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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Don't Help Pay The Consequences Of Their Actions


Posted by: samegame October 9, 2019, 8:19 AM
Never help someone pay the consequences for their actions. No matter how much they complain, whine, moan etc they must go through that process and time on their own. That is the point.

That means don't help with legal bills, never help pay a fine, increased insurance rates along with a lot of the other associated financial obligations that come from the addict or alkie. Especially as an adult. This also means don't become a taxi service.

Dealing with someone now who obfuscated paying the penalties for a dui ie higher insurance rates by latching on to a parent's policy for five years as a middle aged adult. Not only is that rate evasion he is now being forced to get his own car insurance and you would think the world is going to end. Now in an undignified manner with unmitigated gall he is going around to his 'friends' to use their home address for insurance. Pathetic.

But more importantly since he purposely missed that lesson of higher insurance rates for his dui he doesn't get it. He feels he did nothing wrong and got screwed by a zealous corrupt police officer. I got him out of jail, he was still drunk hours after his arrest. No mistake. And he is now unable to move on mentally because he now must pay the price 5 years later. It minus well be the day after his arrest. In the meantime still gets drunk as a skunk.

It's tempting to help someone to get them off your back, shut them up etc but don't. No matter how inconsequential you think helping a person out through the penalties and consequences of their actions, life style, addictions etc DON'T. Their mess let them clean it up. That's part of the process.

Posted by: Sallyanna October 9, 2019, 9:23 AM
Well said samegame. I totally agree

Posted by: mtnmom October 9, 2019, 8:35 PM
Amen Samegame!! Amen!!! I have done so & not one penny helped anything. I'd pay for something to help him get back on his feet (late car payments, impound fees....) and the truck was impounded again (actually 4 times) and 4 weeks later the payments were behind again.....

Posted by: mrsj October 11, 2019, 5:22 AM
Very good advice. I have done the running around, providing money etc. I have stopped now and he is on his own.