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Posted: March 21, 2022, 10:34 AM
Good morning:)š
Woke up happy. On my second cup of coffee. Itās 5:47am a very respectable time to be up. Itās spring break and the kids are here. Iāve been lonely lately during the day so Iām happy theyāre home. Iāve been methadone free for years. Thatās what this thread is about methadone. Of course itās because of heroin and pills but methadone. Iām not seeing many people choosing methadone much because youāve got to go to a clinic daily usually. Suboxone can be prescribed by a doctor that you see maybe monthly. Just renew script each month. That seems to be more favorable over daily clinic visits. But oh is the feeling different with each choice. I like methadone way better over Suboxone. I felt more normal and even keeled ā¦well on it. BUT I did do a stint at serenity lane detox hospital unit. They prescribed Suboxone for seven days with a taper included so no withdrawals. Anyway I needed more time to work through the cravings and methadone fit the bill. Iām pro methadone and am thankful it was an option. Speaking of options here we are in 2022 and so happy I created a methadone free life. Make no mistake I went through everyday sometimes struggling but I persevered. I say that because I didnāt care for the already established ways to handle my methadone problem. At that time I was ending the connected chain of opiates and methadone. It was a big deal and I needed medication for my depression. Among other things I needed to see a doctor for. After I got taken care of and properly medicated I could handle a taper. Well my SIL is up so gonna goā¦ā¦ā¦..Have a beautiful dayā¦ā¦ā¦..my heart goes out to Ukraine šŗš¦ | ||
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Posted: March 23, 2022, 12:41 PM
Good morning:)
Read a quote somewhere that I like. Saying essentially if you fly solo you have the strongest wings. I donāt know why but I liked it. Probably because I fly solo too. Well itās hump šŖ day yippee. My daughter is watching her dads dog and now Iām watching her. My first husband and I are friendly which makes it nice for our daughter. So I have four dogs today. Three big dogs that are male and one medium dog that is female. Happy times. Plus itās spring break so the kids are home. Also friends come over so itās a mad house over here. Iām methadone free, opiate free and drug free. I donāt want it anymore. Thereās no need for any of it because I have created a nice existence. Iām happy with being me and I have forgiven myself for the past. I also would like to say that because Iām older I feel that our generation paved the way for many others to follow. I feel that had I been born later with education maybe I wouldnāt of used drugs for so many decades. It was during this time I followed many paths to get off drugs. I took what I liked from each path and designed my own. I like dealing with professionals and the medical community concerning my well being. Oh I love hearing others and how they deal with things. But really it was just taking one day at a time and not using that needed to happen. Staying put and working on myself. I have great insurance so I took advantage of several programs like in-patient drug treatment, Hospital detox, counseling, a psychiatrist to name a few. Art therapy and ear buds plugged into my music. I couldnāt sleep back then all the time and I used that technique for sanity. The dogs well the Siberian Husky is causing commotion so Iām gonna come back later. I like to post something at least so sorry it got cut short. Have a beautiful day š¦š·šŗšŗšøš¹š | ||
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Posted: April 7, 2022, 8:19 PM
Good evening:).
Not much to report except still free of methadone. Doing a check in Have a wonderful Friday. ā¦..peace | ||
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Posted: April 16, 2022, 8:26 AM
Enough with the formalities:)
Is everyone doing good? Iām doing well nothing special but completely drug free including methadone. I thought Iād elaborate so you definitely know my status. Not that anyone is reading this. Iām talking to the wind mostly. Sorry thatās how I feel. Iām so very grateful living life and enjoying the simple things. Weāre celebrating my granddaughters birthday today. Going to BJās for lunch. Love to have my favorite Asian salad. Anyways that for me is what lifeās all aboutā¦.family šš Lots going on in the world to get worked up over. I try and see if I can do anything about it. If I canāt then I need to let the day unfold and react after. I donāt know if the word react is quite right but you get the gist. Have a beautiful dayš¦ššššsending hugs and positive vibesš¦šššš | ||
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Posted: April 17, 2022, 1:36 PM
Happy Easter everybody ššøš·ššŗ
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Posted: April 21, 2022, 8:14 PM
Hello,
Itās very quiet on here. Letās make some noisešššššš | ||
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Posted: May 7, 2022, 10:23 PM
Good evening:)
Iām methadone and drug free. For me coming on here is like a quick meeting. No hassles no traffic just conversation. Even if itās only one way. Have a beautiful Saturday and keep it simpleā¦ā¦ā¦.. | ||
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Posted: May 13, 2022, 8:32 AM
Good morning:)
Well itās gonna happen. Iām going to be treated for my hep C and itās 99.9% effective for getting rid of it. This is one of my loose ends from my drug use days. Iām kinda scared itās a 12 week drug regiment and Iām concerned with how Iāll feel. Iām doing it in the summer so the nice weather will be a plus. Iām still methadone free. I have to get blood work on Wednesday and the ball is rolling for hep c treatment. Thereās no beating around the bush. I got it from IV drug useā¦..heroin. I didnāt even know hep c was out there when I was using needles. But low and behold I got it. Really donāt suffer from any symptoms. But itās been over 10 years with it and it needs to go bye bye. I didnāt really feel like it was an issue until my doctors appt. I was very emotional and couldnāt quit smiling. I donāt want to have hep c anymore. Iām up at the crack of dawn this morning. On my 3rd jumbo cup of coffee. I recently changed one of my mental health medications. Iām just adjusting to it but I think itās better. My mental health is as important as staying free of methadone. Methadone takes awhile to get out of your body. I would say months if not years are needed for a smooth easy taper. Of course you can jump at anytime the anxiety and restless nights can impact your success. I jumped at 30mg and at 45 days I felt the same as day 1 off of methadone. The ole you gotta go cold turkey didnāt sit well with me. Nowadays you can use withdrawal medications for an easier time. Well Iām starting to wander in my thoughts. Have a beautiful day. To all the people who have helped me along the way thank you | ||
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Posted: May 19, 2022, 10:54 AM
Good morning:
Havenāt posted in a few days so I thought why not. Iām free of methadone. So grateful Iām not taking methadone any longer. Yesterday I went to the pharmacy. The computers werenāt working right. I waited in line a good 25 minutes. Our pharmacy is always decreasing hours of operation. I feel so bad for them. They need more help but no one is applying. I would be very nervous getting my methadone these days. I got my methadone from my doctor. I didnāt have to go to a clinic for my methadone for years about 10. The thing that happened to me was I went down a milligram a day for 30 days to 0. I was on 30 ml a day in pills. Well I was miserable x 1,000. I lasted about 47 days of cold š¦ before losing my mind. I really went crazy not feeling well and not sleeping. My mental health was deteriorating. I needed professional help and medication. This is the year 2022 and you donāt need to suffer. Iām not putting anyone down but seriously why cold turkey? Iāve never succeeded until I went on methadone. Then I succeeded coming off of it. I wouldnāt of if I had continued with cold turkey. Itās really cut and dry. Been off for years I donāt keep track of the days sorry. What seriously upsets me is someone who is so set in their ways that they arenāt open to progress. I know I canāt change someone but it still irks me. Iām definitely someone who keeps up on the newest things. Medical or psychological interests me. Went and got some blood work done yesterday. Getting the ball rolling on my hep c treatment. Iām not gonna lie Iām a little nervous on not feeling well from the meds.. Have a beautiful day. Remember Iām the same person youāve changed though. | ||
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Posted: June 20, 2022, 9:37 AM
Good morning:)
Well the kids are out of school. Hooray for summer vacation. Well Iām doing great with my hep c treatment. No side effects. This is one of the last things to take care of from my heroin days. Iām very grateful to be given this opportunity to get it cleared up. I was so scared to try my medication because of side effects but none materialized. It reminded me of taking the leap to no more methadone. All the posts were negative and I was scared. My doctor pulled a fast one and didnāt sign two of my prescriptions for methadone when she retired. I had to take the leap I was out of methadone. I didnāt have an easy time getting heroin , opiate pills or methadone back then. So I had to quit. Thank goodness I got off of methadone when I did. The pandemic made things even harder for getting medication. By this time Iād been off methadone for years. Not sure how long off of the stuff I have. I donāt keep track of days. Maybe Iāll go to my first post and figure it out. Lol Iām really thankful I didnāt go on Suboxone because itās harder to taper. Or so I figure because of the fact itās in film form not pills. Weāve had rain for days here. Today the sun is coming and summer might just actually be starting. Iām ready for some nice weather. Well as you know Iāve been staying at my daughters for years while keeping an apartment. Iām moving in with them and letting my apartment go. Thatās always has been the plan. Anyways July 13th I need to be out. So lots of work to be done. I donāt want anything. Iām selling it all. I just got new living room furniture too. This will free up some rent money and no more gas getting to my house. I donāt drive but still itās an added expense. My daughter just got a new job making 30,000 more than she use too. We live well and eat good food. Thatās important for us as a family. I like being part of the family. Iām never gonna start dating again. Iām single and love it. But it does have its drawbacks like being lonely when home alone. Therefore I live with my daughter. š Iām learning a lot about people. The way people think is ridiculous. Iām sure people think the same about me. Anyways just living and breathing is enough right now for me. Iām accepting of everyone as long as they accept me. Iāve got my own quirks and funny ways to look at things. Iām not a mean person more of a laugher. Not a Karen. Not a sheep. In my opinion nothing is worse than being a mean sheep. I look at things logically and with science. I donāt get all touchy and feely over imaginary books or beings. Iām a feminists dream. I really believe in womanās rights. Any and all references to a women being subservient to a man is not acceptable. Thatās what Iāve found is my voice in all of this. What was missing from my life was truth. My truth and how I feel about things. Iām definitely not a sheep or a person who shuns. Canāt handle the truth so I get shunned. Pure logic has escaped them sheep people. Well Iām off to my morning routine. Have a beautiful day. I donāt care if you donāt like what I have to say. Another thing is I donāt have to believe what you believe to be helpful in quitting methadone. | ||
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Posted: July 13, 2022, 1:44 PM
Good day..I'll begin by mentioning I have tapered off of methadone twice now, actually once since I'm currently still using exactly 1 milligram per day and close to zero for good.
The first time around I started tapering from about 153 milligrams daily down to zero and it took me a few years. This time around I started at less than 30 mg and never went above that. I began tapering on day one and have been taking things very slowly ever since. I'm 63 so I don't process things as well as I did at 30.. EVERYTHING slows down inside after a certain age. I've been struggling with 1 for awhile now, but I'm finally getting used to almost zero. Tapering off of methadone is not the easiest thing you'll ever accomplish, but it is one of the most satisfying and it is something that most anyone can accomplish. | ||
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Posted: July 13, 2022, 2:01 PM
Sorry, my screen started messing up.
Anyway, I've been in several different clinics in 4 different states in the US and they're definitely not all created equally. Some are run by tyrants and some are not. Just don't let yourself get in arguments you can't win. A losing argument in a methadone clinic seldom ends well for you. If it gets really bad go to another clinic even if it means uprooting yourself and even family. I've been through this before. Anyway, just do what is absolutely required and don't volunteer any information that isn't vital to your own well being. Remember, you are not required to be best friends with anyone at a clinic, staff or patients. Personally I stay to myself and don't associate with other patients. With staff I keep it as a business arrangement. I generally get along fine with staff, but I am not their buddy. Other patients are almost all drug addicts. I used to be one so I know better than tto pal around with them. | ||
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Posted: July 18, 2022, 11:21 AM
Good morning:)
Itās a beautiful July morning. š Iām doing well and still methadone free. I donāt even think about it until I come on here. I know Iām a bit of an acquired taste but I really try to be there for others no matter what. Itās part of my charm lol. Iām showing up and sharing my experiences. Hi Martino how are you doing today? Your story is so much like mine. I was staying at 1mg myself for a bit until I had to make the jump. My prescription ran out and my doctor had retired. Instead of chasing for a new doctor to prescribe it I opted to quit. My highest was 80mg of methadone when I was going to the clinic. I agree with everything you said about it. I wanted out of there and with the doctors permission reduced my dose by 1mg a day until zero. That was way too fast to come off of. So since I wasnāt taking methadone anymore I didnāt have to go to the clinic. Loved this. Hated the clinic. Spent over 45 days in withdrawals with severe depression. I reached out to my regular doctor. I couldnāt continue to live this way. When I went to see my doctor I could barely move and was in pain. She prescribed 30mg of methadone for pain. As soon as I took a 10mg pill all my symptoms disappeared. So methadone withdrawals last awhile and youāve got to taper slowly thatās what I learned. Well I stabilized on 30mg and after awhile I started tapering. I got down to 1mg or crumbles and made the jump. I was so scared the same thing was going to happen after I quit taking the methadone. I had my comfort medication prescribed by my doctor for the withdrawals. Well it all never materialized. I moved slow but was still moving slow on 1mg. What I mean is I had no symptoms of withdrawals this time. Years have passed and still no methadone I found that when your brain isnāt on a lot of methadone you heal. Then your withdrawals lessen. Time is your friend in methadone tapering. How are you doing at 1mg and how long have you been there? Just donāt be scared and push through it. 1mg is nothing. š Anyways love your story and can really relate. Oh yeah had open heart surgery and still move slow. This was two years ago so Iām pretty sure Iāve got some š¢ turtle in me. Iām 59 and turning 60 next month. For as long as I was on methadone it masks a lot of things. So when I came off of it I felt old and rickety. I still have mobility issues. Iām very slow lol and need to be more active. So in a nutshell Iām certain you can easily make the jump to being methadone free. ššŗšøš¦ Iāve moved in for good at my daughters. Iām always here and keeping an apt and the bills seems like a waste. After my surgery everything has become harder. I have the support and love of my family. Plus Iām not lonely anymore. With that I bid you farewell. Have a groovy dayā¦ | ||
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Posted: August 3, 2022, 6:27 AM
Good morning:)
I belong or follow several substance abuse sites. All of them are quiet. I believe itās because of Suboxone. Since people can get medication through their doctors they donāt come on these site anymore. Heck I donāt come here very often either. Iāve been successful at quitting methadone for many years. I sought out my own regiment to quit with doctors, psychiatrists, art therapy and family. It worked splendidly and I transitioned to not needing methadone anymore. Iām not bound by traditions or rules to follow. I just forged ahead and days turned to months then years then I just quit thinking about it. When I come on this site I try to bring something to the table even if itās just a hi. I check this site often hoping to connect with like minded people. I donāt want anyone to be scared to start their journey. I was petrified to be free from methadone. I didnāt want to feel so lethargic. I literally hurt to just sit. Time stood still and I was going crazy. It was nice being able to express myself here. This site and the people helped me so much. Even if no one posts on my thread thatās okay. Iām more free than most and live a life of honesty. Iām not complicated or bound by a bunch of self imposed rules to follow in life. I think this comes with age. Turning 60 this month. Iām not a young 60 either. My body hurts and I move slow. I didnāt realize how battered my body had become with methadone use. Methadone relieves a lot of pain and gives you energy. But that was years and years ago. It just occurred to me that I might seem like I have a chip on my shoulder. Concerning established methods of quitting like meetings and belonging to a group. Well you might be right. I felt I never fit in over 20years at many different locations of meetings. Iām not a mean person or someone who shares my beliefs really. I go with the flow and really follow all the suggestions given to me. So after giving it a good try many times over 20 years I threw in the towel. Screw it!!! My main goal was quitting so thatās what I did. I realized the program Iād been trying to follow wasnāt a good fit for me. What I will say is that when I was younger people were more eager to help. Times were different people were different. This new world and the younger generation take some getting use too. Thereās no āright wayā to being off of methadone. Or right way to quit. Thereās help out there for every kind of person. Iām not an expert except when it comes to myself lol. Already on my second cup of āļø. So Iām gonna be talking some more. I take a statin and just found out one of the side effects is not being able to stay asleep. Waking after awhile of sleeping is happening to me. I got to bed at 8 and usually wake up about 1ish. Therefore I get up and get my mind off sleeping. After a couple hours I go back to sleep till 5 or 6. This has been my routine for many years except after my open heart surgery. I would sleep straight through the night and would take a 2 hour nap too. Love to š¤ sleep. Iāve never been a sleeper so this was new and very cool. But that has worn off and Iām back to waking up at night. When I lay in bed itās worse because I realize Iām not sleeping. Lol. When I get up I read my iPad play puzzles and drink coffee. Then when Iām ready I go to bed. I have to be careful though because I can just stay up if I want and go back to bed at like 9. Because Iāve never been a sleeper Iām the first one up always. I feed the animals in the mornings and let me tell you they donāt let me forget when itās time to eat. Of course bathroom time too. One thing Iāve noticed is how much damage Iāve done to my body. Methadone was the tail end of my drug use. But I took methadone for many many years. So at almost 60 my drug abuse has manifested itself now in my body. I feel old and move like a š¢ turtle. Iām losing my teeth, my front teeth are gone and my bottom teeth are ready to fall out from gum disease. I have untreated diabetes because Iām just too selfish to quit sugar. I have congestive heart failure. My circulation is bad and my feet are cracked to the meat. Hell I could go on and on about what drugs have done to my body but it kinda gets depressing. Losing oneās looks is very humbling. Oh and as a bonus my hair now is frizzy, thin and falling out from my medications. I also have hep c. Iām now taking medication to get rid of it. As bad as my hair was with this medication it makes it worse. Well Iām baring all this morning. š Gotta love a caffeine high. So even after years of being methadone and drug free Iām dealing with the consequences still. My body is definitely dealing with my earlier choices in life. I havenāt heard or read other posts on getting older and how your body functions. Hell one of my SIL friends whoās 36 had a heart attack two days ago. He dabbled in drinking and cocaine. At 36 a heart attack. During all the years of using I never gave my body much thought. I think more people need to talk about it. Well Iām done for. Gonna go back to bed. Peace | ||
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Posted: September 5, 2022, 9:29 PM
Hello,
Well My treatment for hep c is over and hep c free. They test me at the 3 month marker for hep c so thatās happening. Iām so grateful that this part of my drug use is over. Well Iāve went to the dentist because I have a sore on my tongue and my bottom teeth hurt in front. Iām so worried about mouth cancer. Iāve avoided this for well over 6 months. Anyways they werenāt too concerned about my tongue so Iām going to my pcp for them to look at. But I have to have 4 bottom teeth in front pulled and itāll take over 4 months to heal before I can get a partial made. Iām very sad and itāll change my life immensely. I really believe methadone affects your teeth negatively. Anyways wanted to share. Enjoy the rest of the Labor Day . Peace | ||
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Posted: September 8, 2022, 1:56 PM
Iām sad the Queen has died. This is an important day in history. Still methadone free.
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Posted: October 5, 2022, 6:51 PM
Hello,
Iām getting the run around with my doctor and dentist concerning a sore on my tongue. Iāve had it over 6 months and itās getting worse, it hurts and burns .Anyways Iām doing what theyāve required of me and nothings changed. Over 3 months have passed and they keep saying oh itās not cancer. But itās not going away and I have like almost every symptom of red flags for it being cancer. Iād like to see a specialist so I need a referral. Today I got called because my doctor got me a referral for a mammogram. A mammogram which was never discussed by the way. Then I got prescribed some medication which was sent to the wrong pharmacy. When you check in you fill out a form for what pharmacy they should use. Anyway it was ignored and a pharmacy in another city was used. Now before this I went to the urgent care attached to my doctors office for the same problem Monday morning. My doctor isnāt in the office until Wednesday. Well during that visit I wasnāt treated very well and he didnāt want to answer any questions I had. He looked at my tongue and decided to prescribe me some mouthwash. Anyways my dentist had already prescribed me mouthwash and Iād been using it for 30 days and it didnāt help, it was getting worse. Then he walked out without telling me what he prescribed and he said I didnāt have cancer. Cancer doesnāt hurt. Omg you shouldnāt have a sore that lasts more than a couple weeks. Iām mentioning this because staying calm and even keeled has been me for a long time. Iām starting to unravel a bit and getting upset with the run around Iām getting. A sore tongue and burning mouth doesnāt feel good at all. No one seems to car about that part itās just kind of ignored. But today my doctor did prescribe something to numb my tongue a bit. My insurance doesnāt want to pay for it so I might have to pay out of pocket. My main concern is it cancer can I get someone to do a biopsy or swab or something? Life isnāt all rosey just because youāve got years of not using. Just because you donāt do drugs doesnāt mean you canāt have a bad day. Or better yet dealing with incompetency and keeping sane throughout. Life can be challenging and downright f***ery from people these days. I usually keep these things to myself but Iām scared and Iām worth fighting for. Iām advocating for myself. Something thatās hard for me to do. Iām in a funk these days. Iām losing my front bottom 4 teeth on the 12th and then in a month I get a tooth pulled on top and it will render my partial useless. So Iāll have no teeth on the top or bottom front for around 10 months to a year. My gums need to heal which will be 4-5 months. I need 3 other appts for cavities, and 2 more teeth extractions. Then a cleaning. After that lol I get to have a bottom and top partial made. Which is over 6 appts to have it made and fitted. So I definitely have some depression. This is years after I quit methadone. But I do feel my lifestyle added to the loss of my teeth and gum disease. So I kinda feel like I did when I was taking drugs. Depressed, feeling insecure, reclusive, not talking much etc. Anyways this is a new journey Iām going on. A sad journey with lots of grief over losing my teeth and having partials. I guess if Iām gonna have a pity party I want to add that after my ohs two years ago my hair is completely frizzy, easily breaks off, wonāt keep a curl or straighten, and is thinning. To top it off my hair isnāt healthy enough to be dyed so my gray is taking over. Thatās whatās going on in a nutshell. Iām really hurting and sad. | ||
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Posted: October 12, 2022, 8:06 AM
Good morningš„¹
Well today at 1:00 I lose my bottom 2 front teeth. This is the beginning of my journey and Iām a bit anxious. Of course Iām depressed. So Iām up very early and unsettled. My mouth stings, my tongue burns and hurts horribly. Itās been a month since my last dentist appt. Heās a new dentist Russian I think and very curt. He wasnāt very receptive to my tongue having a sore on it and hurting for over 6 months. Saying it wasnāt cancer without testing it. I mean come on I use to be a cigarette smoker and worked in a bar for 15 years breathing in second hand smoke. Itās not out of the realm of possibilities. I felt dismissed and not heard at my last appt. I also have a mechanical heart valve and I need to take antibiotics before a dentist appt. The dentist and the assistant missed that and if I hadnāt questioned things I wouldnāt of had them prescribed. This definately is biting me on the a**. A long drug history and years not using opiates including methadone had me forgetting the damage caused by it. I mean I did have open heart surgery so thereās that. But itās been two years since and now losing my teeth. The repercussions of my opiate use really affected my health. As Iāve said many times Iām older. Iāve got extensive drug history but never really felt like a real drug addict inside. Yes I was using drugs but in my head I was okay. Just using a little and not as much as others. I was holding down a job and was beautiful. My smile and eyes lit up a room. I found opiates pill form early in life. I crushed my hand and was prescribed opiates for just about 2 years. I almost lost my hand. Anyway I think this helped to progress to heroin. I dibble dabbled with meth not methadone in the beginning after my opiate pills. I had always wanted to use heroin but never came across anyone who had it or was doing it. Many many years have passed and finally Iāve come across someone who can get me some heroin. Iām about 38 at this point. My hand situation was when I was 20 so about 18 years passed. I did the heroin and it was love. I absolutely loved the way I felt. ā ļø This was a deadly drug and I was hooked. Heroin was different than meth you couldnāt just sleep it off. I didnāt know when I started heroin that you become physically sick if you donāt have it everyday. Well anyways as heroin use progressed and I sought help from a methadone clinic. Make no mistake I loved methadone and loved being on it. I felt better, didnāt hurt and had energy. The only reason I stopped methadone was because getting it prescribed was getting harder as my doctor moved, the second new doctor retired. Had I not been paranoid to get off of it a couple years earlier I wouldāve been blindsided by my doctor retiring. I couldāve went to a methadone clinic though and I could still be taking it. But the clinic is just like hanging around drug users just out of jail. Many are younger and hardened from being on the streets or doing time. The mentality isnāt one of healing either. I went to the clinic for about 8 months and then they closed their doors. So long story short I went back to heroin. This back and forth with heroin then methadone, occasionally Suboxone went on for over 10 years. All the while that I was using my health and teeth werenāt my priorities. I had a beautiful smile and didnāt get into meth really. I was a weekend warrior before I quit totally. So I didnāt have meth teeth. But opiates I believe rot your teeth from the inside. You donāt realize the damage until itās too late. I would like to state I had dental coverage and my mom paid for thousands in dental care too. So I had private care and paid in cash. I could get anything done and my mom would pay for it concerning my teeth. Iām telling you this so you understand my teeth were collateral damage of using opiates. Even though I had cleanings, cavities filled, root canals, pulled teeth to maintain oral health my gums got diseased. Not one dentist and Iām being serious told me about gum disease until it was well progressed. So even if your teeth are doing okay your gums can become diseased and then you lose your teeth. š I was gonna to go back to bed but maybe Iāll stay up and enjoy having teeth. Seriously oh s*** Iām crying Iāll never have them anymore. Iām not going to say itās unfair because Iāve been on opiates and used other drugs for many many years. All of this is on top of smoking cigarettes, weed, meth and cocaine. Smoking these drugs on aluminum foil using a plastic straw. So Iāve got to accept responsibility for my actions. This has resulted in losing my teeth. Itās really bringing up a lot in my past. Iāve scheduled a therapy session at 930 this morning to help me deal with loss of teeth. Also the dentist or dentists generally arenāt real sympathetic when youāre getting tooth extractions. So the lack of empathy from the dentist and the assistant is very depressing for me. There is grief and mourning involved. Iām also taking anxiety medication this morning. Itās prescribed to me but I rarely take it. Klonapin thatās what Iāll be taking today. Losing my teeth puts my drug use out there kind of. People judge you and know youāve been on drugs. Enough drugs to rot your teeth. Iām thankful my psychiatrist was able to see me today. Iāve got a lot going on in my head. I realize this is temporary. I mean Iāll get partials to replace my teeth. Iāll be able to smile without gaping holes. But itās a long process. Perhaps 8 months to a year. I wonāt be going out much or participating in the holidays, birthdays or going out to eat. Thank my lucky stars that masks are a thing nowadays. Covertly I will don my mask and hide my toothless smile from everyone. But Iām such an advocate for not wearing a mask. I think itās ridiculous to wear a mask personally. But now I need to wear a mask for my ego I suppose so this is ironic. Iām not so secure that I can just let it all hang out and smile without teeth. I mean as it is my hair has gray roots to my ears so a half brown half gray color. Plus itās frizzy from the roots to the tips. Itās thinning too so my hair is looking awful. Iām growing out my bangs so I can just pin my hair back and wear it in a bun. The only other style would be to get a perm more frizz lol and get a poodle cut. So my hair is just awful and wont hold a curl. The heart medications and blood thinners really screw up my hair. Iām worried about dying my hair because it breaks off easily. So I have no teeth, awful hair and donāt wear make up at all. Not any mascara, blush, foundation, bronzers, highlighters, lipstick etc etc. Iāve never really liked the feeling of having make up on. I do borrow my daughters make up for a little hint of color about twice a year. Every time I regret it. I always get compliments too but canāt stand it. But since Iām losing my teeth I might have to get my hair dyed and risk some of it breaking off. I will find some under eye concealer, a rosey powder blush, a light eye shadow nude, and a glossy lipstick. Or a Burt bees colored lipstick. I really have a hard time with mascara. I need to use water proof but my eyelashes always seem to fall out when use it. I will apply the war paint for going out in public with my mask. But I honestly hate the feeling of lotions too. So make up and moisturizerās cause me to kinda sweat too. Which in turn causes me to use a paper towel for the sweat and then the make up comes off. I also donāt like clothes really unless they are comfortable. Iām an extra extra large and prefer leggings and tunic tops or tops that are longer. I donāt like to go clothes shopping at all either. So my clothes arenāt super trendy. I also wear Nikes or Birkenstocks. I want to get some more boggs rubber boots though I love the designs. Itās a good brand. Sorry I got off topic. Iām just kinda giving you an idea of what Iām dealing with. I suppose the needed changes will hopefully make me feel more confident in public. Another thing that will be affected is my voice. Because of the no thing and how your tongue works while speaking. So now Iāll gave a speech impediment kind of. If I donāt put in my upper partial itās hard to talk right. So I already deal with this. I also have a small voice saying that something will go wrong with my teeth and Iāll end up having all my upper teeth taken out. Then Iāll need a full denture. Oh I hope that doesnāt happen. My chin hurts because my gums have deteriorated so far down itās affecting that. Iām in pain. I donāt like this at all. My doctor prescribed me some lidocaine mouth rinse to help numb my tongue and mouth. But it just dulls it a little bit. Not much of a pain reliever. Currently enjoying a cup of Starbucks Carmel mocha special edition coffee (I drink mine black) and 2 pieces pumpkin spice toast from Costco. Itās scrumptious. I donāt drive and thereās no one to take me at 1:00 so Iām taking the bus. Itās just one bus then I walk 5 blocks and voila Iām there. Iām hoping to get a ride home though. I donāt want to ask my mom because sheās not real good at handling my losing my teeth. Sheās very upset and in turn that upsets me. Sheās not real nurturing in situations like this. So not sure if Iāll end up having to take the bus home too. My mom goes to Palm Desert for the winter and comes back in may. So she wonāt be around while Iām going through this. Sheās very supportive of me though. Anything I want sheāll buy me to help with my mental health. But Iām not much of a materialistic person. I like candles, comfortable shoes, coffee, books and shows on history for the most part. I love British shows too. So thereās not a lot I want. Iām very content. Pretty even keeled but the no teeth thing has me rattled. She bought me EarPods yesterday which I appreciated. My daughter crunches her ice and it gets on my nerves sometimes and I need to have it gone lol. Well itās 5:00 now so my family will soon be getting up. Iām gonna be tired today. I hear my daughters alarm going off. The animals are getting restless. I donāt feed them for another hour but they know itās close. Iām gonna go. The next time I post Iāll be without my bottom front teeth. š· Iāll be wearing a mask for awhile lol. | ||
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Posted: October 14, 2022, 8:56 AM
Good morning āļø
Well I got my two front bottom teeth extracted. It all went well at the dentist. Despite not being numb enough on his first attempt after more medicine it was numb enough. I had taken klonapin an hour before my appt so Iād be calmer and not have as much anxiety. It worked. I felt floaty and calm. The klonapin is prescribed for me. I didnāt suffer from any speech impediments so I can still talk normally. In fact Iāve been rather a chatter box lately. Diarrhea of the mouth. Lol. I really was stressed about getting my teeth pulled and I was overwhelmed and sad. Very depressed. Afterwards when it was over I was exhausted from the anxiety. I had a psychiatrist appt a couple hours before my appt which was very beneficial to me. Iām going to do this again. It centered me. I donāt think Iām getting any more teeth pulled on the bottom front. Itās an easy fix with a partial. Iām concentrating on the positive. ššš» Iām also not on methadone anymore and I can have down time and not have to worry about getting well everyday. These are positive affirmations that I tell myself. This has only happened lately with my mouth problems. Well Iāve been waiting on a call from a specialist for the sore on my tongue. My doctor was suppose to send a referral and I would hear back in seven days at the latest. Well I havenāt heard anything. So Iām going to have to call my doctor and ask whatās going on with it. The assistant is young with an attitude over the phone. Lol In person she just leaves the room when sheās done with vitals. Itās stressful for me dealing with this behavior. All in all Iām doing very well with my new toothless smile. I have to keep a sense of humor. Laughter is the best medicine. šš¼šš¼šš¼šš¼āļøš»ššš¼šš¼šš¼šš¼š„š¼ | ||
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Posted: October 17, 2022, 6:02 AM
Good morning:)
Well my dentist appt all happened Wednesday so 6 days ago I had my two bottom teeth pulled. That needle went in and he pushed that numbing medicine so fast it was burning. It brought back memories of using heroin. You shouldnāt feel anything and if it burns youāve missed the vein or your getting an abscess soon. I donāt miss those days at all. Had I not found methadone I know I would be dabbling probably in fentanyl by now. Iām not sure how many years Iāve got cause I donāt count my days but enough to really feel at peace without even methadone. Thatās something really cool to me. So anyways my teeth are gone and Iām doing really well. I donāt have a speech impediment š either. Iām not even concerned with going out and talking. Iām pretty proud of my resilience. Iād consider myself a strong woman. I also donāt follow along blindly because everyone else does. Im a thinker and researcher too. If I donāt agree I find out why I donāt. Am I being unreasonable or a nutball? No and I wish more people would do the same. Donāt follow along blindly with anything. Do your research. I read something that bothered me. Basically saying to not help someone because they need to hit their bottom to change. Iāve had lows and when I thought things couldnāt get worse they did. Had I not received help which is a human thing to do Iād be self medicating still. When I say itās a human thing I really mean itās a logical response to someone hurting. I donāt approve of or believe in the tough love approach. Itās not love unless you believe treating someone unkind to manipulate them is cool. I certainly donāt. Oh and personally if you think Iām being argumentative itās because I donāt think like you. The world is complex and not so tidy. People are the same way. Iām more skeptical of someone having it all together than being a little unraveled. Iām kinda going sideways on my post. Maybe I need a cup of coffee. Iāve been up for a couple hours now just sipping water. I love our water. Crisp, cold and a fantastic š taste. I never received a call about seeing a specialist for my tongue. Itās been over a week. Iām dreading calling my doctors office and asking whatās happening with that. I talked to my psychiatrist about this and he said healthcare is struggling and will probably get worse. People just donāt care like they use too. When you went to the doctors the nurses were nice and usually comforting. They were on the ball and had studied your chart so they knew you. Not anymore. Iām getting sideways againā¦sorry I need to go cause I feel Iām ranting and that really wasnāt my intention. I was just posting how proud I am of myself during this time of losing teeth. I also think I would benefit greatly from going to a denture dentist. Someone whose whole practice is giving people teeth to smile. Money isnāt a deterrent either. So thatās something else I came up with for myself. Iāve not been doing my art therapy for sometime. I like coloring in books, painting rocks and collages. I like or would like to make little collages. Mini ones and laminate some. Iām not good at freehand but enjoy coloring mandalas. I absolutely love flowers and birds. I made arrangements to paint rocks with my mom and sister. My mom is headed south for the winter as usual so we wanted to get together before that. Art is therapy for me. Put on some music and NO COUNTRY music unless itās Patsy Cline or similar. I like the old stuff. Well Iām still sipping water itās almost 3:00 and my eyes are getting heavier. Iām gonna try going back to bed. āļøšš¼šš¼šš¼š»š | ||
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