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Message Board > Other Addictions > Co-dependency Denial ?


Posted by: beingme March 1, 2015, 11:26 PM
I often wonder why us co-dependents are always avoiding our problems and concentrating on the alcohol/drug addicts in our lives. We want to change them knowing we can't. Still we exploit their story maybe to get attention or sympathy from it. We have the capability of changing ourselves, but need to admit it first. Sound familiar? I now know that I had co-dependency tendency's before I had an addict in my life. I CAN help myself. I CAN change myself. My name is Joe. I am an addict.

Posted by: Papa Bear March 2, 2015, 8:43 AM
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon have the same 12 Steps as AA/NA.

I believe that it is a spiritual disease.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: mwhitney3483 February 3, 2016, 6:59 PM
I was once a co-dependent/enabler. I was exactly that for a year with my boyfriend, and even longer with my sister. You can't change an addict, especially if they don't want the help. It's easy to give in though. When my boyfriend got help, it was easy to say no. My sister has never wanted help, even until this day, and I'm still an enabler to her. I grew up in a family of enablers, we never said no to anyone, even if it was bad for them.

We can't get mad at our addicts, if we're enabling their behavior. One thing I've learned. However, we can get mad at them, or want answers and help them, if we're not the one's helping them get it. It's easier said than done though. They are caniving when high and will do anything and everything to get a fix, including the begging and making you feel bad for them, you eventually give in. I've done it thousands of times, no matter how much it killed me inside or how guilty it left me feeling. Especially since my boyfriend was a heroin addict, so it's much more painful to provide him with money and such to get drugs, than it was for my alcoholic sister. More damage was done from my boyfriend using, than my sister drinking. It was awful, but over time, it became "normal", and it didn't seem to matter. Once he got clean, I was so happy, and I felt like I could finally say no. But, I don't know what would happen if he relapsed, and what I'd say or do...only time tells, but it's hard to just say no. So easy to say yes and not deal with all the drama that comes with saying no. But then again, saying yes, is more dangerous. More chances of an overdose and guilt, than saying no. If they get it on their own, not so much our faults. Co-addiction and dependency sucks and for those who have never done it, have no clue what it feels like. I felt tremendous amount of guilt for a time being, and even when I think of it now, can't believe I ever did it. Still can't believe I do it for my sister nowadays...I'm not an angel. We all have demons and skeletons in the closet, we're not perfect. I'm ashamed of it though.