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Posted: December 11, 2015, 12:08 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: December 10, 2015



Hi. I am new to the msg. board. I am losing my adult son to addiction (not that it matters but we believe it's meth). Could really use some advice for the impending situations that I most likely will be faced with. He had a decent job where he was paid handsomely for the short time/season he worked, he has had some legal trouble that haunted him as a teen (unpaid tickets, suspended license) and recently was in custody for the past he didn't take care of in his teens and while he was in jail I (Mom) found out he has a drug addiction. Mostly, what I could use advice on is the fact that I am not crazy, that I have to let him hit rock bottom, that he has to want help and I can't make him do this and that I won't be consumed with guilt. I feel helpless to the situation. The last time I saw my son he was thinner than I'd ever seen him and he looked haggard, tired and very much like a stranger. Any advice will be welcome. He has younger siblings who really look up to him. I can't begin to tell them (they are under 10) what is going on, I know he is currently hanging around with family members (which is unsettling) who have and have had drug addiction. It seems like I've lost him already and maybe I just need to accept the facts. He had a very nice partner who I hoped he would marry someday but she thankfully has gone on with her life. She has an awesome support group. I guess I am the only one in denial. I believe my son has an addiction but I don't really want to believe it.
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Posted: December 11, 2015, 12:54 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: December 10, 2015



I'm new on here, I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 36 years. Found out he was using meth Found it several time a year ago. He said it wasn't his. Had an excuse every time I found it. Then a close friend of ours informed me he has been using for over 4 years. This just blew me away. Answered a lot of my questions when he would sick and sleep for a few days Or said he had to sleep out of town because of work. Ended up in hospital for kidney stones 3 times in a year. Blood pressure was all over the place. A year 2 months 3 days He moved out. I'm devastated I'm at s loss I worry so much for his well being. Where at this point he don't care. Cuz he's still using. I also think he's had an affair do to his drug. He says no. He loves me. Tells me every night. But also tells me he's coming home He is living at his cousins wife house whom j suspected years ago of try to get to him. He says no it's a Place to stay I can't have him home do to the fact I have a daycare. He will not come here unless he's goes for help and rehab. My youngest daughter 25. Says if he comes back she's leaving He had hurt all of us So heartless. This is not the man I've been married to. He's lost it kills me to think our lives have come to this drug It's the holidays I can't cope I've made myself sick I just lost my mother s few months ago. How does this happen. This is not how it's suppose to end
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Posted: December 12, 2015, 1:44 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: December 10, 2015



Hi Rtanner,

I guess we are in the same situation. We have someone whom we love dearly and their admission of addiction gave us a horrible shock. It is devastating. I can honestly say this is the worst thing I've ever gone through. I really don't know what to do for my son, who up until now enjoyed a prosperous life and looked to be a responsible and respectful young man. I know after talking to him on the phone (while he was in jail) and his manipulative speech about how could I leave him there for only $1000? I know he was delusional because as Mom, I really wanted to help him but I found out bail was actually $5000. It was after that and being sworn at, called every name in the book and basically being told how horrible a person I was that I realized there was something more going on. Mostly, what I've been doing is trying to have a quiet moment to just cry and post here. It really helps to read about others going through the same thing. I know we each have our stories here but somehow it's not so lonely. I have a few friends and plenty of family members but it's not that easy to start a conversation about your loved one's addiction. I may try some of the al/nar-anon. That seems to be something I've read over and over. I know my son has a long path and really we can't help the addict (they have to hit bottom and want to get help) but let's keep ourselves strong and take care of ourselves. Keep posting and let me know how things are going.
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Posted: December 14, 2015, 1:13 PM


Posts: 17
Joined: December 14, 2015



They don't always have to hit rock bottom. Remember that. His actions got him in jail, not yours. We asked the prosecutors office to make our son's bail so high that we couldn't bond him out. That way we didn't have to explain to our son. He had $100,000 bail for trying, but not succeeding in taking a snowblower, his first crime he was caught at. We also asked the pre-trial probation officer for help. He said he could help us leverage the system to get our son into long-term treatment, but it meant he would have to sit in jail for a month or so waiting for it. Well it turned out he had to wait 3+months waiting for long-term treatment and none of that time would be applied to any sentence he received. Time well spent is what I say. My son was back, yes he was behind a glass window and I couldn't hug him, or see him on Christmas but we (my son and us) both had hope for the long term treatment that our private health insurance wouldn't provide, but the penal system would. The long term treatment was great too. Seeing him sober and actively participate in treatment for probably the first time in his life. Unfortunately not having a solid plan in place when he was discharged made him relapse. But I know that if he didn't have that jail intervention with long term treatment, the amount he was using and his drugged state surely would have killed him. I've often said I'd rather visit my son in jail than a cemetery.

Some addicts who seek recovery are lead there by their loved ones. Some of them maintain recovery. I tell my son I will always support him in recovery.
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Posted: January 3, 2016, 2:34 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: December 10, 2015



Thanks Caseycc.

I appreciate the post. I have slowly been talking to a few relatives about my son. It is becoming less lonely. Over the holidays i still sent my son texts, called him a few times and left several messages to let him know the family is here for him. Of course, I did not hear back from him but maybe he'll read or listen to the messages someday when he is ready and it will help him to know we all love him. I know his relatives (the ones he is currently using with) have been in and out of recovery. I am so saddened that he's on the same path. It pains me so much, I want to call them up and tell them to let my son be but he made the choice. He has to find his own way but I appreciate the advice, when he is ready to recover we'll be here for him. I too would rather him end up in jail instead of a cemetary. Thank you again for your post.
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