In Need Of Some Words Of Encouragment
Posted: June 22, 2017, 1:01 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: June 11, 2017

I've posted on here before but my situation continues to escalate and get worse. I'm feeling so overwhelmed at this point. My mother since I was a child has chosen to help every drug addict in the world over protecting me. Now I'm 30 and had a work accident fracturing and collapsing several vertebrae and losing some function in my left arm and migraines lots of stuff. I had major surgery 4 months ago and my mom let me drug addicted niece move in after she asked me to come home so she could help care for me. Day 2 of surgery she came home so out of her mind that she was vomiting everywhere and breaking things. This behavior has continued to escalate. And I got the news that the cadaver bone they put in is not healing and I may need another surgery. That I need to relax, rest and allow my body to heal. Well tonight I took my medicineand went to bed. She came home high, running through the house screaming for 2 hours straight,

throwing things at the wall in the room next to me. Finally I got up and told my mother I was going to call the police and have her arrested. That I am in pain and need my rest, and her response was no your not or I'm kicking you out. She can not move past the enabling, and it is sickening. I am so hurt that she could sit in these appointments with me and watch me struggle through issues that I didn't bring on myself. But she won't protect me, my niece needs to be thrown out and hit rock bottom. But as long as she has a place to steal from, destroy and do whatever the hell she wants while living out her addiction she will never try to improve. I feel sick about this, any words of encouragement would be appreciated.
Posted: June 22, 2017, 1:09 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

From what you've said, it appears your mom has some serious issues with trying to rescue people. Do you have anywhere else to go?
Posted: June 22, 2017, 1:11 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: June 11, 2017

I don't and i feel so lost and she just came in my room and told me if she has a heart attack tonight it will be my fault for yelling and threatening the police. That my niece needs her. I feel so suck and sad and lost. I don't know what to do anymore
Posted: June 22, 2017, 1:24 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

Well, realize she is unhealthy in some way to allow that behavior to continue. Or, maybe she does not know how to stop it.

I know it is hard, but try not to let her reaction or your niece's behavior affect your self-worth. Since you have to stay there, work on creating coping tools, maybe? I was thinking of some recordings of relaxing music or stories. Find somethings that are meaningful to you-maybe journaling, art, music, etc.?

You are in a difficult situation that it sounds like you have very little control over. I would take back as much control as you can with positive thoughts and activities.

Thinking of you. That has to be tough.
Posted: June 22, 2017, 8:12 AM

Posts: 1600
Joined: June 27, 2016

SD - You are a stronger person than those you live with. this is why they need to put you down and threaten you. On the other hand, there must be a reason you are stuck there, and have not moved out. I understand your injuries and surgeries, but people do manage with out family. There must be disability insurance, and services to help you. Please continue to find community or social services to help you find a place to live. and try to reach out to family members who are not in an addicted environment. Maybe you are comfortable living w your mother bc you think you need someone to be around to help you. It might take time, but you need to decide if the benefits of living w your mother outweigh the detriments. take steps to get out of there.
It sounds like a horrific work accident. You must be collecting disability or worker's comp. You should be able to move to a situation that is not detrimental to your health. Share a 2bdrm w someone.... etc

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on June 22, 2017, 8:16 AM
Posted: June 22, 2017, 8:38 AM

Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016

SD . . .

As someone who was in a horrific car accident and broke her neck . . . and therefore was unable to do almost anything myself when I came home from the hospital . . .including washing myself, dressing myself, combing my hair or wipe myself . . . I get your predicament. It is not fun to be totally dependent on someone. That alone saps your self-esteem . . . and can make one depressed . . .at least it did for me.

So . . . from that vantage point, I agree with both NY and Parenting. Try to get out of that toxic environment . . . and get insurance or pay out-of-pocket for the services you need . . . home health aide, LPN, CNA. You may not receive 24 hour care, but are you getting that now?? What about a short-term rehab facility or nursing home? Again, I'd check to see if disability and/or your med insurance will cover. If none of this is an option, then I'd have to mentally remove myself from the drama, as NY suggested.

In either case . . .I'd also look for and actively participate in any online Naranon or Alanon type meetings (since I assume that you are bed-bound and/or unable to drive). You need all the support and encouragement you can get. Remember, though, you only have control over you . . . not over you mom. . . and not over your addict.

Hang in there,

PS . . . STORY TIME . . .When I came home from the hospital, I was told not to cook, or wash myself, or walk from my 2nd floor bedroom to 1st floor by myself. Hubby decided to go skiing for a week & called his numbnut friend to stay with me. Knowing all of my limitations, Numbnut fed me breakfast one day and then disappeared for 18 hours!!! When hunger struck . . .I carefully walked down the steps . . . and made something to eat . . . for 2 meals for me and one for the cat!!! I also learned that day how to remove my collar & wash my neck. And . . .Lesson was . . . I could do more for myself than I thought.

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on June 22, 2017, 8:48 AM


I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.

In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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