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Message Board > Nicotine > Relapse

Posted by: lee May 21, 2012, 7:54 AM
im 39 years old ive spent over 20 years mainly smoking weed cigerettes and drinking booze , and other drugs weed every day booze most days
i am now just over 5 YEARS CLEAN stopped drinking,smoking, smoking weed had nothing at all and i mean nothing just tea and coffee 1825 days clean at least however for the last couple of days i want to have a party relapse so bad i want a bottle of malibu cans of coke and some tobacco so bad i dont want any weed though half of me wants to go back to oblivion i feel like i am back in hell again i am not bored i have plenty of things to do i am writing a sci fi novel i have a back log of tv show boxets i am watching breaking bad and babylon 5 for example so i am busy al the time i have plenty of housework to do as well so it is not boredom i feel i want to do it again as a one off but i know it wont be a one off i have mental health issues i need something to take the edge off prozac is not cutting it been on it daily for 15 years manic depression any help would be appreiacated pleas dont say get a sponsor i dont trust people thanks lee