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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > More Bad News...will It Ever Stop?

Posted by: aunt worry June 1, 2019, 12:32 AM
well-my 25 year old nephew noah is now couch surfing since his sober living program ended a couple weeks ago (his rehab place only wants to offer short term inpatient services-guess that’s where the insurance money is!). he just lost his job this week due to attendance problems (he opted to sleep one day last week instead of going in to work or even calling in and then this week he was late). he crashed his car at 1 am one night-solo vehicle crash after he had been drinking-not sure how he avoided being charged with dui since he was taken to ER (thankfully he was ok, at least physically). oh he has no license or car insurance. his former roommate when he was inpatient at the rehab died (don’t know yet if it was an overdose or some form of suicide). my nephew is pretty shaken up. he feels hopeless and like there is nothing left to live for. he will not take his bipolar meds. he will not go back to inpatient rehab or to another rehab. i guess homelessness, jail, and/or death via overdose or suicide is next...

someone posted earlier that something like only 1 out of 10 addicts succeed in long term sobriety. and that’s only after an average of 5 rehab attempts? this is noah’s first rehab attempt.

this all just sucks. i know we cannot allow our addicted loved ones to drag us down into despair and hopelessness but this is all so overwhelming. my birthday was this past wednesday and i felt guilty that i had a nice day (in between all my worrying about noah and his mother/my sister)

Posted by: Parenting2 June 1, 2019, 2:18 AM

Yes, it is disturbing and gut-wrenching watching all these things happen. My son is actually doing better with the drug issue (still with the marijuana. I know it is bad, but my life is better rather than the spice), but still has all these issues with attendance, jobs, car issues, lack of critical thinking.

I guess my biggest frustration, as you say, is that he will not reach out for help. He just seems lost all the time and will not talk to anyone, take his medication correctly, or...fill in the blank.

I am powerless and mostly do okay, but we cannot deny that this is tough to deal with. We all have our breakdown moments. Please, please push that guilt away. Life is for living and we have to live out lives and find joy where we can.

Happy birthday, also!

Posted by: Sallyanna June 1, 2019, 8:38 AM
So sorry to hear about Noah's struggles. I wish they would have had a transition plan in place to another sober living since they were closing theirs on fairly short notice. Also, the death of his roommate is traumatic and tragic.

When will it end? I'm still asking myself this question and for my daughter it's been one nightmare after another for the past 5 years. She has been to rehab 3 times and numerous detoxes to no avail. Her addiction rules her life and all the consequences that result. I'm hoping she gets to detox and rehab soon. She needs a fresh start. I tell her it's never too late to start over, never ever.

Happy Belated Birthday : )

Posted by: aunt worry June 1, 2019, 10:58 AM
i just don’t understand why our addicted loved ones don’t reach out for help. and why do they seem to believe it is too late to make a fresh start or to not even care enough to make a fresh start?

i know the negative consequences of drug and alcohol addiction are terrible (homelessness, job loss, jail, overdose, loss of connections with friends and family etc...) but if i had even one of those issues, i truly think i would be working soooo hard to dig myself out. i just dont understand.

one of my best friends has a stepson who is now in his mid 50s. he tried every drug out there from his teens till his late 40s but finally in his late 40s, he successfully went through rehab and has been clean and sober since. he has a good life now-with a wife, restablished connections with his kids and father/stepmother, and has a good job. so intellectually i know it is possible for our addicted loved ones to succeed but believing it in my heart is a whole other story!

thanks for the birthday wishes! noah did text me on my birthday and wish me happy birthday and asked if my husband took me out for dinner. it was nice to hear from him...

Posted by: NyToFlorida June 1, 2019, 12:24 PM
So sorry about Noah’s situation- and for his family - it seems never ending. Like swimming against the tide. Relentless. It seems like the addiction hijacks the mind and body.

I think people who quit in their 50’s have run out of steam, mentally and physically, financially. Can’t keep it going any more.

Posted by: Sallyanna June 1, 2019, 8:51 PM
I think as someone mentioned in another post, addiction is very complex and complicated. It affects every aspect of the person's functioning. It hijacks the brain and creates an emotional and physical dependency. Its a coping mechanism, an escape, a defense mechanism, and more all wrap up into one deceptive package. Areas of the brain are affected like the frontal lobe which is responsible for executive functions, insight, and decision making. Then there is the shame, hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. Top it off with social issues like unemployment, relationship problems, financial problems, and arrests and it's pretty overwhelming. There's more this is all I could think of at the moment. Its awful and it's sad.

Posted by: samegame June 2, 2019, 10:26 AM
Sorry to hear about their current situation.

Bad news is they're pretty young to be a hardcore of an addict. Sounds like a large chunk of their adult life has included drugs. Good news is they are young and if they want can sober up. They must want to change for themselves, not others.

Don't let their issues go unattended too long even if it's a good talking to because the longer they go unchecked the more their drug behavior is reinforced because that's all they'll know at their younger age. But that youth gives them the flexibility to change.

Keep everyone else healthy including yourself

Posted by: Alexandra’s Mom June 4, 2019, 8:29 AM
I am sorry to hear about where Noah is in his addiction. I am sending thoughts and prayers your way. My daughter is currently in a long term court ordered treatment program. She struggled with the 30 day programs and what insurance deems “appropriate amount of inpatient time”. Don’t feel guilty about enjoying one day of happiness you have more then earned it!

Posted by: Sallyanna June 5, 2019, 7:19 PM
I have a question. When the court orders treatment who pays for the treatment?

Posted by: aunt worry June 5, 2019, 10:16 PM
sallyanna-thanks for the reminder on how complicated addiction is. i know i sound like i think it is easy. i know deep down that it is not easy. if it were, rehab would be successful and permanent for most people, right? i’m so tired i’m not thinking straight...

Posted by: aunt worry June 5, 2019, 10:19 PM
same game-thanks for replying. it’s so hard to know what helps and what doesn’t. we as a family are not and have not been ignoring noah’s issues at least for the past 6 months. but doesn’t our addicted loved one have to take the lead in recovery?