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Posted: July 18, 2016, 6:15 AM
Hello,
My name is Paul, I'm a 30 year old man, for the most part I got it together, my own apartment, car, good job with pretty decent pay. Have always prided my self on my looks, a little to self-obsorbed (gay) lol. I first used meth at 19 and it lasted for about 2 years on and off then I kicked it(with moms help). Everything was great for about 6 years. During that time I moved to midtown in Atlanta and still sober, one night my partner and I went out I ran into a dealer and well since then due to the drugs( mood swings and drinking, unmotivated) I lost the love of my life. So since 26 till now I've been struggling with staying clean. But the worst part of the drug use has been with in the past year. It went from doing tweak projects and things of that nature, where as now I'm engaging in very risky behiavor ( unprotected group sex) and I'm using it longer and longer when I do use. I've already received a documented warning due to slump in my performance. I'm now using a little heavier to where; I developed sores in my mouth when on a binder, 48 + hrs of no sleep or food, weight loss, bloody BM's, abdominal pains, bleeding gums, dehydration. One would think to stop but for some reason I can't stop, I have so much lose and a bright future. Its like I have no self worth, I don't know why I don't love my self. I sit back and watch my self, self destruct. And I KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN, when u go to get it, the scene and people are so gone but yet I go back.... | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: July 18, 2016, 8:19 AM
A true alcoholic/addict becomes powerless as we progress in our disease. -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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