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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Addiction To Xanax|
|Posted by: Traceyxgee January 5, 2019, 1:53 PM|
|Hi im new to this. my son is addicted to xanax & im ill with worry.|
|Posted by: Walkedon January 5, 2019, 3:47 PM|
|Hello, sorry to hear about your son.How old is he? Is he getting these pills from a doctor or off the street?
|Posted by: Bethanne January 6, 2019, 10:37 AM|
|my son also struggles with xanax addicition. 28 and lives with us along with his son (5 yr old) . I finally called to report him for violation of probation. Had to go to court. He then started rehab outpatient. I also had 3 mental health arrests before reporting him for violation. Nothing ever came of that except ambulance and dr bills from hospital. He was clean for 100 days and then relapsed when a friend came back into town and now clean for 4 days after doing xanax for 3 days. With xanax at least in our experience they mix with alcohol and then cocaine. Do not remember anything - never did when high on xanax and alcohol. Take his keys if he has car and license. My son got in car accident while high on xanax and lost his license - fortunately he only hit a street sign but split his head open. Praying for you. I also contacte NAMI for help.|
|Posted by: Walkedon January 6, 2019, 10:58 AM|
|My daughter did meth and xanax. I too called the cops,had her arrested,the whole mental health routine. The thing that drives me crazy is once they are arrested it takes 6 months before anything is done. That's just more time to do drugs,wreck cars and wreck lives.
|Posted by: Bethanne January 6, 2019, 2:29 PM|
|One person commented on something I posted which really helped me - the 3 c’s. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t cure it. That lifted a lot of guilt and stress off me and really helped my state of mind|
|Posted by: NyToFlorida January 11, 2019, 12:47 AM|
|my son has used Xanax, kolonopin, herion, I suspect cocaine bc he spends so much of his paycheck so fast. and he probably buys for friends. currently his pattern is to spend the first week after getting paycheck, then go the next week with no money. on the week he has money he hangs out at friends houses, drives a lot. the week he has no money he is home two nights in a row and then goes out. I sometimes look at the cell phone calls and texts - not that it does anything good for me - I noticed when he was clean there was little activity. since he has been using again there's constant activity. this is the roller coaster - the week he has money we worry and try to figure out how to make it stop. On weeks he does not have money I falsely think he will stop. hold my breath til the next paycheck. and so on.
I guess I keep wanting to believe he will decide to quit. It is sad.
my son had a car accident a few years ago on Xanax - nodded off while driving. it is scary.
kolonopin also makes him sleep. his recent relapse started w alcohol then moved to other stuff - probably cocaine and herion. tonight was the first time I saw signs of benzos? His car broke down this week. we will not be letting him drive ours. too dangerous. for himself, others and us. He should have been actively fixing the car. nope.
It really stinks that he can not see that it is his own actions that bring on the misery.
sorry for my rant. all of the drugs are so addictive and very difficult for them to get off. they all cause the symptoms the addict is taking it for - anxiety, depression, panic, headache body pains, insomnia.
Try reading at smartrecovery.org - and TAM - the addict's mom --- keep reading and looking for local resources.
|Posted by: YellowBirds January 11, 2019, 2:14 AM|
|Oh man, I hate xanax. My son prefers stimulants (cocaine in particular), but he has used xanax and likes ketamine a lot as well. Xanax and ketamine scare me because they decrease alertness, which is scary. Particularly on ketamine - when they become so dissociated they are unable to protect their airway, etc.
I remember a time when my son took xanax with friends and then they left him alone on the street somewhere. He called me from a phone in a local store asking for help but he couldn’t describe where he was. He was slurring his words and could barely put together a sentence.. It was terrifying. I asked him to give the phone to the store owner so I could find out where he was. When I found him he was stumbling on the side way precariously close to a bus nearly about to him him. Horrible, horrible, horrible.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida January 11, 2019, 8:36 AM|
|it is hard to tell what symptoms are from detoxing and what are from taking something. and who knows what he takes. we think he took something yesterday. his dad came home from work, found him passed out on kitchen floor - refridgerator open. in the middle of making something to eat. It is scary. I'm afraid to go to work today. and leave him alone. I'd rather drive him to work, but he isn't getting up..... the nightmare starts again... we tell him to leave but of course no where to go, so he stays. my husband does not back down and goes at him verbally - provoking. trying to cause a fight or to make him leave. it is horrible.
|Posted by: BugginMe January 11, 2019, 9:26 AM|
|NY -so sorry it has started again. The roller coaster keeps on going. It is really hard when the guys argue. For years I put myself in the middle to keep peace. Not the place to be. One sign of a disfunctional family is when a middle man is needed or when someone thinks they need to be that person. Enablers beware! I think fathers are often able to see things clearer than mothers. They are better able to be objective without motherly love. Not saying they don’t love their sons but they can be more logical in their evaluation of the problems.
I think my son has tried every drug. He always reverts back to his old ways the minute he gets comfortable. Crisis over, he thinks he can use again. Never plans ahead like fixing cars before they are undriveable. Paying tickets before extra fees. Always living in the moment and expecting us to keep him afloat. We had to stop.
You will always find a reason not to stop enabling. Son has no where to go. He is barely working. He is trying. But are they only justifications for continuing to help him because you can’t bear the alternative. It all comes down to how much will we take and when do we quit. They will only quit when they want to quit. Why do it when parents are picking up the pieces. Things will never be perfect so you will never find a time to cut him off.
No judgements here. I have done the same thing and it is hard for a parent to know what to do ... then to actually do it.
|Posted by: YellowBirds January 11, 2019, 12:58 PM|
|NY - I’m so sorry. The same dynamic is at play in our house between my husband and son as well. It’s really hard to watch. I notice I vascillate between feelings of intense sadness and anger toward my son. The sadness occurs when I see him in a bad state (like you did finding your son on the floor in front of the refrigerator), and the anger occurs when the drugs turn him into an irrational, intolerate jerk. I much prefer feeling anger than sadness. Anger is a motivator.|
|Posted by: duchesschama January 12, 2019, 8:12 PM|
I am so sorry he didn't do what you were hoping for, but why should he? You are always there to pick up the pieces even if it is just a little. You feel like you are helping by doing the things you are, but anything you do for him is not helping, but enabling, and will only keep him in the pattern he is in.
You will only wear yourself out and have no future if this same scenario continues. I know how difficult all this is as I have done it longer than most everyone on this site! You keep thinking this is the one time he will turn the corner, finally get some sense, kick this way of life because no one can live like this???? Well, that is your thoughts --not his. Yes, he may say" oh yeah I want help", but then a week later or a month or whatever just repeats the same pattern while you wither away with anxiety and fear.
I have followed your posts and the repetition is clear to see from the outside looking in. I see the same path for you that I followed and it isn't fun and doesn't end with him doing a complete 180. He doesn't have a place to go if you kick him out? Well, most addicts don't cause they have used up all their friends,gf's,relatives, etc. Difficult to do--absolutely, but if you ever want a life of your own then very necessary!
Reread Lolleedee's posts. She says it from the addicts perspective and she is so on target.
Ask yourself these questions--1. how long have we been doing this and trying to help him?
2. how much money and effort have we put into getting him free
of his addiction?
3. how much effort has he put into getting drug free?
4. has anything we have done or are doing made a difference or
was it just putting a bandaid on it?
5. has our "helping him" really helped or did I do it for me and to
make me feel better?
Tough questions, but I can honestly say this-- I wish I had stopped the insanity I was living when my Chris was your son's age and not at this late stage in his life. Just maybe he would have changed or decided to live a drugfree life. Nothing we did and believe me, we did all you are doing and then some made a difference!
I hope you don't take this as harshness but as constructive criticism from someone who cares about you and your son and has walked the walk!
Big ((((HUGS)))) Lori
|Posted by: NyToFlorida January 12, 2019, 10:26 PM|
|Thanks Lori - your words hurt just a little. I thought I was on the right track, that things were working, at least improving. yea its hard to stop what we are doing without the confrontations. yea I see we should have stopped this in Sept when he started relapsing. I'm not the only player here, husband was happy to 'go to work' and ignore it. so I kept up my part of taking care of the house, food, shopping, holidays. everyone else does nothing, and I am the one left holding the potatoes. I say to my husband ' should we do this or that' , he says ' i'm leaving, do what you want'. I really don't want to be around either of them. I am forced to make the decisions and then I am the enabler.
|Posted by: BugginMe January 12, 2019, 11:38 PM|
|NY - don’t feel bad. It is easier for all of us to see things in retrospect. It is much harder to see what’s happening in the moment. We are all just doing the best we can. You are doing the best you can. I have done the same thing ... me against the world and on the side of my son. I finally saw things through the eyes of my daughter. She started going to counseling and that was an awakening for me. I didn’t know she needed counseling! Such a grown up... She brought me books about boundaries. Told me I had to stop what I was doing. I couldn’t see what my son’s drug use and my enabling was doing to others in our family. I was just as much at fault as he was. I was hurting others by perpetuating his behavior. I was forcing others to be part of something they wanted no part of. They were worried about me and frankly I was worried about myself. I was too obsorbed in my son’s life and my own pain to see things clearly. It was making me crazy so I had to change.
My son did make some progress with my help but much of what I thought about his life was an illusion. A falsehood I created to continue hoping. He was a very good manipulator and knew his mother well. My husband had become tired of trying to get me to listen to him so he became like your husband. Trying to keep peace with me but distancing himself from our son. He would say ‘whatever’. I guess he knew I wouldn’t listen anyway. I was not being rational but would listen to no one until I realized that my daughter was struggling with my behavior. I was teaching her to be a co-dependant person. I was supposed to be setting an example. What an eye opener that was. I wanted her to learn that she doesn’t have to put up with sh*t from anyone, not even her brother. But that is exactly what I was doing ... accepting bad behavior at my own expense and at the expense of others.
I guess what I am saying is that we may think we are doing the right thing but might not be seeing our actions clearly. I know it was hard for me to see things from another persons perspective but others aren’t always wrong and we aren’t always right. Keep an open mind even though changes can be hard and rock the boat, they might be needed.
|Posted by: NyToFlorida January 13, 2019, 9:41 AM|
|Thanks for the post. I don't want to enable, I do want my son out of the house. I want him to find a recovery program and go easily. guess that's not going to happen. husband has taken the path of screaming at him every time he sees him. husband does not want me to buy food. yes we are hostages. hopefully with in a few days he starts detoxing and goes to hospital.. oh - but he gets a pay check on Tuesday.... husband will turn phone off...|
|Posted by: duchesschama January 13, 2019, 11:28 AM|
I didn't have much support from my husband either. He said to do what I want and would hide in his work. Of course, my mama side said help Chris and he will change. That isn't usually the case though as we see from the many similar posts on here.
Separating from our kids is probably the most difficult thing you will ever do but will make a big change in your relationship with your daughter and husband.
I am playing for you and your son and that you get strength and wisdom to handle your situation!