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|Message Board > Recovery Diaries > It Starts!!!|
|Posted by: Eugene Leslie February 21, 2011, 9:35 PM|
|I'm determined to quit this pattern.
I have been smoking weed daily for almost 10 years. I just realized that it has been 10 years of stagnation. Ihave frozen my growth and all those who love me the most cant understand where all my potential went. I started smoking because the cool boyfriend introduced me to it when I was 23 years old. It didnt stick until we reunited in 2002. It was the beginning of my downfall. He on the otherhand have been able to repair himself, work in politics, and get married. I however, knew that I had addiction tendencies in my genetic due to my dad. Nonetheless, when things got bad for me, money was low, love lost and not found, loneliness, I new that their was only one way to deal with my problems... In isolation. See, that how weed got me good. I hid my addiction. I wouldn't hang out with my friends. If any activity had nothing to do with work, then it wouldn't get done. I didnt clean, shower, study... I even dropped out of law school for a period of time. Even though most of my bad decisions were made when I was sobber, making good decisions have become far a nd few in between.
I want my life back. I used to bne the smart, popular, and pretty one. Now I'm justI signed up for yoga, dance, and acting to help me transition back to whoever I am. I wish I had goals but right now I cant even see my future. I used to pray that God would take my life so I can start over somewhere else. I'm miserable to day. And I write about my first day quitting in hopes that maybe, somehow, I can have a community of people to help support me.
I want to be me again..... I desperately want to be free!