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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > My Husband

Posted by: Jess2 July 23, 2019, 10:44 AM
My husband is addicted to weed, I dont know if he is addicted to other drugs.. The problem is he won't confess. I confronted him many times before and every time he lies and swears that he quit. I am really sick of this, he is always asleep or out with his friends of course smoking.. What can I do to get him to recover.. Help me plz I am so desperate.

Posted by: samegame July 23, 2019, 12:15 PM

And the pot industry and users did a very good job lobbying for legalization so I doubt he's even heard or paid attention to the negative effects of pot. But it's probably mostly denial.

Posted by: SoberInMI July 23, 2019, 5:57 PM
Jess 2:

By definition, you can't control and addict and you can't force them to get sober.

If your spouse was doing meth, crack, heroin, fentenyl, etc. you would wish it was only pot!

I suggest you try Nar-Anon for yourself.

Posted by: Sallyanna July 23, 2019, 7:25 PM
Jess 2, Sorry to hear about your husband's addiction. He's married to his addiction and everyone, everything takes a back seat. Unless he acknowledges he has an addiction and seeks help on his own, you will be a very lonely wife. His addiction is all consuming. You have to focus on YOU and make yourself a priority. You deserve to have a happy and healthy life. He's responsible for himself. He's not your job.

Posted by: Momtomethhead July 23, 2019, 9:22 PM
I agree, dealing with a meth addict is pure hell. I would take pot over this..
Jess, if it’s interfering with your life, find a nacanon meeting to learn how to help yourself. I am going to my second one tomorrow night. Still not sure how I feel about it, I just know I have to try.

Posted by: SoberInMI July 23, 2019, 9:35 PM
Mom to Meth Head:

Thank you. I was trying to bring some perspective to things, something we alcoholics often lack. What I didn't say or wasn't implying is that a pot head spouse is acceptable.

Also, you have the right idea in trying to find a way to deal with things. Not dealing can be worse than incorrectly dealing with a situation. I suspect that in time you will make a few friends and compadres which will make you feel more comfortable. Myself, I just got home from an A.A. meeting. Good luck and God Bless!

Posted by: Jess2 July 24, 2019, 8:35 PM
Thank u all for your reply.. Your words helped me think and calm down a bit. I know that pot isnt a big deal but it affects my life completly. I am always alone plus I have a baby which is a burden.. My husband is always nervous and depressed.. His health is deteriorating.. Every couple of hours he stares, keeps on swallowing. He tries to answer me but he cant, he sweats in 24°c.. Is this a sign of a big health problem? Addiction is really a curse.

Posted by: Parenting2 July 25, 2019, 12:55 AM
Jess, this sounds like my son, even down to the sweating. He was on other drugs, and I am thankful that he has stopped other drugs.

However, his addiction to marijuana is all encompassing. Weed, at least in high quantities, seems to just make people have zero care for reality.

Really, take care of yourself. He is not living a normal life. You have a right to happiness and joy. I am sorry that you are in this situation with a baby.

Posted by: Jess2 July 25, 2019, 2:16 AM
Parenting 2

I am so sorry you have to go through this with ur son.. I feeel u and your sorrow.. Does this mean that my husband is using other drugs? I am really concerned for his own health. And so scared that the situation might be getting more and more serious and complicated esp. that he is always in denial and wouldn't open up to me no matter what I do.. He also gets the pot to his friends، he is the one who knows how and where, this scares me. too

Posted by: sad eyes July 25, 2019, 7:53 AM
I remenber finding a bong about 5 years ago, the thought of weed I went nearly crazy thinking he was doing drugs I thought that was hard stuff( drugs scare me never dabbled in anything) I have had to educate myself on drugs, I to wish weed over meth!! but then at the end of the day it's still an addiction, I have a friend who's husband is a gambler, he will spend practically all his wages on gambling, same , it's an addiction, so really at end of day, they have underlying issues that need to be addressed then the drugs or addictions will sort themselves out, just my thoughts

Posted by: Parenting2 July 25, 2019, 8:23 AM
Hi Jess2

It does not necessarily mean he is doing other drugs. My son actually just went to Prompt Care for the sweating and other GI symptoms (I was convinced he had HepC because I never catastrophize-ha). He told me that the nurse practitioner told him that those were signs of heavy and inconsistent marijuana use. I guess he had tried to quit cold turkey. Anyway, she said they are seeing a lot more ailments related to marijuana. It is a drug and has bad side effects, especially when used in the dosage my son uses! He had blood work and a full assessment. I do believe that he is only using weed right now because of his behavior and change of friends.

It could be a lot of things, and honestly, you probably will never know. It could be just weed. Could be weed and mental illness or physical illness. Could be other drugs. You will drive yourself crazy looking for clues (if you are like me) and the clues will not reveal what you need.

I would focus on how he makes you FEEL when you are around him. I had this advice from a counselor in college (to identify toxic relationships) and it helped me immensely sort through friendships and relationships. If he makes you feel bad or shades of bad most of the time, then you really need to think about moving on. However, with a baby, I know that is overwhelming! It is enough just to get through the day sometimes with a little one. Do you have support? Family/friends?

Posted by: Jess2 July 25, 2019, 11:41 AM
Hi parenting 2 thank u so much for ur reply, I think you are right in every word you are saying. Sometimes he tries to quit and sometimes he tries to have less doses of weed ( that is what I get from messages with his friends that I read behind his back) of course he wont tell me.
He once got violent and I thought of moving on.. I had all support from family and friends, I even have my job and can support myself and my baby financialy but he apologized and agologized and I forgave him, he didnt get viloent since then, that was months ago, I love him. There is no other reason why I am stayong with this situation and that is why I want make this work,, it is just not easy, he is always nervous and worried, has terrible mood swings and. Of course sleeping all day which I read is also a side effect of weed, it is like living with two different men one is calm, kind, loving and caring, the other is nervous and shouting over trivial issues.. It really feels good now to share this with u.. Thanks.

Posted by: Jess2 July 25, 2019, 11:44 AM
Hi sad. Eyes, I think u are. Right, it is always another issue that is leading to addiction, but they must seek medical help, physically and pyschologicaly, my husband wont admit he has a problem of any kind and would put all the blame on me. He must decide himself, you cant force a big man to do sth he doesnt want to.. I wish we have a normal life.
My prayers to all who suffer the same.

Posted by: Alexandra’s Mom July 25, 2019, 11:51 AM
Hello Jess2. My daughter is a IV heroine user. Well that is her drug of choice but she will take anything she can get her hands on with the exception of pot. I myself have started to goto naranon and it is a place to talk where you know people won’t judge you. You need to do what is best for you and your son. You deserve to be happy and healthy and dealing with such a selfish and impulsive person can take a toll on you. My daughter is currently in a halfway house about 2 hours away from where we live. I have taken my life back and as terrible as this sounds I am happy and healthy for the first time in years.

Posted by: lolleedee August 11, 2019, 3:20 AM
Jess2..First of all, I am sorry to hear about your husband's addiction. I want to give you some advice about that, but right now, that is a secondary issue. Your husband physically abused you! It doesn't matter if it is only once! VIOLENCE HAS NO PLACE IN LOVE. PERIOD!

Would suggest trying to find a counselor or support group for victims of domestic violence. You really need to look at why you think this is what you deserve in a partner. Quite honestly there should be no forgiveness for an act of physical violence. It is Never ok for anyone to put their hands on you in anger! You say you have family support and have the financial means to support yourself and your baby. Yet, you stay with a physical abuser with a drug problem. Run fast , run far!!!!

This is not love, it is codependent! Somewhere in your mind you must think this is all you deserve and that frightens me. You also have an obligation to that baby (sorry, I do not know if it is a son or daughter). Believe me, this is not going to end well unless you leave. I would bet my life that there Will be more physical abuse because he did it already without any consequences and hasn't had any kind of treatment for anger or violence and is using drugs. You deserve to feel happy and safe and this relationship is not going to allow this.

ALso, if anyone either catches wind of his drug use and violence towards you, expect child protective services to step in. Your baby is not safe living in a climate where violence against you is forgiven. One of the most important things you can teach a child is that there is never an acceptable reason for violence and Any act of violence is unforgivable in a marriage.

Please, please go get help and get out of this toxic marriage. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Please get the help you need and deserve!!!! I'm rooting for you!