Using Meth For 13 Yrs To Help With Add
Posted: March 29, 2018, 11:53 PM

Im in a dilemma. 13 years ago I lost everything due to my crack addiction. In a 3 month period my wife left me after 16yrs, I lost my job of 15 yrs and then my Mom committed suicide by throwing herself in front of a train and I had to I'D her body. This sent me into a tail spin of suicidal thoughts and trying to blow my heart up by smoking as much crack as I could possibly smoke. I wanted to die. All of my friends were using Meth. I would see them building stuff and getting things done while I would hide in a corner smoking crack. Then I tried it. From that day on I have been using Meth and never smokes crack again. I felt like meth made me feel normal. I could focus, I could sleep, I could finish things I started. I went from being homeless to owning my own business and buying a house. It has made me turn my life into what I always wanted it to be. A success. Why am I different from other meth users? I seen many of the people that use it get very strange and go into psychosis. I have been told I probably have ADD but have never went to a doctor because I am afraid that they will just look at me as a tweaker if I'm honest about it.

My dilemma is I am on probation and have been giving hot urines. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna stop and lose my focus and go back to being suicidal. I also can't afford to go to jail and lose everything I worked so hard for. If I go to a doctor and tell them I use meth they will treat me as an addict and not someone with severe depression and ADD. Anyone have any suggestions. I would love to find a doctor to help me or prescribe me something that will give me the same results meth does without getting in trouble. I know I would be considered an addict but honestly I feel like I am just medicating a lifelong undiagnosed ADD issue. Feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hardplace.
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