Crisis Update
Posted: October 18, 2019, 9:26 PM


Posts: 1564
Joined: June 27, 2016



I am thinking about this stuff and didn't know where to post it....

I am feeling weird about my son's situation. he is at a local rehab, a faith based recovery organization. we have only had 1 10 minute phone call in 4 weeks. on one hand, I know he is safe and I am able to get thru my days without thinking about him too much. Sometimes I do think and wonder how he is feeling. but I know he cant be the man he is supposed to be if he lives we us and mom and dad are hovering over him.... It works for many people, but not for families impacted by addition. I know he has to be independent and learn to live without us. I know we don't have the tools to do that. the recovery organization has the tools to show him how to live a sober life. I want to be part of the good things in his life, but he doesn't need me now, he needs the recovery center. I do know that everything we have done to help and give him a happy life is not forgotten. He does know it and appreciate it, but he also knows that the way he lived before can not go on, and the way we lived before can not go on. so we are all better apart, even though we all had good intentions, we cant live together.

mainly the problem of enabling - he knows we will give him things and he knows now that us giving him stuff (car insurance, etc) did not help him learn how to live and take care of himself. he knows if he lives with us, he will fall back into the pattern. WE know our part of the enabling and we know we will enable if he lives with us. so, it is not in anyone's best interest for our son to live at home.

None of it is either party's fault. we all did what we did bc that's what addiction does and that's what parents do... some part of it is in my son's personality - wants to live like he did in college - doesn't want to grow up and pay bills or be responsible for actions - peter pan syndrome comes to mind.

Maybe my son's personality is one that needed a different parenting style. one that had more boundaries and less help.

One more thing - Getting thru the emotions does take time. After 6 months of our son being out of the house, I have gained weight back, I am more relaxed, not crying every day, not feeling like I'm living in fear. not locking closet doors, not hiding my purse and credit cards. not in financial fear.

My son called his sister recently on her birthday. he sounded happy. said the organization will find sober living home for him to go to where he can start working, he might stay where he is until December. we have a family meeting scheduled next week.


This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on October 18, 2019, 9:37 PM
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Posted: October 18, 2019, 11:34 PM


Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018



I think you are doing great NTF and sounds like your son is on the right path. He is where he needs to be. I find your posts very inspirational...thank you!
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Posted: October 19, 2019, 10:20 AM


Posts: 200
Joined: December 23, 2018



NY2FL - it is not a bad thing to feel relief with progress! You sound like a duplicate of me, like I see myself in you & your son's addiction. so hugs to you my kindred sister!
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Posted: October 19, 2019, 10:47 AM


Posts: 1564
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hugs to all of you for reading and sharing and working on getting your life back!
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Posted: October 27, 2019, 12:08 AM


Posts: 12
Joined: September 12, 2019



So happy for you and your son. There is hope now. 🤗
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Posted: November 10, 2019, 10:39 PM


Posts: 200
Joined: December 23, 2018



NY2FL - How are things going? How is your son?
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