. I haven't had a flare up that bad in years so what can i do right? Keep on fighting those cravings. I know exactly how you feel. It's the disease talking to you. That warm fuzzing feeling is better from your daughter:). It might help in the moment but in the long run it hurts! Your body just needs time to adjust. Addicts love instant gradaifiaciton.


"If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give."


"What would you think if I told you that, yes, your bad decisions have had a part in your ending up under this pier, but beyond that, under this pier is exactly where you should be in order for a future to occur that you can't even imagine at this point"


I promise it gets so much better!! (((HUGS GIRL)))

Posted by: Aussie girl October 24, 2014, 8:07 PM
Don't feel like you are stalking me I really need constant contact with anyone at this stage and you have been great. Thank you so much. The endoscopy procedure I talk about is when the put a a tube down into your stomach with a camera attached to see if you have any damage to you stomach........it may cost u a fair bit over there to have done because of your health care system. .......I am lucky to live in a land with free health cover. I still have private insurance in case of those instances when I don't want to wait to get something done especially when it comes to my daughter.i am drinking a energy drink at the moment, don't know if it's making a difference. I have just come back from my doctors an she is happy with my progress. Next week I have a double appointment so I can get free sessions with a psychologist with an Interest in addiction.

Posted by: girltoday October 25, 2014, 8:30 AM
Yes iv'e had that scope thing done.

Another great sober day! Was a good day. Took my son to his friends. He has been good in school all week! Today is my brother who passed away birthday. He would have been 26. I'm a little sad. I miss him.

Posted by: Aussie girl October 26, 2014, 4:49 AM
You give me so much hope Jess......it was a bad day for me..... But won't wellow in self pity.

Posted by: girltoday October 26, 2014, 9:16 AM
Another great sober day! Spent the day with family. In active addiction i would have used yesterday till i couldn't walk cause I was sad. Today I know a different way and for that i'm so grateful. I can just grieve and just cry. I lost it at the gym when they played the cool down song. But I cried it out and finished my workout. I don't always have to be strong, I am human. When I surreneded to the drugs I learned how to live a different way. I had to change everything, even my stinking thinking. It gets better guys.

Posted by: Aussie girl October 26, 2014, 6:45 PM
Thanks once again for your most important advise, now if you got through yesterday clean especially after the sad loss of your brother in the past then there is just no excuse for me to pick up at all. I have never lost anyone close to me so I can not imagine the pain you felt yesterday.. I'm so proudd you got through it clean, I rally am in awe of you.

Bec

Posted by: girltoday October 27, 2014, 8:21 AM
Thanks Bec! I have learned to just be ok. People die. That's part of life on life's terms. Just reminds me that i'm part of something bigger than myself.


Another great sober day! I went to the gym for a swim. That was very relaxing. Let my body just float in the water. Listen to my son giggle and squeal. It was a good time. Other then that I didn't do very much, watched some tv, made dinner, and went to bed early. Life is good!
Nice to see you Jeffery:).

Posted by: Aussie girl October 27, 2014, 3:07 PM
Have yourself a wonderful day Jess

Bec

Posted by: girltoday October 27, 2014, 4:21 PM
You too Bec! Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

Posted by: New start October 27, 2014, 4:28 PM
Hi 91 days free from satins pills . I've got a long way to go , still on a roller coaster but highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low. I wod have never I. A million years thought is ever say
It's good to be sober
New Start

Posted by: Aussie girl October 27, 2014, 5:31 PM
wel done new start your a champ, keeping on going, im only new myself and it is pure hell right now. only just staarted work so 8 long hours to go until home, then I can wipe the pretend smile of my face.

bec

Posted by: girltoday October 28, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! I finished that book I started. Field of Prey. Was a god book. Other than that no a lot going on. Grilled some chicken and played frisbee. Life is good. Getting colder by the day here.

Posted by: Aussie girl October 28, 2014, 10:15 PM
Rock on Jess, you help keep me clean Thanks

Bec

Posted by: Ellen1234 October 29, 2014, 5:17 AM
It's amazing to read how far you've come, proving you CAN lead a fulfilling clean and sober.

Posted by: girltoday October 29, 2014, 7:36 AM
Helping you helps me to stay clean. I have to give it away to keep it.

Another great sober day! Was a very ME day. I got my hair done, painted my nails, got caught up in my gossip magazines, and took a long bath! I also went to the library to get a new book. My son has been good in school. Went to bed very early cause I feel asleep lol, taking care of me is hard work! Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday October 30, 2014, 7:45 AM
Another great sober day! I went to the gym for zumba. Got some new work out clothes. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday October 31, 2014, 8:18 AM
Another great sober day! Happy Halloween everyone! Made it to my home group and it was an awesome meeting. Getting ready for trick-or-treating, it might even snow! Crazy! Got caught up on some shows I like to watch. Got a pizza, ate, and went to bed early. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday November 1, 2014, 11:08 AM
Another great sober holiday! We had so much fun even though the weather was crappy. It really did snow here! We went trick-or-treating at my boyfriends parents church. Inside! Then we had a chili supper with many different kinds that you could vote on for your favorite. That was cool. They had at least 25 different kids of chili. Then we came home and made some fun Halloween cookies that we cut out and baked. Then we decorated them with icing and sprinkles. Watched a kid friendly spooky movie and went to bed. I had to get up early this morning to go to traffic school for a ticket i got a long time ago. My luck day! The guy said they changed the locks for the classroom so we all signed in and we may still get credit for going to the class or we might get a letter with a new date. So i went to the gym. It's that time of year when the rooms fill up with people. I always say it's because people don't like to be homeless in the winter. No matter the reason you came here we are here to help. We all will love and support you. You are like a wonded soldier coming in with arrows and broken bodies. We will circle the wagon. If you've never been to a NA/AA meeting, what are you waiting for? It can only help not hurt. If you think it's not for you keep going back. 90 meeting in 90 days, then if you really don't like it try something else. Just don't try to do this all alone! You need face to face support from other addicts who have been where you are. They will share how they made it and what they do to continue to stay clean. You will have to really want to be clean, really sick of all the BS! It can be done. I know it!

Posted by: vrticeman November 1, 2014, 11:35 AM
Thanks again girltoday for your response to a post I started Taking the first step. I feel great today. Joining this forum is going to be a tremendous help. Stay true

Posted by: girltoday November 2, 2014, 12:05 PM
Another great sober day! It was a busy day. After the gym I took my mom to get the keys to her new apartment. She will be living closer to us, she did live a hour away. Then took my son to Chucky Cheese for pizza and games with my brother and nephew. I also stayed up very late making homemade beef jerky! Was my first time doing this and it turned out great.

Posted by: Aussie girl November 2, 2014, 7:34 PM
Jess your amazing mate, I hope and pray to be were u are one day

Thanks for all your kind support


Two weeks today for me yah

Posted by: girltoday November 3, 2014, 9:09 AM
Another great sober day! Was a good day. Hung out with my brother. Watched football and came home. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday November 4, 2014, 8:54 AM
Another great sober day! I watched my nephew all day so we had a lot of fun. Went to the park, the library, and the gym. By the end of the night I was very ready for bed.

Posted by: girltoday November 5, 2014, 9:23 AM
Another great sober day! It was a good day. I did something that I have never done before. Vote! Watched my nephew again so by the end of the day I was worn out. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday November 6, 2014, 10:24 AM
Another great sober day! Spent most of the day by myself and loved it. Did go to the gym.

Posted by: girltoday November 7, 2014, 8:50 AM
Another great sober day! Made it to my home group. Was a great meeting. Took my son to get a new coat, but couldn't find anything he liked. Went to the store and finished a new Michael Connelly book. It was a very good day.

Posted by: Travelin man November 7, 2014, 2:22 PM
you set a great example of how good life can be free from our DOC - while not losing sight of what needs to be taken care of on a daily basis- thanks for sharing it with us-

Posted by: Aussie girl November 7, 2014, 11:48 PM
Hey Jess, just want to thank you for being a true inspiration, just reading your daily check in's gives me hope that things will get better,

Posted by: girltoday November 8, 2014, 10:29 AM
You are very welcome Bec! Helping you reminds me of how it was and how i never want to go back. As an addict I am very selfish and i can make things all about me in a minute. It feels good to be able to help other people cause i know how you feel. And I know how important having that support network was. I never could have quit on my own. Truthfully quitting was the easy part. Life was and can be the hardest part. When things were going good I wanted a reward, when things were bad I wanted to give in. When I was bored, when I was tired, just whatever if the freaking sun came up I wanted to get high. Do you find you have all this extra time? Funny hu how much time our search took from us. These feeling WILL pass. You will get to a point where your just happy to wake up clean and free form the pills.



Another great sober day! I did find my son a new coat and me some new gym shoes. The rest of the day was boring. My son was not good in school so he lost his tv which means he asks me a question every 5 minutes or wants to give me hugs just to see what i'm doing lol. So we went to bed early. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday November 10, 2014, 9:55 AM
Another great sober day! Was supposed to help my mom move Sat. but she had an old bill at the Uhaul place so were going to try to do it today. Other than that not a lot going on. Hung out with my brother and watched some basketball. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday November 11, 2014, 8:21 AM
Another great sober day! Well I waited around all day for my mom to call but she didn't so I called her and of course the movers she hired had another job cause she wasn't ready Sat. And of course this is all my fault cause I won't drive an hour and half away to help her. Well first off moving is a big trigger for me(which I told her about)so I agreed to help her when she got her even though I know better. My family will never understand why I shouldn't do things that make me want to use! Sounds simple to me. Why is moving her my problem? She's known she's had to move since Aug! I understand she needs help. She has burned so many bridges with people helping her cause she moves all the time to get out of paying rent. My mother is very irresponsable to say the least! Wonder why I turned out the way I did! I have helped her every step except for her getting the truck and getting it loaded. I made the calls to get her power turned on, the water, all the crap she should have done. Now it's just all my fault. I'm to the point where I want to yell at her and tell her to forget it. She wants to move today, so that's 3 days iv'e had to place my life on hold for her. I fail to mention that she has a purse full of pills at all times. She is an addict by definition but thinks it's ok because her pills are from a doctor and she needs them for pain. So i'm not in a good place this morning but I will make some calls to talk to other addicts because that's what i'v'e been taught to do. This is a big mess and i'm just venting cause i'm sick of the BS! Even though I shouldn't I feel guilty like I have to help her. She is 60 years old and I know she can't do this alone. Usually she's with some guy who helps her, but she's so needy that all the guys she finds are no good losers who steal her stuff and use her. She moves in guys like she changes clothes! So now it's on me and my brother to take care of this problem.

Anyway I did go to the gym to hit the bag for awhile and i'm about to make some calls. I need to clear my head which I thought a good nights rest would do. I'll get through this with help but man i'm pissed off!

Posted by: girltoday November 12, 2014, 9:24 AM
Another great sober day! I didn't help her move cause she changed it today. So I did the same a bunch of nothing. Watched tv. Went to bed early. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday November 13, 2014, 8:40 AM
Another great sober day! Well I waited all day to try to move my mom only to have them call at 1:30 am to help! Ya that was a no go. And of coarse she's mad cause I didn't come help. Told her last night I'd be there in the morning. This is one big mess! And I have a lot of stuff to do today so this really doesn't work out for me. But i'll go help cause she's my mom and it's the right thing to do. Me and my mom are not close. She left when I was a teenager and since iv'e been clean iv'e tried to have a relationship with her cause she's my mom. I try. She is pushing buttons though mam! I'm going to have a good day cause I'm tiered of being pissed. Life is good bad times and all.

Posted by: Aussie girl November 13, 2014, 7:21 PM
Hey Jess. Sorry to hear about all the BS you are having to put up with, sounds like your staying strong though. It helps me to read what your going through as I know there are going to be lots of stress times ahead that I will have to deal with, so I think if Jess can deal with all this BS and not pick up then I sure as hell don't have an excuse when the time comes for me. At the moment I have quite some stress with money but if u can do it clean then so can i.

Thanks for being around.

Posted by: girltoday November 13, 2014, 8:47 PM
Truth be told I would have used today. It was a very bad day. Hell it's been a bad week. I get at my mom's around 9 am to move her stuff. She gets up and tells me that she has to wait for her meds to kick in, so she takes a handful of pills right in front of me. So i'm moving her stuff and after 2 hours I ask her if she's goon help, she said NO. Really you can't move a picture or nothing. So now i'm really pissed cause she's like just leave it and i'll call Jonathan(my brother)to finish. Now I know that he just spent all night helping her and he had to work today after helping her till 2:30 in the morning. Why does she put everything on everyone else. She's never responsible. In fact she told me today that the bank said she's 5 car payments behind, but that's not right she's going to have to find her paperwork. Whatever! The bank don't make 5 months of mistakes. But anyway so i'm pissed and I won't make my brother do more then he should have to so I suck it up and tell her fine just sit there.(I wasn't very nice about it either) So i'm moving and praying she leaves her purse unattended. Ha Ha nope she even took it with her in the bathroom. She thinks everyone is going to steal her meds. She locks the door when she stays the night with my brother excuse me when she imposes herself at my brothers house cause she just shows up and expects to stay the night. No matter that they had stuff to do or anything. Keep in mind that if I ask her for pills she'd give them to me. But the addict in me didn't want anyone to know. So 3 or 4 hours later the feeling to use passed but I was still so angry. I have no contacts to get pills and that probably saved my a**. When other people hurt me I want to hurt myself. f***ed up I know. So i'm rushing trying to get as much as I can done. I do everything that I can that I can do on my own. Not much left. Some shelves and 6 or 7 heavy boxes. I assume that my brother will call me later and ask for help with the rest since she said she was going to call him. So when my brother does call it's a big issue that my BF won't help. Well my BF knows how I feel about my mom. It's hard for me to be around her cause she has pills. And the fact that she'll just give them to me makes him irate. He told me for the get go he wanted no part of this cause it wasn't good for me. So I did it anyway cause that's the right thing to do, she's my mom. So my brother tells me that him and his wife will go finish. Great I can go to a meeting cause at that point I really needed one or someone to yell at. Then i'm getting ready to go and she calls wanting my help to get the s*** in her car(could have told me before). I said no i'm getting ready to go out. Then it's why! WHY because I said so told her I talked to my brother and he said he got it. Well why she said really I told you cause you asked and i said no that's why! Then it's well BF can watch my son while I come help! Really on and on. Then I hear my brother in the background telling her to just to leave me alone. Now i'm really pissed I scream why are you all ganging up on me! Iv'e had to hear it all week from the BF and the brother. I'm in the middle. I scream at her to LEAVE ME THE f*** ALONE and hang up the phone. Now i'm crying cause all I tried to do was help and do the right thing. Then comes the BF what's your problem he says. Needless to say I flip out and we get into a big fight. Now he's telling me that i'm acting like i'm on drugs. The ol throw it my face s***. So here i sit. I need to call someone but I just don't feel like talking about it. To damn bad cause I have to! Or else it will be harbing a resenment and I don't need that.


To see your message was great and i'm glad the new girl showed me that if she could do it today by hell so can I. Thanks Bec!

Posted by: Aussie girl November 14, 2014, 6:44 PM
Oh Jess what a hell of a time u are going through........unfortunately we can't choose our family.....my mum can be quite demanding and I to can never say no.......she is not an addict but over the years both my father and I have always enabled her behavior of getting her own way all the time.........I am glad your mother took her purse with her to the toilet or as u say who know's what may have happened especially with the mood she had got u in.........it sounds like u have really had to take on a lot with your mother.........and I like u to can not say no when they need or want something........I to get very angry and resentful towards my mother at times which is also a trigger for me........last night I was really angry.......i don't know why......just emotions all over the show.......I am so happy u got through it clean.......my husband is a lot like your BF.......he hates the way my mother treats me and we get into arguments over it........he keeps telling me to stand up for myself........but she's my mum.......the only one I have and I am never any good with conflict so I let her behavior slid......I am just starting another day feeling like crap.......mostly physical but the anxiety is also there.......all I know is i can't pick up that first pill no matter what........Jess u are a true inspiration and if u can get through all the BS u have had to endure without picking up.......well I have no bloody excuse to either.

Hang in there buddy

Posted by: Papa Bear November 14, 2014, 7:09 PM
You girls should poke around this website a bit, see if you can identify .......
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: girltoday November 16, 2014, 10:34 AM
Another great sober day! I just got back from a woman's retreat. I feel so much better. Taking time to reflect and get my mind right was a good thing. Looking back on my bad week there are things I could have different. I knew moving her was going to be a trigger and I should not do things that trigger me to use. Simple. But when you can get out of doing things that trigger you there are still other things you can do. Talk to other addicts, speak in a meeting, ASK FOR HELP! It didn't have to be as hard as I made it on myself. I don't like asking for help. Something I need to work on. That's why it's important to call people in recovery everyday. To get used to calling and not knowing what to do or say, it feels strange at first but that also get easier to do. Call people when you need help, don't go down without a life saver like I did. I'm not new and I knew better. Knowing and doing are different. This is a program of action. I did not act and I paid for it. I didn't use and that's good but I wanted to and that scared me. I have big consequences if I use. I will not live with my BF or my child. And I love my life and don't want to throw that away. I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Next time I'm in trouble I will ask for help.

Yes PB I will look at that site thank you!

Posted by: Ellen1234 November 17, 2014, 2:54 AM
Hi Jess, I can relate regarding your mum. My mother was an alcoholic for a lot of years (maybe she still is, I don't know). Last time I visited, she had kind of swapped alcohol for heavy prescription painkillers. She'd literally nod off whilst she was talking to you. I don't have much contact with her, and we live quite far away from each other, so it's probably for the best.

I'm sure she'll die soon, she's only young (had me at 17) so I'm just waiting for that to eventuate. I don't really feel guilty...just a little sad that we didn't have the typical mother/daughter relationship. I feel like I have lots of loving people around me though, so I don't feel short changed.

Your women's retreat sounds amazing, glad you were able to have the break and refocus on yourself.

Ellen

Posted by: girltoday November 17, 2014, 9:57 AM
Another great sober day! Pretty boring day. It snowed like 5 inches here so today is a snow day, no school. I had to go get some blood work done this morning so I had to get out in the mess but I'm right by the interstate so it took me like 10 minutes to get there. I had no trouble. Life is good!

Thanks Ellen!

Posted by: Papa Bear November 17, 2014, 10:07 AM
I'm in South Western Ontario Canada. I woke up to a little snow as well.


Posted by: girltoday November 17, 2014, 10:13 AM
Was so beautiful this morning PB! Makes me grateful I have a warm house and hot food!

Posted by: girltoday November 18, 2014, 9:07 AM
Another great sober day! Man it is cold here, woke up and it's 2 degrees! Yesterday I curled up with a new Stephen King book and tried to stay warm. I also took blankets and hot soup to the homeless. It's hard to think that people won't go into the shelters when it's this cold. That's addiction. Makes you do things you never would dream of doing like staying out in the cold so other people won't steal your stash. Life is good!

Posted by: Aussie girl November 19, 2014, 6:15 AM
Well it seems like u guys have it hard with the cold over there.......it's the middle of summer here......perfect time for me to go through the process they call recovery.......I love the heat......40 degrees is just perfect for me.......I don't deal with the cold at all.....get very down and depressed.......have been brought up in hot places as my father was in the airforce for 20 years......so lived in places like Malaysia.....Darwin and central Queensland.......have lived in cooler places down in New South Wales.......but not for long stints like we have in the heat.......no where near as cold as u guys have it over there......we do get snow in Australia but only in very few places......not Queensland thank goodness.....hope your all keeping nice and warm.......couldn't even imagine just how awful it would be to have live on the streets over there in the cold......really feel for those guys

Posted by: girltoday November 19, 2014, 8:33 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much at all. Checked on my mom and took her some milk and eggs. Almost finished with that book, watched some tv and went to bed early. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday November 20, 2014, 10:39 AM
Another great sober day! Didn't do very much, stayed around the house gabbed on the phone. I did drag my behind to the gym for some zumba. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday November 23, 2014, 9:09 AM
Another great sober day! Haven't been doing much. Made it to my home group. Was a great meeting. And been hanging out at home. Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday November 25, 2014, 9:25 AM
Another great sober day! Same ol same ol here. Still cold. Just been hanging out at the house, watching tv, playing games, and cleaning. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday November 28, 2014, 10:44 AM
Another great sober holiday! Been a good couple of days. Been to 3 or 4 meetings this week. I'm sad and miss my brother. So I need to be around people I know and care about me. Yesterday was a marathon of meetings. How wonderful it is that no one has to be alone if they don't want to. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. 881 days is a long time, a miracle for this addict. Just for today I'm alive and free! Life is good.

Posted by: girltoday December 1, 2014, 8:58 AM
Another great sober day! Was kind of a busy weekend. We put up our Christmas tree while having hot cocoa. Done some black Friday shopping. I'm really sore from my last workout, man I don't like lunges, but i'm pushing through the pain. Working on my thighs and booty lol. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday December 4, 2014, 9:10 AM
Another great sober day! Not much going on here. It's cold outside! Been going to the gym a lot, been to a lot of meetings, and been doing some winter cleaning. Life is good!

Posted by: mikethemight December 5, 2014, 7:20 PM
Wow girl today.. You sound like such a nice caring person. Very strong minded.. Sending you hugs. Hang in there...

Posted by: girltoday December 7, 2014, 10:14 AM
Another great sober day! You know they say what goes around comes around lol. Yesterday morning I woke up with egg goo all over my car! I assume this was done by some punk kids cause they did dumb stuff around my whole neighborhood. Iv'e done lots of stupid stuff as a kid. I was pretty angry, but let it go. I had a friend in the program join me at the gym, but they have COPD so my workout was a little to much for them, so we had some coffee and a good chat. It's nice to make new friends. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday December 8, 2014, 9:24 AM
Another great sober day! To see the sparkle in my son's eyes when he saw Santa was amazing! I'm very grateful to be clean today! Life is good.

Posted by: mikethemight December 8, 2014, 5:36 PM
Gee, your so Inspiring... Thank you

Posted by: girltoday December 12, 2014, 9:14 AM
Another great sober day! Been kinda busy with Christmas shopping and holiday get together's. Things are going good. Been going to meetings a lot. Helping the newcomer's with rides. I have gave my phone number out to over 50 people and not one has called lol. I get that this is normal. I was ready to do anything my sponsor told me to do when I got here, I called 3 people in recovery every day, still do most days. Life is good!

Posted by: 35andready December 12, 2014, 4:10 PM
Hey jessica and Jeff and Aussie! I'm new to joining but have been read on here last time I quit and it helped me through. I'm not much of one to talk or share feelings , however i can do it with complete strangers. My dad owns a big auto shop in town so we both know everyone and I don't want to go to meetings and see people I know. I think that would just trigger me. A quick run on me..... Been using for 4 or 5 years pretty hard... At peak my norm was 5x80 oxy and perc 10 or 30 also in the mix. I've been off work on workers comp since march of 2012... Last time I quit was February of this year and on day 7 my wife and I for into a big fight and I left. Went to a hotel to be by myself and life was never the same. The next day I ended up going out drinking with the girl I have been having an affairs with for 8 years that works at my dads shop. Needless to say I never went back home and my court date for my divorce is right before Xmas and it'll be final. My was had a really hard time understanding what I was going through and didn't know how to be there for me..... Her mom committed suicide due to drugs lessavior 5 years ago. So here I am after I threw my whole life away and am starting over... Thank god for my beautiful 3 year old or I don't think I'd be here... My mom was also never there and very needy and we shared the same dealers and shared a lot also... My dad gets a ton of pain pills for his back and we've never been close either... Luckily I had great grandparents that raised me!! This time I'm 41 hours clean and I'm really feeling pretty good!! last time i made it two months....I've used a lot less this last time than before so I'm thinking that's my savior!! Also this site(especially this thread) has really saved me... I look at you guys as my sponsors even though I've never posted or anything.... I've always just read... Anyhow thanks for the help and I'll be on here often as I continue the fight!!

Posted by: girltoday December 14, 2014, 10:18 AM
Another great sober day! Things are good here. About to go to church. My Christmas shopping is almost done. Cashed in my change that iv'e been saving. $143.00. Bonus money! That would have never happened if i'd been using. Santa has to fill a big list lol. Been working out alot this week. You can bring a friend on Friday's so I even get a extra work out in. Still going to meetings and trying to help the newcomer. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday December 17, 2014, 8:52 AM
Another great sober day! Doing well here. Not a lot going on, the gym, and meetings. My son goes on winter break next Monday, getting some fun things to do while he's home. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday December 19, 2014, 8:41 AM
Another great sober day! Been busy! My peanut butter balls are made, and my homemade jerky. Today I am going to make homemade vanilla extract. I make these as gifts for family and friends. Makes me feel good to do things for the people I love. Made it to my home group yesterday, was a great meeting! My son is on the countdown for Santa!! What a fun time of year. I also was a Santa for a senior this year. Amazing! My heart has been lifted. Today life is good.

Posted by: Travelin man December 23, 2014, 3:51 PM
hi girltoday i hope you are doing ok-

Posted by: girltoday December 26, 2014, 10:22 AM
Another great sober holiday! Christmas was awesome! My son got everything on his Santa list and it was over in 30 minutes lol. I spent time with family and friends, eating and being merry. The more holiday's I spend clean the easier it gets. Life is good!

Posted by: girltoday January 4, 2015, 10:00 AM
Another great sober day! Just wanted to check in. Things are good here. Same ol same ol. Been going to meetings and being around friends. My family is doing well and I been pushing hard at the gym. Life is good!

Posted by: 35andready January 4, 2015, 11:45 AM
Great to hear from you! Glad Xmas was great and your still doing good!!

Posted by: girltoday January 10, 2015, 9:12 AM
Another great sober day! Things are going well here. Had a issue go on Thursday with my mom. She called me at 7:30 in the morning to ask me to go get her pain medication. Really? When I told her nicely that I'm an addict(WHICH SHE KNOWS)and can't do that. She then starting crying and telling me no one cares and bla bla bla. Usually I get real mad when she pushes my buttons. Not this time. Told her to call a cab. She has a car and she can drive but was to sick to get out. After II got off the phone with her I blocked her number. I was cool and calm. I have to take care of me and she is just sick. I'm not willing to accept her behavior any longer. For her to even ask me was insane to me, but she's not in her right mind, she's in a drug fog. I think I put up with cause I know how it feels to be that deep. I have learned that I need to let her be right where she's at. I can't do it.

Posted by: mikethemight January 19, 2015, 3:02 AM
You ok Jess?

Posted by: Aussie girl January 20, 2015, 1:28 AM
Hey Jess, u ok?. check in with us.

Posted by: 35andready January 20, 2015, 5:14 AM
We all hope your ok jess. Look forward to hearing from you.
Rollin

Posted by: girltoday January 20, 2015, 8:27 AM
Hey guys! I'm hanging in there. Sometimes it's hard to be here and I just need a break. Addiction is a beast!

Posted by: Aussie girl January 27, 2015, 12:32 AM
No worries Jess........sometimes you just need some time out.........take care........don't stay away to long.......we all miss u...
((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Posted by: girltoday March 7, 2015, 9:30 AM
Another great sober day! WOW it's been a hard month here with the weather. I'm still digging out of 2 feet of snow! My son has been to school 2 days out of the last 2 weeks. But it seems to be the last of the snow, and a warm up is coming my way. So iv'e been getting cabin fever a lot. Have only been to one meeting and I feel off. It will get better and i have been doing online meetings. I just wanted to check in and let people know i'm still around. Life is good. Been playing lots of UNO and Yahazee!

Posted by: girltoday April 18, 2015, 11:47 AM
Another great sober day! Wow things are a bit crazy in my life at the moment. My son is in soccer, golf, and taking swim lessons, and I have done everything but sign the loan papers for me to start school soon. Life just keeps moving forward for me and things are good. My mother moved back to be with her sisters so that's no longer an issue. I knew she wouldn't stay, she has to be close to her doctor. My boyfriend got a painting job so we have some extra income coming in that's a stress reliever ! Still going to meetings and doing the next right thing. Life is good!

Posted by: Aussie girl April 19, 2015, 3:56 AM
glad your back jess and doing so well. Can't say the same for me..

Posted by: FirstSteps April 19, 2015, 6:16 AM
Aussie -
Been stalking you on here and you have been amazing...you can do this!!!! What's up?

Posted by: FirstSteps April 19, 2015, 6:17 AM
Girltoday

Congrats...so happy so many things are falling into place for you!!! Keep pushing on!

Posted by: girltoday May 9, 2015, 10:02 AM
Another great sober day! Well it's gonna be a hard day. Today 1 year ago I lost my baby brother. The pain is still there. The sadness creeps in so bad sometimes. I have one of his blankets and I just hold it like i'm giving him a big hug telling him I miss him. I am going to a family cookout tonight to release balloons to celebrate his life. We will write messages on the balloons and let them go up to the heavens. s***ty things happen in life that's just the way it is. I can't use over it and i'm gonna lose people I love. I have to keep my head up and go on for the rest of my family. Still suks!

Posted by: girltoday June 2, 2015, 8:17 AM
Another great sober day! Just checking in to say things are good! I did jack up my neck a bit, think I just sleep wrong on it. So I took a trip to see the doctor who is fixing the problem. Just last month I jacked up my knee by not streaching before I work out and had to have some PT but that is all better. Feel like my body is giving up lol. I'm not that old dam! Anyway also just a reminder that the daily check in is for anyone who wan't to post. You can just say hey and tell about your day or your struggles. Sometimes I don't have a topic to post so I just check in and let others know I'm still staying clean and working a good program. You also don't have to go to NA or AA just to be here. It always gets worse if you still use NEVER better. Keep trying to take your life back, and if your are clean, keep sharing with others how you made it out of the maddness! Love all you guys more then you know!

Posted by: girltoday August 2, 2015, 10:28 PM
Another great sober day! Things are still good here. Getting ready for school. I feel excited, then anxious, then worried. I get excited for all the fun things I get to do, then anxious cause i'm going back to school at 40, then worried cause I just borrowed like 20 grand! Crazy I know! I don't like commitment and this is at least a year commitment Tues-Sat 9-5! OMG! A normal schedule what will I ever do! Just do it I guess. My son is doing great. We had a fun summer. He goes back to school soon. He's not ready, tells people he hates school. BOYS! We have spent lots of time at the pool this summer teaching him how to swim and he took golf lessons so we've been playing golf at the country club like fancy people lol. He loves it though. I would have never thought my son would be playing golf but i'll of coarse support whatever he wants to do, I'm just thought it was going to be soccer since he seemed to like doing that more. I've been really involved with my church and getting to know everyone. It makes me feel good to love God again. I spent a long time being pissed at my cards, but who says you can give them s***ty cards back hey? IDK a lot has changed with me this past year and I'm still trying to find my niche in life. Life is good, I can't complain.

Posted by: Travelin man August 3, 2015, 2:32 PM
Hi gir,l Glad to hear life is good for you - you worked hard to get where you are, fair play - all the best-

Posted by: girltoday August 4, 2015, 9:27 AM
Thanks Tman!

Posted by: poopie August 4, 2015, 9:59 PM
>> hAVE YOU EVER WOKEN UP IN THE MORN ,,AND YOU HAVE NO PILLS AND HUG YOUR pillow so hard and feel like your going crazy.I felt like I wanted to yell because the he@@ of not having any pills was unbearable.....again im addicted again.cowgirl-tom where are you..feel so hopeless.poopie

Posted by: 12 stepper August 5, 2015, 8:58 AM
Now is your chance. Go thru the withdrawals and you never have to worry about running out of pills again. You can learn how to live without them. It takes work but you can do it.

Posted by: Travelin man August 5, 2015, 12:21 PM
Hey poopie,

Never give up hope, in the worst of times, it can be all we have to hang on to and help us make it through - hang in there - keep reaching out - you are never alone in addiction - let us know how you are doing best of luck -

Posted by: Papa Bear August 5, 2015, 4:28 PM
I was told that the life of an addict/alcoholic leads eventually to death, insanity, incarceration or AA/NA.

Over the years I have seen it proven repeatedly.

I am so glad I chose AA/NA.

We, as addicts & alcoholics, have to have our a$$ handed to us until we are beaten into submission. Beaten so bad that even WE realize it .. finally.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: poopie August 5, 2015, 10:14 PM
>>>>>>>>>. I don't belive in aa-na....sorry.thank you all.feeling ok.wishing for cowgirl.

Posted by: girltoday August 24, 2015, 8:16 AM
Another great sober day. Just want to check in. I do still try to come here everyday and read posts. At the moment i'm really sick with a nasty cold(been over a week). Been to the Doc and all that it just is lingering! School is going great. I'm having fun and learning lots of new things. I am the oldest person in my class, besides the teacher. They are all under the age of 21 lol. They call me the OG(old gal) lol. They are all great girls. My son is doing well besides being sick. I am having issues with balancing my time with boyfriend, son, meetings, gym, and other activites. I miss going to so many meetings, I miss the people at meetings. I get home and don't want to do s*** cause iv'e been on my feet all day. Then there is the housework AHHHHHH real life lol. Any way i'm still clean and still the same ol same ol.



P.S. Jeff I finally gave in and made a Facebook page.

Posted by: Granny2 3 August 24, 2015, 6:45 PM
Hey Girl!!
Low and behold!!!!

How the hell are ya? I barely find time anymore to post regularly. The grandkids started their senior year of high school...My GD has no 1st period so she doesn't have the bus to take her.. so Mon- Thursday at 8:50am I drop her off.( the high school isn't more than a couple miles from our house) On Fridays school starts an hour later so she doesn't start until 10am. She rides the bus home.

Her brother doesn't start his school classes until 3Pm and goes from 3-4:30pm Mon-Thursday. He does the majority of his classwork on line. So about the time she's getting out, he's going. AAHHHHHH! With this heat I wind up with a crowd sometimes!

But it's OK, really. It works out. With everything else I do, besides them, I am a very busy girl...

Glad to hear you are doing so well. Like I find myself saying quite often when things get piled up going here, going there, doing this and that, need to fix this or fix that, or why did this or why did that?? I say "LIFE HAPPENS!!!"or "Life is happening"

granny

Posted by: girltoday August 27, 2015, 4:57 PM
Hey Granny! Senior year! So much fun. I'm glad they are doing so well. You sound very grateful. I am doing really well beside managing my time. School is really fun atm. I am learning so much, it's hard to take it all in. We only spend about a week doing one thing so not much time to slack off. The real work comes when I get to do real heads. Thanks for checking in with me. ((((HUGS)))

Posted by: Persephone August 27, 2015, 9:50 PM
Sober and grateful! I have 1 yr, 11 mos, 2 days, 22 hours, 49 mins and some secs clean! Woo Hoo!

Posted by: girltoday August 28, 2015, 5:07 PM
Awesome sauce!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats girl!

Posted by: girltoday November 5, 2015, 10:14 PM
Another great sober day! Just wanted to check in and tell everyone i'm doing well. Still going to hair school, rocking it out! Family life is good , meeting attendance is good, sponsor is good. I am really grateful for this new journey. Feeling blessed today. I never could have done any of this without NA, the steps and an awesome sponsor.

Posted by: girltoday November 24, 2015, 7:41 PM
Another great sober day! Not a good day but i'm clean. I haven't been to a meeting in over 3 weeks and i feel out of wack! I've been super busy and that's no excuse to not get to a meeting, if I wanted to get high nothing would stop me, so I need to apply that same princable to my recovery. Anyway, things are good. I'm about to apply for an advanced program at my school, since I do so well they are pushing me to go further, which is good but I feel a bit overwelmed. Life is good and I'm thankful for so many things this year.

Posted by: Granny2 3 November 24, 2015, 8:32 PM
hey there Jess,
Happy Thanksgiving! Congrats on even being aware that you may need a meeting.
I read your last post about your being pushed a little to do more or go further. If you are ready then GO FOR IT!! If not, then take a deep breathe and make a decision on your mental health.

My son just spent the last year jumping thru hoops that were necessary to comply with what he (and his prob offc) wanted, ending in being hired at a good employee owned company 3 weeks ago. BUT., and the reason I am even saying anything to you is because, during that last year many opportunities came his way, but he kept saying, "Mom, I don't want to get too much on my plate. If I do I may blow it." Some he took, and some he didn't. And I had to let him make those choices. Everything so far has turned out great for him. So, if you think it may be too much right now, say NO. Don't do it because someone may think it is the right thing to do.
Ok I'll be quiet now..LOL.

Have a wonderful holiday sweetie and enjoy another holiday season clean and sober.

granny

Posted by: girltoday February 9, 2016, 10:26 PM
Sorry it's been so long since I've checked in. I'm still around. I still pop in and read posts. Still clean,still going to meetings, still call my sponsor almost everyday, and yes I still benge watch some Netflix. The Making Of A Murderer has me hooked! I'm glad things are going good for you and your family granny. Things are good here with the family as well. My son's birthday is in March, he'll be 9! Crazy how fast it goes. I'm about 100 hours from being halfway through school. In my state you have to have 1800 hours to get licensed I have almost 900. I'm even a mentor to new students, who would ever thought that this x junkie could be a mentor to other people. I owe it all to NA, the program, the God of my understanding and a great support network that includes my sponsor. Life is good!

Posted by: poopie February 24, 2016, 4:07 PM
How are you?poopie

Posted by: girltoday March 30, 2016, 9:34 PM
Hello everyone! I've been on the crazy train for awhile so I haven't been around much. Me and my boyfriend of 10 have split. I've had to get a job and move in with my brother till I can find a decent place. I have surrounded myself with people from the program and still make time for 3 meetings a week while in school for 40 hours and work 30 hours a week. Life is really tuff at the moment. It's no excuse to use, I just have to keep doing the next right think for me and my son. I will come out of this. The good days are always more then the bad. Thinking of you all

Jessica

Posted by: girltoday April 13, 2019, 7:55 PM
Wow! A lot of truth in this thread. Truth never meant anything to me. I was going to do whatever it took to get my high alive or dead didn't matter to me as long as I was no longer sick. Those feelings and thoughts took over at times and it was all I could do to hold on.It has been over 6 years since I walked out of treatment. Things got so much better when i really did surrender to the dope. I have finished hair school and then went on to be the manager of the restaurant I work in. I excel in every aspect of life and i'm so very grateful for the 12 steps and NA. Call your sponsor every day, find yourself a favorite seat and keep your mouth shut!!!!! I'm proof it worked if I did the work.



Another great sober day!!!!