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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > When Things Are Good ...

Posted by: #momfail November 5, 2019, 12:57 PM
Do you find yourself waiting for the ball to drop?

My son has been good, and I mean really good, for the last 20 days. No substance use, happy, going to the gym, spending lots of time upstairs with us, seeing good friends that we all know. He's calm, we can converse - kind of like the son I know and love best. He's got a job and has had two pay checks, with $ left in his account too. His skin is looking so much better and he's a-ok with random testing too. Many a battle to test when he's using, so much of a battle that we didn't need a test to know the results. I am so proud of him now. He even has goals.

The only problem is that I find myself waiting for signs, any sign, that he's back using again. It's like I don't want to feel too happy because something always happens and we end up in that downwards spiral again.

Does your level of happiness stop before it hits 100% ?

Just needed to talk to someone who understands.

Posted by: Walkedon November 5, 2019, 1:22 PM
I understand completely. My daughter is also doing well,but yesterday she sneezed a few times.
Where most people might think it's cold and flu season,I immediately think oh she must have been using opioids. This is what happens when she starts to go through withdrawal.
I am always looking for signs of use. That's my addiction.

Posted by: Sallyanna November 5, 2019, 2:25 PM
My daughter has never been off drugs long enough for me to answer your question. I wish I could. If you don't mind sharing, how did he stop and what is his DOC? He sounds like he's doing really well

Posted by: mtnmom November 5, 2019, 7:27 PM
My son hasn't used since June, but every time the phone rings (or DOESN'T ring) I worry. He is working & is happy with his location & job. He was able to move 4 hours away from his druggie friends & the place where he'd get arrested all the time & wants to stay there. He's working on 2 different jobs to stay up there. He knows & we know that if he returns he will be in jail & using again really quick. He SAYS he's going to meetings, but I really don't know.

Posted by: mtnmom November 5, 2019, 7:29 PM
So yes, your feelings are normal - they've put us thru hell & we really have no reason to trust them yet because they have proven time & time & time & time again that their judgment sucks... :( I HOPE she keeps up the good work!!!

Posted by: mtnmom November 5, 2019, 7:30 PM
Oops, sorry MomFail - HE keeps up the good work!!! I still don't like your avatar name, you did the best you could!! :)

Posted by: #momfail November 6, 2019, 1:24 AM
Sallyanna, my son is a coc user. A high functioning, not even rude or disrespectful, user. We were fooled for a long time.

I don't know what changed, other than he knew we were done and there would be no more money and no family vacation until he's at least 100 days clean. So far, he has done this on his own. I think he just woke up and said I can do this. So one day at a time because one hit will put us right back where we started.

My ears perk up every single time he blows his nose. My eyes check for open wounds, his major withdrawal symptom - he's a picker; my heart aches and my mind wonders when I will wake up.

But, tomorrow will be three weeks and I will take it.

Posted by: mtnmom November 7, 2019, 4:47 PM
YAY!! Mom Fail!! # weeks is good!!! Congratulations!

Posted by: #momfail November 9, 2019, 8:05 PM
Mtnmom, THANK YOU xo

Posted by: Mimi5622 January 2, 2020, 3:03 PM
I feel exactly the same way momfail. When my son is lucid, coherent and pleasant, it's a relief. But at the same time, I know it won't last. I just accept these moments as a fleeting gift. Otherwise, I will drive myself nuts when he starts to use again. My son had a good two years of productive sobriety, before his present relapse. Right now, it's day to day, hour by hour. A few days ago he was out of his mind; abusive and threatening. Today, he seems normal and reasonable. But that can change tonight.

I haven't given up hope though. He went to detox on his own once, only stayed three days, but still. I have faith he will go again and then will stay.

Posted by: #momfail January 13, 2020, 11:59 PM
Hello Mimi, Thank you for your reply.
I'm pretty sure we're right back where we started. Maybe not as bad as before, but my mama bear instincts tell me he's using again. We had just over 60 glorious days of our son being a loving, caring, active part of our family. Maybe I'm wrong, but if not, I hope he can find it in himself to do it again. xo