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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: December 14, 2018, 10:37 PM
That sounds Great! Currently my son is not a train wreck, but not clean either. Still working, car is still barely running, we hold our breath from week to week. trying to move his financial responsibilities from me to him. still not optimal. we plant the seeds each week and hope he follows thru. he seems more grounded, but I still don't believe what he says. it may not have been his choice to become addicted. it is his choice to stay addicted. tonight he said he is going to try harder, he doesn't want to live like this.... blah blah blah…
( dad was screaming at him a few days ago - calling him out on using) he stayed in for two days, was coughing and sneezing, went out the next day, no more coughing and sneezing... :( This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on December 14, 2018, 10:40 PM | ||
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: December 17, 2018, 8:36 PM
My son went to the supermarket by himself yesterday and purchased a card and gift card for his dads birthday. The only other time he went to the supermarket this year was 4 months ago to buy beer. Who is this imposter! The bar is so low... does this sound like improvement, or improvement in pulling off a double life, pulling off the impression he is trying to do better. I don't dare to be hopeful or excited about it. still on the fence. waiting and watching.
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 12:39 PM
I just need a little support - my 44 y/o son has been a meth addict for most of his adult life. Bad decisions, rage, tickets, domestic violence (again girl friends, not us) - everything.... He & his wife had good jobs & somehow he managed to keep his very well paying job for 12-13 years. His medical insurance paid for rehab and therapy. I was in denial most of the time about his addiction. He & his wife divorced in 2013. 2016 he was in an accident at work which required a drug test & in lieu of termination, he went to a 90 day rehab. He stayed clean & was really doing great for about 1 year. Last year he relapsed again & he has continued in a downhill spiral. Since June 2018, he was fired from his job, new girlfriend broke up, roommate moved out & stopped paying his rent so lost his house. Now, according to him, he's homeless & jobless and in HIS mind the only thing he needs is a job.
When we talk to him, all of us tell him he needs help. He came to my house after 6 months of not talking to anyone in the family, and told me he can't go on like this. We stayed calm & reassured him that we loved him & we will help him get therapy, rehab, meetings, etc. I kept asking him to let me call 911 or a crisis counselor. Absolutely refused and I offered to let him spend the night & rest. Nope, had to leave. Left & we don't know where he is staying, he won't say. Since that day, he has called us & his brothers - screaming, yelling, cursing, blaming, raging, etc. We put down our foot & stated our bottom lines. Basically, no more calls like that and when he decides to get help, we will help him attend meetings, etc. But that still stop the worry & sadness we are feeling. We are scared for our son & try to tell ourselves we must protect our own mental health too. I would like to hear from others who have set their bottom line - did it help? did their loved continue using? I just feel so sad & helpless...... :( | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 12:55 PM
Oh Sallyana!! I feel your pain!! Except I AM still very angry at him. For the 1st time in our lives (my husband & I) we are putting our needs above anyone else's. I cannot help my son - I don't have the skills or money. For close to 25 years he has been absent - never coming to family events, calling, caring, etc. His life is one big chaotic tornado sucking everyone & everything down the rabbit hole. This relapse is more destructive as now he has no job, no insurance, no house & will probably lose his truck because I'm sure he has no insurance & isn't making his payments. But.... it's still not his fault & he doesn't needs rehab, meetings, sponsors, therapy or detox. He needs another well paying job.... My husband told him that he can continue lying to himself, but everyone sees thru his mess.
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 1:01 PM
Mtnmom after my daughter was kicked out of sober living I wouldn't let her come live with me. She has known for some time now she can not live with me. It was recommended she move to another sober living that was better for her and she refused. She lived in a hotel for 3 weeks and has since got an apartment with a person who works at the sober living she was at. He is in sobriety for about 1 year from meth. My daughter has a heroin addiction. I have no idea if she is using or not I don't even ask. I stay out of her choices and let her figure things out. This is after many years. I love my daughter and she knows I do and we have a relationship but I let her own her choices and her addiction. It's hard to do and of course it makes me feel sad at times but in my mind it's the right thing to do.
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 2:32 PM
Sallyanna, last time I saw my son, he came to our house unannounced & snuck thru the gate because we removed him from our guest list. While he ranted & raged & told us he was going to kill himself, we kept steering the conversation (if that's what you want to call it) to letting me call 911 or a crisis line. We kept telling him we would help him find help thru the county medical center (he does not have insurance or money), etc. He also has anxiety disorder, major depression & I don't know if he is truly bipolar or if it is a drug induced psychosis (or whatever it is called when they lose the grasp on reality due to drugs). We are sad & heartbroken. Last call we received he was yelling & cursing at me for telling him his brothers love him more than anything & would help him if he helped himself. He took that as meaning they would let him move in (one is unemployed right now with a teenaged son & one lives in another state & is paying for his daughters college). And he was mad because he decided that either one of them should let him move in - so it was my fault & I deserved his wrath! That night broke me, I sobbed & sobbed for hours & that was when my husband messaged him & said No More. I hate drugs & I hate this side of my son & continually remind myself this has been who he is for 20+ years, several rehabs, several arrests, divorce, 2 foreclosures, 1 eviction, 2 broken relationships,
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 3:01 PM
I worked in a hospital for many years and any disease left untreated gets ugly and worse. Most people accept or choose treatment for their diseases. Addiction if left untreated gets worse and ugly. There is help and treatment if they choose to take it and follow through with sobriety. I understand it's not easy for them and it takes work and they really need to want it. I believe in hope for all people no matter what their age is or how long they have had an addiction. They need to want it. I cannot do it for my daughter. She has to want it for herself. Addiction is very sad and heartbreaking to us parents.
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Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: December 23, 2018, 3:06 PM
Mtnmom - NY moved your post to a thread of your own. See my response there.
Meth users are an irritable and unreasonable bunch. I think his attitude is normal among people using Meth. Psychosis is a result of Meth use. If he comes to your house delusional or paranoid, don’t ask if you can call 911, just do it. You can’t reason with him or use logic. He won’t hear or understand you. It can be dangerous. I don’t let my son in the house anymore. Many drug users are also bipolar. I don’t know if that is a catch-all diagnosis for the doc or legit. Doesn’t help to try to figure it out. We are looking for a reason and there may be none. Certainly don’t want to use mental health as an excuse for bad behavior. Any behavior that hurts us should be unacceptable. Seems like they all threaten suicide. Seems like they all ‘can’t live this way’ but they do. Some of that is manipulation. Most choose not to do the work required to get from A to B. They think someone else must make things better for them. This post has been edited by BugginMe on December 23, 2018, 3:17 PM -------------------- BUGS | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 23, 2018, 7:30 PM
Walkedon - those are baby steps & maybe so soon after her relapse it will be easier to get back on track. I'm so glad I found this website & message board. I know we have to let my son go - he is a very smart man, but so, so. SOOOO weak when it comes to his addictions. He is also very impulsive & compulsive. The suicide threats are something new to us. He is also very arrogant & seems like he is entitled to something. Like he thinks he is superior because he's not a heroin addict??? Or I'm not a convicted felon???? I can't wrap my head around that.... He sent me a message & in his usual, rambling manner asked if there wasn't one family member who had a good job that would give him a job or a hand up - WTH??? I said MANY of our family members had great jobs & you know for yourself that isn't how it works.... after being fired from the railroad after 13 years, he truly believes he's going to go out & have someone magically give him another well paying job because he is special & he doesn't have to start over. Last message I received a couple of days ago was he was staying with his ex-wife because she's the only person who has ever been there for him.... Note the EX.... sheesh... I'm just waiting for the next call when she kicks his a** out again....
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: December 26, 2018, 1:59 PM
Walkedon - I’m sorry you’re going through this. It reminds of a time last year when we first learned the extent of our son’s addiction. We sold our house to pay for a private rehab bed. I was seeing an addiction counsellor at the time (one of multiple professionals I met with) who told me to be careful about selling everything we own to pay for treatment as relapse is common.
It was the first time I heard that concept, that “relapse is common.” I knew very little about addiction back then, and I had the naive belief that if we threw everything but the kitchen sink at him he would be ‘cured’ and we could go back to having our old son back. Sadly, I know better now. I wish it wasn’t the case. Reading the stories on here is a reminder of that. | ||
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